Second Chances
by Peetabreaddd
Summary: What happens when Katniss can't live without Peeta anymore after they won the war? Feeling lonely, Katniss does something tragic to make it all stop, but is given a second chance to make everything right.
1. Chapter 1

She had been home in District 12 now for...actually, she didn't know how long she had been home. Each day since Haymitch brought her home, she had become more and more withdrawn. Greasy Sae would come to her house in the Victor's Village to take care of her. Cook her meals, clean her house, make sure she took a shower and changed her clothes. Haymitch even came over every day to check up on her. But the more time passed, the more withdrawn she came. Bit by bit, Katniss was losing herself. Losing any reason to go on living. It started out as small things. Not taking a shower for a day or two. Or staying in bed till lunch time. Or even not talking when Sae came by and made her dinner. But as each day passed, it became worse. Katniss stopped speaking all together. She stopped eating. She stopped showering. She would stay in bed all day, and if she did decide to get up, she would sit in the rocking chair, staring at the wall. Sae couldn't get through to her, and as hard as he tried, Haymitch couldn't get through to her.

He wanted to call Dr. Aurelius, but he knew what would happen. They would take her away, put her in a hospital. Maybe in another district, or worse, take her to The Capitol. He couldn't do that to her. Haymitch knew the only one who could ever get through to her, would be Peeta. But he knew what was happening to Peeta. He wasn't getting much better himself. He wasn't the same. Snow had made sure of that. He tried talking to Katniss, telling her that he would be back. But Katniss was gone. She was lost somewhere inside her own mind, and she wasn't coming out.

Katniss wanted out. She wanted out of her life. Out of this world. She would stare out into her house all day, only to go to sleep to dream of fire, mutts, blood, and her family and friends screaming for her to help. She just wanted this to end. She missed Peeta. She couldn't ever let herself think about him, because her heart would ache for him. Her boy with the bread. Her dandelion of hope. He was gone. He was never coming back. She didn't mean to fall in love with him, but she did. She tried to remember that exact moment she fell in love. Ever since her father had died, and she swore to herself that she would never fall in love, get married and start a family. She had in bedded that so far into her brain, that she didn't know she was in love until it was to late, and Peeta was gone. Was it in the second arena, when she realized that she needed him? Or on the Victory tour, when the only peaceful night sleeps she got, was when he would hold her in his arms? Or was it when she first kissed him in the caves? No. It was when he threw her the bread. But she was to young to notice. Then by the time the Hunger Games happened, she was so stubborn, she never saw it. Love. She loved him. And she ruined it. She pushed him away. She left him to get captured, and tortured, and in the end, she lost him. She didn't deserve to live. She deserved to die.

"It's good to see you boy." Haymitch said, as Peeta got off the train, and hugged him. He loved Peeta. Like a son. And a best friend. He couldn't be more happier to have him home. "Welcome home." he said. Peeta pulled back and looked at him.

"It's good to be back Haymitch." Peeta said. He looked around a little, as Haymitch started walking with him. Patting him on the back. He knew what Peeta was looking. Or who he was looking for. "She didn't come." Peeta said.

"I'm afraid not. But don't take it personal. She's not doing to well. She's been on her own for five months now. You know she doesn't know how to take care of herself." Haymitch said. Peeta looked at him, like he was trying to figure out exactly what he has just said.

"But she knows how to hunt. She can feed herself. She was taking care of her sister and mom after her dad died. Right?" Peeta asked. Haymitch didn't know how to answer that. Peeta had his memories so warped, that he questioned everything.

"She did. But Katniss isn't the same since she came back. I want you to be prepared. She hasn't talked in almost three months, she stopped eating a month ago. I've gotten her to drink, but that's not easy anymore. She lays in bed all day." Haymitch said. He didn't want to sugar coat anything, or hide anything from him. He deserved better. He deserved to always be told the truth. He deserved to be treated like a man. He didn't deserve this.

"Well I can help. We can do this." Peeta said. Haymitch nodded, and they started walking towards the Victor's Village. Haymitch purposely took the longer way, not wanting Peeta to see where his families Bakery used to be. He knew he wasn't ready for that. They got to Katniss' house, and Haymitch stopped on the steps.

"You go on in there boy. Let her see you. I hope you can help her. I can't keep talking to Aurelius for her. He's wants to talk to her, and if she doesn't answer, he's gonna come and see her. He'll take her away if she doesn't snap out of this. If he takes her..." Haymitch trailed off.

"If he takes her, she'll never get better." Peeta said. Haymitch nodded. Peeta turned on his feet, and opened the door. He could see Katniss sitting in the rocking chair. He had waited five months to see her again. He knew he loved her. He thought about nothing but her the whole time he was in The Capitol, being pumped full of every drug known to man, trying to heal his mind.

"I'm so sorry Peeta." Katniss cried. Peeta was startled from hearing her voice. She couldn't have known he was here. "Please forgive me." she cried, and slumped a little. He heard her drop something. He walked carefully into the room, and what he saw, would haunt him forever. He closed his eyes. Not another flashback.

"HAYMITCH!" Peeta screamed. What he saw couldn't be real. Haymitch burst in, and Peeta looked at him. Focus on Katniss. He looked back over, and ran over to her, just in time to catch her as she fell out of the chair. "NOOOO!" Peeta screamed. Katniss had slit her wrists with a pair of scissors that he vaguely remembered her mother keeping in a drawer. "No Katniss please look at me." Peeta cried, slapping her face. He was already covered in her blood. He closed his eyes, trying to shake any shiny thoughts away from him. Katniss needed him. She wasn't a mutt. She was just Katniss. Haymitch ran for towels to put them over her wrists to try and stop the bleeding. But they were soon soaked with blood. He knew this wasn't going to help. "Please Katniss wake up. Keep your eyes open." Peeta cried. Katniss was thin, and pale in his arms. She opened her eyes, and looked right up at him. "Why did you do this?" Peeta cried.

"Because I can't...live without you." she whispered.

"But I'm right here." Peeta cried.

"Don't you dare die on me Katniss. I have fought to hard to keep you alive damn it!" Haymitch yelled, squeezing her wrists tighter.

"I need Prim." Katniss whispered. Peeta cried harder. "She was on fire...she needs me...I need to save her." Katniss whispered.

"No Katniss please. She's gone Katniss. She's not in pain anymore. But I'm here. And I need you. I can't live without you." Peeta said. After all they went through. Shiny memories or not, her knew he loved her, even if he couldn't feel it. But he was crying was he not? He must feel something? Katniss stared at him, like she just now realized he was there.

"Peeta?" she asked. Peeta sobbed louder.

"I'm right here Katniss. Just hold on please. Don't let go." Peeta said. He felt Katniss starting to shake, and her eyes were closing, and then...there was nothing. "Katniss!" Peeta yelled and shook her.. But he knew. He just knew. She was dead. Katniss Everdeen was a survivor. She had survived starvation, two Hunger Games, and a war. But now she was dead, in his arms.

Katniss gasped for air. Where was she? She looked all around. How the hell did she get into the woods?

"Hello Katniss." someone said. Katniss stopped in her tracks. She knew that voice. She turned around, and saw her father. More handsome than ever, in his hunting clothes. She had really done it. She really did end her life. And now she was reunited with her father. Katniss ran to him and threw her arms around his neck and sobbed. Boy did she sob. She let go every tear she never shed for her father dying. For having to be to sole provider for her sister and mother. For starving. For not getting to be a normal teenager. For Prim's name being picked, and her taking Prim's place in the Games. For not being able to save Rue. For killing Glimmer, Marvel, Cato, and the girl from District 4. For watching everyone else like Thresh and Foxface die. For being forced to kiss a boy in front of the whole world. For not being able to love him like she wanted. For not wanting to be in love or have a family. For her nightmares. For the pain she caused her District. For the Victory Tour. For Snow threatening her family. For hurting Peeta. For Peeta losing his leg. For not doing what Snow told her, and causing all the Victor's to be reaped again. For the man in District 11 whistling Rue's song. For losing Mags, Wiress, Seeder and Chaff. The Morphlings. For killing Gloss. For all the other Victor's dying. For the others getting captured and tortured. For hurting Gale. For not forgiving her mother. For losing Cinna. For Peeta watching Portia die. For Madge dying. For District 12 being bombed. For Darius becoming an Avox, and then being killed. For Johanna being afraid of water. For Annie losing Finnick. For Finnick dying. For Annie having to raise their son without Finnick. For Boggs dying. For Prim dying. For not saving her baby sister. For losing Peeta. Losing Peeta to Snow. For Peeta being tortured and losing his memory. For not telling Peeta she loved him. For not realizing it sooner. For dying in Peeta's arms. She finally let it all go, and cried. "It's alright now Katniss." her father soothed. She hadn't felt his arms around her since she was a young girl. A time when she could depend on someone. That she could lean on. A place where she felt safe. "I'm not the only man in your life who's held you like this, and you've felt safe." her father said. She hadn't voiced that out loud. "I know what your thinking. And you felt like this with Peeta. But you got so used to building that wall up around you, that you never let yourself feel safe. Feel loved." he said. Katniss pulled back, and looked at him.

"Am I really seeing you? Are you really here?" Katniss asked. Her father smiled.

"Yes your really seeing me. And yes I'm really here." he said, smiling at her, holding her cheek. Katniss looked around.

"Where's Prim. I have to see her. And Finnick and Cinna. Rue. Where are they?" Katniss asked. He placed his hands on her shoulders.

"There not here anymore Katniss. But you'll see them again. I promise. Your going to be with them again, I just had to see you one more time." her father said.

"Why aren't they here? I did this so I could see them again. To say how sorry I am." Katniss cried.

"Katniss calm down. You will see them again. I promise. Now just come sit down and talk to me. We don't have much time." he said, and led her to a log to sit on. They were sitting in front of the lake. She instantly wished she could bring Peeta here. "You'll get that chance Katniss, I promise." he told her. He smiled at her, and touched her cheek again. "You are one of the three most beautiful girls in the entire world." he told her. Katniss knew she was one of three. Her mother and Prim. "I am so sorry that I left you. But I am so proud of the woman you became." he said. Katniss let out a strangled cry.

"Proud? How can you be proud of me? I got Prim killed. I lost Peeta. He lost his leg because of me. He doesn't even remember who he is. Cinna and Finnick died because of me. So many people died because I couldn't be in love with Peeta." Katniss cried.

"Katniss, what happened to you, wasn't your fault. I died in an explosion. And your mother was depressed and couldn't care for you. None of that was your fault. You stepped up and took care of her and Prim the only way you knew how. The way I taught you. You kept them alive. That's not something I'm ashamed of. That's something I'm proud of. You brought your mother back from her depression. You kept her going, and you made Prim strong. You should be proud of that." her father told her. Katniss wouldn't believe that.

"I didn't do any of that on my own though. I almost died out in the rain." Katniss said. Her father of course knew what she meant. The day she had given up hope.

"I remember that day well. I watched you. I cried for you. But I guided you to." Her father said. Katniss looked up at him. "I remember the way he would stare at you when you were kids. And I just knew one day you'd be staring back. I guided you to the bakery that day. I needed you to get some of that hope back. You had lost all your hope, but I needed you to keep going. I needed you to be strong. And you went to Peeta's house. And he threw you the bread, and the next day you saw that dandelion. He gave you hope for surviving. He gave you hope, that you could keep going." her father said. Katniss let tears fall down her face. He wiped them away. How could she leave Peeta? How could she never tell him that she loved him? How could she not have realized that day that he threw her the bread, that she was in love with him? Her father chuckled. "You both were eleven. You didn't know what that kind of love was. Peeta only knew at the age of five, because he is a rare kind of human being that can fall in love at five years old." he joked. Katniss wiped her tears away. "You were eleven. That's nothing to be ashamed about. You weren't ready then. You still needed to survive. Peeta gave you that hope do keep going, you just needed the skills, the knowledge of how to do it. You needed a friend in the woods again. And that's what led you to Gale. Your best friend." he said. Katniss put her head down. "He was always just your friend Katniss. You know that now. The second you realized you loved Peeta was when all your feelings became clear." he said. There was still that fear in the back of her mind, and her father knew it. "Even if Prim hadn't died that day. You would have gone back to District 13, and shot the arrow at Coin, instead of Snow, and it still would have been Peeta to save you, and you would still be right here with me. It would have taken a bit longer for it to have happened, because Prim and Gale would still be there to take care of you, but once Peeta came back, and you realized he wasn't the same, you would have still fallen into the same depression that your mother did." he told her. Katniss hadn't realized that by her not living life, she had done the exact same thing her mother did. The guilt of how she treated her made her nausaus. "Your mother was never mad at you. She was mad at herself. And she let you be angry with her, because she felt it was her punishment for checking out on you. She didn't know how to handle it Katniss. Try and forgive her. For yourself. She loves you." he said. Katniss didn't know what to say. Her father went back to what he was originally talking about. "You did need Gale, Katniss. He was going to help you survive. You would have figured out how to do it by yourself, but Gale kept you from hardening your heart completly. He gave you something to smile about, to care about. You needed a friend. You needed a father, but the next best thing was a brother." he said. Katniss covered her mouth.

"That's exactly what he's been. He was always like an older brother. It wasn't until the Games when they were forcing Peeta down my throat. They were taking away my choice. I thought maybe I was supposed to be with Gale, because they thought I was meant to be with Peeta, that they couldn't be right about that." Katniss cried. She had never been so honest in her life. But this was her dad. She could tell him anything.

"Katniss I know all that. It's ok. You were 16 years old. Your still only 17, almost 18. You may have grown up and had to become the adult when I died, but it stll doesn't change the fact that you are a teenager. Your allowed to be confused and angry and allowed to make mistakes."

"My mistakes cost people their lives. And my mistakes cost Peeta everything." Katniss cried. Her father took her into his arms again as she cried.

"And it still comes down to the fact that you were only a teenager, who was forced to grow up, forced to starve, forced to kill children, forced to lead a rebellion, and forced to love. Not even the most stable adult can do that, and come out the other side smelling like a Primrose. You were 16 years old Katniss Everdeen. You were forced. You did the best you could." he said into her ear.

"This is my punishment then. I shouldn't be able to live. I failed at everything I did." Katniss said. Her father pulled back to look at her.

"This isn't a punishment. And you will live. You get a second chance Katniss. A second chance to really change things." her father said. Katniss shook her head.

"No daddy I don't want another chance. Please just let me stay here with you and Prim." Katniss cried, and tried to hug him, but her father pulled her away to look at him.

"You get another chance to fix some of these things. To make things better. You can't stay here with Prim, because she's not here. I'm the only one who's staying. Prim, Finnick, Cinna...none of them are here anymore. There waiting on you." he said.

"No I'm not going. Daddy I died. I died in Peeta's arms. And Haymitch...I'm dead. You don't get a second chance after that." Katniss cried.

"Well you do. So you have to listen. Believe in Haymitch. Trust him. Listen to what he tells you to do, even when you don't understand it, or like it. And don't get angry when he doesn't tell you things. He knows what he's doing. He does everything he can to keep you alive. He's like a father to you. And I couldn't be happier for Haymitch to stand in for me." her dad says.

"Hes's a drunk." Katniss cries. Her father shook his head.

"You know that doesn't matter. He's never drunk enough not to be there for you. And he's smart. He understands you. And you hate it when he's right. So trust him blindly. He will always protect you. And forgive your mother. She loves you so much. Your pain is her pain, and she feels everything. And let Prim grow up. Watching you in the Games changed her. Trust her with your secrets. She can handle them. Let Gale down easy, and stop being angry with him. He loves Prim like he loves Posy. He's been devastated since she died, he blames himself. You blame him. And it wasn't his fault. He helped with the bombing, but never would he have allowed Prim to be there. Coin used that against you. Forgive him." he said. Katniss took a deep breath. Her baby sister. She knew deep down it wasn't Gale's fault, but she had to take it out somehow. "And love Peeta." her father said. Katniss opened her eyes again, her breathing becoming faster. "I know that loving him his hard, because your afraid of the future. Your afraid to get married and have children, and watch them be reaped. But listen to me. Your children will never go into the Arena. The 75th Hunger Games is the last Hunger Games. I promise this Katniss. When you get scared, remember my words. Love Peeta. Don't be afraid to fall in love because you will have a happy ending. Don't be scared of this second chance. Have faith. Have patience. And be strong my beautiful Katniss." her father said. It was starting to get very bright. Katniss shook her head and grabbed onto her father.

"No please daddy. Don't leave me. I love you please don't go. I need you." Katniss cried, holding on tightly.

"Everything happens for a reason. You were meant to be the Savior. Because you have goodness in you. I love you." he said. Katniss cried. She couldn't let him go. But she knew she had to. When she opened her eyes, she gasped and sat up. No. She couldn't be back here. She tried to kill herself, and her father sent her back to District 12. Not only to District 12, but to the Seam. Back to her old house that they shared with their father. She could see two lumps in her mothers bed. Katniss shook her head. No this wasn't read. She grabbed her clothes and boots and ran outside. The Seam? It wasn't burnt down?

"Oh God." Katniss spun around and threw up. This wasn't happening. She wasn't back in the Seam. She had to figure out what to do. She stood up and threw her hands in the air, and let out a pathetic laugh, with tears. "I'm going crazy. I've lost my mind. This is one of my nightmares." Katniss cried. She had to find Peeta and Haymitch. The Victor's Villiage was close to her. She ran to the Victor's Villiage and stopped in front of her house. She must have sleep walked into the Seam. That must have been what happened. But her old house was bombed. Nothing was left. She shook her head again. She must have just been sleep walking. She hadn't realized she was still crying. But she felt the heat in the house. Her house was always so hot. And she felt the pain in her wrists. She knew she cute her wrists. And she felts her fathers arms around her. She was really with her father.

"Katniss!" she heard her name being called. She turned around, and saw Peeta running towards her. He was frantic.

"Peeta!" Katniss cried. Peeta crashed into her. Hugging her, crying, and pulling her away and looking at her.

"I woke up in my bed at the Bakery. You were dead in my arms. I just got off the train and found. You killed yourself and died in my arms. I don't get this. What happened?" Peeta cried.

"I don't know. I was just sitting in my house. I missed you so much. And Prim and Finnick. It's my fault Snow captured and hijacked you. Everything's my fault and I just wanted it to end and see Prim again but I didn't see her." Katniss screamed. Peeta held her face trying to calm her.

"Katniss calm down please. I don't understand. Snow bombed my familys bakery. How could I wake up there?" Peeta asked.

"I don't know I woke up in the Seam." Katniss cried. All of a sudden, Haymitch's door slammed open and he came stumbling out. He charged over to them and grabbed Katniss' hands and examined them.

"You were on the ground. You were bleeding, what the hell happened?" Haymitch demanded.

"I don't know." Katniss cried. Haymitch yanked on both of them.

"Get in here." Haymitch said, and pulled them into his house. He waited till Peeta shut the door, to start talking again. "You were bleeding on the ground. I was cleaning up the blood on the ground, and trying to stand this boy up, when I open my eyes, and here I am. In my own house. And his painting isn't here." Haymitch said, pointing to an empty wall. "Peeta painted a picture, and hung it up when I brought you to home after the Games. Where is it? Where the hell is it? And how the hell are you standing there alive?" Haymitch demanded.

"My leg." Peeta whispered. Haymitch and Katniss looked over at him. He bent down, and pulled up his pant leg. Katniss gasped. His leg. His real leg was there. Katniss ran to him and fell to her knees, grabbing Peeta's leg. She cried as she scratched and pulled at his leg.

"It's real. Oh my God. He told me I would get a second chance. He gave you your leg back." Katniss cried. Peeta grabbed her and pulled her to her feet. Peeta put his hands on her face to focus her, and tried to get her to calm down.

"Katniss. I need you to tell me what is going on." Peeta asked.

"I have a second chance. We have a second chance. To make things right. He gave me a second chance." Katniss cried.

"Who did? Katniss who gave you a second chance? None of this is making any sense." Peeta said.

"My dad. I saw him. He was in the woods. I said I wanted to be with Prim. He said he was giving me a second chance, and that everything would be ok. Your leg Peeta. The bakery and the Seam. There all back." Katniss cried. Haymitch was making noise behind them. He was looking for the remote to turn on the T.V.

"Haymitch this isn't the time for watching television." Peeta said.

"I'm not watching it for fun. I'm looking for the date." Haymitch said. He flipped a channel and stared at it. He looked slowly back at them.

"What day is it?" Peeta asked.

"It's reaping day. For the 7th Hunger Games.


	2. Chapter 1 A

Chapter 1

"It's Reaping day. For the 74th Hunger Games." Haymitch said. They all stood still. They had really just gone back in time.

"What are we gonna do?" Katniss whispered to herself. But it was loud enough for Peeta and Haymitch to hear. Peeta took her arms, and led her over to the couch to sit down. He kneeled down in front of her. She was in shock.

"I don't understand what is happening. So I need you to explain it to me. How did this happen Katniss? One minute you were dead in my arms." Peeta choked out. He took a deep breath and got his voice back. "Then we all wake up on the day that we get Reaped. You have to explain this. What is going on?" Peeta asked calmly.

"I was in the woods with my dad. I wanted to be with him, and Prim again. With Finnick and Cinna and Rue." Katniss started to cry, but Peeta held his face in her arms.

"Katniss you have to calm down, and you have to keep talking. I don't know how much time we have, so you have to tell us everything you know." Peeta said. They were all startled by the phone ringing. It rang twice and then stopped. "I thought you yanked that thing out?" Peeta said.

"Effie always sends someone to come fix it right before the Games." Haymitch said quietly, staring at where the phone is. Peeta turned his attention back to Katniss.

"Keep going." Peeta told her.

"My dad was there. And he told me that I was getting a second chance. That I could fix some things that went wrong. He said that Prim and everyone wasn't there, but I would see them soon." Katniss cried.

"Ok you get a second chance to change things? So what we go back in time to the day we were reaped and do what?" Peeta asked. The phone rang twice again and then stopped. Peeta ignored it.

"I don't know how he did this. But he said I would have the life I deserved, that everything would be ok." Katniss cried. The phone rang two more times and then stopped.

"Haymitch what the hell is wrong with your phone?" Peeta demanded. Haymitch was still staring at it.

"I never answer my phone for the Capitol. They usually wake me up every year. They ring twice and hang up...they take turns till I'm awake. I know it's them because they only ring twice." Haymitch said. Peeta and Katniss looked over to the phone as it rang twice again and stopped. Peeta knew that when Haymitch said "they", he wasn't talking about the Capitol. He was talking about his friends.

"Answer it Haymitch." Peeta told him. He nudged Haymitch forward towards the phone, only moving to get up and sit next to Katniss. She was shaking, so he wrapped his arms around her, and he clung to her. Only an hour before he was trying to shake away shiny images of Katniss trying to kill him, just so he could watch her die in his arms. He tried blinking tears away. Was he dreaming all this? Did he go so far into his mind, that he was imagining this? If he was, he wanted to stay here. Katniss was alive, and in his arms. He was brought out of his thoughts, as the phone rang again. "Pick it up." Peeta told him. Haymitch picked it up, but slowly brought it to his ear.

"Hello?" Haymitch said. His voice was shaky, and he could tell whoever was talking to Haymitch, it had shaken him. "Yeah I'm awake." he said quietly. "I don't know...but I have some visitors here." he told the person on the phone. He could feel Katniss trembling, and pulled her closer to him. Any closer, she would be in his lap. "I kinda have an idea, but you'll have to wait till I see you tomorrow to explain...it's good to hear your voice again." Haymitch said, and hung up the phone. He stared at it.

"Who was it?" Peeta asked. Haymitch looked up at him.

"Finnick." Haymitch said. Katniss sprung up and ran to him.

"Is he alive? Does he remember? Please Haymitch call him back let me talk to him." Katniss cried, pounding on Haymitch's chest. Peeta ran to her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back.

"It's ok now Katniss." Peeta soothed in her ear.

"We need to get out of this house. It isn't safe to talk in here. Let's go." Haymitch said, coming out of his stupor, and walking purposefully to the door. Peeta directed Katniss to the door, and followed Haymitch. It was still dark outside.

"Where are we going?" Peeta asked. Where was safe?

"Were going to Katniss' house in the Seam. There are always microphones in the Victor's house, but they never listen in unless there suspicious or bored." Haymitch said, leading Peeta and Katniss to her house. "They have no reason to listen in on our phone calls either. The Capitol knows Finnick and Chaff and all them call my house to wake me up. But we have to be careful. In a few hours all eyes will be on me once the cameras get here. Then they'll be on you. They'll get suspicious if they see me with you both, and then your reaped. Me and Peeta have to be back at our houses before the sun comes back up, which should be in about three hours. So we have three hours to figure out what the hell were gonna do. And three hours to wake up you up girl." Haymitch said, looking back at Katniss. If it wasn't for Peeta pulling her along, Katniss would sit down right here in the street and sob.

"Your going to see Prim again Katniss. She'll be alright." Peeta told her, kissing her head.

"You don't know that." Katniss cried. He squeezed her tighter to his chest, walking awkwardly in this position.

"Yes I do. Because me and my brother Rye share a room. And he was in there asleep when I woke up. Prim will be there to." Peeta said. How had this happened? What had happened? None of this felt real. No actually it did feel real. He hadn't had a grip on reality in so long, ever since he was hijacked. He saw a shiny image of Katniss trying to kill him, and almost wanted to laugh. It wasn't real, and he knew it. But he would focus on that later. He had to focus on Katniss. He felt like he hadn't seen Katniss, since they separated in the arena. He was hijacked after that, and never felt like he could get a grip on reality. He felt like he was here, like he was alive, and he hadn't felt that since they hijacked him. He was scared to admit that this was real, but he could feel it. But Katniss was losing it. He knew she had lost so much when she came home. She wouldn't talk, eat, drink or move. She had lost all hope and killed herself, and then seen her father. He had seen Katniss at her weak moments before. But she had always gotten back up. She wasn't getting up so easily this time, and was afraid that if Katniss really did see her father, a damn was broken inside of her, that she had built up so high, that now it was crashing down around her, and was so afraid that three hours wasn't long enough to get her head back in the game. Which made him shudder, because this was a game. A Hunger Game. As they got closer to Katniss' house, they could see some candles burning, letting them know that her mother was awake. They must have been watching from the window, because the door swung open. Katniss could see Prim, and her whole body shook. She couldn't walk, but Peeta held her tight. "Come on were almost there. Don't lose it out here." Peeta told her. Prim and her mother stepped out the door, but Haymitch caught them.

"Not out here. Come on." he told them, and ushered them inside. Peeta practically dragged Katniss into the house, and no sooner had Haymitch shut the door, that the sobbing began again. It wasn't just from Katniss though. Prim and their mother added to the sobs. Prim ran and threw her arms around Katniss, and she fell to the ground. Sobbing into Prim's hair, apologizing. Peeta and Haymitch didn't dare to move her just yet. Didn't make her get up and focus. Katniss died the day her sister was murdered. This really was her second chance. She needed to cry for Prim. She needed to feel it.

"Katniss it's ok. It's ok. I'm here Katniss. I'm really here." Prim tried to soothe her.

"It was all my fault. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry Prim. I tried to save you. But you still died." Katniss cried. Katniss' mother, Emily, kneeled down, and wrapped them both in her arms. Peeta watched Katniss cling to her mother. Peeta and Haymitch eyed each other. Her mother was shocked to. "I'm so sorry." she said to her mother. This was a change. Peeta looked at the time. 3:15 in the morning. The sun would be up in three hours. He didn't have the heart to break them up. After a few minutes, the sobbing lessoned, and Haymitch was the one to clear his throat.

"We don't have much time. We gotta focus here." Haymitch said. Emily stood up, and Peeta jumped to help the girls up. Katniss wouldn't let go of Prim.

"She's really here Katniss. She's ok." Peeta said, kissing the back of her head.

"I'm ok now Katniss." Prim said. She pulled back, and they looked at Katniss face. Her eyes rolled around, and she would have fallen had Peeta now been there. Katniss fainted in his arms.

"KATNISS!" Peeta yelled, and sat on the floor, cradling Katniss. Her mother ran to the tub of water and got a cloth to wet. She put the dampened cloth on her daughters head. "Katniss it's ok. Your safe now. I'm here." Peeta whispered. Katniss opened her eyes, and he could see the fear in her eyes. He was sure now, that this was real. That she really did see her father, and that all her walls were broken down. He was seeing the real Katniss, of how scared and lonely she was.

"He told me I was safe with you." she whispered. Peeta's heart melted, if that was even possible. Her father? He told her that? He would have thought her father would have chosen Gale. But Peeta? The bakers son? He felt tears well up in his eyes, and he touched her face.

"You are safe with me Katniss. You just have to trust me. You have to trust that you'll be safe with me." he whispered to her. He wasn't sure if the others could hear him, but he didn't care. He stared into her eyes. And he watched for the first time, as she let something go. That she learned to trust someone. And it was him. She was trusting him.

"I trust you." she whispered back to him. He leaned down and hugged her. He hadn't hugged her in so long.

"Alright love birds. I don't want to break this up, trust me. But we don't have much time." Haymitch said. Peeta could tell me meant it, that he didn't want to break it up. But he knew it had to be done. He looked over at Haymitch, and could see tears in his eyes. He realized it to about Katniss. That this was a different Katniss that we were seeing.

"I want to stay on the floor. My head is spinning." Katniss whispered. Peeta nodded, and situated themselves, so that he was sitting up against the wall, and she was cradled in his arms, laying in between his legs, with her face laying against his neck and chest. Prim sat right next to him, so Katniss could face her. She grabbed onto Katniss's hands, and then locked eyes with Peeta. He didn't realize that Prim had tears in her eyes, and Prim laughed and touched his cheek.

"I can see your eyes again Peeta. It is so good to see your ok." Prim cried. Peeta reached around, and hugged her, still holding on to Katniss with the other arm. He adored Prim. She would always talk to him when they were neighbors, even when Katniss wouldn't. And she would visit him in the hospital, even though he yelled and screamed at her. She stayed, and held onto his hand. She pulled back and wiped her tears. "Your really ok?" she asked. He nodded his head.

"Yeah I am. Thank you." he told her. She smiled and nodded, and curled up into his other side, holding Katniss' hands again. Haymitch and Emily had joined them with chairs.

"I don't understand what is going on. How did this happen? I woke up here...this house was bombed...and Prim is so young...you all are." Emily said, referring to Katniss and Peeta.

"It's Reaping day. The day these two got picked." Haymitch said, jerking his head to Peeta and Prim. Emily gasped.

"How did this happen? How did we go back?" Prim asked, looking at Haymitch.

"Don't look at me for that one. That would be your sister." Haymitch said. Prim looked back to Katniss.

"I saw daddy." she whispered. Prim's eye widened, and her mother gasped, covering her mouth.

"How?" Prim asked. He rubbed Katniss' shoulders, and looked the other way. By killing herself that's how.

"In a dream we guess." Peeta said, facing the window. No one questioned it, so he went on. "She was at her lowest point after the war. None of us were there. And he appeared to her in a dream or something." Peeta told them. He didn't think Katniss would want her sister or mother to know that she killed herself.

"What did he say?" her mother ask quietly. He felt Katniss turn her head to her mother, and he took a deep breath, and wiped the tears fast before the could see, and turned his head back to them. Emily had tears soaking her face, as she waited for an answer.

"He said we were getting a second chance." Katniss said. Everyone was quiet for a minute.

"A second chance to really take down the Capitol." Prim said. Everyone looked at her, and she looked like a kid on Christmas day as she saw all her presents from Santa. She looked at everyone and smiled. "A second chance to take down the Capitol, and they'll never see it coming, because they don't know how tomorrow will end, but we know how a years worth of tomorrow's will end." Prim said. It was the first time that that much clarity had come out since they came back. She looked at all of them. "Don't you get it? We remember. But Snow doesn't. Neither does anyone on his side. We can win. We can get everyone out of District 12 before he bombs the District. You can save so many people now. And we can end this war quicker." Prim said. They all fell silent a moment, before Katniss sat up.

"How do you know all this?" Katniss asked. Prim smiled.

"Because I was there Katniss. I was there in the woods when you saw daddy. And he said goodbye to me to, before you appeared." Prim said. All eyes were trained on her as she smiled. "I thought it was a dream...but it was real. He was right. Everything will be ok. We'll all be ok. We have a second chance. And we can win." she said. And she held onto Katniss' hands. "And I won't get hurt this time. We can make this right." Prim said. Peeta was stunned. They had both seen their father. Katniss turned to Haymitch.

"What do we do first Haymitch?" Katniss asked. Haymitch let out a strangled laugh.

"What your trusting me to make the plans?" Haymitch asked. Katniss let more tears fall.

"I'm trusting you blindly Haymitch. I'll do whatever you say." Katniss said. Haymitch stared at Katniss, then at Peeta.

"Well then. First things first." he stood up and walked over to the three of them sitting on the floor. "Take a deep breath and stand up." Haymitch told her. Prim and Peeta helped her stand up. She faced Haymitch, and he wrapped his arms around her. Peeta knew he wanted to say something about her slitting her wrists, but wouldn't in front of Prim or her mother, but he knew that Haymitch just needed to hug her. After a moment, he pulled away and stared at her. "Get ready. Pull yourself together, and get some of that strength back. You can do this...we have some plans to make."


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 2

"No Haymitch I can't." Katniss cried. Peeta held on to her.

"Katniss it's ok. I'll be right there with you." Peeta told her. She shook her head.

"No I am not letting Rue die all over again. I can't do that. I'll die. I'll let her live. I won't let them kill her again. I can't please don't make me." Katniss cried. Peeta tried to comfort her, but Haymitch was having none of it. He rushed to the other side of the room, and made her stand up and face him.

"You will not die in that arena. Your father gave you a second chance to what? Die sooner? Never have a rebellion? If you die in that arena, all hope is gone. We failed and never even tried. You'll go back in there Katniss." Haymitch said. Shaking her. Peeta knew when he said, die sooner, that he was referring to her killing herself. Just that morning in fact. Peeta stood between the two and made Haymitch let go of her.

"Fighting won't help. We don't have much more time." Peeta said.

"Katniss it will be ok. Rue will be ok." Prim said. Katniss looked over at her.

"She'll die in my arms again." Katniss cried. Prim went over, and grabbed Katniss' hand, and placed it on her own heart.

"She will die in your arms. But trust, in here, in your heart, that everything will be ok. They'll find a way to save her. But Haymitch is right. You have to do everything the same. All of Panem is watching you, and everything you did in the arena, is what gave everyone hope. A big part was how you treat Rue, and how you loved her. It's not going to be easy Katniss, but trust in your heart, that she will be ok." Prim said. Peeta couldn't believe how wise this young girl was. She was in a 12 year old body, but she was really almost 14 years old. She had watched her sister live through two arena's and she herself went through a war. Prim was all grown up, even if the rest of the world didn't know it. What surprised him the most, was that Katniss seemed to be listening to her. "You'll cry, and don't hide it. Your tears gave the Districts hope. That she wasn't just a little girl in their games. She meant more then that. You'll cry, you'll be sad. But you need to be strong. Because you'll have to save Peeta all over again. You can do this Katniss." Prim said.

"The sun will be up soon. We need to leave." Haymitch said. He turned to Emily, and placed his hand on her shoulder. "I'll bring your daughter home again. I promise." he told her. She nodded, and he went over to Katniss. He placed his hands on the back of her neck, and touched his forehead against hers. "Breath sweetheart. Me and the boy will be there every step of the way. Don't lose the faith." he said. He pulled back and looked at Peeta. "Come on boy." he said. Peeta shook his head.

"I can stay a little longer. I'll sneak around the Seam to go back home. It won't be that noticeable if I'm around. I'm just a kid. I'm just the bakers son. I'm no one right now." Peeta told him. He nodded, and Haymitch grabbed him and pulled him to his ear.

"Get her ready for this. She's not herself, and hasn't been herself in a long time. She did all this because she lost you. Make sure she knows she's not gonna lose you." he whispered and pulled away. Peeta nodded. "I'll see you in a few hours." Haymitch said, and left. Peeta looked out the window and watched him leave. The sun was just starting to show.

"Come in the other room Prim. Let's get you washed up." her mother said, and guided Prim out of the room. Peeta and Katniss faced each other.

"My mind is all clear." Peeta said. Katniss just stared at him. "I never felt like I was really there. I couldn't figure out what was real and what was fake. It was the scariest thing in my life to not know who I was anymore." Peeta confided in her. He could see the fear in her eyes. Of what he was going to say. "But I woke up in my childhood bed...and I know what reality really is." Peeta said, trying to refind his voice. "I know everything they did to me, and I still have those images in my head, of what they tried to make me believe about you...but it's all clear to me Katniss. I know who you are. I know the difference. I'm not hijacked anymore." he admitted. She let out a sob and threw herself into his arms. "It's ok now Katniss."

"I am so sorry I left you. I never should have separated from you in the arena. I should have made them get you out sooner. And I shouldn't have abandoned you when you came to 13. I am so sorry Peeta." Katniss cried. Squeezing him tightly.

"It wasn't your fault. I'm ok. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere, anytime soon. Your safe I promise." Peeta said. Katniss pulled back and looked at him.

"I never told you Peeta. I was to afraid. And I'm still afraid to say it...there's so much I want to tell you-"Katniss tried to say, but Peeta shushed her with his finger to her lip.

"Tell me when were happy. Tell me when your not crying. If your crying it should be happy tears. Don't say it out of fear, or regret. Say it because you mean it. We get a second chance to make everything right. Don't say anything to me out of fear, regret or obligation. Say all these things to me that you want to say, when the time is right, and because you feel safe." Peeta told her. Katniss stared at him for a minute. And then closed her eyes.

"Kiss me Peeta." she whispered, and then opened her eyes. "Kiss me, because the last kiss I got was when we were hiding in the Capitol, and it was to calm you down. Kiss me because the last real kiss I got from you was on the beach, and the whole world could see, and I want a real kiss from you with no one watching." she whispered. It was the most powerful thing she had ever said to him, and he smiled. He kissed her softly at first, and pulled back. They looked at each other, and then wrapped their arms around each other to kiss again. Her lips were so soft, and salty from all her tears. He loved her. And he had missed her so much. Katniss was alive, and in his arms again. He reached between them, and used his thumb to pull her mouth open a little. He slowly slipped his tongue into her mouth, and touched hers. They had never kissed like this before. He wondered is it was ok, but then felt Katniss tangle her hands in his hair, and pull him closer, never letting him go. His arms clawed at her back, and there tongues fought for dominance over the kiss.

He was back. Her Peeta was back. She was going into the Hunger Games today, for a third time, but here in this moment, she had never in her life felt safer. Peeta made her feel safe. Her father was right. She was meant to be with Peeta. She just had to trust him. Trust Haymitch and Prim. She dare say, that she even felt happy. She hadn't felt like this in so long. She hadn't felt Peeta's lips on her in so long, or his arms wrapped around her. She felt that hunger again. That hunger she felt in the cave, and on the beach. She knew what that hunger was now. She was in love with Peeta, and she wanted to be with him. That hunger was to go further then just kissing. She knew it now. But she knew they couldn't do this now. Peeta pulled back reluctantly, out of breath, and pressed his forehead against hers. He let out a chuckle. "I don't want to do anything in the Capitol, where cameras can see us, and microphones can hear us, but when we get back here Katniss Everdeen, I want you all to myself. I want to pick this up exactly where we left off." Peeta said huskily. Katniss felt shivers down her spine. He pulled back and made her look at him. He kissed her again. Hard on the mouth and pulled back. "I don't want to go, but I know that I have to. Haymitch is right. We can't let anyone see us just yet. There are cameras all around here once the sun rises." Peeta said. Katniss nodded and nodded her head. "Look at me." he said gently, and she opened her eyes, letting a tear fall down her face. He smiled sadly and wiped her tear away. "This time, when you tell me you'll see me in a few hours, you'll mean it. You'll get ready, you'll go to the Reaping, you'll volunteer for Prim, we'll say our goodbyes to our family, and we'll be on the train again. It will be ok. You can do this. I'll be with you the whole time I promise." Peeta said. Katniss nodded again, and he smiled. "So tell me." Peeta said. Katniss cleared her throat.

"I'll see you in a few hours Peeta." Katniss said. Peeta smiled, and kissed her again.

"Yes you will." he said. He gave her another kiss, and turned around, and walked out the door. He was gone, but Katniss knew, she trusted her dad that she was really going to see him again. And she did as she was told. She got ready for the Reaping. She had the most surreal morning with Prim and her mother. She had lost Prim. The beautiful golden child that was burnt to death, was standing in front of her. Her mother had left for a little bit, only to come back 30 minutes later. Katniss could smell it, she was making coffee. She thrust the cup into her hands.

"You need some caffeine. You need to wake up a bit. We'll be ok remember. That money won't matter by the time you come back. So drink up. I bought some eggs while I was out. You need something in your stomach." her mother said.

"I can eat on the train though. Save it for you and Prim." she said. She was so used to trying to take care of them. Her mother smiled and placed her hand on her cheek. "I know you'll eat on the train. But you need something in your stomach now. To get you to the train. I don't want you fainting again." she said. Prim was out feeding Lady, leaving Katniss and her mother alone. She watched her mom start scrambling her eggs.

"I never understood why you became depressed after daddy died." she said. Her mom stopped moving for a moment, but then continued stirring the eggs. "And I was so angry at you. But he told me everything happens for a reason...and I think that when you were depressed...it was to make me strong." Katniss said. Her mother looked up at her with tears. "It taught me to survive, and it made me strong enough to survive in the games...I'm sorry I hated you for so long. But I don't hate you anymore. I'm so sorry mom." she whispered. Katniss' mother grabbed her and hugged her tightly, letting out a sob.

"I am so sorry for not being stronger. I just loved him so much, and the grief took over. I'm so so sorry Katniss." she cried. Katniss pulled away.

"I know how it feels...it's what happened when Peeta..." Katniss trailed off. Her mother nodded.

"You were all alone. I know Katniss, I'm so sorry." she cried. But Katniss shook her head.

"He gave us a second chance." Katniss said. Her mother nodded her head.

Peeta had taken the long way home, trying to sneak around a few homes in the Seam. To be honest, he wasn't to familiar with the Seam, never spending to much time there. But he kept quiet, and kept his head down, and made it home. He looked at the back of the bakery. His home. It was really here. His family were alive. He had a chance to save them now. "Thanks Mr. Mellark." he heard someone say. He knew that voice all to well. He saw Gale coming out the back door, and startled when he saw Peeta. Peeta just stared at him. He was in love with Katniss. Would he try and take her away from him? God if he remembered, would he volunteer for Peeta when his name was called? He suddenly felt is whole body go ice cold. "Why are you staring at me?" Gale demanded. Peeta continued to stare. "Can you move out of the way so I can get by?" he demanded. Peeta moved and let Gale by. He looked back at him once, and then kept walking, shaking his head. He was heading towards the woods. Gale had no idea. None what so ever.

"I wondered when you'd come back." he heard his father say. He was standing in the doorway, just staring. His dad. His dad was alive. He had to make sure his family stayed alive. "It's ok Peeta. I remember everything." his father said. Peeta's eyes widened, and he lunged forward and hugged his dad. "It's ok son. Everything will be ok." his father said.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry I failed you and let you die. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough." Peeta cried. His father pulled back and made him look at him.

"You did nothing wrong. I have never been more proud of someone in my life." his father said. Peeta saw his brothers over his dads shoulder, listening. They smiled at him, and he went running for them and hugged them.

"I remember this loud noise. I saw all this fire outside my window, and then nothing." his brother Rye said. Peeta pulled back and looked at him. "We died. I know that we did. And I wake up and I'm fine. And it's the day of the Reaping all over again. How did that even happen?" Rye asks. Peeta looks at his family.

"We were given a second chance to make everything right. So today, I'm going back into the Hunger Games.

"Did that Seam boy come from this house?" he heard his mother yell. She came down the stairs and saw all four of them huddled by the door. "What on earth are you all just standing around for. It's Reaping day. That means everyone gets all happy and excited that their children aren't going to die so they celebrate and buy them treats. Bread! Move your butts and start cooking." his mother said and turned around. His mother didn't remember. That was ok, because he was still going to save her anyway.

"There, now you look beautiful to." her mother said. Katniss smiled at her mother. Prim walked into the room behind them. Katniss turned around and hugged Prim.

"You look beautiful to little duck." she said. Prim hugged her tighter.

"You'll be fine Katniss. You'll be home in a few weeks, and Rue and everyone else will be alive. Just have faith." Prim said. The knocking on the door startled them. They stared at it for a moment.

"No one came to the door last time. Who could that be?" Katniss asked frantically. She just couldn't shake this. She was never this weak.

"It's alright. It's probably just Peeta." Prim said. She walked over to the door and opened it.

"Hey Prim. Is Katniss home?" she heard Gale ask. Katniss froze. Prim opened the door, and let Gale in. "Hey are you ok? You weren't in the woods." Gale said. Katniss knew instantly, that he had no idea. He had no idea that Prim and Peeta were about to be reaped, and that she would go into the games to spare her sisters life. He had no idea that this had already happened. He had been the reason that her sister had died. Her fathers words rang in her ear. Love Peeta, trust Haymitch, let Prim grow up, forgive her mother, and forgive Gale. "Are you ok?" Gale asked. Katniss shook her head and cleared her throat.

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm sorry I had to stay with Prim." she said. Gale nodded. Prim walked away from them and left them alone. "She's worried about the Reaping." Katniss said. Gale nodded again.

"Her names only in there one time. The chances of her name being pulled out-"

"Is high." Katniss blurted out. She didn't mean to, but it was the truth. It never matters how many times your name goes into that bowl. The odds are never in anyones favor. They can be in there 50 times, or only once.

"She'll be fine Catnip. And I'll go hunting later. Bring her home something good. She'll be just fine." he told her. Katniss nodded. "Are you ok? You seem pretty freaked out."

"It's her first year. It's got me spooked." Katniss said, trying to look anywhere but at him.

"I know how you feel. It's Rory's first year to." Gale said. She looked at him then. That's right, it was his little brothers first time to. "I should get going. I'll see you later though." he told her. She nodded, and she left. Prim came back out to her, and held her hand.

"He'll be ok to you know Katniss." she whispered. Katniss nodded, and hugged her little sister close again.

Peeta waited in the square to see her. He just wanted to see her, to reassure her that everything was going to be ok. He saw Gale walking with his little brother Rory. Rory looked so scared. But who wasn't. The first time was always the worst, but it got better. For some anyway. He waited a few minutes, his brother Rye standing next to him. His parents, and his other brother Roti, were already standing with the other families. He saw Katniss walking, with Prim holding her hand. He went to walk over to them, but Rye held his arm. "Just stay here. No one knows you've ever even talked before." Rye said. Peeta nodded. It was true. Going and hugging Katniss right now would raise suspicion. Katniss and Prim saw them though, and nodded. He watched Prim give him a small smile, but then headed to the sign in table.

"You can do this Katniss. Just like last time." Prim whispered in her ear when Katniss hugged her. She pulled back. "I'll be alright. Just give them a little drama. Let me make it close to the stage before you run out. Just take a deep breath." Prim coached her.

"I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around." Katniss said.

"You did. And I made it through that day. So let me get you through this day." Prim said. They all took their places. Katniss looked for Peeta, and she wasn't disappointed. She found him, and he gave her that reassuring smile.

"Just breath." he mouthed to her. She nodded. Something caught her eye, and she turned to see Gale. He smiled at her.

"You ok?" he moved. She nodded her head. She didn't pay attention to Effie coming out. She was eccentric as ever. She didn't remember anything. But why should she? She wasn't apart of the rebellion. She had heard this all before, and watched the movie before. Heard the Mayor give the speech before. And even watched Haymitch fall off staged before. Wait what? He was drunk? She turned to move, but Peeta's face stopped her. He shook his head. She couldn't come to his rescue. Did he do that on purpose? How could he already start drinking? What had he been doing these past few hours? That drunken bastard. And her father trusted him? When they pulled him back on stage, something weird happened. Haymitch laughed, and then bowed. He hadn't done that last time. Then he sat down, practically assaulting Effie again. He was faking. She looked back at Peeta, and she was shaking his head in disbelief. He to couldn't believe what he had just saw. Haymitch really was about doing everything the same. He was playing out his drunken lush role to perfection. The time came for Prim's name to be called. She stared at Peeta. He was there, with a smile.

"Just breath." he mouthed to her again.

"Primrose Everdeen." Effie said. She went to jump, but Peeta shook his head.

"Keep looking at me." he mouthed slowly. Katniss just kept staring at him. She knew Prim was slowly moving. She knew she had to wait. Just wait to move. Peeta's eyes never left hers. "Now." he mouthed. Katniss walked passed the other kids, everyone moving out of her way.

"Prim!" Katniss yelled. "I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!" Katniss screamed. Katniss ignored everything around her as Prim came running up to her and cried. "Prim go find mom." Katniss cried.

"No." Prim cried.

"Prim go find mom I'm so sorry." Katniss cried. These tears were real. Everything she felt was real. How could she live through hearing her sisters name being called twice? She heard Prim screaming as Gale pulled her away. The Peacekeepers brought her up on stage. Haymitch nodded to her. She was doing great. She barely paid any attention to Effie talking to her. But she heard Effie call his name.

"Peeta Mellark." Effie called out. She tried to see him, but he was to far away to see. She saw him being ushered up on stage, but didn't look at him. They were ushered away again, and she felt Peeta wrap his finger around one of hers. He didn't want anyone to see. They were escorted into two different rooms, and she waited for her mother and Prim. As soon as she came in, Prim barreled over to her. She knew how Prim felt. This was the third time this was happening. It was to much. She felt her mothers arms go around her.

"Well be fine Katniss. Gale will bring us game. We'll be ok here. You'll be home soon." Her mother soothed. There wasn't much more to say. They were taken away from her, and it broke Katniss' heart. She just got her sister back, how could she just let her go. Peeta's father came in next. She swallowed the lump in her throat as he sat down next to her, and handed her a box of cookies.

"Thank you." he whispered to her. Katniss stared at him. Thank you? He knew. Peeta's father nodded and left. There wasn't much more to say. Gale came in next, and this time, she knew something was different.

"How?" Gale asked. Katniss gasped.

"You remembered?" she asked. He looked around.

"I was drinking coffee. I was sitting at the table, drinking coffee and talking to Posy. We were in District 2. Posy was telling me some story, and then...I'm standing there, watching you and him get taken away." Gale said. Katniss sat down and looked at her hands. Had he remembered before this, there was a chance that he would have volunteered for Peeta. Would have taken his place.

"I'm so sorry Gale." she said, and looked up at him. "Haymitch is working on a plan. We just came back here ourselves. We were given a second chance to make things right." Katniss says. He storms over to her and bends down.

"Do we get a second chance to Katniss?" he asked. She knew he wanted to kiss her, so she stood up and put distance between them. She looked outside the window.

"We all get a second chance Gale. I have so many things I have to make right. And so many people I need to keep alive." she said. She turned back and looked at him. She had to set the record straight. "I'm sorry that I ever blamed you for her death..." Katniss trailed off. Gale looked down at the floor. "You love Prim like a sister. Like you do Posy. And to think you would ever put her in harms way...it was so unfair of me to put that blame on you. I'm sorry Gale. I'm so sorry and I hope that you forgive me." she said. He looked up, and she knew he wanted to say something, but she didn't want him to. "We do get a second chance Gale. A second chance to make our relationship right. I should have from the very beginning. But I was scared, and confused, and I should never have led you on." she said. His smile started to fade. "We get a second chance as friends. You were meant to be with someone else Gale...just like I was meant to be with someone else. We were only meant to be friends. And you'll always be my best friend." Katniss says. He looks devastated. She never gets to hear his response, because he's being taken away. Soon, she's in the car with Effie, as she talks on and on and on about chandeliers and platinum door knobs. Peeta smiles at her. They just have to get passed Effie. Just get on the train, get away from her and she can breath. There taken to the train, and Effie continues her blathering, when Haymitch comes in. He sits down with his drink, that Katniss can tell is not alcohol, and Effie gets up. She slides the door, pulls the shades, and spins on them.

"What in the God's good name is going on?" she demands. The three of them stare at her. "It was all I could do to just stand there and pull your names out of that bowl and not cry. I can not keep pulling your names out, I just can't. And to get assaulted twice by you? You weren't even drunk. How on earth is this all happening?" Effie cried. They all stared at her, and at each other, and started smiling. "Why are you all smiling at me? I can't keep doing this? This is very unprofessional." she cried. All three stood up and hugged her. Laughing. Effie remembered them. "Get off of me you'll ruin my dress." she cried. They let her go, but stood there.

"We get a second chance Effie." Peeta told her. They ended up having to explain a few things to Effie. She was the Capitol gossip. If anyone was going to find out any real gossip, it would be her. She'd keep her eyes opened for them in the Capitol. "So what do we do now Haymitch?" Peeta asked. They all sat down, and waited for him to answer.

"Right now, the only plan is, to act normal. Like you did before." Haymitch said.

"That's why you threw yourself off stage?" Katniss asked. Haymitch laughed.

"Exactly. I don't know how far this has gone so far. The only people I know, who even know what is going on, is us and your mom and sister." Haymitch said, pointing to Katniss.

"My dad and brothers remember to." Peeta said. Haymitch nodded.

"Actually so does Finnick, Mags, and Annie." Haymitch said. Katniss gasped.

"How do you know? Are you sure? Did you talk to him again?" Katniss babbled. Peeta pulled her back in her seat.

"Hey it's ok Katniss." Peeta told her.

"But you only talked to him for less then a minute." Katniss cried.

"He called from the Justice building. He had been up for a little while. Me and Finnick have been speaking in code for years. We know how to get every important detail into a sentence that makes no sense to anyone else. And Mags is staying home with Annie. Finnick will be there as mentor. And a few other Distric 4 Victors. They like to try and keep Annie and Mags at home." Haymitch said. Peeta knew why. Mags was old and Annie was mad. Katniss put her elbows on her knees, and her face in her hands and cried.

"Oh thank God." Katniss cried. Peeta rubbed her back.

"Shhh. Everything's going right on plan." Peeta said. Katniss sat up.

"Plan? What plan? There is no plan except act like we did before." Katniss cried.

"Sounds like the best plan to me." Haymitch said. Katniss narrowed her eyes at him. "Remember, people don't let you make the plans, because your plans at suck." Haymitch joked, and took a sip of his drink. His eyes narrowed at it. He must have forgotten it was water.

"That isn't a plan. That's crap." Katniss hissed. Peeta took her hand in both of his, and rubbed them back and forth.

"Trust me sweetheart. I got this." he told her. Katniss closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Trust Haymitch blindly._ Her fathers words echoed inside her head. "Now eat something will ya? Put some meat back on those bones. You'll need it for the games." he said. He was right. But Katniss would never admit it. Effie let the train crew back in, and they were served lunch. One thing that Katniss could never deny, the food was amazing. She ate as much as she could, but only until she felt her stomach physically hurt did she stop. Katniss found it very odd that Haymitch pretended to be drunk. She saw him drink some alcohol, but not his usual amount. He had a glass of water right there with him. Peeta walked with Katniss down to her room, and shut the door behind them. They were alone. It was the first time they had been alone. Was it only this morning that she had seen him again? She hadn't seen this boy in months, and the last time...was in District 13.

"What are you thinking?" he asked her. Katniss sat down on the bed, and she sat next to her.

"I was sitting in the rocking chair, staring at the wall only this morning." she said flatly. Staring at the wall again. "When did you come back?" she asked. Peeta knew what she meant. When did he come back to District 12.

"Just that morning. I just got off the train. Haymitch met me, and we walked to your house." he said quietly. Katniss nodded. "There's a lot to talk about Katniss." he said. She turned and looked at him. "We never had a chance to resolve anything from the 75th Games. We were separated, and they captured me." he said but stopped. She closed her eyes. He knew she didn't want to remember this. "And I was never the same when I came back to you in 13...and when I was in the Capitol for five months, I come back and your on the ground..." he choked out. He scrubbed his face with his hands. "We have so much to talk about Katniss. I want to know what happened. Why you tuned out the world. I know losing Prim was to much...but you said you couldn't live without me." he said. Katniss let tears fall down her face as she started to cry. Peeta looked up and pulled her to him. "It's ok Katniss. I'm right here." he told her.

"I didn't know you were coming back. I thought I'd never see you again. And it was all my fault. I never should have separated from you. I'm so sorry." she cried. He pulled her back to look at him.

"It wasn't your fault. You have to let that guilt go. I'm right here. I'm sitting right in front of you. And I'm alive. And ok." he said, and then leaned in and kissed her. She let out a sob, and pulled back. He pulled her back into a hug. "Your exhausted Katniss. When was the last time you slept?" he asked.

"I don't know. I hate going to sleep. I'm so afraid of the nightmares." she said.

"Well then. Let's go to sleep now. I'm right here." He said. He helped maneuver her into the bed, and under the covers. They were both still in their clothes, but neither of them cared. She curled her body around him, burying her face in his neck. "We have so much to talk about Katniss. And we will. When we come back home. We'll have all the time in the world. Your safe now Katniss. Go to sleep. I'll be right here the whole time." he said, and kissed her forehead. And for the first time, since the nights before the Quell, when he would hold her while she slept, she finally fell asleep, without nightmares.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

"Time to get up. We have a BIG BIG day!" he heard Effie through the door. He felt Katniss start to stir, and she slowly opened her eyes. Peeta smiled down at her.

"Good morning." he whispered. Katniss looked at her surroundings, and her eyes widened in fear. Her breathing became very rapid as she started to freak out. "Hey hey hey it's alright Katniss." Peeta said trying to grab her and calm her. Katniss started to scream a little, but Peeta pulled her to his chest. "Katniss your safe I'm right here it's ok...It's ok Katniss." he soothed her. She started slowing down her struggling against her. "I know this is scary. You just woke up. Were on the train again. It isn't a dream. Were fixing everything. We get a second chance. It's alright." Peeta soothed. Katniss grabbed at him and held on tight. He kissed the top of her head. "It's alright I got you. I'm right here. Your safe with me." Peeta said.

"Were not safe. Were going back into the Games. No one's safe in the Capitol." she whispered. He kissed her head again and rocked her.

"But like Prim said, they don't know what will happen tomorrow, but we know what a years worth of tomorrows are. Everything will be alright Katniss." Peeta told her and kissed her head again. He couldn't stop kissing her, and touching. This was the most he had ever been with her like this. And she wanted him to keep touching her and kissing her. This was what he always wanted. "We just have to get passed this next month. Two weeks before the Games, and about two weeks in the Games. We can do this. You can do this. Your strong. You got this Katniss." he said. She looked up at him.

"I could live a hundred life times and never deserve you." she whispered. Peeta let out a frustrated sigh.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say." Peeta said. Katniss looked down.

"Haymitch told me that the night they announced the Quarter Quell." she said. His mouth dropped open.

"That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard. It explains why it's so stupid then. What is wrong with you two? You have the weirdest relationship." he said. Katniss looked up at him and smiled at that. He smiled back at her and leaned in and kissed her. "Let's concentrate on one day at a time. It's going to be crazy. Were almost to the Capitol. We greet the fans, and we'll be with our stylists. They'll get us ready, we'll have lunch, and then it will be the Tribute parade at the City Circle, and then were back at the penthouse. Just get through today Katniss, and we'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow." he told her. Katniss nodded, and they went to breakfast.

"How are you feeling. I didn't have the heart to wake you up last night dear. You were in such a deep sleep. I had brought you dinner, but only Peeta was awake to eat it." Effie said. Katniss looked at him and he smiled.

"Why didn't you just eat dinner here? You didn't have to stay with me the whole night." she said. He knew she felt bad for making him stay in her room the whole day. But he shook his head.

"I promised I would be there the whole night. I didn't want you to be alone if you had a nightmare. Haymitch stayed with you when I had to use the bathroom. You needed sleep Katniss." Peeta told her. They were served breakfast, and Haymitch threw the crew out. Talking about strategy, and he couldn't let them over hear. Peeta knew what Haymitch was going to say. They had talked last night while Katniss was asleep.

"_How do you think she's going to react when she sees them. Cato and Clove. She's gone hunting and freaked out because she thought she shot Marvel again. How is she going to handle it when she gets off the elevator, and she just sees them all standing around with there escorts and mentors and stylists? There supposed to be dead." Peeta said. Haymitch scrubbed his face with his hands, and let out a long sigh. "What about when she sees Cinna? And Finnick. Rue." he said._

"_How are you gonna be when you see Portia?" Haymitch asked._

"_I'm scared to see her. I have nightmares of her being executed in front of me, and my team. But I'm going to be ok. I'm prepared to see them. Even the other tributes. I'll be ok Haymitch." he said. Haymitch nodded his head and leaned back into the chair._

"_Yeah I know you will. It's just her. She won't handle it. She's just not herself. She hasn't been herself in so long." Haymitch admitted._

"_You barely told me what happened when I was in the Capitol." Peeta said. Haymitch scratched his face._

"_I had to feed her. She wouldn't do it herself. I used to be able to get her to open her mouth, but even after that she stopped. I couldn't force her to swallow. I got a syringe and just shot water down her throat, so at least she didn't dehydrate. Sae started taking her to the bathroom to take a shower, but she's older. If she fell, I would have to go in there and do it. She'd never forgive me if I saw her like that. Katniss would never forgive me if I was the one bathing her. She was dying in front of me. That's why I called you every day. And I called Aurelius every day. I urged him to bring you home. I thought if I could just keep her alive till you got home..." Haymitch trailed off. It broke his heart to know she had given up like that._

"_How are we going to stop her? From freaking out, from screaming, fainting, having panic attacks? How are we going to stop it?" Peeta asked. Haymitch looked at him for awhile._

"_I have a few ideas." Haymitch said, taking a sip of his drink._

"I don't know if Cinna or Portia remember anything. It isn't till now that I meet either of them. It's their first time in the Games. But you can't run and jump into their arms when you see them." Haymitch told them. He looked at the both of them. "I know both of you watched them die. And it was horrific. But if they don't remember, then you don't want to scare them off. There both apart of the Rebellion, but that doesn't mean we want to scare them into it. And if they do remember, we don't want the Capitol to be suspicious. The Capitol listens to everything that goes on. They can be listening at any time, like I said, if there suspicious or just bored. So act natural, the both of you." he warned them. Peeta knew that he was including Peeta in that, because he didn't want Katniss to feel like this was all riding on her. It was, but they didn't want her to feel anymore pressure then she needed. It was impossible to avoid, but they could at least spare her something. "Then the Tribute parade. Hold hands. Catch flowers and blow kisses. Wave to the audience. These are your sponsors remember. And I can't send you any medicine without them. Or food, or the sleeping syrup." Haymitch said. Katniss shook her head.

"Please don't make me give that to him again. He won't come after me." Katniss protested. But Haymitch held his hand up.

"You'll be gone to long. He was fine sleeping. Next time he wakes up, he'll be good as new. No need to keep him awake to have him worry and be sick. It's better that he sleeps it off." Haymitch said. Peeta grabbed Katniss' hand and she looked at him.

"Haymitch is right. It's better this way." Peeta said.

"We'll talk about all that later. Gain their love just like you did last time. You were perfect, the both of you, last time. Do it again. Then let's just get upstairs. Don't stare to long at the other tributes, it will only freak you out. I'll have a better idea of who remembers what by tonight. I'll be able to start formulating a plan." Haymitch said. They both nodded, and he stared at Katniss. "You need to pull yourself together sweetheart." he said gently. Katniss looked up, and she had tears in her eyes.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I've never felt like this before. I can't stop crying...I've never been this weak. What if I can't pull this off?" she cried. Effie started tearing up, and gave Katniss her napkin. Peeta wrapped his arm around her.

"I need you to think of something. Something in the future, after this is all over. I don't care what it is. Prim getting married." Haymitch said, offering her a suggestion. "Finnick seeing his son being born." Haymitch said again. These things were important to Katniss.

"Mags watching Finnick and Annie get married. Rue reuniting with her family." Peeta told her. He saw hope in Katniss' eyes.

"You hold onto those things sweetheart. You close your eyes, wherever you are, and you think of these things. Anything you want in the future, and you hold onto them. When you think your weak, you remember what your fighting for. This will get done. You can do this, and we'll all be there every step of the way." Haymitch told her. Katniss nodded. Peeta watched as she closed her eyes, and took deep breaths. She opened her eyes again, and she nodded.

"I can do this." she said. Peeta and Haymitch smiled, and Effie clapped her hands.

"I have no doubt about it sweetheart. Just get through today. I will come up with a plan." Haymitch promised her. They arrived at the Capitol, and Katniss' body started shaking. Peeta hugged her tightly.

"This is where we'll separate. But Haymitch will take you to your team. Trust him. While your getting plucked and beautiful, he'll be working on what to do. You'll be with Cinna, and I have no doubt that he'll remember. He'll protect you until your back with me again. I'll hold your hand the whole time. You got this Katniss. Just make it through the next few hours." he told her. Katniss pulled away and nodded. He smiled, and kissed her. Really kissed her. It would be a few hours before he saw her again. They stepped off the train, and Haymitch held her hand. He knew that he couldn't. Not now. They were wisked away to the Training Center, and he watched Haymitch take her away with him. He gulped.

"It's fine dear. Everyone separates at this point. Your going to get beautiful for the camera, and meet your stylist. She's absolutely a doll. Your so lucky to have Portia." Effie said, pulling him along. They had made the decision the night before, that one of them would always be with Katniss, so she didn't do anything alone. As much as she could be. They had hoped Cinna would remember, because if he did, it was another person to help Katniss. To stand with her, and remind her of what she was fighting for. And to be honest, to be with her to stop her from having an episode, or fainting. They headed to the elevators, when he realized someone was standing next to the door, leaning against the wall. Finnick Odair. Peeta's breath got in his mouth. He gulped. Finnick saved him so many times in the arena. He never had the chance to thank him. "Finnick darling. How are you?" Effie asked loudly, hugging Finnick. He smiled and hugged her back. He got very close to Peeta, as they waited for the elevator.

"It's good to see you Peeta." he whispered. He clasped him on the shoulder. He smiled.

"Thank you for saving me." he whispered back. He smiled and pulled back. He looked up at the top of the elevator, watching for when it would arrive down to their floor.

"Your to good for any of this Mr. Mellark. And I am so glad that your ok. I can't wait to dance at your own wedding." Finnick said. They looked at each other and smiled. "And the cake at my wedding was amazing. When we do it again, I hope for something even better." he joked. The elevator buzzed and the doors opened. "I'll see you both later then." Finnick said, and walked away. Effie ushered Peeta onto the elevator. He was bombarded by his prep team. He liked them, but they were no where near as entertaining as Katniss' prep team. They weren't as happy as her team was. He was plucked and waxed for a few hours, until the moment came when he waited for Portia. He felt annoyed last time he had to lay here, naked, waiting for her. Who honestly needed to meet a 16 year old boy for the first time, naked? He put his robe on and waited for her. Portia had seen enough of his body. Katniss hadn't even seen him completely naked before. He shook his head. None of those thoughts. He waited impatiently for Portia. When the door opened, his breath caught in his mouth. He willed himself not to think of her being executed in front of him. It haunted his nightmares. Portia came in and looked at him. She eyes his robe, and then smiled.

"I guess you wearing a robe doesn't surprise me. I've seen it all already." she said with a wink. He smiled. Portia! She leaned in and gave him a hug. "I've missed you my baker boy." she whispered. He nodded his head. He was at a loss for words. He held onto her tightly. "Don't worry about me. Keep it together for that crazy girl you love so much." she said. He laughed and pulled away. Wiping a few tears away from him. If Portia remembered, then that meant Cinna did.

Katniss was a wreck. Haymitch had to leave her. She knew he had to. He had to start formulating a plan. And it was the first time she was alone. He told her to keep breathing. To think of all the good things the future held for them. She tried to keep breathing, but having hair ripped from your whole body kinda distracted her from the breathing part. She couldn't believe how fast time had gone, until she was by herself in a room waiting for Cinna. She put her robe on. He had seen her already. Or had he? She just had to hold onto hope. She heard the door open, but squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be sitting on this table, waiting for him. They could kill her at any moment. If Snow remembered, he would easily murder her. No one knew her yet, it would be easy-she stopped as she felt warm hands on her shoulders. She opened her eyes, and was face to face with Cinna. She felt the sob forming in her throat.

"Don't cry girl on fire. I'm right here. And you need to be strong." Cinna told her. She felt her body shaking, and he hugged her. She held on so tight. "Just don't cry. Keep it together Katniss." he whispered. He was real. And he was here. He was alive. Her beautiful Cinna. "I know what you saw when they beat me. I know it was horrible, and you were sent right into the games,and they did that to scare you. But you can do this. I'll be behind you the whole time. And don't feel guilty. It was never your fault. I chose the rebellion, and I knew the price. I'm just sorry I had to pay it in front of you." Cinna whispered. She held on tighter, but he started to pull away, and he smiled at her. "Let's eat some lunch. We'll sit together, and you can hold my hand. But don't cry. Wait till tonight and your in your room to let it all out. Be strong right now. Because were _both _alive. And we get a second chance." he told her. He knew. He knew she killed herself. Haymitch told him. Cinna knew what she was thinking, and nodded his head. The afternoon went by slowly for her. She barely spoke, not really believing that Cinna was sitting right next to her. She held his hand through lunch, and he rubbed it between his. In no time at all, they were in the elevator. The door opened, and she saw Cato walking by it. That was enough to cause panic in her chest. Cinna pushed a button to close, and lock the elevator doors, when he grabbed her face. "You can do this Katniss. You knew you'd see them all here. Don't look at them. Look at the ground, and I'll hold your hand. I'll take you to the chariot, and to Peeta. Him and Portia should already be there. Just keep your head down, and let me guide you." he said. Katniss' whole body shook, and she shook her head.

"No this was a mistake. I can't do this. I have horrible nightmares of them. I see Marvel when I hunt. I can't. Please Cinna don't make me do this." she cried.

"You know I can't stop this. Even if I tried. They'll force you down in there. Let me take you to them Katniss. You can do this. Just follow me." he said. They heard a pounding on the door. Cinna was right, they would force her. He took her hand, and opened the door. Two guards were waiting for them. "She needed a moment. Come on." he told her, and guided her. Katniss kept her eyes closed. They walked for a few minutes, until they stopped. She could hear the horses next her.

"Well hello there sweetheart." she heard Haymitch say.

"Open your eyes. There all behind you, you can't see them." Cinna told her. True to his word, they were all behind her. Peeta was standing in front of her, between Haymitch and Portia. Effie stood next to Haymitch, and they all stared at her in concern.

"I'm a mess. I can't do this." she whispered. Peeta's face fell. She knew he wanted to hug her, but he couldn't. Not where everyone was watching. Haymitch leaned forward.

"You can do this. Peeta will be there the whole time. You even get to hold his hand." Haymitch told her. But Katniss shook her head.

"I barely saw Cato and freaked out. How am I supposed to look at all them. I killed some of them. I can't. I just can't." she said, shaking her head. Haymitch stopped her head from shaking.

"Get your ass on that chariot girl!" Haymitch said. Katniss stopped and stared at him. Effie gasped. Cinna and Portia looked at each other. Peeta put his hand on Haymitch's arm, trying to pull him back, but Haymitch turned around and pushed Peeta back. "Don't get in between us." Haymitch said loudly. Peeta looked around and noticed some people were looking at them. Well, this would definitely add some fuel to the fire. No pun intended of course. When he admits that he loves Katniss for all of Panem to hear, the tributes will remember things like this. Things like Peeta trying to help Katniss. Haymitch turned back to Katniss. "You can, and you will get up there. You'll hold that boys hand and smile. You'll blow and catch kisses from all these damn sick Capitol people. You'll wave to them, and pretend like they matter to you. And then you'll look around in the City Circle, and see all the tributes faces. You'll do it because you can. You killed them. So what. There not dead yet. There very much alive. Now get up there or so help me God Katniss Everdeen I will throw you up there myself." Haymitch whispered loudly to her. Peeta looked around again. No one could hear him except their little group. To the others, it just looked like Haymitch and Katniss were fighting. Peeta noticed that Katniss stopped trembling. He let go of her face, and straightened up. "Thank you. Now you can stand there until they all get on there chariots so you don't have to look at them. We'll stand here pretending to have a nice civilized conversation. Then you'll get up there, hold Peeta's hand, and Cinna will set you on fire." Haymitch said. Katniss nodded her head. Peeta couldn't believe that worked. Haymitch patted her shoulder. "You'll do great." Haymitch told her nicely. They waited a few minutes, until the music started. Haymitch stood still as Peeta hopped onto to the chariot. He knew Haymitch was waiting till the last possible second to let her move. Cinna ran around, and set Peeta's costume on fire. Portia and Effie clapped their hands.

"I know Katniss is the Girl on fire, but seriously, he's the Boy on fire!" Portia said. Effie squealed and clapped her hands, jumping up and down. Although Peeta couldn't understand how she was able to jump in those high heels. Haymitch made a face, and looked Peeta up and down, and then snorted. Cinna laughed.

"What?" Peeta asked. Haymitch smiled.

"The Boy on Fire. Didn't you burn the first piece of bread you ever gave Katniss?" Haymitch asked, looking back at Katniss. She crossed her arms and glared at him. "So both of these fires are purposely done?" he asked. Cinna laughed, walking around them and lighting Katniss on fire.

"What's your point Haymitch?" Peeta demanded. But he just shook his head.

"Actually nothing. It's just funny. Alright then. Up you go Girl on Fire." Haymitch said. Maneuvering Katniss onto the chariot. Peeta held her hand, and she squeezed tightly. He smiled at her.

"You got this Girl on Fire." he told her. The others stepped away, and the chariot started to move. She held on tight. "It's ok. Just look ahead. You won't see there faces right now." he told her. Katniss took a deep breath, and looked at the chariot in front of them. Rue and Thresh. "You can do this. We can still save them." Peeta told her. She nodded her head. "It's show time." he said. The crowd cheered loudly when they came out. They were on fire. They both stretched there joined hands up into the air. More applause. He smiled and waved, and blew kisses. Just like Haymitch wanted. The crowd was eating out of their hands. He looked at Katniss, and saw her face. She was smiling and waving. "Keep it going. They totally believe you right now." he encouraged her. She looked over at him and smiled.

"Thank you. I can't do this without you." she said. His heart melted. He knew that saying things like this was hard for her. Admitting she needed someone. He couldn't help from a real smile filling his face.

"If we weren't supposed to wait till the arena to kiss, I'd kiss you right now." he said. She gave him a real smile back, and a rose fell in front of them. He picked it up and handed it to her. She rolled her eyes, looked back at the crowd and smiled, holding up the rose. Blowing kisses to complete strangers. These people were idiots. It was plain and simple. As the got closer to the circle, he felt Katniss' grip start to tighten. He leaned in, never looking away from the crowd, still smiling. "Just keep breathing. Smile at them. Look at them now. It will only be harder tomorrow. And don't ever let go of my hand." he said, and blew another kiss. They made it into the circle, and he watched her. She saw Glimmer and Marvel first. He knew that a lot of her nightmares contained the both of them. A lot of times when she shot at something, she saw Marvel, falling. And a lot of times when she dreams of tracker jackers, she sees her blown up face. Then Cato and Clove. She fought them off in her dreams a lot. The only reason he knew this, was because she talked in her sleep. He saw Foxface. How could they still be calling her that? Were they ever going to learn her name? More and more tributes, and then Rue and Thresh. They both held their heads tall, and smiled at him. He looked quick to see if Katniss if she saw the exchange, but her face was the other way. She was looking at Snow. There chariot turned around, and so did he face. His eyes bugged out. She was shooting daggers out of her eyes, and he grabbed her hand tightly and pulled her close, trying his hardest not to be obvious. "Stop it don't look at him." he whispered.

"I want to kill him. I want to make him pay for everything he's done." she said, venom coming out of her mouth.

"If I have to kiss you right here Katniss you will ruin everything. Stop glaring at him please Katniss. If you won't do it for me do it for Prim." he hissed at her. She stared at him suddenly. Prim's name had brought her out of her own circle of hatred. "You can do this for her. Remember that. Don't worry about him right now." he told her. She nodded, and looked around. Luckily it had happened so quickly, that no one noticed. Her still held tightly to her hand. He looked back at Rue and Thresh. They looked over to him, but didn't smile this time. He knew it. They had there memories. He turned back to Katniss, who was staring straight ahead, at no one. "They smiled at me. They didn't do that last time. They remember." he whispered. Katniss looked at him. "One look won't hurt you Katniss." he said. She moved her eyes over her shoulders. He knew she must have locked eyes, with both of them or just Rue, but tears filled her eyes, and he squeezed her hand harder, never looking away from her. "Don't do it. Look at me." he told her. She looked back at him. "Don't cry. Just look up at Snow. Pretend like were paying attention." he said. She nodded, and looked back up at Snow. It was sickening. This was the man that had ruined their lives. He was the one who put Tracker jacker venom into his brain. Made him lose his place in reality. He caused Katniss to kill herself. He had been so lost in his memories, that he was startled when the chariot pulled away, and they were back under the Training Center. Haymitch, Cinna, Effie and Portia were awaiting their arrival. They hadn't all been there last time, but he knew, it was for Katniss. Maybe to even block her from seeing the others. He knew Haymitch was aggravated with Katniss just by the look on his face. She had shown anger for a few seconds there. He had hoped no one had seen.

"You two were perfect." Effie squealed Peeta and Cinna helped Katniss off the chariot. Haymitch shook his head at Katniss.

"You need food, and sleep. Your getting some sleeping pills tonight. The good stuff. The stuff that keeps your from dreaming. Eat quick, shower and go to bed. We'll be late to training tomorrow." Haymitch said. Katniss just nodded at him.

"My dress ripped." a little girl said. They looked to the side, and saw Rue very close to them. Peeta felt Katniss tense up. He couldn't hold her hand right now, but Cinna laid his arm over her shoulder. Rue was bent down next to them, fiddling with her dress. He watched as Seeder bent down to help her.

"It's alright darling. No need to worry about the dress." Seeder said, and guided her up. Thresh walked up with Chaff next to them.

"Haymitch my good man. Where have you been all day?" Chaff yelled, and hugged him. He looked over his shoulder and winked at Peeta and Katniss. He pulled back and nodded to them. "Well done Cinna. They were on fire tonight." Chaff laughed at his joke.

"Was it that obvious?" Peeta asked nervously. Everyone chuckled around them.

"Introduce me to you tributes Mr. Abernathy." Seeder said, holding Rue close to her.

"These are my kids on fire. Peeta and Katniss. And I introduce them in the order that I like them." Haymitch said, trying to joke with Katniss. Peeta looked at her, and she put her head down and laughed. She looked back up, and looked around quickly. She looked at Thresh.

"Thank you so much for saving me." Katniss whispered. Chaff laughed loudly and thumped Thresh on the back. Peeta was liking Chaff more and more. Being smart enough to not cause any suspicion. Thresh crossed his arms, and glared at Katniss, but gave her a wink. He was smart to.

"Your welcome 12." he whispered back. Katniss looked down at Rue, and Rue smiled widely.

"WELL I DIDN'T KNOW I WOULD SET THE WHOLE POOL ON FIRE!" Chaff yelled, laughing loudly with Haymitch. Everyone chuckled around them. Chaff was the greatest distraction.

"I knew you could do it." Rue said. Everyone had been moved around to stand close in a circle to cover Katniss and Rue, so Rue reached out her hand and held Katniss' hands. He could feel a certain tension leave Katniss' body. To anyone who didn't know her, wouldn't realize what had happened. Being with Rue again, her friend, her little sister...this was her second chance. He knew she would be alright after this one moment. He caught Haymitch's eye. He must have known it to. They all must have. They did this, so Katniss could see Rue again. "And don't say your sorry. Thank you for taking care of me." she whispered. Katniss smiled, and Cinna held her tighter against him. Rue let go of her hand and leaned more on Seeder again.

"And you just watch my Amazon boy here. Watch out kids on fire!" Chaff yelled and laughed again. Peeta wanted to laugh at him, but if Chaff had been serious, Peeta wouldn't have laughed. Effie led them all to the elevators. Katniss and Peeta in the back, leaning up against the wall. She rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes, letting out a deep breath. Just as the doors were about to close, someone ran in, and pushed there way to the back as the doors closed. Katniss' eyes flew open. Finnick stood in front of her, biggest smile and arms wide opened. Katniss jumped and flew into his arms.

"Finnick." Katniss sobbed.

"Push 12 first." Haymitch told Cinna. The elevator would go all the way up to 12 first.

"Hey best friend. I've missed you." Finnick said into her ear. Rubbing her back as she cried. "No more nightmares about me anymore ok. I don't regret what I did for one minute. You saved our whole world, and I'm proud of you girl. So don't feel sorry for me, or guilty. Because I'm here now. And I'll be more careful. I'll be ok. And when I see my son born you can finally see what I was fighting for." Finnick said. Katniss pulled back and looked at him.

"You are just like my brother Finnick. And I adore you." she said. Finnick's smile got even bigger. He looked around.

"She adores me huh. How many of you as she told you she adores? Definitely not you." Finnick said, pointing to Haymitch, then looking at Peeta and pointing to him, then looked back at Katniss, still pointing to Peeta. "Now don't tell me you love me yet before you tell this boy. That's just plain wrong. I know I'm prettier, but I do have a heart." Finnick said. Katniss laughed. Peeta thought it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Finnick wiped at her tears. "Come on no more crying. You have a BIG BIG day ahead of you." he joked, mocking Effie. Effie slapped him on the back as the elevator opened. He hugged Katniss again. "I'll see you tomorrow" he said, and pushed her away. They got out of the elevator and looked around. Katniss wiped tears away from her face.

"Go take a quick shower and wash the crap off your face. You can eat dinner fast, and I should have the sleeping pills up here by the time dinners ready." Haymitch said, walking towards his room.

"Do we still get that cake that's on fire?" Peeta called out to him. Haymitch turned around and glared at him. "I just think it's like tradition or something. We were on fire, the dessert was on fire, you know." Peeta said. Everyone laughed at him, and Haymitch flicked him off. Making Peeta laugh. He and Katniss walked towards there rooms, when Katniss stopped him.

"I'll see you in a few minutes. Don't take so long. Just a quick shower alright." Peeta said. Katniss nodded her head. They did take quick showers, and arrived at dinner. Haymitch had pills next to both Katniss and Peeta's plates. Peeta looked at Haymitch.

"Don't want anyone thrashing around in there sleep and talking." Haymitch said. Peeta knew what that meant. Katniss and Peeta had nightmares. Bad ones. They didn't want to let the Capitol know that though. He and Katniss both took the pills, and started eating. "Eat a lot. I want lots of meat on those bones. And eat fast. Those sleeping pills will start to kick in in about 15 or 20 minutes. You don't need to watch the Tribute parade again. Riding through it is enough." Haymitch told them. They did as they were told. They ate fast, and after about 10 minutes, Peeta could already start to feel the effects. He shook his head to wake himself up. "I won't give you them this early tomorrow. But I just want you two to have some extra sleep." Haymitch told them. They nodded, and only a few minutes later, were both staring at the table through there eyelids. Haymitch pushed his chair out and laughed. Cinna pushed his chair out as well, and they both walked over to help Peeta and Katniss stand up.

"Come on sleepy heads, your beds await you." Cinna said, guiding Katniss down the hall, with Haymitch guiding Peeta right behind them. When Cinna got to Katniss' room, she moaned and turned around, looking for Peeta. She grabbed his face in her hands.

"I'm to afraid to sleep on my own. I don't care what these pills do. Please stay with me." Katniss begged. Peeta nodded.

"Always." he whispered to her. She smiled, and Cinna pulled her towards the bed again. He helped her lay down, and Haymitch went to help Peeta, when Peeta pushed at Haymitch's chest.

"I got this ok. I'm not stupid completely." Peeta said, tripping over Cinna's foot and laughing.

"Did you mean to say not completely stupid?" Cinna asked. Peeta laughed, and crawled into bed. He curled his body around Katniss, making her face him. She looked up at him and laughed. Peeta laughed back. Cinna pulled the covers over them, and Haymitch laughed.

"Nighty night children." Haymitch said, as they both left the room. Katniss let out a deep breath, and nuzzled her face in the crook of Peeta's neck.

"Thank you for being alive. And thank you for getting me through this day." Katniss drowsily said. Peeta kissed her cheek.

"Anytime." he whispered, and they let the sleeping pill put them to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Peeta had had the most restful night sleep of his life. He woke up and was wide awake. Those sleeping pills worked miracles. Was he really going to sleep with them in his system every night till the games? He'd be so addicted to them, he won't be able to get any sleep in the games without them. He'd have to talk to Haymitch about that. And Katniss. She will need her sleep. He'll be laying on the ground dying for most of the games, but not her. He looked down at her sleeping peacefully. He had never seen her sleep that peacefully before. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. She was beautiful. And she was all his? He wasn't sure of that. They had never had a real conversation about what they were. The last he knew, she was still pining after Gale, but he came back, to find her bleeding on the ground, dying, saying she couldn't live without him. Was she choosing him? He had remembered on the beach in the second arena, that she said that she needed him. And she had kissed him. Like really kissed him. It was the first time, that her kisses felt real. He was brought out of his daydreaming, by Katniss opening her eyes. She yawned and stretched her arms, and then wrapped them around his torso. Despite where they were, he was happy. He woke up beside the love of his life, and he was happy. "Good morning." he whispered to her. She looked up and smiled. "No nightmares?" he asked.

"God no. I feel like I just closed my eyes, and I'm awake again. Those pills knocked me out. You?" she asked. He smiled and nodded. They stared at each other for a moment, and he leaned down and kissed her. It was a short kiss, and he leaned his forehead against hers.

"Did yesterday really happen?" he asked. She held on to him tighter.

"I feel like I'm gonna open my eyes, and I'll be back in my house all alone. And you'll still be hijacked." she said sadly. He made her look at him.

"My mind is clear. I'm ok. And your not alone. You'll never be alone again." Peeta told her. She stared into his eyes. "Did you mean what you said before? When you said you couldn't live without me. That you needed me?" he asked her, closing his eyes. He felt her kiss his lips, and he opened his eyes again to look at her.

"You were right that we have to talk when we get home. And I'll try my best to answer every question or concern that you have. I'm not the best talker. But I meant what I said Peeta. When I was alone, I missed you. So much. Please don't think no one back home needs you. Because I need you. More then anything in the world. I need you more then anyone." she said. He smiled, and went to kiss her again, but then stopped. "What?"

"Just one more question." he said. Katniss waited. "Gale." he said. Her lips turned into a straight line. And she shifted a little and looked down.

"He remembered. His memory came back as we were walking off of the stage. And he came to visit me and I...I told him I didn't feel that way about him." she said. His eyes widened and he smiled. She chose him. She chose Peeta. He had wanted her to choose him, and she finally did. She chose him a long time ago, but he just never knew it. He pushed her onto her back and kissed her, opening her mouth and slipping his tongue in. She was his. They were together. The passion instantly started heating up, when there was a knock on the door, and Haymitch barged in. Peeta slid off of her to glare at him, but Haymitch just smiled.

"It's 9:30. I let you sleep in long enough. You can get dressed, and eat some breakfast before Effie takes you to training." Haymitch said, smiling the whole time and leaving the room. Peeta let out a chuckle and put his head down on the crook of Katniss' neck. He picked his head back up and looked at her. He pushed some hair away from her face, and kissed her.

"We'll just take it one day at a time. We'll be home before you know it. And we can continue this where we can't get interrupted." he said. Katniss nodded her head, and they got up for the day. They were to the table within a few minutes. Haymitch sipping his coffee. "Any word yet?" Peeta asked. Haymitch looked at Effie, and she shooed any Avox's away. They sat at the table, with Cinna and Portia. Haymitch looked at his watch Peeta noticed he had never seen that watch before. Haymitch noticed Peeta's observation right away.

"It let's me know when the microphones are off of us. We can speak freely until I tell you shoot a squirrel" Haymitch said. Everyone nodded. "And keep eating. You'll be training today remember." he told Peeta and Katniss. They served themselves, and waited for Haymitch to talk. "It's only been a day. Not much has surfaced. But there are a lot of rebels who know what's going. And that's a good thing. Prim said it perfect, we know what a years worth of tomorrows bring. We know exactly what Snow is going to do. With that said, it is the most important detail that you do everything exactly the same. We want to play it as safe as we can, with the smallest amount of causalities" Haymitch said. Peeta looked over at Katniss, and held out his hand for her. She took it and she squeezed tight. "The camera men saw your face when you saw Snow, and they pretended to have some weird malfunction until you acted normal again. We can't have another slip up like that again." Haymitch told her. Katniss closed her eyes and then opened them again.

"Ok." she said. Everyone in the room was waiting for her to say something else. Not fighting Haymitch back with his plans wasn't like Katniss. But Haymitch continued.

"Ok. When your in training, you go to every station together. This is what I told you last time, but you ignored me. Stay together. Talk to each other. But don't kiss or hold hands. Be nice, but don't act like you've been through two arenas and war together. You just first talked to each other yesterday." he told them. They both nodded. "Don't show your skills, but learn something. Take him to the edible plants station for God sakes. And learn something that you can eat." Haymitch told Peeta. Peeta would never forget when they got home, they were watching T.V. one day when Haymitch sat up and smacked him in the head, and started yelling about the berries. After everything he'd gone through to get him that medicine and food, he's gonna kill himself with poisonous berries? Peeta smiled at the memory. Katniss smiled and nodded her head.

"Thanks." Peeta said sarcastically to Haymitch.

"Stay away from Rue and Thresh. Any bonding with them shows an alliance. We don't want the Careers thinking you four have an alliance." he ordered.

"How are we going to save them?" Katniss asked.

"We don't know yet. Or at least I don't know. But I will. I'll make a promise to you both. I'll be more honest with the plans IF..." Haymitch trailed off. "You do exactly what I say. Smile when I need you to smile. Blow kisses when I need you to blow kisses. And cry when I need you to cry. What you did last time worked. Everything you did, angered Snow. I need you to do it again. Just like you did before, because we know his reactions to what you do. Can you do that sweetheart?" he asked. Everyone looked at her.

"I can do this." she said. Peeta smiled.

"Good then. I promise as soon as I know, and that I can tell you, that I'll tell you how we'll save them. I know some rebels are working on it. But nothing yet. It's only been 24 hours. So give us some time." Haymitch said. They both nodded. "Rue and Thresh are instructed on the same thing. They'll be acting the same as they did last time to. But Finnick has been warned not to come around again. So don't be surprised when you don't see him or the other Victors again. We ran a risk by letting you talk with them last night." Haymitch said. Peeta knew why they did it. They needed to remind Katniss what she was fighting for. "Go shoot a squirrel." Haymitch said sarcastically. Katniss glared at him and threw a roll at him. Effie gasped.

"Manners. What is wrong with you. You don't throw food at the breakfast table." Effie screeched. Peeta smiled at her. He felt that her role in all this was the easiest to play. But silently thanked her for what she brought to the table.

"So what is with the matching outfits for training?" Peeta asked. Katniss stared at him oddly. He turned to Portia and Cinna and he smiled. "I kinda wanted to know." he asked. Cinna and Portia smiled.

"Me and Cinna came up with a beautiful angle for the pair of you the instant we saw the Reaping." Portia said proudly.

"Haymitch and Effie agree. Unity. We want you to show that your a team." Cinna said. The conversation went on like that for a few minutes, before Effie ushered them downstairs to the Training Center. He and Katniss walk together into the group to listen to Atala speak of the different stations. Katniss eyed her, and then looked at Peeta with disgust. She leaned in closer.

"I get sick every time I hear her talk. Please go to a different station, learn a new skill so you can kill each other all for entertainment." Katniss hissed. Peeta looked around, and no one noticed. Everyone was listening to her speak. It was sickening. The next week of training was brutal. Peeta and Katniss did as Haymitch said. They didn't talk a lot in front of the other Tributes, which wasn't an easy thing. They knew each other so well. And sometimes he could see Katniss struggling. He sometimes would touch in her someway when no one was looking. Hold her hand, rub her back. Anything to let her know that he was there. They both worked with the trainers on the hand to hand combat. Their bodies were out of shape. Those few months before the Quarter Quell, they had worked their bodies to prepare for the arena. Their bodies weren't trained anymore. They tried to mix it up, going to different stations, so the Careers wouldn't get suspicious of them. If they constantly just worked in the physical stations, they would see them as fighters, and threats. Anything could change. They didn't see Finnick again that week. Katniss confessed she missed him one night before she fell asleep. They were sleeping soundly every night, due to the sleeping pills Haymitch was giving them. He tried to bring up the fact that they may not be able to sleep in the arena without them, but Haymitch said to not worry about that. He would take care of it. There days were slammed pack, not leaving Peeta any chance to talk to Katniss. And as each day passed, Katniss became more and more frantic, about not knowing how to save Rue. We both dreaded the day our private sessions came with the Gamemakers. Katniss didn't like being alone. If she wasn't with him, she was always with Haymitch, Effie or Cinna. Once she was even escorted by Portia. They were all worried about her. They all took it one day at a time with her. He dreaded them moment that they entered the arena.

"You gonna be ok?" Peeta asked her. Katniss put her head down.

"Gotta be by myself sometime right? I'll be fine." she said, but he wasn't to convinced.

"Just shoot straight." he reminded her. She looked up at him and smiled. He went into his private session, throwing around the weights again. He decided to take a page out of Katniss' book, and throw something towards the Gamemakers. He took a weight ball, and threw it at them. Not to where it would go over the railing, just so it would hit the wall under them. They all startled, and Peeta covered his hand with his mouth.

"I'm so sorry, I judged wrong." Peeta said, giving them a dazzling smile. Plutarch Heavensbee leaned over the railing, and looked down at the ball, and then back at him.

"Did you throw that all the way over here?" he asked. Peeta nodded.

"I'm so sorry, I meant to throw it that way." Peeta said, pointing shakily the other way. Plutarch smiled, and winked. He turned back around, and started talking to the others. Peeta left, and went up to the penthouse, and waited for Katniss. Haymitch, Portia, Cinna and Effie were all waiting for them.

"How'd it go?" Haymitch asked. Peeta nodded. They waited anxiously for Katniss. He was a bundle of nerves. Would she do it exactly the same? Would she do exactly what Haymitch told her to do? The elevator dinged and the doors opened, causing them all to jump. Haymitch pulled Katniss off the elevator. "Please tell me you hit the apple?" Haymitch asked.

"I always shoot straight." she said, and bowed like she did to the Gamemakers. They all laughed and hugged her.

"I knew you could do it." Peeta said, and kissed her quickly on the cheek. They sat on the couch watching the scores. When it was Peeta's turn, the room went silent, aside from Effie's gasp, when Peeta came out with a 10, instead of an 8.

"What? You got an 8 last time." Effie said. Katniss' eyes widened, and he saw red in Haymitch's eyes.

"What did you do differently?" Haymitch demanded.

"They weren't even watching. I just took a weight ball and threw it at the wall under the railing that's all." Peeta said. Cinna groaned and covered his face.

"Here I am worried that she'll screw something up in there, when it was you I had to worry about all along? What is the matter with you? What were you thinking?" he demanded, slamming his hands on the coffee table. His watch vibrated. "Good the microphones are off so I can really let you have it." Haymitch said.

"This isn't a big deal Haymitch. I got a better score, so what." Peeta said.

"So what? You threw something at them. You both did. Are you idiots? There gonna think you planned the whole freaken thing." he yelled, throwing his glass at the wall. "I have to go to damage control. Go to bed the both of you." he yelled at them, walking away. The room was quiet.

"I'm sorry." Peeta said. Portia rubbed his back.

"Just listen to the poor man. All he's ever trying to do is get you two home to your families. You two are the only children he has. The only family he has." Portia said. Peeta and Katniss stared at her.

"Go on get to bed. Just remember to take these." Cinna said, and handed them the sleeping pills. They both walked to Peeta's room, and took a glass of water to wash the pills down with, and settled into bed.

"I think what you did was pretty brave. And I think it's kinda awesome." Katniss said as she snuggled into Peeta.

"What I did was stupid not brave. I was just frustrated and didn't think. I'll apologize to Haymitch tomorrow. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. They just put all us kids through this. They rip us from our families and murder us, and don't even pay attention to us. I just get frustrated sometimes." Peeta grumbled, frustrated, and banged his head against the wall. Katniss held him tighter. "I'm sorry I shouldn't be laying this all out on you." Peeta sighed.

"Why not. It's all I've done to you for a year." she said while she grabbed his hand with hers and interlocked their fingers.

"Well not really. You never really truly complained to me. You never let me in on what you were really thinking." Peeta said sadly. Katniss sat up and looked at him. His body was a year younger, but his eyes weren't. His eyes had gone through two arenas, a war and a highjacking, and were about to go through another arena.

"I really hurt you didn't I?" Katniss asked quietly. Peeta looked down at her hand and pulled it into his again.

"It's not that you hurt me on purpose or anything. I know that. I expected to much from you." he told her. Katniss closed her eyes. She had tried so hard to fight her feelings for so long, that she didn't even know what they were until it was to late. Even now she questioned anything she felt.

"I'm sorry." she said. It was all she could say. She didn't know what to say to him, to make it all better. To make sense of any of it. "I'll try and be better for you Peeta." she said, looking down at the bed. She felt his finger under her chin, guiding her to look at him.

"I don't want you to be anyone but yourself. And I don't want you to be anything for anyone. Be the person that you want to be, for you." he told her. How could he say such beautiful things like that, and be ok with getting nothing in return.

"I promise. When we get back. We'll clear the air about everything." she said. He smiled at her.

"I'm going to hold you to that Katniss. You just hold onto that thought to when were in the games. We won't be able to talk about anything. We won't have Haymitch in our ears constantly reminding us how to act. We go in there, and we just have to do it. We did it once, we can do it again." Peeta told her. She nodded. She was in love with Peeta, right? She felt her whole body on fire when he touched her, and she didn't feel that way for Gale. That must mean love. She watched as he yawned and he shook his head. "We gotta make Haymitch not give us these anymore. We'll never be able to sleep in the arena."

"I never really slept in the arena." Katniss admitted through a yawn.

"Come on lay down." Peeta said, scooting down. Katniss snuggled up to him and held him tight. In a few days she would be sleeping alone, in the arena, in a tree, without these arms to protect her. She felt him kiss her head. "Sweet dreams Katniss." he said before he fell asleep, with Katniss following only a minute later. It felt like they just fell asleep when Haymitch came barging in, startling them both awake. He had a drink in his hand as he looked at them. He rolled his eyes.

"Please tell me your being careful and not getting her pregnant? You two could ruin the whole plan if she gets knocked up." he said rudely. Katniss' mouth dropped, and Peeta shoved the blankets away, and pointed down to himself.

"Were still dressed Haymitch. Are you drunk?" Peeta demanded

"It's coffee. Have some at the breakfast table with me." Haymitch said, and left the room. Peeta scrubbed his face, as Katniss yawned and stretched her arms.

"He's such a bastard." Katniss said. Peeta laughed, and pushed her out of the bed. They made it to the dining room to see there stylists and escort have joined their mentor. They started helping themselves to food, when they heard Haymitch's watch vibrate.

"Alright the microphones are off again. This time when I tell you to go act like a lady, then you'll know it's back on." Haymitch said.

"Why are you always picking on me?" Katniss asked.

"Because your the bigger pain in my ass. Let's get down to business." Haymitch said. Peeta felt it in his bones. This was the big one. This was the plan, he could feel it. "Tomorrow is your live interviews with Ceaser. Then the next day, your back in the arena. The first part of the plan, you do everything you did last time. You run off separately, Peeta joins the Careers, Katniss gets caught by the fire and the Careers find you and you jump into a tree." Haymitch said. He looked at Katniss, and saw her weary face. He knew she was hoping against hope, that they wouldn't have to follow the plan the exact way they did it last time. "But before you run off to look for her Peeta, your going to do one thing differently." Haymitch said. This perked their ears up. He turned to Peeta. "When the Careers find you that night. You help them pack all the supplies up into that big pile. When Clove and Glimmer start fighting, your going to take the other sheath of arrows, and hide them under a bush. You've seen the footage enough to know which bush I'm talking about. Where Katniss will stand a few days later and shoot the arrow to blow up the pile, and she hides under it." Haymitch said.

"Why?" Katniss asked. Haymitch smiled.

"When you get the extra arrows, you'll have more arrows for when you face the mutts. You don't want to lay around all night hearing Cato scream. Wait till he falls, kill some mutts, then kill him. And viola, I just saved Peeta's leg." Haymitch said. Peeta didn't care about his leg. But he knew that it bothered Katniss. That was also something that she cried about in her dreams. He held Katniss' hand, and she looked over at him with tears in her eyes. She cleared her throat and wiped them away.

"Thank you." she told Haymitch. He smiled brightly and pointed to his chest.

"That one was my idea." he said proudly. Peeta smiled at him. "Now, I don't have to go over every detail. I hope you get the point. Do everything the same. Make these degenerate Capitol people fall for the star crossed lovers act hard."

"I hope your not including the three people at this table as degenerate Capitol people are you?" Cinna asked. Haymitch laughed.

"Well not two of you." Haymitch said. Effie gasped and he laughed again. "There are some places though where I need you to do better." Haymitch said, staring at Katniss. "When you wake up after the tracker jackers, and your with Rue, flat out ask about Peeta. Don't say the boy from my district. Ask her if she knows where Peeta is. Rue didn't see that Cato hurt Peeta, because she got away from that area as soon as possible. All Rue had seen last time was him by the river, making his camouflage She didn't know that he was hurt. So her response will be just fine. I want you to let out a sigh of relief that he's still alive sweetheart." Haymitch told her. Peeta watched as Katniss closed her eyes, and let out a long sigh, then opened her eyes and looked at Haymitch. He smiled again. "Perfect sweetheart, just like that. Then, when you finally do find him, and your with him all those days, be nicer to him. That day when you were hunting was pitiful. None of that angry stuff. I want you both to talk about what it would be like to go home. Talk about a future. And be more honest with him. Tell him about your past. Tell him about you." Haymitch told her. Katniss glared at him.

"Like what's your favorite color?" Peeta joked.

"I won't give up anymore of my past to these people. No one else needs to know anything else about me. And I don't want to talk about that day with the bread. That's private." Katniss said, looking at Peeta. Haymitch took a sip of his drink, that Peeta knew wasn't coffee.

"Tell them that goat story again. Or make something up. But I want more. I need more. I need them falling head over heels in love with you. I want them to see you falling in love with this boy. Ask him why he waited until now to tell you he had a crush on you." Haymitch said, then turned to Peeta. "Everyone listens to your words. Help her out. Bring her own words out. But don't over power her. The world knows, or will know, that you love her. I want the world to see it change for her. I want them to love you more. It's gonna be worth it in the end. I promise." he told them.

"So how are we gonna save the others?" Peeta asked. Haymitch and Cinna looked at each other, and let out a shaky laugh.

"That one's a bit more advanced. And you can thank Beetee for this one. Everything else that I'm going to tell you, has to do with your trackers." Haymitch told them.

"How are our trackers going to help us?" Peeta asked.

"They aren't just trackers. These trackers are controlled by our rebels. First thing, your sleeping pills keeping you asleep, when your asleep, they will control your brain like the sleeping pills do, to keep you asleep, to wake you up, and to keep you dreamless. So no one's screaming, alerting the others, or screaming about clocks and mockingjays." Haymitch told them. Peeta was amazed. This was one of the biggest concerns he had. "These rebels who are controlling the trackers, they know every inch of the 74th games. They had to watch it over and over again. They remember every move you made, so if they feel your moving in the wrong direction, then there going to help you remember .You'll be able to hear someone talking in your head. That's them. Maybe that there's fresh water a mile away. Or which tree to sleep in. Or to be quieter because a Career is to close by. Or to remind you that you only have a day left so hold on."

"That's amazing." Katniss whispered.

"And there's more. It relieves your pain. So when the fire hits your leg-"Haymitch said pointing to Katniss, but then turned to Peeta. "And when your laying there for a few days by the river-" pointing to Peeta. "You won't feel that pain. So you'll have to act a little better. Cry, hiss whatever you have to do when your supposed to feel pain. If they feel you aren't acting good enough, they take it away, and you feel everything." Haymitch told them.

"So Peeta will laying there dying, but won't feel it?" Katniss asked. Haymitch smiled and shook his head.

"And the burn on Katniss's leg, she won't feel that?" Peeta asked.

"Nope. Not a thing. Unless she doesn't act painful enough, then she will feel it." Haymitch told them, sipping his drink.

"I can act like i'm in pain. I'll do anything not to feel that burn again." Katniss said. Peeta could feel her shiver.

"Tell them the best part Haymitch." Effie said.

"What's the best part?" Katniss asked.

"These trackers can keep hearts beating...without someone else knowing there beating." Haymitch said. Peeta's eyes widened. He knew where this was going. "Even if there heart was sliced in half, as long as it's still attached to the body with the tracker in it, both pieces of the heart will still keep beating." Haymitch said. Katniss gasped and covered her mouth. Peeta smiled, and wrapped his arm around Katniss, and put his other hand on her leg. This was it. "The trackers are gonna tell the Gamemakers, that the tribute is dead. They'll fire the cannon, the hovercraft will come and take them away, and then two things will happen. The first thing they'll do is take the tribute, put them in a hidden room on the hovercraft, and put the tribute back together." Haymitch said. Katniss let out a small sob.

"So they'll save them. They'll do surgery on Rue and Thresh and the others who died." Peeta said. Haymitch nodded. "What's the second thing that will happen?" Peeta asked.

"Well usually when a dead tribute goes to the hovercraft, they make there bodies look as they did before. Not beautiful like they should, but just how them came, put them in a coffin, and send them home." Haymitch said. Peeta couldn't bear the thought of them getting put into coffins. "And there will be a body...but it will be a fake." Haymitch said. They waited silently for them to continue. "The real kids will be separated, have their lives saved, then whisked away to a secret location. And then when Cato arrives, because he'll be the last to die, they'll take all 22 tributes, and hide them in District 13, while these fake bodies get sent back to their families" Haymitch said. Katniss let out a happier sob this time, and covered her face with her hands.

"How did you do this Haymitch?" Peeta whispered. He just smiled.

"I didn't come up with this one, it was all Beetee. There are a lot more rebels coming out of the woodwork who know what's going on. And their all ready to fight a year early." Haymitch said. The Revolution was starting, and Snow had no idea. The thought pleased Peeta. But then something else startled him.

"What about Coin? She doesn't remember does she?" Peeta asked. Katniss' face fell. He could tell it wasn't something she thought of. Haymitch laughed.

"That dumb old bitch is so gullible She doesn't remember anything. And she believes all the lies her people tell her. They don't like her either. Don't worry sweetheart. She won't hurt you like last time. But that's a year away. No she doesn't remember. Her rebels are lying about how they have this information, and are very careful about how much they tell her, and how they tell her. You have a lot of rebels behind the scenes working their magic." Haymitch said. Katniss smiled.

"Rue and Thresh. There going to live." Katniss said. Peeta leaned forward and hugged her. She smiled brightly at him, and then turned to Haymitch. "Don't worry about me out there Haymitch. I can do this. I'll cry, and beg for the pain to stop. I'll run, hunt, kill. I'll find Peeta, and make everyone fall in love with our star crossed lovers story. And I'll be the Girl on Fire and the Mockingjay." Katniss said. Everyone stared at her.

"What's with the sudden change of heart sweetheart?" Haymitch asked. Katniss leaned forward.

"Because I want to stare Snow in the eye, and laugh because I beat him. And he couldn't break me. When all my family and friends are alive, he'll be begging me for mercy to not send his granddaughter into the 76th Hunger Games. I want him to beg for her life, knowing that her life is in my hands. And I want to win." she said. Peeta smiled. They all smiled. Katniss was back. For real this time.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

"How long are the microphones gonna be down?" Peeta asked. He and Haymitch had a fake training session. They pretended for Haymitch to figure out that he had a crush on Katniss, and how they would work that to their advantage. Haymitch already had spoken with Katniss about what she would say for her interview, but they pretended to get into a fight so he left within ten minutes. Effie had gone in after and helped her walk in heels, which Katniss threw at her, making Effie scream and leave. Effie was so proud of herself, Peeta couldn't help but hug her. He knew Effie felt apart of the team. She loved being in on the secrets. He never realized how attached she was to Katniss and Peeta until the Quarter Quell. It wasn't' just excitement that she had not only one victor, but two, and got to go to all the parties. It was when we were getting sent back in that she showed her true colors. She loved them. Even Katniss' bad side. She loved them like we were her children. So letting Effie know she was doing a great job, and thanking her, he knew it meant something to her. She had definitely changed. Cinna was in with Katniss now.

"For a few hours. They'll come back on once you guys are fast asleep, so you don't have to worry about them hearing anything in your bed that they shouldn't hear." Haymitch joked. Peeta pushed him.

"Really? We would never do anything like that in the Capitol. Me and Katniss aren't even in that state of mind." Peeta said. Haymitch laughed and shook his head.

"You will be soon. Just be careful. The Districts don't get any form of protection. So if she gets pregnant, it will ruin everything." Haymitch said. Peeta shook his head in frustration again.

"You do realize that if she hears you talking about her getting pregnant she's gonna throw something at you and not miss right?" Cinna asked opening Katniss' bedroom door. Peeta and Haymitch froze. They looked in, and saw Katniss walking out of the bathroom.

"I hate those heels. Can I wear something lower?" Katniss asked. She glared at Haymitch as he walked in with Peeta behind him.

"Mics are down for the night." Haymitch said. Her glare left her face, and she visibly relaxed.

"So we might actually get a civilized dinner tonight." Cinna joked. Peeta went and sat down next to Katniss on her bed. "I'll see you for dinner. And your wearing the heels." Cinna said as he left, dragging Haymitch with him. Katniss and Peeta both sat up against the head board of her bed.

"I am so exhausted. Even with getting all that sleep. I don't want to do this again." Katniss said. Peeta put his arm around her, and she laid her head on his shoulder.

"What did you think of me?" Peeta asked her suddenly. Katniss turned her head to look at him. "What did you think of me, when we got here. You would get mad at me sometimes, and I couldn't understand why. What was going through your head?" he asked. Katniss laid her head back to his shoulder.

"I didn't want to get to know you, because I couldn't bear the thought of killing you. And I hoped against anything that someone else would kill you because I just couldn't ever do it myself." she said. He gulped. "God that's the most horrible thing ever. This is why I hate talking." Katniss said. He knew she was starting to cry.

"What else?" he asked.

"Why do you want to know? Nothing I say is ever nice." she asked him. He knew she didn't want to talk about this. But he figured instead of one long drawn out conversation, where it will start good but end in her being frustrated, and her never really telling him everything, he figured do it in chunks. They never talked about their first games together, so why not get that out of the way. Then they can move forward little by little.

"Because we never talked about it. We never dealt with it. So let's try and start now." he told her, rubbing her shoulder. He heard her take a deep breath, and he waited for her to start talking. "Here just lay down and put your head in my lap." he told her. She laid down and did what he said. He instantly tangled his fingers in her hair. He had never told her, but he loved running his fingers through her hair. He wondered if she knew.

"I wanted someones name to be called that I didn't know. That I had never seen before. Whether they were from the Seam or the town, I didn't want to have ever recognize them. But I did recognize you. I did know you. You couldn't just be some boy who had been in the same grade as me and most of my classes, you had to be the one boy who I would think about. Who I would watch." she said. Peeta thought it was best to not say anything. Just let her talk. "You had to give me that bread that day and change my life forever. You gave me hope that day." she told him. He knew this was so hard for her. But he wanted to know. He wanted to know everything about her. And hearing how she feels about him...it's what he wants to know most in this world. "You gave me hope when I needed it most. It made me get up, and it gave me energy to keep going. To survive. It couldn't have been someone I didn't know. It was you. And I hated that it was you who was reaped. Because I knew I couldn't kill you. I didn't realize really why I couldn't until now. But I never would have done it. I never would be the one to kill you." Katniss said. He felt her squeeze his leg and he started rubbing her back. "And you were so nice. I wished you weren't so nice. If you were a jerk, it would be easy. It would give me justification why I could kill you. But you were so sweet in taking care of Haymitch when he was drunk and you cleaned him up. And you were fun to talk to on the chariot. You made it easier for me. You always tried to make things easier for me. And I just bit your head off constantly. You were so nice." she said. Peeta chuckled at that.

"So do you want me to mean from now on?" Peeta asked. He watched her shake her head.

"I don't want you to ever be anyone but you Peeta Mellark." she told him. He smiled. Did she love him. "Although it would be nice when I'm being mean or irrational that you would yell back at me sometimes." she told him. She laughed again, and he leaned down and kissed her head.

"I'll try to yell at you next time your being crazy and irrational." he told her. She turned her body so she was facing up at him.

"Hey I never said crazy." Katniss protested, but he leaned down and kissed her. He picked his head back up, and linked one of his hands with hers. The other he continued to keep playing with her hair.

"So tell me what else you thought about in there with me." he asked her. She thought for a minute.

"All of my thoughts were dark and terrible." she said sadly.

"Well I hope they were. It would be weird if they were happy and all sunshiny." Peeta joked, pushing hair off her fore head.

"Sunshiny isn't even a word."

"Your changing the subject." he told her. She knew he was right, so he waited again for her to start talking.

"I saw the bow and arrows at the Cornucopia, and you distracted me from going after them. I knew if I ran right away, I could get to them and get out."

"Your right I did. I saw them right away, and I just knew you would go after them. And I was so glad you caught my eye. I didn't want you going in there. I wanted you to remember what Haymitch said about finding water and shelter." Peeta said. Katniss rolled her eyes.

"Well I listened. I grabbed a pack near me, and some plastic. It's a good thing because Clove threw a knife at me and it got caught in my bag. It's what saved me really...I'm so stupid ." Katniss said suddenly.

"Why?" he asked her. She looked right at him, and she got tears in her eyes.

"Because when I heard you with the Careers...I really thought you joined them. I thought you hated me and it was all an act about having a crush on me. I thought you were trying to kill. I really thought that." Katniss said and started crying in his lap. He was so shocked by her sudden outburst. He made her sit up so he could hug her.

"No Katniss it's alright. It's alright." he tried soothing her.

"No it's not alright. You were trying to save my life since the moment your name was called. And I was hoping that someone would kill you so I wouldn't have to do it. That's a horrible thing to feel. That's a horrible thing to say." she sobbed.

"Katniss please it's alright. You didn't know. It's ok that you didn't know me." Peeta told her, rocking her. She pulled back and held him away from her with her hands to her chest.

"But I should have known you. You threw me bread. You threw me bread so I wouldn't starve and your mother hit you for it. I should have known." Katniss cried. He grabbed her shoulder firmly.

"You were kind of busy putting every spare second of your life, into making sure that your little sister and mother didn't starve. You were actually busy making sure that Gale and his family didn't starve either. You were protecting yourself. I get that Katniss. And I'm not mad-"

"But you should be. I should have thanked you. I should have spoken to you so then by the time we were reaped I should have known you. I should have trusted you." she cried. He grabbed her face this time and made her look at him.

"Then what would have happened? We would have been a target from the beginning. The Careers would have made a beeline for us the second we got into the Cornucopia They would have killed us. We made it out of there Katniss. It doesn't matter how we found each other, the point is is that we did. And I don't regret anything you or I did in those games. We survived and that's all that matters. And I don't care if you believed that I was trying to kill you. Because you got to find out the truth. That I was trying to save you. We got a second chance to explain these things to each other. That's all that I care about." he told her.

"Why are you so forgiving to me?" she whispered. He let go of her face and held out his arms. She settled easily into his arms, and buried her face in his neck.

"Because I love you. I love every single thing about you. The good bad and ugly." he told her.

"I don't deserve you." Katniss said. He laughed and hugged her tighter to him.

"I don't want to hear you talk like that anymore." he told her. They were silent for a few minutes, and then she started speaking again.

"I was wondering if you telling me to run from Cato was a dream." she said. She was willing to talk some more. He knew this was so incredibly hard for her, and that she was doing this for him, but he wondered if she felt better getting this out. Letting him know her dark thoughts. So he remained quiet. "I was so confused because of the tracker jackers-" she choked out and her body went stiff. He kissed her head and rubbed her back, knowing it was ok to talk about tracker jackers. "I was relived when Rue said you were alright. But I just couldn't think about you. But after Rue..." she stopped.

"Hey don't be sad about that anymore. She's alive, and she's going to save her life. And when you meet her mother again, you can tell her that you saved her little girl." Peeta told her. He could tell that Katniss was crying, so he just waited for her to continue. But those were happy tears. After a few minutes she cleared her throat.

"When they said we could both win, I couldn't help but say your name. It gave me hope again. Finding you gave me hope. I felt dumb for shouting your name like I did but..." she trailed off.

"But what?" he asked her softly.

"They turned moments like that into something worse." she told him. He wasn't sure what she was talking about. "They tried to look for hidden meanings in moments like that. But there wasn't any hidden motives. Me shouting your name...it was just a reflex. Like when I volunteered for Prim, or put the flowers around Rue, and even with the berries...I wasn't thinking, I just did them. I wanted you to live. I always did. But I didn't think we could. Had I known two people could win I never would have let you out of my sight. The second I found out that I could bring you home, I would stop at nothing so I could bring you home. I couldn't leave without you." she whispered, hugging him tightly to her. He had watched her reaction on screen. But he wasn't sure what was fake and what was real. When was she faking for the camera. He was glad to know that that was a real moment. He had been scared to know that it was fake. "And when I found you...you were joking. Your were dying and you were making jokes, and didn't even care if I saw you..." she trailed off again, and he laughed.

"Naked. Come on Katniss you can say it you know. After all we've gone through, and your still scared to see me naked." he joked. She punched his leg and he laughed harder. She was strong, and he knew he'd have a small bruise from her punch. But his laughter died off, and kissed her forehead. "Alright I'm done. Keep going." he told her. She waited a moment before talking again.

"Yeah it made me uncomfortable. But I was angry. Because I was mad that they said I could take you home, and you were dying. It just wasn't fair." she said. He rubbed her back again.

"That couldn't have been easy." he told her. She let out a sarcastic laugh.

"I thought you were going to die. I refused to let you die...as time went on, I remembered that I really did have to show that I was in love with you, so Haymitch could get sponsors and save us. I knew by what he sent, what he wanted me to do. I gave you that small kiss, and barely even talked to you, so he sent some broth. The message was loud and clear. He wanted more. He wanted a better kiss." she told him. This made him uncomfortable. How had he not realized what they were doing? Why was he so stupid to think that Katniss really did love him in the games. He felt like a fool. "It's embarrassing to have your first kiss in front of everyone. It should have been private. I was robbed of that. Just to keep you alive. It makes me angry." she said.

"I know it does. And you have every right to be angry about it." he told her. She sat up suddenly and looked at him.

"It was my first kiss." she told him. He smiled sadly.

"I know you just said that." he told her. She just kept staring at him.

"It was my first." she told him again. He went to ask her what was wrong, but then realized what she was saying. More like what she was asking. She was telling him that it was her first kiss, but wondering if it was his. He smiled at her.

"It was my first kiss to." he told her. She smiled. "I was less angry because I was in love with you and I was delirious to the cameras on me." he joked. She rolled her eyes at him. "But technically they won't rob you of your first kiss this time. You kissed me back in District 12. That's where our first kiss technically was this time. So just hold onto that." he said rubbing her cheek. She smiled at him, and laid her head back on his chest.

"If that was anyone else Peeta, some boy from the Seam that I never met, and I was told to pretend to love him...none of what happened in the cave would have happened. I was faking it yeah but..." she trailed off. He didn't know where she was going with this. "I wasn't faking at the same time. Does that make sense?" she asked.

"Not really."

"I would have failed. He probably wouldn't have died, because I wouldn't have been able to kiss him. I would have no connection to him. I wouldn't have been able to tell him the story of how we got Prim's goat. You made feel at ease. You made me want to do anything to keep you alive. It was you Peeta. I couldn't have done that for just anyone." she told him. She couldn't see him, but he was smiling. There was some faking for the cameras, but at the same time, it wasn't an act. She did it for him, but he made it easy for her. It made his heart swell. He did love this girl. More then anything. "And I wasn't trying to be mean to you the day we were hunting."

"It's ok. You were more yourself that day then any other day." he joked with her.

"Gee thanks." she said sarcastically. It felt so good hearing her talk like this. This was honestly more then he could have hoped for. "You brought out strange emotions on me that I never knew existed." she whispered. He didn't dare say anything to her, or even move. He knew this was even harder for her. "When we slept, and we held each other, or when I was taking care of you...or when we kissed...it was all strange to me. I swore I would never feel those things for a man. And you were making me feel these things...I didn't know how to deal with them. I didn't even know what they meant. But when we kissed I felt..." she trailed off again.

"What did you feel?" he asked huskily.

"Hunger." she whispered. He knew she didn't mean food. That kiss in the cave. They were interrupted because her fore head started bleeding. He had felt hunger to. He thought at the time, that they both felt it, and then thought it was all in his head after he found out that she didn't love him. But she had felt it. She had felt a change in their relationship form that moment. "I would have ate those berries with you." she told him quietly. He would have eaten them to. "And they took us, and I know your heart stopped beating twice while they worked on you. I never knew we were in any trouble. I didn't think about us acting. I wanted you alive and safe...I thought you were acting for the cameras to. It's what I kept telling myself in my head, but I knew somewhere in the back of my mind, that you were never acting. I was just so scared and confused...and then Haymitch told me how much trouble I was in, that I had to be perfect...that's really when I started acting. I forgot to just talk to you, and be at ease with you. The cameras were all in front of us now and not hidden, and we could be killed if I didn't act in love. That I forgot that I really did care for you. And I thought you knew. And I was just stupid. And heartless. I never meant to hurt you when we got off the train. I don't know how to be nice to people. I don't know how to talk to them. And I was to afraid of feeling anything for you. And when we kissed and I started having feelings for you, so many things happened. I was confused and scared and angry. I got it all mixed up with Gale. But he's my best friend. That's all he ever was. And I never meant to hurt him either." she babbled, covering her face with her hands. He took her hands away from her face and made her looked at him again.

"It's alright you know. It's ok to be confused and sad and angry. Were 16 years old. It's ok." Peeta told her.

"I'd do anything to keep you safe Peeta. Your better then all of this. You never deserved any of this. And everyone knows it." she said, looking over at the wall.

"No one deserves it." he told her. They sat for a few minutes quietly. He knew that that was enough with what happened in the games. They would talk more about it later. "I remember when your father died." he said. She looked up at him. "The list was given out, and I saw Everdeen, and I felt like my heart stopped. I knew it was your dad, and I knew the girl who I would see escape under the fence, with her hair in two braids and a big smile...I knew that that little girl was long gone. Even before I saw you again. I just knew." he told her quietly. She closed her eyes.

"My mom was so depressed. She would sit and stare at the wall all day. She never heard me or Prim talking to her. I knew I had to be the provider of the house. I just didn't really know how to do it." she said. He held her hand and she opened her eyes. "And then you gave me hope by throwing me that bread...you changed my life that day Peeta...my dad lead me to you." she whispered.

"Really?" he asked. She nodded.

"He knew I needed hope, and he knew where I'd find it. You were never nothing in my life. No one could be nothing in my life after giving me the one thing that my father took with him. The man who gave me hope was always going to be much more then nothing to me." she whispered. He smiled at her, and leaned down and kissed her on the lips again. He could taste the salt from her tears, so he sat up again, wiping her tears for her.

"What were you doing the morning of the Reaping?" he asked suddenly. It took her off guard. "Sorry I didn't mean to change the subject. I've just always wanted to know." he told her. She smiled sadly.

"I went hunting. I almost caught a deer, but Gale made a bunch of noise on purpose to scare it off. I was going to be stupid enough to sell it to some Peacekeepers, but it was Reaping day." she said sarcastically, and looked up at him. "What were you doing?" she asked.

"I was up all night...I couldn't sleep. It's always hard to the night before the Reaping. But this one was different. I could just feel it in my bones. So I baked. All night. I made all the bread for the next day. Reaping day is the best day to sell the small little rolls. There cheaper, and everyone wants to celebrate." he said. She gasped. "What?" he asked. Her eyes were wide.

"I was eating that bread." she told him. Her face. She was trying to figure something out. Or she had just figured something out, and she got tears in her eyes again. "Gale traded a squirrel with your dad and he gave him a roll. We were talking about the Reaping. And the future. And I was eating the bread you made." Katniss said. Then her eyes got wide, and she clammed up. She sat up instantly and went to get off the bed. "We shouldn't keep talking about this." she said. But Peeta grabbed her and pulled her back to the bed.

"No what just happened? What were you talking about while you were eating the bread?" Peeta demanded. This was the usual Katniss that he knew. The one who didn't want to share her feelings. But she had done so well. She shook her head as more tears fell.

"Please Peeta don't make me say it." she cried.

"No I want to know Katniss. What else did you say that morning?" he demanded. She let out a sob.

"Gale talked about a rebellion. That if we could only fight. Or if we could run away and live in the woods. How our family would make it. He said that he would have a family if he didn't live in District 12. But I told him that he did live in District 12. And then I told him that I was never falling in love. Because if I didn't fall in love, then I wouldn't get married. That I don't want to get married ever. Because I will never have kids. Because I don't want them getting Reaped." Katniss cried. Peeta let her words sink in, and she cried again. "I don't want to have kids Peeta. This is a terrible world, and I don't want any kids coming into it. I won't watch my child suffer. That's why I never knew I was falling in love. I had built up all these walls from falling in love the day my father died. I don't know how to break them down. I'm trying to let you in Peeta. But I don't want kids. I don't want them to die." Katniss cried. He pulled her to him while she sobbed. He never realized that this is where the conversation would take them. He understood the love of his life a lot better then he ever had. He understood why loving someone was so hard for her. Why she didn't make friends easily. She never wanted to fall in love, because then she would want to get married to them. And she would want to have their babies. She cried harder onto his shoulder, and he pulled her away.

"Katniss it's ok. Were not getting married today, or tomorrow. This is our future Katniss. We don't have to talk about babies." he told her. But she shook her head.

"I never want to have babies Peeta." she told him. He felt like a bucket of ice water had been poured over him. He saw it in her eyes, that Katniss was pulling away from him again. Into her hole of depression. Away from him. And he wouldn't let her. He shook his head.

"Katniss I don't care. I love you to much. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Nothing you say will change that. So stop pushing me away. I'm staying. So just deal with it." he told her. Her shaking lessoned as she stared at him.

"Really?" she asked. He kissed her hard on the lips. It pained him deeply to know that she never wanted to have children. He quickly thought that maybe he could change her mind with time, but knows how stubborn she is. If he ever wanted any children with her in the future, he would have to start now, proving that he loved her. That he would always be with her. He pulled away form her and rested his forehead against hers.

"I promise you Katniss Everdeen. I'm not going anywhere." he told her. She let out a sob and hugged him tightly.

"I don't know how you can love me so much. I've given you nothing in return." she whispered, but she shook his head.

"We have time for you to make that up to me." he said. She let out a laugh and pulled away and wiped her tears. "Why don't we just lay down. They'll come get us for dinner." he told her. She nodded her head and they laid down. He wrapped his body around hers, ands She faces away from him. She held tight onto his hands that were wrapped around her. They didn't mean to, but they both fell asleep.

"Well at least I know that with your clothes on you won't get her pregnant." he heard Haymitch say. He opened his eyes, to see he and Katniss hadn't moved, but it was darker. "Wanna have a quick drink with me before dinner." he told him. He carefully got out of bed, and followed Haymitch down to the hall. Haymitch started pouring him a drink.

"No thanks. I don't like that stuff." Peeta said. Haymitch scoffed.

"A small glass won't kill you. Take it." Haymitch said and shoved it at him. They both sat down on the couch. "I need to know that I can trust you out there tomorrow and in the games." Haymitch said.

"You can Haymitch I'm sorry. I got frustrated, but I shouldn't have thrown the weight ball at them. I'm sorry. You can trust me out there. I can do this." Peeta told him. Haymitch nodded his head.

"I know you will boy...how's your head?" Haymitch asked him. Peeta knew what he meant. He was asking how he was with the hijacking.

"I can still see all those images that they forced on me. There horrific. But they'll never effect me like they did. I know exactly what the difference is between my memories and the hijacked images." Peeta told him.

"That's good...and how are you about Katniss?" he asked. Peeta just looked at him. "Don't tell me your not effected by her dying in your arms. Our arms." he said. Peeta nodded his head and took a sip of his wine. He made a face as it went all the way down his throat, leaving a warm sensation.

"It's all I think about. I was literally screaming for her to stay alive, to hold on, and then I'm in my bedroom above the bakery. I just try not to think about it because it just makes me nauseous" Peeta said. Haymitch nodded his head as Cinna came into the room. Peeta clammed up instantly.

"It's alright, Haymitch already told me what happened." Cinna said sitting down. Peeta glared at Haymitch.

"I needed someone to understand what were really dealing with. Katniss has been up and down since Prim's name was called. The first time. She's never had a chance to breathe. She's thrown into an arena and forced to fall in love with a boy. Then she goes on the Victory Tour and all hell breaks lose. She's not just fighting for her sister and you, she's fighting for the whole country. And then she's in another arena where she loses you-"

"And she finally realizes she loves you and realizes she can't get out of the arena with both of you alive." Finnick says from the doorway. "Thought I'd stop by. Had some free time." he said, grabbing a drink and sitting down.

"How much did you hear?" Peeta asked. Wondering if he heard the part about Katniss dying in his arms. Finnick just stared at him. "That she died in my arms." Peeta said. Finnick nodded. Peeta took a deep breath and sat back in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose. He felt a headache coming on. One that he wished he could blame on the wine, but knew it wasn't from that.

"I watched her transform in that arena with my own eyes. When you hit the forcefield and she sobbed for your life. That wasn't just a friend she was sobbing for. Those were the sobs that I would cry if that were Annie. That I know Annie cried for me. She fell in love. She was even going to tell you, I'm sure of it. In her own way, one that is completely not normal, but she was. When you came back. But you came back..." Finnick's voice fell.

"I came back hijacked and tried to kill her the second that I saw her." Peeta whispered. Finnick sadly nodded his head.

"So I want to know what happened to her." Finnick told them, looking at the three of them. "I don't know anything, except I was being ripped apart by those mutts, and then I wake up in my own bed. I thought it was the future. That maybe I survived, and I had been in a coma or something. But Annie came screaming in, begging for Johanna to help her find the baby. And she saw me, and I saw Mags...and it was confusing and scary, and then I find out it's the 74th Reaping day. So what happened? How did this happen?" Finnick demanded. Peeta and Haymitch stared at each other. "I'm not just some random person in the group willing to fight for the Rebellion, and not question how we went back in tim. You guys are my family. Katniss is my family. And I hear that she died. I want to know how. Why?" he asked. Haymitch put his drink aside.

"I know you know what happened after you died with Coin and the Revolution. They sent Peeta to the Capitol and he was there for five months. They were pumping him full of drugs and doing anything they could to fix his head. But I brought Katniss home...and she wasn't Katniss anymore. She lost everything. Both of you were dead, Peeta wasn't Peeta, Prim died and her mother moved, and she pushed Gale away, blaming him for killing Prim. She had no one. I tried to take care of her. Me and Sae, but we couldn't. She wouldn't talk, eat or bathe..." Haymitch trailed off. He snatched up his drink and drank half the glass.

"They released me from the hospital. I just got back to 12, and Haymitch met me at the train station, and I wanted to see her. I wanted to take care of her. And I walked in and she...she..." Peeta choked. He couldn't even say it. He knew Haymitch was in the same boat. He took a deep breath. "She had slit her wrists with scissors." he whispered. He didn't look up at Finnick when he said it, but he heard him take a sharp breath. Peeta wiped any tears away that threatened to fall. He didn't want to talk about this. To think about it. He tried to distract himself constantly from the image of Katniss dead in his arms.

"She tried to kill herself?" Finnick whispered.

"She didn't try." Peeta said, looking up at her. "She succeeded. She died in my arms." Peeta choked again.

"So I don't get it. She died. That doesn't explain how we got here." Finnick said.

"My and Peeta haven't had a real chance to talk about what happened in detail with her." Haymitch said.

"But she was with her dad." Peeta told him. Finnick and Cinna looked at each other.

"Her father died a few years ago right? In a mining accident." Cinna asked. Peeta nodded.

"Her father said she could have second chance to fix these things. To make it better. And here we are, sitting in the Training Center for the 74th Hunger Games that already happened." Peeta told them.

"Her father? Gave her...all of us a second chance." Finnick said, amazed. It was crazy the first time you heard it. "Everyone's talking about this amazing miracle...and it was Katniss' father." Finnick said. The four men were silent for a few minutes, thinking. "Is she going to be ok out there?" Finnick asked.

"That's what we were talking about. She has mood swings every day. One day you think she can do this, and then the next she's crying. She's constantly crying." Haymitch said.

"We just have to let her know we trust her. That we have faith in her. That we know she can do this." Finnick said.

"Now you sound like the boy over here." Haymitch said. Finnick went to retort back, but a blood curdling scream from Katniss' room made them all freeze. They instantly jumped and went running for her room. When they got to her room, Katniss was standing on the bed, screaming.

"Katniss what happened?" Peeta asked frantically. She stared at him, and then at Cinna and Finnick. She started crying and shaking her head, and pointing at them.

"No no no no. Your supposed to be dead. You died." she cried and frantically looked around. "What am I doing here? Why am I back here?" she cried. Peeta walked closer to her and she screamed, covering her face and falling down onto the bed. "No no no no." Katniss cried.

"Katniss please calm down-" Peeta tried to say, but she looked up suddenly at him.

"Your trying to kill me. Snow hijacked you. Your not Peeta anymore!" she cried, and crawled over and grabbed the lamp, throwing it in Peeta's direction. Peeta ducked, but it hit Finnick in the stomach. He started coughing from the hit to the gut.

"Katniss no it's me. It's Peeta. I'm ok." he spoke calmly to her, slowly walking to her, holding his hands in front of him.

"Sweetheart it's ok. Just calm down." Haymitch said.

"No no please make it stop. I tried to make this all stop." Katniss cried, rocking herself back and forth, trying to cover her face again.

"Get a sedative." Haymitch said.

"No please don't do that to her Haymitch. I can make her calm down." Peeta begged him. Haymitch stared at him sadly.

"This isn't the first time I've seen her act like this. When I brought her home...she had these episodes all the time. Calling for Prim and Finnick...and you." Haymitch said sadly. Peeta looked back at Katniss rocking back and forth, muttering to herself. He turned back to Haymitch. He had never told him this. "I never could get her to calm down. I had to fight to get close enough to stick her with a syringe. It's not fun for me, but it's the only way to calm her down. She's not in her right mind right now." Haymitch said.

"But I wasn't ever there. I can try and get through to her Haymitch. I can make her hear my voice and see reason." Peeta pleaded with him.

"If you can then go for it. But if Katniss doesn't get through this episode...were gonna have to take some drastic measures." Haymitch said.

"Like what?" Finnick demanded. Haymitch looked at all of them.

"The rebels have seen what she's been like. All this crying, she's not herself...if she can't go out there...they said they'd fake her death, and we'd have to find some other way to have a Revolution." Haymitch said. Peeta shook his head.

"They can't do that." Finnick said. "She's the freaken Mockingjay. How are we supposed to replace Katniss. She's not just some soldier. It's her and Peeta that lead us to freedom. How are we supposed to win without her? How is Peeta supposed to make it out of the games without her?" Finnick demanded. Haymitch just kept staring at Peeta. He could tell that Haymitch was willing himself not to cry.

"If Katniss doesn't get better, then there going to fake her death, and there not going to be able to save me, or anyone else from this years games. And we won't have a Revolution" Peeta said, never taking his eyes off of Haymitch.

"Now do you understand why I keep drilling you with the plan, over and over again. I do it for her. I do it for you because I'll be damned if I lose you both." he choked out. Katniss' sobbing brought him back to the task at hand, and he got on the bed and crawled to her.

"Katniss please." he whispered. She cried and shook her head. Peeta grabbed her and pulled her to him as she struggled. "It's me Katniss. It's Peeta. I'm right here. Listen to my voice. I have you. I'm not hijacked, I'm right here Katniss. Shhh." he spoke to her, rocking her.

"There dead because of me." Katniss cried.

"No there not Katniss. Cinna and Finnick are right here. There right here Katniss." Peeta said, looking them. Finnick sat down.

"I'm right here Katniss. And I'm ok. You saved me Katniss." Finnick said, putting his hand on her back. She sobbed in Peeta's arms.

"Katniss your safe here. It's just you, Peeta, me, Haymitch and Finnick. Were all alive, and your safe in this room with us." Cinna spoke to her.

"Your supposed to be dead." Katniss cried, gripping onto Peeta tightly.

"I know we are. But you saved us." Finnick told her.

"Don't you remember you saw your father Katniss?" Peeta asked. Her crying started to lessen. "Your dad remember. You saw him, and he hugged you. And you said you were getting a second chance." Peeta told her. Katniss was starting to listen to them, so he kept talking. "You were there with him. Where were you Katniss? Where did you see him?" Peeta asked. They waited for a few minutes for her to answer.

"He was in the woods." Katniss said. The four men all looked at each other. Peeta nodded his head.

"That's right you were in the woods. And what did your dad tell you?" Peeta coaxed. Katniss sat up and looked at him. Tears were falling down her face. She was so scared and lost. This is what two arenas and war has done to her. And she was expected to go back in and do it all over again. He wanted to protect her, and he hadn't once been able to since they were Reaped the first time. And he couldn't stop what was about to happen.

"He said I was meant to be the Savior. Because I have goodness in me." she whispered. But they had all heard it. He believed that about her. She had so much goodness in her. She just didn't see herself the way that he did. The way that her friends and family did. The way all of Panem did. He held her face in his hands.

"You do have goodness in you Katniss. So much. Your father was right." he said. Finnick laid a hand on her back again and she looked over at him. Then at Cinna and Haymitch.

"What's wrong with me? I've never been like this before. One minute I'm fine." Katniss said, looking down at the bed. "I feel like I can kill Snow easily. But then I fall asleep and...what if I can't do this." she said sadly.

"You can do this. We believe in you. Everyone does." Finnick said.

"Prim, your mom. They believe in you Katniss." Cinna said. Katniss looked up at Haymitch. They knew what she was asking him by the look on her face. She was asking him if he believed in her.

"Of course I do sweetheart. But no one in this room was with you the last five months. Peeta was just there when it all ended." Haymitch said. Katniss' eyes went to Finnick. He just smiled at her, letting her know that he already knew what happened. "I'm scared for you. Your not yourself. And I'm worried that I won't be able to help you once your in there. And I'm scared to death that I'm going to lose you both." Haymitch said, sitting on the bed sighing.

"I want to be able to do this. I do." Katniss said. Peeta pulled her to his chest.

"This is the last night were really going to be able to speak. The rest will have to be in code from now on." Haymitch said. They all nodded. Peeta had an idea. He pulled Katniss away to look at him.

"When your in the arena, we won't be able to hear Haymitch. We already know what's going to happen. Don't think about then end. That you have to make sure you have enough arrows to shoot at the mutts. That you make sure you hit Marvel. That you climb the right tree. Stop thinking far ahead. Concentrate only on what's next. When you first get there, only concentrate on getting your pack, the plastic and that knife from Clove. Once it's done, concentrating on finding a tree to sleep in. Then I'll walk under you that night. Then a few days later when the fire happens. Then running to the river. Then finding a tree to hide in from the Careers. Take it one step at a time. You can do that. And if you do that, we'll be out of there before you know it." Peeta said. Finnick held her hand.

"I'll be watching the whole time cheering you on. We all will. And so will Prim and your mom. Even Mags and Annie are at home cheering for you. And Johanna's somewhere around here wishing you luck to, and yelling about how you could do so much better." he said, making her smile. "You can do this. And we'll be waiting for you." Finnick said. Katniss started crying again.

"You never met your son." Katniss whispered.

"But now I'll see him. I'll be there to hold him and raise him. You made that possible for me. And everything I did, I did it for him. For Annie and him, for all of us. I don't regret it. And I never blamed you. You have to stop blaming yourself for my death." Finnick said.

"And mine." Cinna said.

"How do I just let that go?" Katniss said. Finnick smiled.

"By getting through the games. Get through it, and you'll start to heal. I promise you Katniss." Finnick said.

"You better be getting back. You've been gone an awful long time." Haymitch said. Finnick nodded, and kissed Katniss on the cheek and rested his forehead against hers.

"I won't see you again before the games. But I'm confident in you. Make me proud Katniss." Finnick told her and gave her a hug. He looked at Peeta. "Be careful out there won't you." he said. Peeta laughed.

"Don't you know I get stabbed in the leg with a sword and then a mutt tries to eat my leg off? I don't really know how to be careful." Peeta choked. Finnick slapped his shoulder and he got off the bed.

"I don't even know if I'll see you after the games, so I hope to see you on your Victory Tour. I'll sneak you onto the beach." he told them. And then he quietly left. They sat there for a few minutes in silence.

"Come on Katniss. Let me do your makeup for dinner. Effie can't have you coming to the dinner table without looking like a million bucks." Cinna said, and helped her off the bed and into the bathroom. Haymitch stared at Peeta.

"What were you thinking taking a nap without the sleeping pills?" Haymitch demanded.

"I'm sorry I wasn't thinking." Peeta said sheepishly, putting is head down.

"Funny I figured that out on my own." Haymitch said. He grabbed a glass and threw it at the wall, and then spun back around. "The last time the rebels saw Katniss, she was out of her mind. She shot an arrow at Coin instead of Snow. She was mentally incompetent. I had to hide the fact that she couldn't even feed herself because they would take her away. She's still that same girl to them. Who fell apart when you came back hijacked. They see her here crying and not able to be by herself. They will let her die in that arena and find some new way to start the Revolution if I can't convince them that she can do this. I need you both to do this, because I can't go back home without you two." Haymitch said. Peeta knew how hard this was for him. Him and Katniss were the only family that Haymitch had. We were all that he had in this world.

"I can do this Haymitch. And so can Katniss. Once she's there, she'll get through it. We both will. And you'll be bringing us home. I promise Haymitch." Peeta said. He was worried that he couldn't keep that promise to his mentor.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

"Feeling better?" Peeta asked Katniss when she sat at the dinner table. She had just taken a shower, and her hair was still wet. She nodded her head, and Haymitch passed her a glass of wine. Peeta glared at him. "Do you really think that's such a great idea?" Peeta asked sarcastically. Before Haymitch could answer, Katniss grabbed the glass and drank the whole thing. Peeta, and everyone else, just stared at her, open mouthed.

"I have something to say." Katniss said. She looked down at the table. Peeta felt it. This wasn't good, whatever she was about to say. "I had a nightmare." Katniss said.

"We already knew that." Haymitch said. Katniss shook her head.

"These nightmares...they don't leave me. They follow me wherever I go." Katniss said. Peeta watched as a tear fell into her lap. "This was a mistake." she whispered. She looked up at Haymitch. "I shouldn't have been sent back here. I never should have been given this second chance, because I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. I'm to weak. My father was wrong." Katniss choked out. Peeta put his arm on her back.

"Katniss please-" Peeta tried to say, but she jerked away. She stood up and faced them.

"You promised me you would save him. And you broke that promise." Katniss said to Haymitch. Peeta jerked his face over to Haymitch. Oh God. He knew where this was going. "So keep it now. Save him Haymitch. Let me die in there." Katniss gritted through her teeth. Peeta pushed his chair away from him.

"Katniss stop this." Peeta said. He tried to walk over to her but she grabbed a steak knife and held it out in front of her. Effie and Portia gasped.

"Katniss calm down." Cinna said, standing up and walking towards her. She held the knife towards him. Then she looked at Haymitch.

"You let me die in there you bastard. Bring him home. He never should have been in the arena. Bring him home to his family. I want to die. If I die, nothing bad will happen. Prim will stay alive." Katniss cried. She looked over to Cinna and Portia. "Both of you will be alive. Finnick, Mags, Wiress. None of them will be sent into the arena. You let this end. Stop this now. Let me die in there and move on. Your better off without me." Katniss desperately choked out. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He looked to Haymitch, but his face puzzled Peeta. He wasn't surprised by anything Katniss was saying. It was like he knew she would do this. But then it really came to Peeta. He had seen Katniss like this before. This wasn't foreign to Haymitch, this broken version of Katniss. He looked back to her, and Katniss moved the knife to her throat.

"Katniss STOP IT!" Peeta yelled. But she never looked away from Haymitch.

"You promise me you bastard, or I will cut myself right now. I will end it all right here." Katniss said.

"Katniss please stop it." Peeta cried out. Haymitch slammed his hand on the table and stood up, pointing threateningly at Katniss.

"YOU ARE NOT BLEEDING TO DEATH IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN!" Haymitch yelled at her. But Katniss just stood there sobbing, with the knife to her throat.

"Just let me die. Why can't you just let me die." Katniss cried.

"Because I have worked to hard to let you die. I promised your damn mother." Haymitch said. He shook his head. "I'm not gonna stay here and let you kill yourself in front of me. If you die, I won't watch that again." Haymitch said. He walked right past her, and down the hall to her room. Peeta and Cinna just looked at each other, and back to Katniss, who still held the knife to her throat.

"Katniss please-" Peeta pleaded with her, holding his hand out for the knife.

"You go back home and forget about me." Katniss gritted out, not looking at him. "You forget everything about me. You marry a girl who deserves you. Who will love you back the way you deserve. You go home and erase me from your memory." Katniss cried, dropping the knife to the floor. Peeta was so stunned by her statement, that he realized to late that she ran down the hall. He tried to catch up to her, but she locked herself in her room. He heard her sobbing through the door as he pounded on it.

"KATNISS LET ME IN! OPEN THE DOOR!" He pounded and pounded. But she never answered the door. Eventually he stopped knocking, and slid down to lean against the door. "Please don't do this." Peeta cried out. He didn't know how long he sat outside her door. Her sobs had gone away, but he didn't even know if she was sleeping. Cinna eventually came and got him, putting a finger to his lips. Letting him know the mics were back on. He helped him to his room.

"I'm sorry Peeta." Cinna said. He gave him the sleeping pills, but Peeta just looked at them, then back at him. "I'll slip some through her door. I'll make sure she takes them. Just get some rest." He gladly took the pills. He wanted to stop thinking about what just happened. Katniss gave up. She wasn't going to fight. She was going to die in these games, and he knew there was nothing he could do to stop it, because Katniss wasn't going to fight. He laid in his bed sobbing, until sleep took the pain away. He woke up rested, but felt awful. He could tell by the way the sun was set, that he slept into the afternoon. He laid there a bit longer. He knew he had to get up, and get ready for his interview. But he just didn't care anymore. If she wasn't going to fight, then neither was he. He was going to die in that arena tomorrow. God, was it only 24 hours away? Not even 24 hours away. Was he really ready to die? He had been in the other arenas, but this was different. He wasn't even going to try. He tried not to imagine how she would die. She'd probably not get off her pillar when the bell rang. She'll probably just let Clove run over to her and stab her. He hated that thought. He would run over to her. Hug her. Whisper that he loves her, and let Clove kill them together. She wouldn't die alone. They'll die together. He didn't even realize he was crying again, until Portia came in. He sat up, wiping his face. She sat down on the bed, smiling sadly to him.

"Come on my baker boy. We have some work to do." she said, and held his hand. He nodded to her. She touched his cheek, and brought his head towards hers. She put her forehead against his. "I told you last time that I'd bet you win. And both times I was right. And betting now would be cheating. So I'll bet you that she'll do this. She'll come through. Don't lose faith just yet." Portia whispered. Peeta picked up his head and stared at her sadly. He just shook his head. Katniss wouldn't come through. She was done. His prep team worked on him, while he ignored them. While he was sitting in the chair, he saw Portia go to the door, and whisper to Haymitch, Cinna and Effie. They looked worried. Then he noticed that Finnick was with them again. They looked at him, and then back to each other. He didn't even have the heart to ask. Katniss must not be doing well. He got up and walked over to him.

"What is it?" Peeta asked. They all stared at him, then to Haymitch. He looked pale. And scared.

"She's just staring at the wall. Like she did before." Haymitch said. She was back inside herself. Last time when she was in that place, she killed herself. Well, less then 24 hours from now, she will be letting herself die. Peeta let tears fall down his face.

"So that's it? Me and her die tomorrow" Peeta said. Portia let out a sob and hugged Peeta. Peeta looked at Haymitch, and saw him crying. Cinna put his hand on Haymitch's shoulder, and Haymitch just shook his head angrily

"After all everyone did. After all she went through to get back here, I just lose. We all lose. We had freedom for 5 minutes, and now it's gone. And I'm expected to just go home without you two." Haymitch cried. Finnick grabbed and pulled him towards him in a hug as Haymitch cried. Peeta shook as he watched Haymitch finally unravel.

"Don't give up yet Haymitch. The games haven't even started. She'll come through. I know she will." Finnick said. Haymitch pulled away, turning around. Finnick followed him.

"I better get back to her." Cinna said sadly. Portia tried to get him to eat, but he couldn't. As soon as the bell rang, he'd run to her. Hold her. Kiss her. Look into her eyes and tell her he loved her. And he would hold her when they died. He would at least be with Katniss this time. And his family would be alive. Prim will be alive. Cinna, Portia, Finnick. They'll all be alive. Maybe Katniss was right. If they died tomorrow, nothing bad will happen. The Hunger Games will still go on. But at least there family and friends would be alive. He didn't realize how fast time was going by. It was time to go to the interviews. He waited by the elevator with Portia, Haymitch and Effie, for Katniss and Cinna. She was beautiful in her makeup and dress. But he was devastated by the look she had on her face. There was no more of the girl he loved. She was gone. The light was gone from her eyes. He closed his eyes and willed himself not to die right there. Haymitch wouldn't even look at her. Effie grabbed Katniss other arm as they all entered the elevator. Silence. It was the longest elevator ride. They stepped off the elevator and started walking down the hall. Peeta looked up and saw some woman walking towards them. More like stalking. He saw someone behind her, chasing her. He realized it was Finnick. Then he realized who the girl was. It was Johanna. As she quickly approached, he realized Finnick was begging her to stop. But Johanna wasn't listening. She stalked right up to us, reached over and grabbed Katniss by the arm before anyone could protest. Everyone followed her as she dragged Katniss into a room and shut the door, as she stood Katniss in the middle of the room.

"The damn Capitol don't have mics in this room. Which is perfect for us." she said. Then Johanna did something that stunned them all. She raised her hand and slapped Katniss across the face. Peeta ran at Johanna and grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.

"What do you think your doing? Don't hit her! You can't hit her!" Peeta frantically told her. She pushed him away, and looked at Katniss. She was holding her cheek and breathing heavily. She stared at Johanna.

"Mad are you? Pissed at me for slapping you?" Johanna asked. She walked forward and pushed Katniss backwards. Peeta went to lunge at her, but Finnick pulled him backwards. "Mad at me for pushing you?" Johanna asked, pushing her again. "Come on say something. Fight back you coward." she said, pushing her again, backing her into the wall. "Don't just lay there and die. What's your sister and mother going to do when you don't come home? They'll starve because Gale won't be able to bring them game because he's working all the time. There going to starve. And what are you gonna do for the next six years that Prim's name goes into the Reaping? Because she will get Reaped again. What are you gonna do when she still gets into the arena and Haymitch can't get her out huh? What are you gonna do just lay on the ground sucking your thumb like a baby? Your gonna let Prim die? Your gonna let baby Finn die? Because he'll never have a chance to be born now because Finnick and Annie won't be allowed to marry." Johanna said. Katniss' back hit the wall, and Johanna put her hands on Katniss' throat. "No one will have freedom, because you were to much of a damn chicken to fight back. Your gonna let Snow win. Is that what you want? For Snow to still kill your precious sister. Because Prim! Will! DIE!" Johanna said. Katniss screamed and pushed Johanna backwards still she fell. Katniss went to lunge at her, but Cinna was to quick to grab her. Johanna stood back up and got in her face. Why was no one stopping this? She grabbed her chin and held it tightly. Katniss struggled against Cinna. "Snow will win. Is that what you want? Snow will win. SNOW WILL WIN!" Johanna yelled

"HE WON'T WIN BECAUSE I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!" Katniss screamed. Everyone was silent. No one moved. Except Johanna.

"Oh really? How are you going to do that? Your planning on dying tomorrow at the Cornucopia aren't you? You plan on just letting them killing you. That's letting Snow win. That's not killing him." Johanna said.

"I'm going to execute him." Katniss hissed. Johanna laughed.

"How are you going to do that Brainless? Your planning on letting yourself die out there tomorrow. You think Peeta's gonna fight to stay alive? Your a moron. He's planning on dying with you. And your sending Haymitch home alone. He's been alone for 24 years. Your his family. Your like his daughter. And the selfish bitch that you are, killed yourself while he tried to take care of you. Now your going to just die right now, taking his daughter and his son away. So tell me again how you plan on killing Snow because-"

"BECAUSE I'M GOING TO FIGHT!" Katniss screamed. No one said a word. He watched as Katniss stayed perfectly still. She stared back at Johanna. There was light back in her eyes. "Because I'm going to go out there and be The Girl on Fire. I'm going into that arena tomorrow and I'm going to fight. And then I'm coming back here again in a year to fight in the arena again. And then, the next time I'm in the Capitol, it's to kill Snow. But not before I tell him that I've won. Because this time, I won't shoot the arrow at Coin. This time, I will be the one to execute him." she said evenly. It was the calmest he had heard Katniss speak. All the other times she declared herself, she had no confidence. This was different. His Katniss was back. The fighter was back. Finnick let go of Peeta. Johanna smiled.

"Good. Because I'm counting on you Brainless. So is everyone else." she said, and looked around at everyone. "I hope the next time you'll tell me what's going on with Katniss sooner. I know how to get through to her." she told them, then she turned back to Katniss and leaned in. "Make him pay for it. Starting right now." she said. Katniss smiled back. Johanna turned, and grabbed Finnick's hand, pulling him out of the room.

"Katniss are you alright?" Cinna asked. Katniss turned to him and nodded.

"Yes. I can do this." Katniss said. Haymitch huffed.

"I've heard this before. I'll believe it when I see it. I'm going to take my seat." Haymitch said. He didn't believe her. And could he really blame him.

"Come along you two." Effie said, not giving him and Katniss a chance to talk. They got in line and sat in there seats. Had Johanna really just gotten through to Katniss? When no one else had. He didn't even listen to the other 22 tributes in their interviews. He was to nervous to see Katniss. He watched her as she rose from her seat gracefully, and confident, and walked to the stage. He watched her closely as she changed, and nervously walked out on stage. Ceaser asked her a question that she didn't listen to. She nervously answered his questions, and then stood up. She looked off to the stage and looked right at Peeta. She smiled. Then she looked forward, and spun in her red dress, causing the flames to appear. The crowd went wild and cheered for her. For the first time that day, he smiled. It had been the worst 24 hours of his life. He thought Katniss had given up. But she pulled through. She was gonna make it. She talked for a few more minutes with Ceaser, and she was leaving the stage, and stopped next to him, brushing her hand against his. She smiled at him.

"I'm sorry about last night." she told him. He smiled and shook his head.

"I don't care. I'll always follow you wherever you go Katniss." Peeta told her, and then he entered the stage. He joked with Ceaser, just like the last time, and then came the time to talk about Katniss. "Because she came her with me." Peeta said. The crowd gasped and cried.

"Well that's just bad luck." Ceaser said sadly. Peeta nodded, and decided to up the anty.

"It really is. I just regret that I could never work up the nerve to talk to her. Because now were here, and only one person is going home. I just hope that it's her." Peeta said. The crowd cried, and he was dismissed. He smiled as he walked by Katniss. They couldn't let people think they were already a couple. Effie escorted them to the elevator, where Finnick and Johanna got on with their tributes.

"Seriously we should have put you on fire. Maybe then I'd remember your name." Johanna said to her female tribute. Finnick laughed. What an awful thing to say. She turned and looked at Katniss. "Way to go Girl on Fire. You just might win this whole damn thing." she said, turning back to face the front.

"Now Johanna is that any way to speak to the competition?" Finnick told her. Johanna laughed. The doors opened, and Finnick led his tributes out. He turned real quick and looked at them. "I wish you all luck. The very best of luck, from the bottom of my heart." Finnick said, smiling at Peeta and Katniss. He held his hand up to his heart, staring at Katniss as the doors closed. A few moments later, the doors opened again, and Johanna pushed her tributes out, and then turned again.

"I'm proud of you. Just remember who the real enemy is Brainless." Johanna said. Katniss said.

"Thank you." Katniss said as the doors closed. A moment later, they opened on there own floor. Haymitch was standing there. No one moved.

"Are you really there? Are you really with it and ready to work? Did I just see the Girl on Fire and the Mockingjay up there?" Haymitch asked. They stepped off the elevator and she stood in front of him.

"I'm not The Girl on Fire, or the Mockingjay. I'm just Katniss Everdeen. But I want to make Snow pay. And may the odds be ever in our favor." Katniss said. Haymitch smiled and hugged her.

"You gotta stop putting me through this. Just do this thing already. I've lived to many lifetimes worrying about you sweetheart." Haymitch told her. Katniss pulled back.

"I'm sorry Haymitch. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. What I keep putting you through. But you watch tomorrow. I can do this. You'll see." Katniss said. He nodded his head.

"You remember who the real enemy is. It's not the other tributes. It's always been him. Your remember that. And you think of Prim at home waiting for you. And you think of this boy right here." he said, pointing to Peeta. "You make it out of there together." Haymitch said. Katniss nodded and he hugged her again. "This is where I leave you. Get to bed. Just know that I'm watching. And I'll be there when you get out." Haymitch said. She nodded and pulled away. Haymitch turned to Peeta and yanked him into a hug. "I know I don't have to worry about you. Just stay alive long enough for me to get you home, with both legs." Haymitch said and pulled back. He left with Effie. Portia and Cinna said their goodbyes, and Katniss followed Peeta to his room. He let Katniss take a shower first. He sat on his bed, stiff as a board. The past 24 hours he had been helpless. He had seen two different versions of Katniss. He was afraid to admit that he didn't know which one to trust. Which one to count on. He didn't know if he was fighting tomorrow, or if he was dying tomorrow. Katniss interrupted his thought as she came out of the bathroom. She was wearing one of the shirts in his drawers, and boxer shorts. They were his, but they weren't his. They were given to him by the Capitol. He didn't say anything as he went into the bathroom. He welcomed the scalding hot water, washing his stage makeup off. Washing all the products out of his hair. This was his last night, before he went into the arena. He let his mind wander to how unfair this was. Three times in the Hunger Games. Three freaken times. He banged his hand against the wall. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to be free. But here he was, for a third time, going into the arena to fight for his life. It was unfair. That's all that kept going through his mind. He was 16 years old. He was a baker. He wasn't a killer. Who came up with this 74 years ago? Who was so evil, that they decided to starve a whole country and take their children and kill them for entertainment? Who got joy out of this? How could people enjoy watching him die in a river?

"Peeta are you ok?" he heard Katniss asked. He looked up at the shower door. He could barely make her out through the glass. It was to foggy for either of them to see each other. It didn't bother him of course. He didn't care if she saw him naked. But he knew she cared. Which is why it surprised him that she came into the bathroom. "I heard the bang on the wall...I wanted to make sure you didn't fall or anything." Katniss said. Peeta cleared his throat.

"Yeah I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." he told her. He saw her leave and he shut off the water. When he got out of the shower, he realized she placed clothes on the counter for him to wear as well. It was thoughtful of her. He got dressed and came out into the room, towel drying his hair. She was sitting on the bed against the headboard. She was sitting on top of the covers, with her legs stretched out. He saw on the nightstand that someone brought them their sleeping pills. He threw the towel in the bathroom, not caring where it landed. He was always a clean and neat person. Even when he was here last time, he always cleaned up after himself. But he didn't care anymore. He walked over and sat down on the bed next to Katniss.

"I didn't want to take them yet. I'm not ready to go to sleep." Katniss said. Peeta nodded. "I owe you an apology." she suddenly said. Peeta looked over at her. "I owe you a million different apologies for a million different things. And I hope when we get home that I can start saying how sorry I am for everything. But right now, I have to say how sorry I am for how I've been since we came back here." she said, and she looked down at her hands. "I keep thinking this is a dream. That when I died, I came to some weird place that's keeping me here, and making me re-do all my mistakes, and live through all my pain. So I keep trying to fall back into the darkness and ignore it." she said and gulped, trying to catch her breath. "But it is real. I'm really here. And I'm going into the arena, and I don't think I've ever been more scared to death." she admitted, and looked at him. "I have messed up so many times Peeta. The rebels, they know what I'm supposed to do, and if I don't do it right, then they won't save us. I refuse to let you die Peeta." Katniss gritted through her teeth, letting the tears fall. Peeta reached up and wiped her tears away. She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand. "I just have to get through the arena. I'll get us through this damn arena, and we'll go home. I promise I'll make it all up to you Peeta." Katniss cried. Peeta leaned in and kissed her and rested his forehead against hers.

"You can do this. I have faith in you. Just have faith in yourself. And when it's all over, we'll do our interviews, and they'll send us home. They'll give us our new houses and the cameras will leave and it will just be the two of us. Just us Katniss. We can talk about everything. And I can kiss you like I've never kissed you before, and that is what I keep thinking about every second." Peeta said. Katniss laughed and looked up at him. "I want to kiss you, so badly. With no cameras or mics on us." Peeta said. Katniss looked around suddenly. "It's ok Haymitch said they gave us another night off. They'll turn back on around midnight. We'll be asleep by then." Peeta said. Katniss nodded. He leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips again. "All I dream about is kissing you." he whispered. He kissed her cheek and leaned into her ear. "I keep dreaming of kissing you everywhere and never stopping Katniss." he whispered huskily into her ear. He felt her shudder and she leaned into him. He probably shouldn't have started talking like this. He instantly felt himself start to get hard. But really, it was all he could think about. He couldn't wait till they got home, because he wanted to get carried away with kissing her. With letting his hand touch her whole body. He shook his head. He couldn't think like this now.

"We should get some sleep." Katniss whispered to him. He could hear her gulp. She was blushing. He nodded his head and grabbed the pills and the glass of water. They drank the pills and settled down into bed. He noticed that she held onto him very tightly. "Don't let me go Peeta." Katniss cried. He held her tightly and rubbed her back.

"I won't. Just take it one step at a time Katniss. Don't think so far ahead. Just worry about the next thing you have to do. When your at the Cornucopia, worry about getting your stuff and getting out of there. Then once your done, worry about finding your tree. You'll see me walk under you that night. Then just worry about the fire. Make sure you run away to the river. You'll see me again, and then worry about the tree to hide in away from the Careers. It's easy Katniss. Just worry about your next step. You can do this. I know you can. And I'll be waiting for you by the river. Just let Rue go. She'll be ok. She'll be reunited with her mother again. I promise you." he said and kissed her forehead. She didn't say anything back. A few minutes later, they were asleep. The morning came to quickly. Cinna and Portia came to wake them up. They slowly got out of bed and stared at each other.

"I hate to wake you. But we gotta get to the hovercrafts." Cinna said. Peeta nodded. Katniss burst into tears and hugged him fiercely.

"This isn't fair." Katniss cried. He kissed her cheek and rocked her.

"I know. But you'll see me soon. You know it will happen. Tell me you'll see me soon and mean it." he told her. He pulled her back and made her look at him. "Come on say it. Tell me." he told her. He had done this to her the morning they were reaped. He meant it then, just like he meant it now.

"I'll see you soon." she cried. Peeta kissed her passionately. He wanted to show her through that kiss how much he loved her. He planned on telling her he loved her when they got back to District 12. He had planned this whole romantic evening for them in his head. But he wanted to tell her now. He wanted her to leave with Cinna knowing that he loved her. But he just wanted it to be special. He didn't want her to be crying out of fear when he said it. He just didn't know what to do. He pulled back and looked at her. Her whole body was shaking.

"He'll be ok Katniss." Cinna said. Katniss let the tears keep falling.

"Don't get hurt. Please Peeta stay alive. Do it exactly like last time." Katniss promised. Peeta held her face in his hands, and brought their foreheads together.

"I promise Katniss. Worry about the next step. Don't worry about anything except what you have to do next. We'll be together soon I promise." he told her.

"We really need to be going." Portia said. They kissed once more, and then Cinna led Katniss out of the room. He and Portia would wait a minute before they went to their own hovercraft. He was injected with his tracker. He looked down at it, then at Portia. She smiled. This little tracker was going to keep him safe. Him, Katniss, and every other tribute in the arena. Thank goodness for Portia there, holding his hand the whole time. He didn't know if he would have made it. She reminded him to eat. Eat enough to make it through the next few days. She kept him calm. It was a short trip. Shorter then he remembered. But he was more afraid this time. They made it to his holding cell. He was going back into the arena. Portia had just helped him get dressed, when even she could tell his face turned green. She grabbed his face. "Hey you know you can do this. Take your own advise. Don't worry about tomorrow, just worry about your next step. Just breath my baker boy." she told him. He hugged her tightly, and the voice announced they were to enter the tube. Portia helped him in, and she smiled sadly at him. "I'll see you soon Peeta Mellark." she said, and the floor started to rise. God. Again. He was going into the arena again. How could this have happened? Why him? He looked around. There was the Cornucopia. He searched for Katniss as the countdown started. His family was at home watching him right now. They must be scared out of their minds. Even though they know he'll come home again, this isn't easy. The same fear still remains.

"If you can hear my voice Peeta, I want you to scratch your right eyebrow." he heard a voice say. The voice was in his head. He caught Katniss' eyes. She must have just heard it to. He watched as she scratched her eyebrow, and then he did the same. "That's good. You can hear me. Remember, as soon as the countdowns done, turn and run. Not a second before." he heard the male voice say. He slowly nodded once. He stared at Katniss. She was shaking. He motioned his eyes in the direction of where her pack was. He willed her to remember. He gave her a smile. She can do this. He can do this. They'd get through this. The gong sounded, and she went running. "RUN PEETA!" he heard the voice yell. He looked at Katniss running towards her pack, and then turned and took off running. Run. Run. Run. He nearly took out his eye with a low branch. He could never tell his way around the woods. "Turn slightly to the right." the voice said. He did. The reason why he had gotten caught by the Careers last time, was because he had run in a circle and came back to the camp. He couldn't navigate his way around the woods. He guessed the Rebels were going to help him with his navigation. Except instead of helping him stay away from the Careers, they'd help him follow the same path he did last time, and lead them right to Peeta. He hoped Katniss got away safely. Would they tell him if she had? "Turn more towards the right again Peeta." he told Peeta. After what felt like hours of running, he slowed, and then came to a stop. He had been so scared last time that the Careers would find him. His suspicions were right last time. They had found him. The cannon sounded. He counted them. 12. 12 just like last time. Katniss was ok. There wasn't any extra cannons. That was good. "Take a break. The Careers are walking around looking for tributes. You turned yourself around enough that they'll find you in the same spot as last time. And Haymitch told us to tell you that she's ok." they said. He pretended to cough, but nodded his head, letting them know that he heard them. It was the creepiest thing, hearing voices in his head. Literally. He looked around at the woods that surrounded him. He hated the outdoors. Just hated it. The woods, the jungle. He hated them. He couldn't wait till he could be done with arenas. That he could be done with nature being his battlefield. He was tired of this. And it was only day 1. A few hours later, he was instructed to sit down, out of breath. The Careers were close. He waited. And waited. And then Cato burst through the trees. Peeta jumped and stood up, holding his hands in front of him. Marvel, Glimmer and Clove were behind him, cheering.

"Please don't hurt me." Peeta begged. The three laughed at him. Cato just stared at him.

"And why would we let you live Lover boy?" Clove asked, playing with her knife. Peeta didn't say anything. Last time, he thought this was it, this is how he would die. He would die the first day, and no one would remember him. But he waited for Cato.

"Because he can lead us to her." Cato said. The others stared at him.

"He's not gonna tell us where the Girl on Fire is." Glimmer said.

"Yes I will." he blurted out like last time. They all stared at him. "I mean, I don't know where she is. But I know what to look for...how to find her." Peeta said. They stared at him for a minute.

"Come on Cato. Let's kill him now." Clove said, smiling evilly at him. Cato shook his head.

"No. We'll take him with us." Cato said, his eyes never leaving Peeta's then he looked back at the other three. "Come on. They should be done clearing out the Cornucopia. And that kid should have dug up all the land mines by now." Cato said. They all walked back to the Cornucopia together. It only took maybe 20 minutes. He had been running for hours, but he had been so unknowledgable about the woods, that he came right back to where he was trying to run from. It made him feel foolish. When they got back to the cornucopia, the other kid was done with digging up all the land mines. Cato started ordering them around to start piling everything up into the center. Peeta secretly placed a few food items in his jacket. He had deep pockets. It would help tide him over in a few days, when he was laying by the river, dying. He shuddered at the thought. They had gotten most of the stuff piled up, when he noticed the extra sheath of arrows Haymitch was talking about. He looked over in the general area of where Katniss shot her arrows from. He had no idea where to hide these.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Clove shouted. He turned around and saw Clove run at Glimmer. "DON'T YOU TOUCH MY KNIFE!" Clove yelled and hit Glimmer.

"Grab the arrows now and run!" the voice told him. Peeta did as he was told. He picked the arrows up and went running for the tree line. "To the left!" the man said. He turned left, and just looked around. "Under the bush. She'll hide there." he man said. Peeta jammed them under the bush, and went running back over to the group. Cato and Marvel were pulling Clove and Glimmer away from each other. Cato yelled at them to stop fighting. That they had work to do. Glimmer turned and threw her arms around his neck.

"She's awful Cato." Glimmer cried. Peeta turned around, and grabbed more supplies to add to the pile. Cato directed the boy to hide the land mines around the pile, and guard it, while the rest of them went out looking for other tributes to kill. The other three kept making jokes about catching the Girl on Fire. He looked down and shook his head. How can these four kids be so amused by death? So excited for it? They lived a much different life then what District 12 did. They were taken care of by the Capitol. District 12 was neglected and left to starve. They walked for a few hours. Last time, Cato had led them. He knew they were going in the right direction, because the rebels never asked him to lead, change their course.

"Look that way." Marvel said. Everyone looked to the right. The fire that the girl from District 8 started was up ahead. Katniss was around there.

"Leading us right to them. Idiots." Clove said.

"Maybe it's the Girl on Fire." Glimmer sang. Clove whipped around at her.

"The Girl on Fire isn't going to set a fire. She's smarter then that." Clove seethed.

"What's that?" Marvel asked. Everyone looked to what he was pointing at. Cato pushed him to see. It was Katniss' trap. Peeta smiled. Perfect. Katniss was doing perfect.

"It's one of her snares." Peeta said. He hadn't talked since they first caught him, and they were all stunned to hear him speak. He cleared his throat. "She knows how to make snares. That's hers." Peeta said. Cato smiled.

"Then that might be her after all." Glimmer said. Peeta followed them as the stalked towards the fire. The rounded the trees, and the girl from District 8 cried. Begging them not to kill her. He knew Katniss was close. He knew she could hear them. Cato stabbed her with the knife while the others cheered him on and laughed. They walked towards Katniss, while Glimmer stopped and imitated the poor girl they just murdered. He shuddered.

"Shouldn't we have heard the cannon by now?" Clove demanded. They stood there and fought for a moment.

"Were wasting time. I'll go and finish her off. Then let's go." Peeta said. He turned back around and walked towards the bleeding girl on the ground. Choking for breath. He bent down with his knife. He wanted to vomit. He had nightmares of killing this girl. He bent down next to her as she looked up at him. "I'm sorry." he whispered. He closed his eyes and stabbed her through the heart. He yanked his knife out. He stood up and walked away from her. He just murdered someone. He shook his head. He didn't really murder her this time. He knew she was still alive. In a few minutes, she would be up in the hovercraft, wheeled into a secret room, and they'd repair the damage and save her life. He walked back to where they were waiting for him.

"Was she dead?" Cato asked. The cannon fired.

"No but she is now. Ready to move on?" he asked. Cato smiled and turned. They all followed him. Peeta looked up. Katniss was right there. He couldn't see her of course, she was wrapped up in her tarp. But he knew she was there. He walked under her, and then turned again. He couldn't see her, but he knew she could see him. He smiled at her. She would be ok up there. He put his fingers up to his lips, and then waved them at her. He turned and followed the Careers. It would be a long couple of days without seeing her again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Wow thank you all so much for so many reviews! You've given me such great compliments. It makes me feel really great! I'm having a lot of fun writing this, and I've just been so obsessed recently, since Catching Fire came out in theaters. So I'm trying to get as much done as I can while I'm in my obsession lol. I go between what happens in the books and the movies, so I'm a little worried about when I get to the third book, because the last two movies haven't come out yet, but I am sure it will be fine! I like writing Peeta a lot stronger in the relationship, because I just love his character most of all, and love to do him justice. It's easier to write from his point of view sometimes, because all we have read is through Katniss' eyes. And I HATE that Finnick died...I guess I could accept everyone else's death, even though I loved Prim and Cinna, but the second I read that Finnick died I threw the book up against the wall, not looking forward to watching that. Thanks for all the love, and I'm glad you all are enjoying my writing. **

CHAPTER 8

It had just been two days now. Two whole days? Really? He was stuck with the Careers. They were always fighting with each other other. Glimmer and Clove especially. Glimmer had a crush on Cato. How she could was beyond Peeta. He liked the attention, but never gave her any in return. Clove was different towards Cato. He could tell she didn't have a crush on him, like Glimmer did, but she demanded his loyalty His respect. That if it came down to it, Cato would choose her over Glimmer. If it did come down to choosing the two, Peeta thought he would choose Clove. Not because he liked her. But because she was a fighter, and would save his life. Glimmer had two left feet, and was just pretty to look at. Marvel he could tell was jealous of Cato. He got the attention from both of the girls. Peeta watched as Marvel tried to flirt with Glimmer. Flirt! He was trying to flirt in the Hunger Games! No one in their right mind did that. But these four people honestly never had a care in the world, because they all thought they would win. After he realized Glimmer didn't give him the time of day, he started flirting with Clove. But he could tell his heart wasn't in it. He didn't like Clove the way he liked Glimmer. Peeta thought it was all petty. But didn't he do the same thing in his games? He did kiss Katniss a lot, and even flirted with her. He shook his head. That was completely different. He wasn't ignorant to the fact that he could die. Especially when he laid in the river for a few days. But he loved Katniss, since he was a child. He was willing to lay his life on the line for her. That was the difference. Today was the day he'd see her again. He hadn't seen her in more then 48 hours, and it was torture But as they got closer to the river, he knew they'd run into the fire, and have to escape it. He hadn't heard the little voices in his head. He missed it actually. But it must mean that everything was going to plan if he wasn't hearing them. And true to what Haymitch said, the trackers really did help him sleep. The second he laid his head down, he was fast asleep, and felt well rested when he opened his eyes again. He smelled it before he saw it. He smelled it last time to, and had tried to warn them, but they didn't listen and just kept walking until they were almost caught in it. He remained quiet this time as he listened to them bicker. "I can shoot her with my arrow." Glimmer said.

"You don't even know how to use that thing." Clove told her. Glimmer's mouth fell open.

"I'm sure you'd shoot her just fine." Marvel said. Glimmer ignored him, and she turned to Cato.

"Well what do you think Cato. Do you think I could shoot her?" Glimmer asked him, batting her eyes at him.

"I'll kill her in my own way." Cato said. And then the tree fell. There was fire everywhere. So they ran. Screaming at each other, blaming the other one for walking straight into this. The dodged a few fireballs. He wondered how they all survived this last time. He hoped Katniss was alright. That she made it through. That she listened to everything the rebels told her to do. That's all he could think about. Was Katniss. As soon as they passed these trees, he would see her again. And he was rewarded greatly. They looked across the river, to see her laying in the water. Hissing in pain. The Careers cheered, and she jumped up. They all chased after her. Find the right tree Katniss. Find the right tree. He knew she would, but doing this all over again, anything could go wrong. She could trip, and Cato could catch up to her. Then what would they do? He tripped over his footing a little and his heart sped up. He couldn't afford to be thinking like this. Just keep running. He watched as Katniss climbed the tree. He couldn't help but smile. She was ok.

"Get rid of that smile kid or the Careers will see it." the rebel said. So the voice was back. He vanished the smile as they caught up to the tree and they all stared up at her.

"How's everything with you down there?" Katniss called down to them. The Careers were startled by that. He smiled, but shook his head again.

"Well enough. And yourself?" Cato asked kindly. Almost like he and Katniss were friends. She laughed.

"It's been a bit warm for my taste. I prefer the cold to be honest with you." Katniss joked. She hadn't said all that last time. He knew the pain in her leg wasn't bad if she was joking like that. She was acting for the cameras. He knew the Capitol would love it. "Fire's never really been my thing. You know, unless it's coming from outfit." Katniss joked. Clove huffed and rolled her eyes.

"I know what you mean. Except for the fire coming from my outfit. Not everyone has a stylist like Cinna." Cato told her.

"No I guess not. He is one of a kind. But you should come up here and join me. The airs much better up here. Less smokey." she told him. Cato laughed.

"Don't mind if I do." he said. Clove shoved a knife at him. "I'll do better with my sword." Cato told her. Peeta watched as he helplessly tried to climb the tree, and fell back down to the ground. He heard Katniss laugh. Glimmer shot an arrow, and missed Katniss. She just laughed again. Peeta breathed a sigh of relief. She was doing ok. She was gonna get through this, he just knew it. Cato grabbed the arrow and shot one up, missing Katniss again. Katniss just laughed.

"Maybe you should throw the sword up here honey." Katniss joked. Honey? She called Cato honey? That just infuriated Cato, and the Careers started arguing.

"Let's just wait her out." Peeta told them. They all stared at him. "She's gotta come down at some point. It's that or starve to death. We'll just kill her then." Peeta said calmly. To calmly. He hated it. He had done such a good job last time, that Katniss believed that he was really against her. That he was really trying to kill her. He helped gather some branches to burn in the fire. The four Careers were useless, so he had to make the fire himself. It had taken him a long time last time, because he wasn't very good, but he had more experience this time. He made himself comfortable, and watched Katniss in the tree. She was sitting up there, in so much pain last time. He hoped the tracker was taking care of her pain this time. He stared at her until darkness fell, and he couldn't see her up there anymore. He pretended to sleep while the others stood guard. He knew he could fall asleep this time, she would be alright, but he still couldn't bring himself to do it. All he wanted to do was climb that damn tree and hug her. Kiss her. Be with her. Screw the Careers. They were a team, and he wanted them to know it. But he did what he was supposed to. He laid down there all night, watching her. Making sure she was safe from the Careers.

"Haymitch told me to tell you your doing a great job. And so is she. She can't feel the burns and her acting is great. She even got medicine. She's sleeping. We'll keep you awake, unless you want some sleep. Scratch your eyebrow again is that's what you want." the rebel said. Peeta cleared his throat and shook his head. Pretending to try and keep himself awake. "Alright then." the rebel said. He laid there for hours. Sleeping in the woods. He hated it. He hated that Katniss was sleeping up in a damn tree. He would make sure when they got through this damn war, that she'd never sleep in a tree again. That she'd never sleep outside again. That she would always sleep in a bed. Preferably with him in the same bed. He shook his head again. Don't start thinking like that. Morning came quicker then he thought. He saw her move around. She was getting ready to cut the tracker jackers down. "Why don't you slowly sit up. Pretend like your looking for a spot to relieve yourself. That will at least take you out of the line of fire." the rebel said. That may not be such a bad idea. He quietly got up, and he could see Katniss look down at him. He smiled at her, and she smiled back. He blew her a kiss for real this time, and she smiled and nodded her head. She waved her hand, signaling him to move. He did. He walked behind the bushes, and not a moment later, the nest came crashing down. He already started running when they all started screaming. He just had to wait a moment. Just like he did last time. He waited for all the screaming to stop, and then ran back for Katniss, getting stung by a few trackerjackers in the process. She was dazed and confused, and he yelled at her to run. He grabbed her by the hands and yanked her up. God he wanted to kiss her.

"KATNISS RUN. GET OUT OF HERE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? RUN KATNISS RUN!" Peeta yelled. She just stared at him.

"Peeta?" she asked, touching his face. Oh God no. He couldn't just let her do this. She collapsed against him, but made her stand up. He shook her roughly.

"You don't have time for this Katniss. Do you hear me? Run Katniss. RUN!" He yelled. He barely had time to push her and spin around, when Cato came running at him. Fighting him. Peeta shoved him away, but Cato was to quick, and sliced his sword through his leg. He felt no pain, but sure as hell acted like it. He spun around and ran away. He tried to catch his breath, grabbing onto branches and holding onto trees. He looked down at his leg. It was gushing blood, but he felt nothing. He wanted to smile, but he remembered what Haymitch said. If he wasn't a good actor at being in pain, they would make sure he felt it. So he faked it. He walked for hours, leaving blood here and there, leaving a trail for Katniss to follow him later, and he found his spot. He camouflaged himself, and waited. It would be two days that Katniss would be out cold. Then another four days after that. One of her and Rue walking around. Another of them stacking the trees so Katniss could go and blow up the Careers stuff at the Cornucopia, then the next day Katniss would try to save Rue, and then the next day she would find him. That was four days. So really it would be another six days till he saw her again. Six days of him laying in the river, laying in his own urine, trying to stay alive. He could do that right? It would be the longest six days of his life.

Day 5

"She made it out of there just fine. Rue is taking care of her." the rebel said. He smiled.

"Katniss." he whispered before he fell asleep.

Day 6

He woke up, not realizing where he was at first. He looked around and realized he was by a river. His stomach was growling, and he felt no pain. He moaned and groaned like he was in pain. It was miserable laying here. "Haymitch asked us to keep you asleep for the most part. With the tracker inside your arm, we can control not only when you sleep and wake up, but can control your other functions. We've had you moving around and wincing in pain, crying and calling for Katniss. We figured you might be hungry. We saw you put some food in your jacket." the rebel said. He was right. Peeta moved around a bit and pulled out some nuts in his jacket and ate them, hiding the wrapper away. He drank some water. "She's still asleep. Won't wake up till tomorrow." the rebel said. He was so worried about her. All he could do was keep asking himself why he was here? Again? He tried to think of good things. When they got home, he would get to tell her he loved her. Like actually say it out loud to her. No more dancing around it. Would she say it back to him? She seemed like she had wanted to that day at her house in the Seam. But would that all really happen? Was it in his imagination. He drank some more water, and fixed the mud on his face. He felt himself drifting away in dreamland.

Day 7

Her vision was blurry and she was disoriented. Where was she. As her eyes slowly came into focus, her body saddened instantly. She was in the woods. She was still in the arena. She wasn't finished yet. Granted, two days had gone by while she slept, but still. There was still so much that she had to do. She sat up and looked around. She had leaves over her stings. Rue. She was here. "Good morning sweetheart." she heard Haymitch's voice. She looked around. "No one knows I'm in the control room. Just put your head back down and relax." Haymitch told her. She did as she was told. She laid back down, and covered her face. She had been shocked when she got into the arena, to hear the rebels voice so clear in her head. It had helped really, reminding her what was next. She was relieved to see Peeta that first night. He had made it through the blood bath. He had done everything he was supposed to, and she was rewarded with seeing his smile, and blowing her a small kiss. She willed herself not to cry that night. It was hard. She was all alone for the first time in two weeks. She had been so starved for human affection for so many months at her house, even with Haymitch and Sae taking care of her, they weren't Peeta. She had slept in his arms every night for two weeks in the Capitol, except for the one night where she held the knife to her throat, and it was devastating being by herself again. But once she had closed her eyes, it was like she had taken the sleeping pills, because she woke up instantly refreshed. Not even feeling like she was sleeping in a tree. Last time, she barely slept a wink. But now, with the rebels protecting her, they were able to keep her asleep. She would do better that day. She focused on finding water. Once the fire came, and she was being chased by the Careers, and in the tree again, she felt that sense of security again, just knowing Peeta was there. Again she wanted to cry. She had missed him those few days, but she knew she couldn't. When she saw him in the morning, she really had a chance to look at him. He was so beautiful even though he was so dirty, and she wanted to tell him that she loved him. But that was foolish. She was on a mission. She had to worry about her next task, and that was cutting down the tracker-jacker nest. And now here she was, laying on the ground after being asleep for more then 48 hours. "I wanted to let you know that the boy is ok. Were keeping him asleep. And he's not in any pain. He even stocked up on some food so he won't be to starved by the time you find him." Haymitch told her. With her hands covering her face, it was easy to hide her smile. No one could see it. "And your doing great. That's what I wanted you to know most importantly. Everything you've done so far is perfect. Worry about what's next. Worry about the plan to blow up all the Careers supplies...And Rue's hiding around the tree for you. I want you to remember, that even though she dies in your arms a few days from now, she isn't really dead. And she's ok with that. She's ok with being separated from her family, because she knows at this time next year, she'll be with them again. So take it one step at a time. Don't get to sentimental. Don't make it weird. She's doing great, your doing great, and Peeta's doing great. I want you to remember what your fighting for. All the things your fighting for. So wake up, and get going. I may not be able to talk to you again." Haymitch told her. She waited for him to continue, but there was nothing. He was gone. It was just what she needed. The rest of her stay in the arena was important. She had important work to do. She slowly sat up, and examined her leaves again. Rue. Rue was all she could think about. But keep moving Katniss. She looked up and stared at her bow and arrows, amazed. She really got them. She heard a noise and jumped. She saw someone jump behind the tree. She stood up and slowly walked over to the tree.

"Rue?" she said. Rue slowly peaked her head from behind the tree. "It's ok I'm not gonna hurt you." Katniss said. Rue smiled and came out from behind the tree. Katniss looked down at her leaves. "Did you do this for me?" she asked. Rue smiled and nodded her head.

"We all walk around with those leaves. We find random tracker jackers nests in District 11. Your lucky you knew enough to take the stingers out." Rue said. Katniss smiled. Her friend would live.

"The Careers aren't the only one's who can become allies." Katniss told her, walking over to a log to sit. Rue followed her.

"Really? You want me as an ally?" Rue asked, sitting next to her.

"Absolutely. You were smart enough to warn me about the nest, and to cut it down. Your very clever. You have burns on your hands. I have some burn ointment." Katniss said. They made small talk like this for a little bit, before Katniss hunted a little. They cooked there food up and started eating. She asked Rue how long she had been out. Katniss remembered Haymitch's words regarding this very moment. _Flat out ask about Peeta. Then breathe a sigh of relief._ She knew Haymitch was watching her carefully right now. She cleared her through. "Do you know what happened to Peeta?" Katniss asked. Rue looked up. "I waved my hand at him, telling him to go before I cut the nest down. But I..." Katniss kind of trailed off.

"You what?" Rue asked. Katniss had to admit, Rue was mesmerizing. She was so calm and collected. She was taking being in the arena much better then herself. Katniss cleared her throat again.

"I know I had been stung, and I was starting to hallucinate. But Peeta came back for me. He told me to run. He was all shiny though, so it was hard to tell what was going on. But I know it was him. But then Cato came out and hit him with a sword. Are you sure he's still alive Rue?" Katniss asked, her voice raising a bit. If there were awards for being a great actress, she would surely get one. She knew very well that Peeta was alive and well. But she wasn't supposed to know. Her acting was getting better. Haymitch would be proud.

"I'm positive. I saw him later that night by the river. He was alive. He looked kinda beat up. Tired. But she was alive. He's still alive. I haven't seen his face up in the sky." Rue told her. Katniss let her head fall back, close her eyes and let out a shaky breath. He was alive. She knew that already. But it was nice to hear. "Is all that true?" Rue asked. Katniss looked at her. "All that stuff about him loving you?" Rue asked smiling, giggling a little. Katniss smiled at her.

"It's hard to explain with Peeta. I've known him forever. We've been in the same class since we started school when we were five. He was wrong that I didn't know he existed. I always knew." she said, and then put her head down. She laughed pitifully and then picked her head back up. "I guess maybe I should stop wondering if he's ok. Only one person can come out of here right. It's not like we can get out of here together." she said sadly. She put her head down, and pretended to wipe a tear. Haymitch should be eating this up. All the Capitol should. Peeta was at the river, dying, calling for Katniss, and here she was, practically admitting that she was in love with him. The residents of the Capitol must be going crazy. Katniss cleared her throat once more, and asked about the Careers. They made there plans.

Peeta woke up and felt thirsty. Very thirsty. He moaned as gulped down water. His throat was sore. I guess the rebels couldn't cure everything. He could deal with a sore throat though. He was worse off last time. "Good to see you finally awake boy." he heard Haymitch said. He almost choked on the water. "She woke up and is with Rue. There both fine, and already making plans to blow up the Careers stuff. And she's done great. Better then I could imagine. The Capitol is eating out of her hand. She added just a few one liners about you, and the Capitol is going nuts. It's not just you holding the star-crossed lovers. It's her to. And it's perfect. She's doing awesome And she's with Rue. She couldn't be happier." Haymitch told her. Peeta covered his face and smiled. She was ok. That was all he wanted. "I know it's hard for you to just lay there. But your doing great. I'll see you soon boy." Haymitch said. Peeta pulled out some dried fruit to settle his stomach. Not that it would help much. He drank some more water. He moved around a little, not really liking the fact that he had to urinate right on himself. He remembered what he was thinking last time he was laying here. He prayed that Katniss would make it out of here alive. That his brothers would be kind enough to her, to let her know that everything he said was true, and he really truly did love her. He begged for death to just take him, and not make him wait any longer. But this time was different. He felt no pain. He was sleeping for hours and hours. He couldn't believe how fast time had went in the arena this time. He just had to wait a few more days until he saw her again. Until he could kiss her again. They could sleep in each others arms again. He felt his eyes starting to droop again, and scooped up some more water, trying to stay hydrated.

Katniss found a tree for her and Rue to sleep in, and cuddled up close together. The anthem came on, and knew it was to loud for any microphones to pick up anything she said. "Are you ok?" Katniss whispered. Rue turned her head and nodded. "I am so sorry Rue." she whispered. But Rue just smiled.

"Your my best friend Katniss. You would have saved me so I could live. You did nothing wrong. You didn't do this. Snow did. And I'll be ok. Your saving my life now. And that's all that matters." Rue whispered. It touched Katniss to hear that she was Rue's best friend. It truth, Rue had become her best friend instantly. Had they met outside the arena, Katniss would look at her as a friend for Prim. But when your forced with having to run for your life, friendships become stronger much quicker.

"Your family. They'll think your died again. And your poor mother." she whispered. Rue continued to smile.

"I'll see her in a year. And for the rest of our lives. We can go a year without seeing each other, because it will be worth it in the end to be together. So it's ok Katniss. Let's just sleep tonight. We'll say goodbye tomorrow, and the next day...I'll die. But I'll be ok. So do everything the same." Rue said. Before they could continue with their conversation, the anthem died down. Katniss wrapped her arms around Rue tighter. "You really are my best friend Katniss." Rue whispered. The mics could hear her now, but it wasn't something bad to say. Katniss smiled.

"Your my best friend to Rue. And my sister would absolutely adore you." Katniss said sadly. But it didn't really feel sad. Her sister would meet Rue in District 13 next year. They instantly would become friends, she just knew it. It wouldn't be something of jealousy for the other one, seeking Katniss' attention. They were both to sweet and to gentlE for something like that. Prim is her little sister, and no one could come between that. And her and Rue went through the arena together. No one could come in between that. She looked forward to a year from now, the two young girls meeting. She just knew that the three of them would have a beautiful relationship. Rue wasn't just her friend. Rue was her sister, and knew Prim would feel the same way.

Day 8

Katniss and Rue ate breakfast, and set up all the branches and leaves to burn. Time went by to quickly. This day was going by to quickly for Katniss. She wanted more time with Rue. She asked her questions about her family. Her mother seemed like a kind woman. She could tell, on the Victory Tour, as she saw Rue's mothers tears, how devastated she was. Katniss shook her head. And that's why she never wanted children. She couldn't watch them suffer. She couldn't watch them die. Before Katniss knew it, it was time to separate Rue smiled at her. "When are we gonna see each other again?" Rue asked her.

"Your looking a little green around the gills. Rue's supposed to be the nervous one. Set her mind at ease. Let her know you'll see her at supper." the rebel said in her ear. Katniss smiled at her.

"Don't be worried. Just stick to the plan. Once you light the third one, hide in the trees. They can't climb a tree if there life depended on it." Katniss joked. Rue smiled. "We'll see each other for supper. They won't catch either of us. You'll already have left through the trees, and I'll be running the opposite way, they wont find us. It will work out perfect." Katniss said. Rue hugged her, and Katniss couldn't help but hug her tightly. Kissing her head.

"Much better. Just keep it up." the rebel said. She thought that Haymitch must have instructed the rebels to be nice to her. To gently help her along, and to let her know she was doing great. Almost like babysitting her. They pulled apart, and came up with the whistle. Katniss gasped as she had a flash of District 11, and the old man being shot. Katniss turned around and threw up. Rue ran over to her and rubbed her back. Oh no, nightmares couldn't start now. She was half way through. She had made it this far. "If your having a nightmare or a flashback I want you to scratch your head." the rebel said. Katniss scratched her head roughly. Messing up her braid. "It's ok Katniss. Don't think of anything else. Just listen to the sound of my voice. Your ok. I know your in the arena, and it must be so scary being back there. But you have done an amazing job so far Katniss Everdeen. Your doing perfect. Your holding yourself together very well, and you've come very far. It's day 8. Not to many people know that you get to leave on day 17. It's day 8 now. You've already made it 8 days. You can do 9 more days of this. You'll see Peeta in a few days, and you'll be with him. You win, and go home to District 12 where your sister is. Prim is waiting for you. So wipe your mouth and stand back up." the rebel said. He was right. She cleared her throat and Rue helped her up.

"I don't think I cooked the Groosling all the way. I knew it didn't taste fully cooked. I'm sorry if feel sick to." she said. Rue just smiled.

"I'm ok." she said. Katniss nodded and hugged her tightly.

"I'll see you for supper Rue." Katniss said. Rue hugged her back, and Katniss looked down at her one more time. She wouldn't see her till tomorrow, and when she saw her, she would be dying in her arms.

"Get going Katniss." the rebel said. She nodded and smiled, and turned around. She wouldn't look back. "Don't cry on us now. You've done well for 8 whole days. You can keep doing this. You remember who the enemy is." the rebel told her. Haymitch really told them exactly what to say alright.

Haymitch knew once Katniss had to say goodbye to Rue, that it would start to get harder for her. But all Katniss had to do was get through today and tomorrow, and she would be with Peeta. It would give her exactly what she needed. He thanked God for the rebels being able to talk to her whenever they wanted. He could breathe a sigh of relief. Finnick patted him on the back and joined him on the couch. "Kinda early for that don't you think?" Finnick asked.

"I've been up all night. So it's not early. You just slept in all day." Haymitch said.

"Oh don't worry about him. He's just jealous his tributes are already gone." Chaff laughed loudly, sitting down with his drink. Haymitch had to hand it to Chaff. His loud drunken behavior never gave the Capitol anything to be suspicious about.

"We can't all have star-crossed lovers for tributes." Johanna said grumpily. Haymitch couldn't have been prouder of Johanna. She really stepped up to the plate. Not only joining the rebellion, but getting to Katniss, and putting her in her place. The girl had a lot of fire of her own.

"Speaking of which, how is the Girl on Fire?" Finnick asked. Seeder and Blight, from District 7 sat down on the couches with them to watch. Haymitch looked around as Gloss and Cashmere, alonG with three other District 1 mentors, Chardonnay, Champagne and Sparkle...along with the District 2 mentors, Enobaria, Brutus, Blade and Dagger, two brothers who won back to back also, standing close by. Haymitch looked over to his group of friends and smiled.

"My girl is about to blow up there damn supplies, leaving these stupid kids with nothing." Haymitch looked over at the Careers mentors. "My girl is just that smart." Haymitch said. Cashmere huffed. Johanna turned around.

"Seriously? Speak up Barbie. Did you see the way Glimmer shot that arrow and missed the Girl on Fire by a mile in that tree? That little Barbie doll was a moron. Carrying around weapons she didn't know how to use." Johanna said.

"At least my girl lasted longer then the Cornucopia." Cashmere said. Johanna laughed and turned around again.

"You know that's not an insult to me. There better off dying right away. You don't have to go through the pain of an arena." Johanna said, sitting back. Finnick put his arm around her. They both had both of their tributes dead already.

"Our girls going to kill it. Have you seen her throw a knife?" Enobaria asked. Laughing evilly

"Have you seen the baker boy lately? Laying dead in a river calling for the Girl on Fire." Gloss joked. The Careers laughed, but stopped as Haymitch slammed his hand on the table and picked up his glass and threw it at the wall. He stood up, with Finnick and Chaff. They were ready to grab him.

"This arena isn't over. And my kids are nothing to be laughed about. You wait and see who the last two standing are. It will be them. I bet my life on it." Haymitch said.

"Come on Haymitch there not worth it. Just sit down and watch out for them." Finnick told him. Haymitch glared at them and sat down. The Careers laughed.

Peeta felt his throat hurting again. And this time he had a headache. He needed to drink more. He needed to stay more hydrated. He drank slowly from the river. "Katniss is almost to the Cornucopia to blow it up. She's doing great." the rebel said. Peeta was losing his patience. How many days had he been laying here? Why was he still laying here? "It's day 8 Peeta. You'll be out on day 17. And Katniss will find you on day 10. So just hang in there. We'll wake you in a few more hours." the rebel said. He was frustrated. But was thankful to feel himself fall asleep again.

Everything was going to according to plan again. She made it all the way to the Cornucopia without any problems. Not that she expected any. "This time when you shoot the arrow. Don't wait around to watch. Run back around. You won't hurt your ear this time, but were still gonna make it bleed, and we want you to pretend it hurts. We want them to have to repair it for next year when you make up that lie about being able to hear the forcefield. You wanna hide under these bushes again. Peeta hid the arrows under there. You be surprised when you find them." the rebel said. She scratched her eyebrow again, letting him know she understands. She observed like last time, and made a face like she was trying to figure it all out. She saw the fire, and the Careers went running. Foxface came out and did her little hop, skips and jumps to get some food. Katniss looked around, making sure no one was there. This time, she stepped right out. No need to waste three arrows. She lined it up, took a deep breath, and fired the arrow. She turned around, and got back to the tree line, when the bombs went off. They still sent her flying to the ground, and she felt hr ear bleeding. She pretended that it hurt and that she was having trouble getting up. That she couldn't hear or walk. She crawled under the bushes, and pretended to pass out. "Alright then Katniss. You did great. Were gonna let you sleep. We'll wake you up in the morning." the rebel said. And she was asleep again.

Peeta woke up again, and it was dark. He hated this last time, he was so scared for his life. He was never a big out doors person, and him laying in the river in the dark just proved that. His fear proved it. He drank water again, his head and throat not hurting so bad. "Katniss is asleep under the bush. She blew up the Cornucopia. Everything's going to plan." he told him. This was getting to be to much for him. He laid here day in and day out, with no one to talk to. Except a voice he could hear but couldn't talk back to. Couldn't ask questions to. Sometimes he hated his role in the Revolution. He hated being part of the star-crossed lovers sometimes. Not because he didn't love Katniss. But because of the demands they put on him also. He closed his eyes, waiting for them to put him to sleep.

Day 9

Katniss had woken up that morning, reminded to act like her ear hurt. She grabbed the arrows, and started walking. She felt nervous the entire time. She was walking into Rue's death. How did Haymitch expect her to do this again? They sent along a personal message from Haymitch to her. Remember who the real enemy is. Remember what Johanna said. Remember that Rue would live a long healthy life if she did this right. Everyone was counting on her. After a few hours, she faked shock when she saw that one of the bushes was not set on fire. She acted scared when she whistled and heard nothing in return. And she freaked out when she heard Rue screaming for her. She ran for the young girl and saw her screaming from under the net. Just keep breathing Katniss. You can do this. She won't really die. She got her out of the net and hugged her. "I'm so sorry Rue. Your ok." Katniss said. Rue pointed to behind Katniss, and she spun around and ducked. She knew the spear hit Rue, but she sat up, sending an arrow into Marvels' heart. Oh God. She just shot an arrow through Marvel. She wanted to vomit, but just knew that she couldn't. She was reliving two of her biggest nightmares right now. Rue dying, and killing Marvel. She spun around and saw Rue take the spear out. She burst into tears. These weren't fake. There was no acting here. These were two of her biggest nightmares being lived through again. It felt as real as it did the first time. "No Rue." Katniss cried. She examined her wound as she let out a sob. Rue had tears in her eyes as she looked up at her. "Oh God Rue I'm so sorry. But your ok Rue. Your going to be ok." Katniss cried. Rue held her hand.

"She doesn't feel any pain Katniss. Remember that." the rebel said. That helped, but it didn't make her feel any better.

"Did you blow up the food?" Rue asked. Katniss' tears fell from her face and she nodded. "Good...you have to win." Rue whispered.

"I will Rue. I promise I'll win." Katniss cried.

"For Prim." Rue said. That was what Katniss said in her interviews. That she would win for Prim.

"For Prim...and for you." Katniss cried.

"What about Peeta?" she whispered. Katniss let out another sob.

"I'll win for Peeta to." she cried. She was disgusted by the thought that came next to her. That the Capitol must love that. Saying she'll win for the boy she loves. The Capitol must be screaming in there seats.

"Will you tell my mother that I love her. When you see her?" Rue asked. Katniss nodded. "Will you sing?" Rue asked.

"Deep in the meadow. Under the willow. A bed of grass. A soft green pillow." Katniss stopped singing. Rue was gone. She let her sobs over take her. How could a world be so cruel as to murder this little girl.

"Come on Katniss. Go get some flowers for her. We need you to do that right now. Her heart is still beating. Put your hand there. She's just sleeping." the rebel said kindly. She touched Rue's face and smoothed her clothes out, and placed her hand over her heart. Sure enough her heart was still beating. But the cannon had already fired for both her and Marvel. She straightened Rue's clothing and stood up and grabbed flowers. She decorated Rue's body as she cried.

"Your safe now Rue. No one can't hurt you anymore. You won't feel anymore pain." Katniss cried. She had wanted to say that before. But couldn't bring herself to. Her heart was beating so fast. To fast. This was to much for her. "The Hunger Games can't hurt you anymore Rue. Your safe." Katniss cried, and kissed her forehead. She stood up, and walked towards Marvel. She put her hand where the arrow was in his chest. And she felt his heart beating to. "I'm sorry Marvel. Please forgive me." she whispered, and yanked the arrow out and threw it. She didn't want it. His blood was all over it. But his parents deserved to see him without it in his chest. She pulled his pack off of him, and walked back over to Rue to look at her one last time. She took Rue's pack from her also. "We'll see each other again." she whispered. She put three fingers to her lips he held them out. Then she walked away. She heard the hovercrafts take both Rue and Marvels' bodies. Then a parachute came, delivering bread from District 11. She stared at it a moment, pretending to realize where it came from. She looked up and smiled. "My many many thanks, to District 11. I know where this bread came from. And my heart goes out to you now." Katniss cried. She sobbed in her hands. She wasn't just crying for Rue now. She was crying for the man who got shot on the Victory Tour. She was crying for all the pain and suffering that was, and would happen to that District.

"Come on Katniss keep walking. We'll tell you where to go. Just keep walking." the rebel said. After an hour, he guided her to her tree for the night. She sat on the ground and sobbed. These weren't tears for the camera. Her emotions were not for the camera. They were for Rue. This was just to much for her. She couldn't do this again. Why would her father make her go through all of this again. She laid down on the ground, not in the tree and cried herself to sleep.

Peeta woke up again and just stared at the sky. It was nightfall, and he saw the anthem. He hadn't seen this in a few night. He watched Marvel and Rue's face light up. So they were dead. Katniss must be a mess right now. He wanted to run to her. To find her. But he had to wait here. He had to lay here. Just get through tonight and tomorrow. He drank some more water and fell back to sleep.

Day 10

Katniss barely managed to get herself up. She forced herself to do things. She had opened this wound back up. Of losing Rue. Of killing Marvel again. How did Haymitch expect her to go on? How did the rebels expect her to go on. She just laid there for a few hours. Why didn't the rebels keep her asleep? Because they want the Capitol to see her in misery that was why. She got up and ate a little, and drank a little. She napped. She was done. She wanted to lay here and die. Rue was dead and it was her fault. She should just let the Careers kill her. Forget everything. She tried to. She tried to fall into the black hole she was in when she killed herself. Maybe she should do that again. They wouldn't be able to stop her. But Caludius Templesmith's voice interrupted her dark thoughts There was a rule change. Two tributes could win if they were from the same District It took her a moment to remember. This was her chance. She could see Peeta now. "PEETA!" She yelled, and then covered her mouth. She let a sob escape her mouth. She remembered what to do now. 10 days. She had been in the arena 10 days. Only 7 more to go. She climbed up into the tree and tied herself in. She smiled, and let the camera see. She was going to find Peeta tomorrow.

Day 11

He drank his water. He may not be in pain anymore, but he was starting to become delusional. This was all a joke. A sick cruel joke. No one could lay here for this many days and not give up. He just wanted it to all end. He wanted to just die. "Peeta." he heard someone call. It wasn't the rebel. "Peeta." he heard again. He opened his eyes, and saw Katniss. She was here. She was really here. He waited until she got closer and he grabbed her leg.

"You here to finish me off sweetheart?" he asked. Out of breath. Katniss gasped and kicked him accidentally "Well don't step on me." he says.

"Peeta!" Katniss cries and leans down, tearing at all the rocks and moss and mud he had covering him. She cries again, and helps him lean up so she can hug him to her chest. He wraps his arms around her as best as he can. "Oh God Peeta I thought I'd never see you again." she cried. He could tell she meant that. Maybe these past 11 days had gotten to her like they had gotten to him. "Oh thank God I found you Peeta." she cried. He just held her. There wasn't much he could do. He could barely move. His muscles were so stiff, and his leg hurt...his leg hurt? He hissed in pain and Katniss jumped back. "What hurts? Did Cato hurt you?" she asked. He nodded his head.

"My leg. He stabbed me with his sword." Peeta hissed, and then laid back down. Katniss cleared everything off him and tried to look at his leg. He started breathing heavy and could feel sweat pouring down his face. And the tracker-jacker stings. He had so many.

"Your in so much pain Peeta." she hissed venomously. She looked around a little. He was in pain. It was slowly starting to come back.

"You both can hear me right now. It's on Haymitch's orders. You can't feel it completely, but we had to let you feel some of it. Were sorry." the rebel said to both of them. Katniss glared at Peeta. Peeta let out a chuckle.

"You look at me like your mad that I'm in pain. I didn't stab myself you know." he joked. Katniss shook her head. And got busy taking her pack off and getting her supplies out.

"You got hurt because you came back for me. I told you to run." Katniss said. He laughed a shaky laugh again.

"Then Cato would have killed you. He let me off easy." Peeta said. He started to shake a little. He was barely feeling the pain, but God was it awful. Why would Haymitch want him in pain? One look at Katniss though revealed why. It wasn't for him. He could act in pain. But he wanted to keep Katniss' head in the game. Remember what she was fighting for. She fought so hard to keep him alive last time, because of how much pain he as in. She needed something to fight for. If he just laid there pretending, it would start to show on her face. He moaned a little as he tried to move.

"And look where that got you Peeta. You've been bleeding for days." Katniss said.

"Wasn't so bad. I slept most of it...I think." he said. Katniss looked at him. She stared at him sadly. "Well I did save your life and all back there. Getting stung by some tracker jackers to come back for you. The least you could do is give me a kiss." he said. She laughed and put her head down. Then she stared at him again.

"How about I worry about cleaning you up, cleaning your wound and getting you out of here first. You worry about the romantic moment for me to give you that kiss." Katniss said. He smiled at her.

"Don't worry it's all I've been thinking about. We should probably wait till tonight anyways. Moonlight is always more romantic." he said. She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"I want to try and get you cleaned up. The others had burns on them from the fire. Do you have any?" she asked. He nodded his head.

"I tried to run faster, but I got a little of a fire ball on my chest. And the tracker jackers got me." he whispered. She helped him roll over and into the water a little. She took his boots and socks off first this time. Cleaning them. She helped him out of his jacket, and helped him out of his shirt. She had cut it last time, but he guessed she didn't want to this time. It was better, he wouldn't have to keep his jacket on all the time. "I have some food in my pockets." he whispered. She fished them out and set them on her pack. She then cleaned the jacket and shirts off, and he could hear her sniffling. He knew why she was cleaning his things first. Because she was trying get a grip. This was to real for her. Reliving this again. He knew, that she knew he would live. But last time...she didn't know.

"You must be so hungry. I have some food." Katniss said, still not turning around. He felt his stomach.

"No thanks. I'm not hungry. I haven't been hungry for days. I tried eating some dried fruit and crackers, but I ended up throwing them up." Peeta said. He actually forgot that this had happened. But he vaguely remembered waking up to his own vomiting. She set his things aside for them to dry, and then went about washing him. She helped him drink something first, and then after a few minutes of protesting, ate some dried fruit for her. She worked on his hair first. He sat there, propped up against the rock and reveled in the feeling of her hands scratching his scalp. It was an amazing feeling. He hadn't had his hair washed since he was a very small boy. His mother taught him to take baths by himself at an extremely young age because it was inconvenient to have to bathe a child. He didn't realize he let out a sigh until she chuckled. He looked up at her. "That feels really good." he told her. She smiled. He could tell that she was even enjoying it. He could tell what she was feeling. She had to keep touching him. To remind herself that they really were together. That he was really there. She took her time washing all the mud out of his hair, and then worked on his face. She was delicate in her movements. It was different from the last time she washed him up. It was more about cleaning. This was more intimate. She washed carefully behind his ears. Kept running her hands through his hair. Ran her fingers over his lips. When she had gotten everything off him above the neck, she smiled at him.

"I forgot what you looked like. I can't believe I couldn't even see you if you hadn't opened your eyes." she said. He laughed.

"Death by camouflage" he joked. He cleared his throat. "I decorate the cakes at the bakery. It's fun." he told her. She smiled and nodded.

"Prim loves those cakes. She always wants me to stop at the bakery so she can peak in. I could see you through the window baking." she said sheepishly. He smiled greatly at her, as she started working on his chest. He winced in pain. He could feel her rub against his burns and tracker-jacker stings. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to be as careful as I can." she told him. He shook his head.

"It's impossible to be careful." he told her honestly. She had no idea where his stings were. Even if she remembered from last time, he had been away when the nest fell. The ones that got him this time were when he was running back for her. She helped him sit up as she washed his back and shoulders and his arms. "You could rub them harder you know. I've been laying there for months, my shoulders could use a serious massage." he joked. She laughed and rolled her eyes at him.

"Is this seriously all you can think about? Me rubbing your shoulders and kissing you? I'm trying to take care of you." she said to him.

"Yeah laying there for months it's all I've thought about." he said. She stared at him for a minute, and she placed her hand to his forehead.

"You have a fever. The water and mud were keeping it down. And you weren't laying there for months. Just a week. Six nights." she told him as a matter of factley. He laid back against the rock.

"Was it really only six nights? It felt like so much longer." he told her. She stared at him for a minute.

"I have some burn ointment and some leaves that will help with your stings. But you never pulled the stingers out, so I'll have to dig them out." she told him. He nodded his head and closed his eyes. One by one she dug the stingers out. He had been in no pain before, that he hadn't realized he had been stung. But as she dug them out, he realized he had many more then he did last time. She carefully rubbed the burn ointment on his chest. Slowly, gingerly. He watched through hooded eyes as she stared at his chest.

"That feels so good." he repeated again. She just nodded and started chewing up leaves. She puts them all over over his stings and he lets out a shaky breath. "Oh God what is that?" he asked, like he didn't know.

"Rue found them. They draw out infection. And all that pus. God I hate pus." she said. He opened his eyes and looked at the pus leaking down his chest, arms and neck.

"But you have no idea how good it feels." he moaned out. It did feel good. She gave him some fever pills that he gladly accepted, but knowing it wouldn't help.

"I'm gonna try and take your pants off." she told him. He nodded and tried to help her. Holding back his groan as he could feel his pants scraping along this wound. Once they were off he moaned in relief. She washed his legs. He knew his pants kept his legs pretty clean, but still. Katniss tried cleaning it first, but then started chewing up the laves again and putting them on his leg.

"Aaahh." he moaned out loud as he felt all the pus leaving his leg. She grabbed his hand and held onto it. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She had tears in her eyes.

"Thank you for saving me Peeta." she said. She wasn't really thanking him for this time. Had they worked out some sort of plan, they could have set up a trap to kill Cato, Clove and Marvel as they ran away. But then that would have screwed up everything with Rue and Thresh, and even Foxface. She was thanking him for last time. She had never thanked him last time. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.

"Your welcome." he told her. He could tell there was a moment where Katniss forgot about the cameras, but then shook her head and let go of his hand.

"You shouldn't have done it though. You should have saved yourself." she told him a matter of factley. She cleared the leaves away and put some more on his leg. Good God it hurt. After doing that another time, all the pus was gone. He really didn't want to look at his leg. He felt like he may throw up. He was thankful that Katniss was strong enough. "Just lay here for a bit. Let your clothes dry. Then we'll find someplace to sleep." she told him.

"You shouldn't' be worrying about me Katniss. I'll only hold you back and get you killed. My leg is bad. Just go Katniss." he told her. Her mouth fell open.

"No I'm not leaving you. Were a team. Or didn't you hear?" she demanded.

"Yeah I heard something like that last night. But still. If Cato comes, just run Katniss. Save yourself." he told her. She grabbed his arm and squeezed it tightly.

"I won't leave you here. I wouldn't do that. Were going home. Together." she told him. Then she let him go. She grabbed her jacket, and covered his waist. "I'll clean your shorts for you." she told him.

"I don't care if you see me naked Katniss." he told her and smiled. She shuddered.

"I'm sure you don't care. But I care. Just shove them down a little and I'll pull them off the rest of the way for you." she told him. At least she didn't turn her back like last time. He did as she said and raised his hips to pull his boxers down past her jacket, and she pulled his boxers down his legs. He stared at her hazily as she did it. He imagined he was in his room back in the Victor's Village, in his bed, and she was dragging his boxers down his legs. And she was naked. He felt her shake him, and his eyes came back into focus. He was sitting naked on a rock by the river. The woods surrounding him. "Where did you just go?" she asked. She turned around and started cleaning his pants and boxer shorts. He rested his head back against the rocks. He was so tired.

"To my bedroom." he said honestly. She turned around and raised an eyebrow at him. He just smiled at her. He rested his head back, and felt sleep grab at him again.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

As Katniss washed his pants and boxers, she willed herself not to cry. She had found Peeta. It was day 11. She just had six more nights of this. 5 if she shot Cato sooner. She could do this. They were almost done. And she found Peeta. He was ok. He was alive, and he would stay alive. She knew she could keep him alive. She had already proven this to herself. But he was in pain. Haymitch promised them he wouldn't feel a thing, but they had already admitted on Haymitch's orders, that he should feel it. And she knew why. It was because of her. Her acting wasn't always the greatest, and she knew that Haymitch knew, this would keep her on her toes. This would keep her together. This would make her fight. To remember why she was fighting. She laid his clothes out to dry and just sat there, looking at the river. She reminded herself to look at the woods to look for the Careers, but knew they weren't anywhere near them. She kept her bow and arrow with her though, for effect. She closed her eyes for a moment. How was she honestly supposed to do this again? She kept asking herself this. She had so many nightmares of Peeta dying in here. How can she keep doing this? She was so tired. So exhausted. She looked over at Peeta. She smiled. She would keep going for him. How had she never realized that she loved this boy. Not a boy anymore. The second his name was called the first time, he stopped being a boy. How had she never realized how brave he was, when he stepped forward for Haymitch to take his place in the Quarter Quell. Just so she would live. He could have let Haymitch go in, and if Katniss won, then they would be together. But he bravely stood up to take Haymitch's place, knowing he would die, but die trying to make sure that he got her out of that arena. Sealing his own fate to death, for her life. How could she have been so cruel to him. So blind. She scooted closer to him, and brushed his beautiful blonde hair off of his face. But she didn't stop there, she kept running her hands through his hair. Over his cheek, his forehead. She didn't realize that her gentle touch would even wake him, till he opened his eyes and smiled at her. "Now about that kiss. It's really the perfect moment don't you think?" he asked. His voice gruff. She leaned in a bit, but then pulled back. He looked rejected.

"Didn't you say something about moonlight. It is more romantic. And I feel strange kissing you for the first time and your naked." she told him. He closed his eyes and smiled, letting out a soft chuckle. She brushed some hair off his forehead again. "Let's get you dressed and we'll find someplace to sleep." she told him. She grabbed all his clothes and brought them to him. She pushed his boxer shorts up to the jacket. "Think you can handle this part?" she asked. He nodded his head. She turned her back as he struggled to pull his shorts up. It did unsettle her how comfortable he was with his nudity. It never bothered him. She sometimes wondered if he wanted her to see him naked. But why?

"Ok." he said. He threw the jacket aside and laid there in just boxer shorts. She scooted over to his feet and helped him with his socks. She looked up at his boxer shorts. What did he look like naked? Was he impressive, and that was why he wasn't ashamed of being naked? Would she ever see him naked? She shook her head, knocking the thoughts from her mind. What on earth was wrong with her, wondering what Peeta looked like naked while she was in the arena. Now was not the time. She pushed up his pants, and he groaned trying to lift his hips. She did something she didn't do last time. She zipped up his zipper and buttoned his pants. He looked down at her again. Lust was in his eyes. She had to be more careful with what she was doing.

"How about I put on some more burn ointment before I put your shirt back on." she told him. He nodded his head. She was trying to prolong before making him stand up. She softly applied the ointment to his chest. She watched him the whole time. She could feel her cheeks get red. She wanted to run her hands all over his chest, and kiss him. She shook her head again, and packed her bag up. Then she helped him with his tank top and shirt, and then his jacket and boots. She took a deep breath. Well. This was it. She helped him stand up, and she sat him on a rock. His face turned white. She ran her hand through his hair again as he leaned on her. "I know it hurts. But we just have to get somewhere where we can hide. Get some sleep. It won't be so bad." she said. He nodded his head, and she helped him up. She felt utterly useless.

"Just remember, the mouth of the cave is to your right. We'll let you know when you guys can sit. We'll block some of the pain. But act like it really really hurts." the rebel told them. They looked at each other. Katniss could tell just by his eyes, that it wasn't hurting. But he hissed anyways, and put his head on her shoulder. She ran her hands through his hair. And hugged him to her.

"I know it hurts Peeta. But let's just find someplace to sleep. You can do this." Katniss whispered into his ear. She wanted to kiss him desperately. How did he do this last time? Because like she said earlier. He stopped being a boy the moment his name was called at the Reaping. He was a man, and he fought through the pain like only a man could. She should have realized this all sooner, and she needed to tell him. But now wasn't the time or the place. He nodded his head, and she helped him barely 50 yards, before she felt him shudder. The pain was back. She helped him sit down, and made him put his head between his legs and rubbed his back. He threw up what little he had in his stomach. He hadn't done that last time, but she figured that last time, the constant pain almost made it easier. The waves of pain and then nothing surely would make her sick to. She wanted to kiss him, and tell him she loved him. But she couldn't. All she could do was rub his back. She looked around, and saw the mouth of the cave. Their cave. She thought she'd never see it again. She gulped. She had so many dreams of this cave. She never wanted to go back to it. But she stood up and walked over to it, pretending to examine it. She walked over and grabbed some moss and leaves and sticks. She tried to remember what Finnick and Mags had done in the Quarter Quell. When they made blankets and mats for them. She needed something to keep out intruders. But who was she kidding, no one would make it over to their cave. She knew that. But she didn't care. It would keep the sun out at least. Peeta slowly sat up and watched her. She saw him smirk a little. He was thinking of Finnick and Mags also. "I found a cave over there. This will keep anyone from seeing us." she told him he let out a chuckle and she looked up at him.

"It looks awful." he joked. She glared at him. "The Career from District 4 could put that to shame." he joked. Katniss glared at him again, then back down at her hands.

"Well I've never been to District 4. So if I ever meet up with Finnick O'dair, I'll have to ask him how to make a cover better." she grouched at him. He chuckled.

"When we go on our Victory Tour when this is all over, I'll make sure to ask Finnick to give you a lesson. I know his mentor Mags is still around. I hear she's amazing with this sorta stuff." he huffed out. She smiled at him. Connecting to Victors already was probably a good thing. The Capitol will remember things like this. They'll be begging to see Finnick with them on the Victory Tour.

"Come on I'll help you down there." she said. She helped him up and he hissed in pain again. She got him to the ground and got him situated. "They won't find you down here." she told him. He huffed.

"They already found me." he said bitterly and laid his head back. Katniss went to work on covering their cave, blocking the sun out. It hurt so bad. So freaken bad. He felt her brush the hair off his forehead again.

"We'll just get you some medicine that's all." she said sweetly. But he shook his head.

"I don't get many parachutes. Haymitch hasn't sent me anything." he said bitterly. He knew why of course. Last time, he only hoped to get one out. And he told Haymitch to save their sponsors for her, to not worry about him. "He sent you that burn ointment though right?" he asked. Katniss nodded her head.

"Haymitch will send us something." she told him but he just shook his head, and crossed his arms. He was starting to get cold.

"No he won't." he looked around wildly "I'm going to die in this cave and there's not a damn thing he'll be able to do about it." he said. Katniss gasped.

"You won't die Peeta." she cried.

"Please just tell my family for me Katniss-" but she stopped him.

"No. I don't want to hear that. I'm not telling your family anything. You can tell them yourself when we get home. I didn't drain all that nasty pus for nothing. I forbid you to die on me." she told him firmly. She helped to try and get him comfortable and put him in her sleeping bag. He should have put another sleeping bag under the bushes with her arrows. "We'll figure something out." she told him.

"Like what?" he asked. She looked at him, trying to find an answer. "It won't be your fault if I-" he was cut of by Katniss leaning forward and crushing her lips to him. It was the first time in the games that they were kissing. This cave floor is where he had his first kiss ever with a girl. He had been in love with Katniss for so long, that he didn't care that there were cameras all around. He tangled his hand in her hair, and felt her do the same. After a minute he was already breathless. His leg hurt so bad and she pulled back, looking at his leg, then back at him. "I will figure something out Peeta. I promise." she said. She tried to get him to eat, but he kept pushing whatever she had away. Dried fruit, crackers, beef strips, fruit, Groosling, roots. Nothing was appetizing.

"Please I am so sick to my stomach Katniss. I'll throw up anything you give me. I already spit up what you gave me. I'm not hungry." he groaned. Katniss slipped him something, he wasn't sure in his water.

"Your burning up Peeta. Please, eat something." she begged. But he couldn't. He dreaded the broth that Haymitch was about to send. Because even that made him sick to think about. This constant wave of being in pain, not being in pain. It was so unsettling to his stomach. It was much worse then last time. "You look green Peeta. You need something to help with the nausea." she said, looking around the cave. "Anti nausea medication Haymitch. I can get him to eat something with that you know." she yelled. He chuckled and tried to get some sleep. He hated the rebels right now. At least last time he wasn't nauseas. He groaned loudly. He willed himself to throw up. Maybe that would make him feel better. He didn't know how long he was asleep for, but he thought he heard the most beautiful sound. It was Katniss calling his name. He felt her kiss his lips. It felt so good. He opened his eyes, and she was smiling at him. "Look what Haymitch sent you Peeta. Chicken noodle soup." she said happily. It was just broth last time. They must be impressing Haymitch. Well, Katniss must be impressing Haymitch, that it's easy for him to get sponsers. So he was sick to his stomach, and Haymitch sends him chicken? He groaned and turned away. "He also sent some anti nausea meds. Come on just swallow this. It will make you feel better in a few minutes I promise Peeta. But he shook his head. Katniss groaned. "Peeta come on this will make you feel better I promise." she said. But Peeta didn't believe that, he suddenly turned over and started throwing up the water he drank. "Oh Peeta." she cried out. She rubbed his back.

"Please don't make me drink that. It's pink. Like Effie's hair." he cried out. Katniss laughed.

"You know Effie is going to take offense to that. Come on please Peeta, this will make your stomach feel so much better." she said. He wasn't sick like this last time. She glared at the cameras She hoped the rebels who messed with his body knew that this was caused by them. And she hoped that they understood that her glare was for them. She felt him wretch again and all she did was rub his back. It was getting so much worse. He held his stomach and his head in his hands. "Does your head hurt to?" she asked. He nodded his head.

"I've had a migraine a few times. It makes me dizzy and it makes me sick. God I just want to die." he said. Why weren't they helping him with this. Surely if they can take away the pain in his leg, they can get rid of his nausea For an hour Katniss tried to coax him to take the pink liquid. She rubbed his body with her hands. Everywhere she could. His face, his arms, his back, chest, legs. He was burning up so badly. The fever meds weren't helping at all. Of course he was throwing them up. She threatened him. Saying she'd leave him there. But he just choked. They both knew it was a comical threat. It wasn't for him, it was for the audience. He just ignored her, and she didn't even like speaking the words. So she moved on to trying to make deals with him. "I'll be your slave for month. Cleaning your house, baking your bread for you." she joked.

"You'll burn it." he said, not moving. That was true. She tried kissing him. It was hard with him trying to bury his face in the ground. She tried to sit him up but he wanted to lay down. He said it felt better laying. She didn't know how that was possible. But she was stronger then him right now. He tried to fight her but she sat him up anyways. She grabbed both his cheeks in her hands.

"Peeta please. It will make you feel better." she said, and kissed him. She pulled back and he kept his lips tightly shut. She leaned in and kissed him again. "Please Peeta." she said sweetly. She kissed him again, and licked his lips. He groaned.

"That's not fair Katniss." he groaned. She planted slow sweet kisses all over this face. She left his lips and kissed his cheeks. They burned her lips. But she kept kissing. His forehead. His nose. His eyes. She felt his breathing get heavy. At least she was distracting him from being nauseous She kissed along his jaw over to his ear. She bit it lightly and he shivered. She smiled. She moved down under his ear and nipped at the skin there. He felt his arms go around her and tangle in her ear, and stroke her spine. "Katniss." he groaned out. She smiled and pulled back. His eyes popped open. "Why are you stopping?" he asked. She smiled.

"How about I continue that, after you take some medicine?" she asked. He narrowed his eyes at her. He opened his mouth and she smiled. Finally. She spooned some pink liquid into this mouth and waited for him to swallow. He choked a little, but she held his hand. "Good that's real good Peeta." she said, and waited a moment. "Here take some more." she said. He made the worst face. Not again. "I'm sorry Peeta, but one spoonful won't do it. Just take some more for me." Katniss begged.

"And you'll keep kissing my neck?" he asked. She laughed and rolled her eyes. She smiled at him.

"Yes I will. After your feeling better of course. So take some more Peeta." she said. She couldn't believe they were acting like this. But she finally realized why. She was getting a second chance to make things better. She spilled the pink liquid as this realization dawned on her. She was doing this, because these moments are how Panem knew her. These moments will stick with them. She needed to do better, she needed to do this right. So flirting annoyingly with Peeta, she needed to do it. This was her second chance. She felt Peeta hold her hands and wipe a tear from her face.

"Are you ok? What happened? What's the matter Katniss?" Peeta frantically asked her. Searching her face. She had just realized something. He didn't know what, but it was almost like something clicked with her. Another tears escaped her.

"I..." she trailed off. He saw her tongue move. He knew what she was going to say, so he crushed his lips to hers again. He pulled back.

"I know you don't want me to die ok. I'll take the medicine and eat the soup ok. I'll be ok." he told her, and rested is forehead against hers. He was dying to know what just happened. No pun intended of course. But Katniss came to some revelation. She nodded her head and cleared her throat. She cleaned up the pink liquid that spilled on him. Then she got some more and spooned it into his mouth. It tasted like chalk. But he drank it. And another spoonful. After a few minutes, it did start to settle his stomach She smiled at him as she wiped her tears.

"I told you you know." Katniss grumbled. His stomach was feeling so much better and he sighed in relief. "Take some more pills." she said. He did as he was told. She started opening the bowl of chicken soup. He went to grab the spoon, but she pulled it away. "I can feed you." she said quietly. She eyed him oddly. Last time she had said that he fed her once. Why didn't she say that this time? He let her feed him, and he understood why. The day he threw her the bread, it was their story. The Capitol didn't have to know everything about them. This was her way of keeping that part of their lives sacred Keeping it for themselves.

"Thank you." he said and smiled. He nodded at her, and then she smiled.

"Your welcome. I just wish Haymitch would send something for your leg." she said, spooning more into his mouth. "Chicken noodle soup really helps you know. My moms made it a few times in the winter. It helps with colds and the flu." she told him. He nodded and kept eating. He finished half the bowl. "That's good enough for now. You'll start feeling better." she told him. She felt his head. "Your just so hot." she said worriedly. He smiled.

"Thank you." he said. She rolled her eyes and swatted his chest, but he caught her hand. "Now how about we go back to you kissing my neck?" he asked huskily. She just stared at him. But he yawned then, and Katniss' eyes softened. She smiled sympathetically at him.

"Why don't you lay down and try to get some sleep." she told him. She arranged him in the sleeping bag and went to move back and he grabbed her hand.

"Stay with me." he told her. She smiled and kissed him sweetly on the lips.

"I won't go far. I just need to fill up the canteens. And I need to do a little hunting so we have some food for tomorrow. I'll cook it outside before it gets dark. You should get some sleep Peeta." she said and kissed his forehead. She found some more Groosling and cooked it quickly. That should be good for tomorrow's breakfast. She filled the water canteens up and went back to Peeta. He didn't fall asleep though. He waited for her. He was fighting sleep.

"Stay with me?" he asked her again. She let out a sigh and got into the sleeping bag with him, laying her head on his chest. She wanted to say always, but that was for them. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, and fell asleep. She didn't have a restful nights sleep though. Peeta moaned in his sleep from pain. She knew he was getting sick again, and forced the pink liquid down his throat to settle his stomach. She didn't want him to throw up what little food he had in his stomach. And while the temperature dropped, Peeta became hotter. The sleeping bag was unbearable She would leave his side to soak some bandages to try and cool him down. She remembered that last time, nothing seemed to work. She wasn't just gonna sleep and let him suffer. Every time she left, even just for a minute he would know and call out to her in his sleep. He never woke up fully, but he talked like he was. Even when she sat up, unless she was touching him, he would call out for her. Once the sky started turning rosy, she knew he was completely asleep. She went out and hunted some more. She found berries and mashed them up for him. She collected some more water. It was still cold from the night. When she came back in, Peeta was just waking up, and was startled. "Katniss where are you?" he called looking around.

"Peeta calm down I'm right here." she said, siting with him. He grabbed onto her and buried his face in her neck. "Shhh it's ok I'm right here. I was just hunting re-" she stopped. She wanted to say remember? But that wasn't good. "I'm ok." she told him. Running her hands through his hair and down his back. He pulled away.

"I thought Cato and Clove attacked you. They like to hunt at night." he said. She nodded her head.

"They weren't here. I didn't go out till the sun came up. And have you looked at yourself? How can you be worried about me?" she asked playfully. She grabbed some cold water and gave him some more fever pills.

"This is an improvement. No mud, clean clothes, and you." he said kindly. She looked up and smiled at him and touched his cheek. He brought her palm to his lips and kissed them. She kissed his cheek.

"No more kisses for you. Eat something. You'll feel better." she said. His eyes widened and he shook his head. She knew why. His stomach. She gave him some more nausea meds and waited a few minutes before feeding him the mashed up berries.

"Who all is left?" he asked. She fed him another spoonful.

"Us and District 2. Foxface and Thresh." she said. Peeta stared at her. "What?"

"Foxface? Who is Foxface?" he asked. Katniss blushed. It was awful to keep calling her that right?

"The girl from District 5." she said sheepishly.

"You don't know her name? So you nicknamed her Foxface? You never learned her name?" Peeta asked. Katniss looked at him. Last time he didn't know her name, but this time around, he must have. He glared at her. She should know this by now. She shook her head. He didn't learn it this time around. He learned it on the Victory Tour. As we spoke for their fallen tributes. She shivered. "It's Marissa." he laughed. Katniss rolled her eyes.

"Alright so I don't know all their names. It makes it easier." she said grumpily. Peeta brushed some hair out of her face.

"Your really tired Katniss. Why don't you sleep. I'll keep watch. I'll wake you if I hear or see anything." Peeta said. Katniss went to protest, but he shook his head. "You can't stay awake all day Katniss. You need some sleep. There's food and water here. I'm not going anywhere. Please just get some sleep." he said. She put her head down.

"Only for a few hours. And make sure you drink those." she said, pointing to the water and then settled down on the ground next to Peeta. He brushed the hair away from her face, and then brushed his hand through her hair, the best he could through her braid, like she had done to him yesterday. "Your right. This does feel good." she said.

"I'll be here when you wake up Katniss." he said, and she was instantly asleep. When she did wake up, she could tell it was afternoon again. She rolled her eyes and stretched out, looking at him. He was in the same position and she picked up the water, shaking her head, and looking at him.

"I told you to drink these. And I told you to wake me up. It has to be late afternoon by now." she complained at him.

"Wake you up for what? Nothing's going on around here. And I like watching you sleep. You don't scowl so much." she glared at him, and he laughed.

"You know that jokes not funny." she said and grabbed her things. "I'm gonna go out and make you something to eat. So you better shove that medicine down your throat because your eating whatever I make you when I get back." she grouched out and left. She knew she could make him some soup again. So she pretend like she was thinking and found all her ingredients. When she came back he smiled at her. She knew he felt miserable but he was still happy to see her. He had pulled his pants off and she looked at his leg. He had blood poisoning. She knew that already. But to look at it. She closed her eyes and sat down. "Haymitch will send us medicine. You just have to outlast the others. I'll hunt the other four down myself if I have to. Your not allowed to die." she told him. He nodded his head. "Do you need anything?" she asked. He smiled at her.

"Tell me a story. A happy one. One of the happiest days you can remember." he asked. She smiled at him. She retold the fake story about how her and Gale got Prim's goat. He liked that story and listened to every detail. They argued about how Lady was a goldmine and that she paid for herself ten times over. And Peeta said he would pay her back also. "Ten times over. No a thousand times over. For all the trouble I caused you." he said. She eyed his leg and she smiled sadly.

"You haven't caused me any trouble." she told him sincerely. She laughed and looked down. "I'm most certain that it's the other way around though." she said. Before he could reply, they were caught off by Claudius Templesmith's voice, inviting them to the inventible feast. They look at each other, and Katniss is staring at his leg. He shakes his head. He knows that the audience will love this, and they both know it is the only way. It doesn't make it any less easy.

"Your not going." he told her. She shook her head.

"Of course I'm going. We all need something desperately? We need your medicine. We need it so you'll live."

"I won't let you risk your life for me."

"So you want me to sit here and watch you die? I won't do that. If you die I'll be all alone. You are not leaving me alone Peeta!" Katniss cried, wiping tears before they fell.

"Then I'll follow you. I'll crawl out, drag myself if I have to. I know I won't make it back to the Cornucopia, but I'll scream your name the whole time. Cato and Clove are sure to hear me and they'll find me and kill me this time. If you leave Katniss, I'm coming with you. Your not going by yourself" Peeta said. Katniss shook her head sadly. "I'll stay alive Katniss." he promised her, grabbing hold of her hands. She snatched them away.

'Then you do everything I say. You eat and drink everything I give you. You wake me up when I tell you. And you put your damn pants back on because I can't stare at your leg anymore. You have blood poisoning" Katniss cried out, letting a sob escape her lips. He nodded his head.

"I'll eat the soup your making. I'm sure it will be delisous." he said enthusiastically. She sniffed and got up. He pulled his pants back on. Truth be told, the red line did scare him as he traced it.

"Don't worry. Your going to be just fine. Were controlling your heart remember. Even if for some reason Katniss were to die out there, she's not really going to die. Were keeping her alive to. So then we get you both out, and go to 13 and she becomes the Mockingjay anyway. You'll be fine." the rebel told him. He nodded his head and pulled his pants all the way up. Katniss came in, with a clean face. She must have washed her face in the river. He ate the soup enthusiastically and drank all his water and took his fever pills. He smiled at her.

"Now how about we continue with you kissing my neck?" he asked. Wiggling his eyebrows. She let out a deep breath. She was exhausted. She was scared. He picked up her hand and held them between his own.

"I want to go home." she said. She was speaking the truth. It was only day 12. They still had work to do, but Katniss was exhausted, and ready to be done. He smiled at her and leaned in and kissed her. It was a sweet kiss, and he felt a tear. He knew what this was. It was a goodbye kiss. She was going to go outside, get the sleep syrup from Haymitch, and she was gonna trick him into taking it so she could get his medicine. He pulled back.

"Hey it's ok. Were ok Katniss. I promise." he told her. She stared at him sadly. He knew she was feeling guilty about what she was about to do. He smiled at her. "It's ok Katniss." he told her again. She looked down. "Why don't you just go out and stretch a bit. See if you can find me some more fruit." he told her. She nodded her head, and kissed him on the lips again and she left. Another whole day would pass him in the arena, and he would never know. It went by much quicker for him then Katniss. She was awake for most of it. He got off easy this time.

"She'll be ok boy. I won't let anything happen to her." he heard Haymitch's voice. It was music to his ears. He missed Haymitch. He couldn't wait to see his drunken face. He scrubbed his face with his hands as Katniss came back in.

"I found you some new berries up stream Peeta." she said sweetly. She sat down and smiled at him. "I think you'll really like these. There sweet. There call sugar berries." she said, scooping a spoonful into his mouth. She was nervous. She was feeling guilty. But he wasn't angry at her. Haymitch promised him. He took another bite.

"There really sweet." he said. He took another bite. "Like syrup." he said, and widened his eyes before Katniss roughly covered his mouth with her hand. He was forced to swallow, but didn't try to throw them up this time. He didn't want to waste time.

"I'm so sorry Peeta." she cried and hugged him tightly. "I promise I'll be back." she cried. He tried to hug her, but he was already falling asleep. She laid him down, and he pulled her ear to his lips.

"Not mad." he whispered, and then darkness overtook him.

She felt terrible for doing this again. She knew it was for the best. She cleaned up the cave and went to work on covering the hole better. Why she didn't know. It blocked out the sun better she supposed. Try to get some of the heat off of him. She just had to keep him warm tonight when it would be cold. She had a hard time sleeping for 30 minutes, cuddled up next to Peeta until she heard Haymitch's voice. "We can make you fall asleep sweetheart. Just scratch your eyebrow. You haven't had a good nights sleep since you found him. You'll be safe. We'll wake you up when you need to go." he said. Haymitch was right. She was exhausted. She scratched her eyebrow and was instantly asleep. And then she was awake, and feeling rested. She sat up and looked at Peeta. His fever was still high. She went to work on packing up her stuff, and leaving things for Peeta. She took his jacket off and wrapped it around herself. She kissed Peeta for a while. Not being able to tear herself away. Touching him everywhere.

"I'll be back Peeta. I promise." she choked out, then wiped a tear. She leaned over him and moved her finger in the dirt. She left him a note for when he'd wake up, and he would see her lying there. _I told you._ She gave him one last kiss, and then left the cave.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for more great reviews. I'm so excited that everyone is just loving the story. It's a lot of fun for me to write it. I did get a weird review though, that is actually kind of bothering me. I shouldn't let something like this bother me so much, because this is just something fun for me to do. Writing a story like this, it's how I kind of escape reality, and writing has always just been a fun outlet. But for some reason, this particular review just kind of irked me, so I though I'd share a little about it. "Last time there was a second rule change, which led to berries in part because Snow wasn't convinced of the star-crossed lovers." Well I just had to say, that Snow had nothing to do with the rules changing. It was Seneca Crane who changed the rules in the Games, which is what led to his death. Snow never wanted two Victor's, only one. So it doesn't matter if Katniss is "too convincing that she loves Peeta", because pulling out the berries is what sealed her fate, as "slapping the Capitol in the face". She had pissed Snow off with that, and then her ignoring Peeta for six months and kissing Gale, is just what gave Snow 'physical' proof that she didn't love him. **

**So yes, even with Katniss convincing everyone, maybe even Snow, that she loves Peeta, there is still only supposed to be one Victor. So the berries will still come out. There's no changing that.**

**I know I shouldn't let this bother me, that someone kinda questioned me, but it was the way that it was done that kind of irked me. The rest of the reivew didn't really make all that much sense because of incomplete sentences, but that was really the main part that aggravated me. I do this just for fun, and I guess when people miss the point of something happening, like it being all because of Seneca that the rule changed, not Snow, I guess I go on a rant lol. So sorry to anyone who was annoyed by this, I just HAD to get that off my chest, because it seriuosly bothered me lol. I'm already up to Chapter 15 in writing, and I don't want to have to stop because people are telling me to "remember things" when it's not entirely accurate. Alright enough with the ranting, I have been loving my reviews, you guys are awesome...and yes I totally noticed in chapter 1 that I had a Hunger Games error. 74th...not 7th...that's why I repeated in the next chapter as the first sentence. I didn't notice until you guys pointed it out in my reviews, so thank you for that one guys. I hope I haven't made any other big errors like that one!**

CHAPTER 10

Peeta woke up to a dark cave. He slowly sat up and moved his injured leg. He looked down and saw that his leg was getting better. He saw the needle, and something new. I little tub of ointment. That wasn't there last time. Haymitch must have sent it along to help close his wound because he couldnt believe that his wound was closing up. It didn't really close last time, not until they got out of there. He looked over at Katniss and saw she was bleeding. "Oh God Katniss." he choked out. It was scary seeing her laying there next to him. Blood pouring from her head. He grabbed the first aid kit and went to work on cleaning her wound. It was bleeding pretty bad. He grabbed the ointment and rubbed it on her forhead. It stopped immediately, and he put a bandage on her head. He moved her around a little until her head was in his lap. He leaned down and kissed her, and pulled her braid lose and worked out all the tangles in her hair. It was dirty, but he didn't care. He loved her hair. He just loved her. "Your crazy for going." he told her. He knew she couldn't hear him. He looked to the side of him, and saw something on the ground in the dirt. He leaned forward, and realized Katniss left him a message. _Told you so. _His mouth dropped. And then he laughed. She brushed her hair back. "Yeah I guess you did tell me so. But I won't admit that to you." he told her. He fell in and out of sleep, waiting for her to wake up. He was starving and tried to be careful with their food. Lucky that he stuffed his pockets full of different things when he first got here. They would have that to eat. But Katniss had been smart. She hunted a lot the day before. Thinking ahead. They had enough Groosling. Lots of berries and roots to eat. They would be ok till she hunted again. Or till Haymitch sent them some more food. He hadn't realized it was raining. He had forgot about that. Katniss did an amazing job at covering them from the storm. Finnick and Mags would be proud. He took her shoes and socks off and rubbed her feet. He put his own socks on her and covered her with his jacket that she must have taken off when she got back. He knew it was morning, even though it was dark, and just waited for Katniss to wake up. "Katniss. Katniss can you hear me?" he called out to her when she started stirring. She opened her eyes, and he smiled at her. "It's so good to see your eyes opened again. You scared me. I woke up last night to you laying in a really scary pool of blood." he told her. She put her hand on her forehead. "I wouldn't sit up right away. That gash looked pretty bad. That ointment they gave you closed up my wound. I spread it on your cut." he told her, helping her drink some water.

"Are you ok?" she asked. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

"I'm perfect. I'm alive. I ate a lot of the Groosling. I hope we have enough to last through the storm. It's only been getting worse. Your socks and boots are still damp. It's hard to get them to dry in here." he told her. She held a hand to her head. "Does it hurt?" he asked her.

"Yes." she told him. He bent down and kissed her forhead.

"Better?" he asked. She smiled. "What happened? How'd you get that cut? And how did Clove die?" he asked. He already knew, but she told him anyway. She yawned. "Get some sleep it's ok." he told her. She shook her head.

"I should go get us some food." she told him, almost moving to sit up but he stopped her.

"No stay there. Just lay down. Let me take care of you Katniss. Just sleep. Nothing bad will happen to us with this storm." he told her soothingly. He brushed her hair again. He knew she liked that.

"Just wake me if you need me." she said, and fell asleep. He ate a little bit more, and he slept a litte. But was happy to see her when she woke up and was able to sit up. They ate a little bit, and he thought getting her to talk about Rue would be good for the audience. They were going to need Haymitch to send all that food. Haymitch would only send them something if they were good. So he knew getting her to talk would get the ball rolling.

"So what happened when you woke up and Rue had found you?" Peeta asked. Katniss gulped, ands she started her story. He acted surprused when he heard how they teamed up and started planning how to take the Careers down. How they planned to blow up their food. He ooooh'd and awed at all the right moments. Then she told him about having to lay under a bush, and she had found some arrows. The arrows! He completly forgot about that. "I put those there." he interrupted. She just stared at him. "I know that your good with a bow. So I hid some arrows. Glimmer had the bow though. I just thought if I hid them away from her, I could somehow get them to you. I can't believe that's the bush that you hid under. That's amazing." he said, acting like he had no idea that that would happen.

"That's incredible. Thank you." she said and kissed his cheek. "I can't believe how much you risked to save my life." she said.

"Well we both did it for each other. Look what you did yesterday for me." he told her. She smiled at him and took a sip of water. "So what happened after that? I didn't mean to interrupt you." he asked her innocently. She softly spoke him. This was hard for her. But he knew the audience was waiting on her every word. And to be honest, he knew all the other Districts were to. Watching a little girls death is one thing, but reliving it like this. Hearing Katniss talk about it? It would keep adding fuel to the fire. He hated doing this, exposing Katniss to this. But he knew what they were fighting for. Freedom! She kept on with her story, and the tears started flowing about Rue. Not only Rue, but flat out killing someone. She sobbed in his arms. "Shhh it's ok Katniss." he whispered to her.

"She told me to win. That I had to win." she cried. He kissed her forehead.

"You will win Katniss. We both will." he told her. She sat up.

"She told me that I had to win for Prim. I promised my sister I would win for her. But I'm not just winning for Prim anymore. I told Rue that I would win for her. And I would win for you...they didn't make the rule change then, and I didn't want to run into you. I already lost one ally, I couldn't lose you either." she said. He grabbed her face in his hands.

"You will win Katniss. We'll both win. And we'll win this whole thing for them. For Prim and for Rue." he promised her. She nodded her head. Then she pulled back and wiped her face.

"I don't want to talk about them anymore." she said. He nodded his head.

"I wanna know what the heck we can do to get Haymitch to send us some good food. Like real food." Peeta said. His stomach was growling.

"Well he probably used up a lot of resources trying to knock you out." Katniss said mischievously. He knew she was bating him now.

"Yeah about that." he said and entertwined his fingers with hers. "Don't do anything like that again." he told her sternly. She smiled.

"Or what huh?" she asked.

"Or..or...give me a minute." he said. He wanted to do this conversation justice.

"Or what huh." she repeated. He squeezed her hand tightly.

"Don't die for me Katniss. You won't be doing me any favors. You'll be sending a knife straight through my heart if you die for me." he told her honestly. It was the truth. She was stunned.

"You'll be sending a knife straight to my heart if you die. So don't you do it. I don't regret going out there and getting your medicine. And I don't regret tricking you in order to do it. Don't you ever think about me leaving here by myself with out you would do to me? How do you think I would feel if..." she trailed off. Her voice was getting louder and she was trying to stop her feelings from coming out. This was a real conversation, argument that they were having.

"If what Katniss?" he asked her. She shook her head.

"I don't know." she sad honestly.

"Then let me fill in the blanks for you." he said, and pulled her towards him, practically sitting in his lap and kissed her passionately. Kissing her so hard, he could feel the heat coming off of them. He loved her. He needed her. There was no way he was letting her go. There was no way that he was going to fail. They would get out of this mess. He felt her grip losen and looked at her face. She looked pale. "Your head. Your dizzy. Come on get some sleep. It's bed time anyways." he said and reached for her socks. She was still in his lap and he helped her off of him and helped her put her socks back on. He made her drink some more water. "Get in the sleeping bag with me. It's to cold not to share." he told and zipped his jacket back up. He opened up his arms to her and she gladly accepted them. She buried her face by his ear. The storm was so loud that anything she whispered he knew wouldn't be heard.

"When we were here last time, I forgot what I was thinking about." she whispered. He held her tighter and waited for her to continue. "That I loved being held like this. That I hadn't been held like this since my father died, because I didn't trust my mother, but I trusted you. It wasn't just for the cameras. If it was, I wouldn't feel safe. But I felt so safe in your arms. I should have realized it then. I'm so sorry I didn't see it." she told him. He tried not to smile. He leaned down, and kissed her, pulling her body so close to his. She scratched at his back, and felt himself getting hard. Tonight he couln't feel like that, so he pulled his face away.

"Were almost home Katniss. Just get some sleep." he told her. They took turns sleeping, and by the morning, the storm still didn't let up. And it was freezing. They kept huddled together under the sleeping bag. He could feel Katniss moving her legs up and down. He knew it was innocent on her part, but it made him get harder the more she did it. He knew she was pure and naïve, and didn't know, or even realize what she was feeling, him hard against her stomach, but he wanted to pounce on her everytime she did it, or just yell at her to stop. But he never did. There food was gone, and he kept looking at her. Haymitch would send food at the right moment, but they had to start talking. He heard Katniss' stomach growl, and then heard her groan. She waited a moment, before she started talking.

"You told Ceaser that you had a crush on me forever. When did you know?" she asked him. He smiled. They talked for a few minutes. "We'll I'm paying attention now. I've always been paying attention Peeta." she told him he smiled down and laughed. Looking around the cave.

"Well I don't have much competition here." he told her. She reached her hands out of the sleeping bag and touched his cheeks.

"Peeta. You don't have any competition anywhere. You never have, and you never will. I was always paying attention." she told him.

"So I should have worked up the nerve to talk to you sooner then huh?" he asked. She nodded her head and pushed him backwards. She kissed him passionately. He could feel her tongue on his lips, and he opened his mouth. She pushed her tongue inside his mouth to meet his. There tongues danced together and he groaned. She felt good. To good. "How about you kiss my neck again." he whispered. She laughed and moved right on top of him this time, and swooped down and started kissing his neck. He was in heaven. He made sure to grab the sleeping back to cover them, and reached down and pulled Katniss into him, so she was grinding into him. The sucking on his neck, and the grinding he felt on himself was to much. He wanted her. He needed her. They heard something then and sat up. He knew what it was. Katniss grabbed her bow and slowly stood up. It was better she did it this time. He would have to cover himself to stand up. Katniss brought back an overflowing basket. It's not just what was in there last time. Lamb stew, fresh rolls, apples and goat cheese. No this time, there's chicken salad. Tuna fish. And a whole box of crackers. Capitol made crackers. And pineapple. And even two slices of chocolate cake and cookies. And a bottle of what looked like champagne, but the label said Sparkling Cider. They smile at each other. Oh they had more sponsors this time. This was good. Very good. Katniss' smile was huge. It wasn't getting food, it was how much more food there was then last time. They were making up for what they messed up last time. He pulled her in for a kiss. He looked up where hopefully a camera was. "Thanks for not letting us starve Haymitch." he called out. They ate happily, but slowly. It was just to good. They decided to wait an hour before eating some more. So he sat up against the wall, brining Katniss to cuddle up next to him. "So what were you saying before? About me, no competition, the best thing that ever happened to you?" he asked. She laughed and sat up.

"I don't remember saying that." she laughed.

"Oh that's right. That's what _I_ was thinking." he said. She just smiled at him. He nudged her a little. "Scoot over I'm freezing. There's a breeze right there." he said, shoving her over a little. He covered them with a sleeping bag, which forced them to intertwine there legs.

"So since we were five, you never noticed any other girl?" Katniss asked him, laying her head on his shoulder. He looked down at her and he let out a chuckle.

"No, I noticed just about every other girl, but none of them ever made a lasting impression but you." Peeta told her, and kissed her forehead.

"I'm sure that would thrill your mother. You liking a girl from the Seam." Katniss said bitterly. She had changed her words this time. She had included his father last time he noticed. This time it was just his mother.

"Hardly. But I couldn't care less. Anyways, when we make it back, you won't be a girl from the Seam anymore. You'll be the girl from the Victor's Village. And I couldn't do any better then that." he told her.

"But then our only neighbor would be Haymitch." Katniss said.

"Aww that will be so sweet. You me an Haymitch. Very cozy. Picnics, birthdays, long winter nights around the fire retelling old Hunger Game tales." Peeta joked, tightening his arms around her. Katniss snorted.

"Don't let him get to close to that fire. He'll take a nose dive into it like he did on stage." she said. Peeta laughed. That was true. How had Haymitch stayed alive this long, without getting seriously injured? They stayed cuddled for a little while, before diving back into the food. Peeta looked outside at the sky to see Thresh's face light up. He told Katniss, and she stared at him. She put her hand to her mouth.

"Are you ok?" he asked. She closed her eyes, and a tear escaped her eyes, and trailed slowly down her face.

"He let me go." she whispered. She opened her eyes and looked at him. "He saved my life. The only reason I'm here is because of him. The both of us. Were alive because of him. I just...he was good. Him and Rue both were. They were just like us. District 11 is just like 12, and they were good to us. And they didn't survive, and they should have. We would be friends had we met them outside the games. I just can't deal with anymore people dying." Katniss cried, sobbing into her hands. Peeta rushed over, and pulled Katniss into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and she cried on his shoulder.

"Shhh it's ok Katniss." he tried to sooth her. He knew these weren't tears for the Capitol. These tears were for Rue and Thresh. He knew the difference. He kissed her cheek as he rocked her back and forth. "We'll win this for them Katniss. They were good. Your right. And they won't die in vain. We'll win this for them Katniss." he told her. She uncovered her face and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his neck.

"I just want to go home. I want this to be over with already. I just want to go home with you Peeta." she cried into his ear. He squeezed her tighter to him, kissing her cheek.

"It's almost over Katniss. I'll take you home soon I promise." he told her. They stayed like that for a few minutes before he somehow managed to move them, leaving back against the wall of the cave and covered them with the sleeping back. She fell asleep on top of him. They didn't need to discuss about staying awake to watch out for the Careers. They already knew what needed to be done. And he wished it could be done quicker. What day were they on now? Day 15? They just had to sleep in here for two more nights, and then they'd be home. They could do this. He kissed her cheek. "I promise you I'll get you home Katniss. Just hang in there." he whispered to her. He stayed awake for a few more hours, but could feel himself slipping. He tried to stay awake, but knew he couldn't any longer. He shook Katniss awake. He didn't want to. He liked having her sleep on top of him like this. He felt like the luckiest guy alive, to have the girl he loved so much, sleeping in his arms like this. But he just knew he had to. She sat up, and he was asleep in an instant. He felt her waking him up some hours later. He opened his eyes, and couldn't help but bringing her face down to his and kissing her passionately. He loved seeing her face, no matter how dirty it may be, as the first thing he saw in the morning. He knew, from here on out, no matter what the day may bring, that it would be ok, because he could wake up to Katniss every morning. After a few minutes Katniss pulls away from him.

"Were wasting hunting time." she told him. He yawned and sat up, stretching.

"I wouldn't call kissing wasting time." he told her. She glared at him. The started eating there food again, and he licked his plate just like last time. Blowing a kiss to the camera. "We miss you Effie." he called out. Katniss hissed and covered his mouth with her hand.

"Shh. Cato could be right out there and hear us." Katniss said. Peeta smiled and grabbed her hand and yanked her into his lap.

"What do I care? I have you to protect me now." Peeta told her, and kissed her widely. God he loved kissing her. Would he ever get tired of it? He couldn't wait till the camera's weren't on them. Katniss pulled away.

"Come on." she said. He smiled at her and followed her out into the sun, for a miserable day of hunting. The walked passed the stream and started into the woods. He was more aware of how quiet he had to be. But he couldn't help it, he made a lot of noise. She looked back at him slowly at one point. He rolled his eyes.

"You want me to take my boots off?" he asked. She smiled at him. But to his surprise, she shook her had.

"You are so loud. When I find a good spot, just sit still and I'll find us something." she told him. She was gonna be a lot nicer to him this time around. He smiled. By this time tomorrow, they'd be on their way to the Cornucopia, to end it all. He could do this. The finish line was in sight. They just had to make it one more night. They got to the spot she wanted, and she showed him a few things to look for. Before she turned, and kissed him on the cheek. "Don't get in to any trouble. My heart won't take it." she told him, and turned around. He went down a little and pretended to look. He spotted them. Nightlock berries. He smiled. Pretending like he found something food. He grabbed a bunch and went back to his spot where he left Katniss. He spread out the plastic, and piled the berries on there. Then pulled out the rest of their food. Foxface was around here, watching him. He shook his head and rolled his eyes. Didn't he just tell Katniss to stop calling her that? Her name was Marissa.

"Come on Peeta walk away." he heard the rebel say. He hadn't heard from them in a few days. He got up and walked away, pretending to be looking for more food. He heard the cannon a few moments later, and went running and ran right into Katniss.

"Are you ok?" Peeta frantically asked, touching her making sure she was ok.

"I heard the cannon. That's nightlock Peeta. You'll be dead in a minute." Katniss cried, knocking more berries out of his hand. "Damn you Peeta Mellark." she said, and sobbed on his shoulder. "I whistled for you but you never answered. That's what happened to Rue. I whistled and she never heard it. Peeta don't do that. Please don't leave me alone." she cried.

"Shh I'm ok. I'm sorry Katniss. I'm sorry." he said. He rocked her back and forth until her crying stopped. She pulled away and wiped her tears. They saw the hovercraft appear, and take Marissa. He then shook his head and grabbed her arm. "Katniss come on. Cato's around here somewhere. Let's find a tree and hide up in it. You can shoot him from the air." he said, rushing to a tree, but she stopped him.

"No Peeta-" she said and stopped him. "She ate the food. She ate the berries that you left on the plastic for us." Katniss explained to him. They talked for a few minutes, and then started a fire, inviting Cato to it. But they both knew he wouldn't come. They feasted on Groosling and squirrel. It wasn't the same squirrel as back home. He smiled as he thought aboout all the times he snuck down to eat a squirrel with his father. Always asking who came and gave it to him. His father knew why he asked. Because he knew he was in love with Katniss. His father never teased him. His brothers always did. He was surprised how Katniss never realized he liked her. His brothers would practically announce it when she came to the back of the bakery to make a trade. He loved squirrel, because she was the one who caught the squirrel. "Where are you?" Katniss ask, disrupting his thoughts. He slowly looked over at her. He shook his head and let out a chuckle.

"I was thinking how obvious my brothers were when you come to my back door when you find a squirrel to trade with my dad." he said and looked at her. Her eyebrows furrowed and he laughed. "If Rye or Wheet ever answered the door, didn't you ever notice how loud they would get?" he asked her. She shook her head. "Oh HI KATNISS! PEETA, KATNISS IS HERE. DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER?" he mocked. She just shook her head. "How did you not notice how they did that? They would make kissing noises from behind the wall. I could see them, but I'm shocked you never heard them." Peeta said. Katniss stared at him, then stared at the ground.

"I just thought they thought you'd want to talk to me because we were in the same class. I guess I was just dumb." she said. He snorted.

"Your oblivious. They made it so obvious, I for sure thought you knew for years that I liked you." he said. She looked up and smiled, but shook her head.

"I never did. I'm sorry." she said. He shrugged his shoulders.

"You can make it up to me." he said, smiling back at her. They eat the rest of their meal, and decide to go back to the cave.

"Tell me about your brothers. I don't know a lot about them. I know all three of you wrestle, and that Rye is a trouble maker and a prankster." Katniss said. Peeta was touched. This wasn't for the cameras. Well, part of it was. Talking to him was for the cameras, but she wasn't just working on her second chance for the games, she was working on a second chance with him. That's why she was asking about them. She never had before. He smiled.

"Yeah Rye is. He's always playing jokes around the bakery. My mom gets super pissed at him. She thinks he costs her to much money with all the jokes he plays. He's good at baking. But he'd rather do something else." Peeta said. Katniss looked up at him.

"Like what?"

"He really likes to build things. My dad always saves up some money for his birthdays and Christmas', and buys him wood. He loves building things with wood, and he's really good at it. He made my dresser in my room. He took my dad's desk apart once, and he cut his hand, so he left it there. My mom came in and flipped out. She was so angry that he tore apart his desk, but then he came back in and put it back together. It was better then it was before. It was lopsided before, and loose. It was perfect when he fixed it. With a cut hand. If Rye could do anything, he'd be a carpenter." Peeta said.

"Maybe he was born in the wrong District. Maybe he should have been born in 7. Lumber." Katniss joked. Peeta laughed. "What about Wheet?" she asked. Wheet was the quietest of his brothers. Sure, when Rye started in on him about Katniss, he joined in. But Wheet was the one who was depressed. He would lay in bed, and my mother would go and beat him to get him out of bed. He knew where it stemmed from. His mother! She had been trying to fix him up with a girl in town for years. Had worked it out with her parents that they would get married. He wasn't looking forward to it. Infact, he hated it. He didn't even like her. She was the daughter of the town Tailor. His daughter, Grace, was his only child, and he needed help at his shop. She wouldn't be able to run the shop on her own, so Wheet would marry her, and then take over the shop. Wheet wanted nothing to do with tailoring clothes. He had been told this over and over again, his planned future, buy his mother since he was 10. That's when his depression started. "Sorry should I not ask?" Katniss asked. Peeta shook his head from the memory.

"No it's ok. I just got lost in thought. He's quiet. You never know when he's around. He's supposed to get married next summer." he told her. She looked at him questionly. Wheet didn't marry Grace last summer, because Snow sent fire bombs in, and torched his part of town, killing both his family, and Grace's. Neither of them made it to their wedding.

"To who?" Katniss asked.

"The Tailor's daughter." he told her. Katniss nodded. They made small talk all the way back to the cave, where Katniss told him to sleep first. He didn't wake up till the morning, where she settled her head on his lap. He brushed her hair until she fell asleep. She slept for a few more hours, and they decided to leave. They pretended to be surprised when the stream was all dried up. And they pretended to be shocked when it became dark so suddenly. She held her bow out. She knew that at any moment, they'd hear strange noises, and see Cato burst through the trees at them. And they weren't disappointed Cato burst through the trees and ran right passed them. Katniss and Peeta ran as fast as the could towards the Cornucopia. Peeta kept up better pace this time with Katniss. He helped shove her up the wall, and he followed her. They both made it up, and sat there, breathless. Katniss turned around and looked at Cato. He was trying to catch his breath. One thing was different. She stared at him. His body armor. Where was it?

"Thresh destroyed both his and Cato's body armor. Kill him now." the rebel said. Peeta heard it to.

"Katniss do it now." he said, yanking her up. Katniss pulled the arrow out, and pointed it at Cato. They stared at each other for a moment.

"So. It all comes down to the three of us. Never thought I'd see the Girl on Fire, killing me." Cato said.

"I'm sorry Cato. But me and Peeta have to go home." she said.

"Come on Katniss, just get it over with." Peeta whispered. She closed her eyes and let her arrow go. She burst into tears and turned and fell apart in Peeta's arms. "It's ok Katniss. It's ok." he whispered. He heard the cannon, and peaked over Katniss' shoulder. She had shot him right in the head. He heard the mutts leaving, and turned to look at them running away, and being sucked into the hole. The sun came back up again. "Come on down to the lake. They'll want to get Cato. Let's let the hovercrafts get him." he said, guiding her to the edge to climb down. He didn't let her turn around and see Cato. They slid down and walked to the lake, letting the hovercraft come and go. They yelled at the gamemakers to come and get them, and waited to Claudius Templesmith to announce that they couldn't both win. This was it. This was the ending. It was hours sooner then last time. They had slept all night on top of the Cornucopia. This time, Thresh had saved them the trouble of destroying the body armor, so Katniss could shoot him. And the rebels had taken all pain away in his leg, so he could run. He never got bit by the mutts. But this was it. This was the end. In a matter of minutes, they'd be on a hovercraft, separated, but on their way back to the Capitol as Victors. He turned slowly to Katniss. She was shaking. He took his knife out and threw it in the lake. He held his arms out. "Do it." he whispered. She shook her head. He picked up her arrow and pointed it at his heart. "Do it Katniss."

"NO!" She yelled at him.

"Katniss this is what I want. Go home Katniss. Please." he pleaded with her. He felt tears in his eyes. This was much harder then he thought. It was scary. She cried and shook her head.

"No don't you dare leave me alone Peeta Mellark. I didn't save your life just to end it. Kill me." she cried. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.

"Please Katniss. They have to have a Victor. I can't go back to District 12 without you. I've loved you since I was 5 years old. I watched you walk home from school every single day. I stare at you at lunch. I sneak down into the bakery when my moms not there, because I know you'll be there to trade a squirrel with my dad. I can't not see you every day. I can't live without you Katniss. Please there's nothing back there for me without you." Peeta cried. He felt himself sobbing. It was to real to be saying all these things. "They have to have their Victor Katniss." he repeated. She stared at him, and then pulled the berries out. This was the finale. "No don't." he told her.

"Trust me." she said, and put some in his hand.

"Together?" he asked her. She nodded her head.

"Yes Peeta. Together. Because I am not leaving this arena without you." she cried. He leaned in and kissed her passionately. He would have eaten the berries for her. Without question. Where she goes, he'll go. He pulled away breathless, and held the end of her braid in his hand. "One." she whispered. He kissed her lips again.

"Two." he told her.

"Three." she said, and they raised there hands to there mouths. Claudius screamed at them to stop, and that they were the winners. They threw the berries on the ground and sobbed, wrapping there arms around each other. She was shaking so badly.

"It's ok Katniss. I got you. Your going home Katniss. Were both going home." he cried in her ear. They heard the hovercrafts coming.

"Don't let them take me away from you. Please Peeta." she cried. He held onto her tightly. He saw both ladders come down, but scooted Katniss back toward one. He held her tightly, and placed their bodies against it. The pressure held them in. He knew that last time, by the time they got up to the hovercraft, he had fainted, and Katniss couldn't hold onto him. But this time, there was no dragging him away from her. When they entered the hovercraft, he felt Katniss grip on him tighten.

"It's ok Katniss I'm right here. I'm not letting you go." he squeezed her tightly. He opened his eyes, and saw a few people standing there, and started pulling them apart. He held her firmly, but Katniss screamed at them to get away from her. "LEAVE US ALONE!" He yelled at them. They squeezed each other so tightly, that four guards started trying to literally rip them apart. "NO!" Peeta yelled as Katniss screamed and sobbed in his arm. He saw the syringe the same time he felt one go into his own back. He fought as hard as he could against the drowsiness, but it was to strong.

"It's ok you guys. Your out of the arena. Nothing bad will happen to you now. Haymitch will take care of you." he heard the rebel say. He tried to hold onto Katniss, but darkness over took him. The next time he woke up, he was strapped into a bed. He heard a voice yelling. He shook his head to listen. It was Haymitch.

"YOUR NOT GIVING THAT GIRL BREAST IMPLANTS. SHE'S A CHILD. SHE'S SOMEONE'S BABY GIRL. YOUR NOT TOUCHING HER BODY. OR THE BOYS. YOU DON'T GO AROUND ENLARGING EITHER OF THEIR BODY PARTS! YOU LEAVE THEM BOTH ALONE OR I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF!" He heard Haymitch scream. He knew what he meant about the breast implants. Haymitch had drunkenly told him, that he fought with a doctor about enlarging Katniss' breasts, which he was very thankful for, but he didn't know what they wanted to do to him. He faded in and out for awhile. But the time came, when he woke up, and he was fully awake. He knew what this meant. He dressed quickly, and walked out the door. He looked up and saw Haymitch, Portia, Cinna and Effie at the end of the hall. He couldn't help it. He didn't do this last time, but he ran at them. Of course last time, he had a prosthetic leg and couldn't run, but he ran. Right for Haymitch. He did something silly of course. He sobbed on Haymitch's shoulder. He was in the arena for the third time. Even though he had lived through this arena before, it still took it's toll on him. He was out. Haymitch smacked him on the back.

"Your ok now boy. Your out of there. And I couldn't be prouder of you." he said. Haymitch was like his dad. His own father couldn't understand this. Couldn't understand what it was like to be in an arena. But Haymitch could. And that's why he could let Peeta cry on his shoulder. Haymitch knew he had to get it all out before he saw Katniss. After a minute he pulled back.

"Is Katniss ok? Where is she?" he asked frantically. Of course, he knew the answer.

"She's fine son. They want to do your reunion live." he said. He nodded. Portia hugged him then, crying.

"I told you you both could do it my baker boy." she whispered. Effie hugged him tightly, going on about her Victor. He knew she loved him. Then to his surprise, Cinna hugged him tightly. "Come on. I'll get you ready for tonight." Portia said, and led him away.

Katniss was awake, and she opened the door like last time. She saw Haymitch, Cinna and Effie. She walked over to them this time. She wasn't going to run, and give the Capitol the satisfaction. She was done crying. She was done. They ripped Peeta away mercilessly away from her. She was done crying for them. But she stood in front of Haymitch, and broke. He barely had enough time to catch her before she hit the ground as she screamed and sobbed, holding on to him for dear life. "It's ok sweetheart, I got you. Your almost done Katniss. Your almost home. Just hang in there a little while longer. You did perfect. Everything you did was perfect. I'm so proud of you and I'm so sorry for doubting you." Haymitch whispered. Katniss cried harder and louder. Cinna and Effie rubbed her back.

"Take me home. Please just take me home." she cried.

"Almost sweetheart. We'll go home tomorrow." Haymitch said, rocking her back and forth. They stood there for awhile, before he let her go, letting Cinna and Effie hug her. Cinna pulled her into the elevator to take her to the 12th floor to get ready. She turned to Haymitch before she left him.

"Is Peeta ok?" she asked desperately. He smiled.

"He's perfect sweetheart. Every limb intact." Haymitch told her. Meaning, he had both legs. Katniss and Peeta were kept separated, which Peeta hated. He thought of nothing but her. It was finally time to see her again. He listens as both of their prep teams are introduced. At least Katniss got a team that is amusing. His were grumpy. They didn't look to thrilled to see him back alive. And then Portia and Cinna. They did do an amazing job. They really had done so much to keep both him and Katniss alive. And then Effie. Her moment in the spot light. And to think, she didn't just have one Victor, she had two. And then Haymitch. The man who was like a father to him and Katniss. This man, over any other person, saved their lives. And then, he felt himself being lifted up. He saw the audience, and then turned to see Katniss. He ran to her and she jumped into his arms. He spun her around and kissed her madly. They would be ok. This was just another thing to do in front of the cameras. But she was alive. And she was safe. And he couldn't hide his excitement. He didn't get as mad as she did, with kissing in front of everyone like this. They didn't even come up for air. He wouldn't let her go. He felt Ceaser tap him on the shoulder, but he shoved him away without looking at him. He focused on kissing Katniss. The love of his life. It's Haymitch that he waits for to interrupt him. He pulls him back. "Down boy. Her mother is watching you." he says loudly, pointing to a camera. Katniss pretends to be embarrassed and hides her face. Peeta laughed and just grabs her hand. Haymitch shoves them over to the love seat. He gets comfortable, and Katniss tosses her shoes off, and curls up against him. He holds her tight to his chest, and kisses the top of her forehead.

"Now don't these two look just adorable. They haven't seen each other since they were whisked away on the hovercraft, but it looks like no time has passed. Give the love birds a round of applause." Ceaser says. Everyone claps, and he holds onto Katniss tighter. They waited for three hours. It was disgusting. But he did notice that the bloodbath wasn't as long. It seemed like it was going by much quicker. But then he realized why. They had been more romantic with each other. They wanted to show more of them together. He felt Katniss stiffen when they watched as she climbed on top of him and kissed him. He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"All kidding aside, I hope we do finish the whole kissing my neck thing." he joked. She covered her face.

"I'm mortified." she admitted. He wasn't angry at all by that. This was something that should be done in private. Not the whole world looking at and staring at and begging for more. Then it was over. It was some of the worst hours of his life, watching the Hunger Games of himself and Katniss. Snow came out to crown them. He felt Katniss' arm tighten and his kissed her cheek.

"Were not done yet Katniss. Remember who the enemy is. And remember how we fight him." he said. She looked at him, and nodded. Snow came over and placed the crown on her head first. He watched as he eyed her evilly. Then he came over, and barely looked at Peeta. Not really caring that he was standing in front him. "Thank you so much _President_ Snow." Peeta said, catching the man off guard. Peeta smiled at him. Not a nice smile, but as mean as he could muster up. Snow was taken back by him, but then nodded his head. Peeta wasn't nothing. He wasn't the Girl on Fire, or the Mockingjay. But he was something that shouldn't be underestimated. Ceaser said their goodbyes, and Haymitch ushered them off stage, and onto the elevators. Haymitch just smiled at them. There really wasn't anything to say. Haymitch was happy. Katniss held tightly to Peeta. He remembered what happened last time. They were separated. Would Haymitch make them separate this time? Haymitch grabbed his hand and patted it. Peeta felt pills in his hand. Sleeping pills again. He put them into his pocket.

"Now you really should let the girl get some sleep Peeta." Haymitch said. He pointed up and mouthed _microphones_ to them. They both nodded.

"Haymitch please. I just got her back. I haven't even had a chance to talk to her." Peeta said. Katniss held on tighter to him. She wrapped her arm around his neck.

"It isn't proper. What would her mother say? Your not in the games anymore boy. Go to your own bed." he said, winking at them, and then walking down the hall.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

"He'll never know Katniss." Peeta said. They walked down the hall and into his room. There was a glass of water and he handed it to her, and the sleeping pills. She nodded and took them, and then he did the same. They didn't care what they were wearing, they slipped into bed in there nice clothes. Before he pulled the covers over them, she reached down and lifted up his pant leg. She touched his leg and looked up at him. He wiped away the tears that fell and just smiled at her. They didn't want to say anything because they knew Snow was listening. They just curled up together and fell asleep. They were startled when Effie came in shouting at them to wake up. And yelled at Peeta about how inappropriate it was to sleep in the same bed as Katniss. They were whisked away to get ready. This was the big interview. After that, they would be heading home. Home. He couldn't wait. Then he never had to let Katniss go. They would be living right next door to each other. He had a fleeting thought of just asking her to move in with them. He was sure her mother wouldn't object, they lived through three arenas now, and a war. Surely they were adult enough to live together. But then he shook his head. Rushing her was exactly what he didn't want to do. It's funny, last time he was having the exact same thoughts. Of course, last time he thought she meant every word. He guessed through talking with her a little bit, that she did mean everything she said, it was just that the Capitol made her say them, in front of millions of people. It wasn't how she wanted to say them. He knew that. That's where they were different. He could care less expressing his feelings in front of people. It never bothered him. Some things obviously he wanted to keep between them, but when it came to the arena, he wasn't shy in front of the cameras. She was the complete opposite. Everything she held near and dear to her, she wanted to keep private. He knew now how awful it was to have her first kiss in front of all of Panem. She wanted that for herself, and she'll never get that back. The Capitol had stolen that from her. He was starting to see now where they had went wrong. She was scared when they forced him on her. Saying they had to be in love. Now he sees why she questioned it, and thought she wasn't in love with him. He was glad they had talked some, and would talk more, because he was starting to understand more who Katniss was. And that was all he ever wanted. He smiled when Haymitch escorted Katniss in. Haymitch glared at him and cornered him.

"You stay out of the girls room at night. Didn't I tell you that last night boy?" he demanded. Ceaser laughed and stepped in between them.

"Oh Haymitch can't you see there in love. They couldn't stay away from each other." Ceaser joked and patted Peeta on the back. Peeta smiled at Haymitch. To anyone else, that smile would be taken as Peeta didn't care what Haymitch said. But to himself, Katniss and Haymitch, that smile was a laugh. Knowing that Haymitch was acting. Knowing that they were doing ok. They were giving their second chance all they had. Because as every day went by, he realized it wasn't just Katniss' second chance, it was everyone's second chance. Ceaser pushed him a little. "Now go give the girl a hug and kiss before you sit down. She looks terribly nervous." Ceaser said, sitting down. Peeta gladly hugged Katniss.

"Is he happy with how were doing?" he whispered, pretending to kiss her ear. She hugged him tightly and buried her face in his neck.

"Very." was all she said. He pulled back and kissed her on the lips. Ceaser coughed.

"Alright you two none of that ten minute long kiss like last night. We have a very important interview. Come on." he joked, waving them to sit on the love seat. He looked around the living room and saw that it was transformed a little. The tight little love seat was made for them to sit close to each other. He couldn't be more happy to do that. Katniss kicked off her shoes again and sat close. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, and she smiled. She leaned into him again.

"I'm sorry for last time. You were so happy and had no idea what was going on with me. But I hope you know there's nothing to worry about this time." she whispered in his ear and pulled back. He smiled at her and brought her hands to his lips to kiss.

"Thank you." he said. Ceaser let them know that they were starting. He knew it's still hard for Katniss to just talk. She hates it. She gets nervous and doesn't know what to say. That much he does know, so he wants to help her out whenever he can. So he instantly starts up with Ceaser. Joking and laughing.

"Now Peeta. A little birdie told me that Haymitch is having an awful time keeping you two apart." Ceaser joked. Katniss covered her face from embarrassment, and Peeta just laughed, hugging her tighter.

"Haymitch just wants to keep me respectable. It's just such a shock. We were in the arena and slept in each others arms every night. We have to remind ourselves were not in our cave anymore. Were back in the real world. It's just hard. Something we have to get used to. But we'll be living next door to each other from now on." he said, smiling down at Katniss. She removed her hand from her face.

"My mothers going to kill me." she groaned, causing everyone to laugh.

"I think she should let it slide. You did survive the Hunger Games. What are the both of you looking forward to most once you get home? You get a beautiful house in the Victor's Village now." Ceaser asked.

"Picnics with Haymitch." Katniss snorted, causing Peeta to laugh with her. Ceaser clapped his hands.

"That's right that's what you both talked about that in the games. I'm sure Haymitch will have his work cut out for him. His job as mentor is not done for you both. He'll be playing the role of the dad keeping you away from sneaking into Katniss' bedroom window at night." he joked, laughing loudly. Katniss groaned and covered her face again. Ceaser leaned forward and patted Katniss' leg. "Oh dear I'm so sorry. Were just embarrassing her to much aren't we?" Ceaser asked Peeta.

"All at my expense." she said, hiding her face in his shirt. They both laughed, and Peeta coaxed her out of his shirt.

"I'm sorry. Come on Ceaser, no more jokes on Katniss. All she can think about is getting home to her sister. And she's exhausted. All she wants to do is get on that train and sleep till we pull into the station." he told him.

"Well then Peeta, we know from our days in the cave, that it was love at first sight for you at what, age five?" Ceaser asked. Peeta nodded and looked at Katniss.

"From the moment I laid eyes on her." he said, never looking away. Katniss blushed and looked down. He picked her chin back up to look at him. "From the moment I laid eyes on you. I never stopped." he told her. She smiled at him. He could tell she was trying not to cry.

"Oh that's beautiful. Katniss, what a ride for you. I think the real excitement for the audience was watching you fall for him. When did you realize you were in love with him?" Ceaser asked. He felt Katniss stiffen a little. She looked down and cleared her throat.

"Honestly Ceaser...I didn't realize it at first. It took me all this time to realize it. But there was a day back in District 12, when were just kids, and he gave me some bread. It was that day." she said honestly and looked up at him. "It was the day with the bread. It was always that day Peeta." she told him. His heart swelled. He never knew. He leaned forward and kissed her. Ceaser pressed his hand to his heart.

"Well I know when it hit me. That night when you shouted out his name from the tree." Ceaser said. Katniss looked back at him.

"I guess for the audience it was. I tried not to get to close to Peeta. Up until that point, I tried not to think about what my feelings were, because honestly, I already cared about him. I didn't think I could make it out with him. So I tried to ignore anything I've ever felt. I just couldn't stop myself when I shouted his name with the rule change. I didn't think about it. It was like when I volunteered for Prim. I did it out of love. I never thought twice about what it meant. Everything in that tree changed." Katniss said.

"And why do you think that was?" Ceaser asked.

"Because for the first time, there was a chance that I could keep him." she whispered. Haymitch snorts. He didn't want to laugh. Ceaser pulled out his handkerchief. Peeta pressed his forehead against her temple, and rubbed both her hands in his one.

"So now that you've got me, what are you going to do with me?" he asked. She turned to him and kissed him.

"I'm going to put you somewhere, where you can't get hurt anymore." she told him. He hugged her to him. That was impossible. They would be back here a year from now. In the other arena. Of course, at this exact moment next year, they'll already both be in District 13. Ceaser started asking questions from the beginning the games started. What it was like joining the Careers. Ceaser made a few jokes about Glimmer having a crush on Cato. Peeta just smiled and joked along. He hated that. She was dead, and they were making fun of her. Of course, he knew she was already in District 13. Hopefully she had already recovered from all the tracker-jacker stings.

"And my heart skipped a beat when you saw her in the tree. I mean the audience had no idea what was going on with you at that point. You joined up with the Careers, saying you could find her, and then pointing out her traps. But when you saw her wrapped in her tarp, and blew her a kiss. My heart just skipped a beat. Just skipped a few beats." he said. He talked about the fire next, and the Careers catching Katniss, and her finding the tree. Ceaser loved the banter between her and Cato. "Now I saw your face Peeta when she called him honey. You didn't like that at all did you?" Ceaser asked. Peeta blushed and scratched the back of his head.

"No I can't say that I did like it. But I know why she did it. She was just trying to bait him." Peeta said, looking at Katniss.

"I honestly don't know what came over me. I don't call anyone honey." she said.

"Well call the boy honey already. He looked like a lost little puppy dog when you called Cato that." Ceaser laughed. She laughed and looked over at him.

"I'm sorry honey, I won't ever call anyone that again, but you." Katniss said, and kissed him sweetly. He heard Haymitch laugh again. Those were laughs of joy. And laughs at the Capitol.

"Alright I guess I forgive you." he told her. Then Ceaser talked about him staying awake all night.

"Just so he could make sure you were alright. I mean, I was just dying for something to happen. I wanted him to whisk you away or something. Then you telling him to leave. And he came back to save you. I was a mess. I was crying for you both." he said. Peeta and Katniss smiled at each other. "I was a mess for those next two days, that you were passed out, and Peeta was in the river. I was so happy when you woke up. And your alliance with Rue." he said. Luckily, Ceaser didn't stay long on that subject, but couldn't wait to talk about when she was looking for him. "How did you find him. I just couldn't believe it. How did you know what to do?" Ceaser asked. He knew she had to be careful with that question.

"Well my father taught me a lot about tracking. He liked to leave trails of things for me to follow, and I'd get a prize at the end. I just knew I had to start from were I last saw him. And he left a trail of blood so it was fairly easy." she told him.

"How did you feel, when you found him by that river?" Ceaser asked. Katniss looked over at Peeta and smiled.

"I felt like the happiest person in the world." she smiled at him. She leaned in and kissed him, and turned back to Ceaser. "I couldn't imagine my life without him." she said, cuddling up to him. He hugged her tightly.

"Your days in the cave, I have never loved anyone so much in the games. The romance that you brought to the screen. The way you took care of him, and risked your life for him. Peeta how did you feel?" he asked.

"She saved my life." Peeta said.

"We saved each other." Katniss said.

"You did save each other. It was beautiful." Ceaser said. He talked with them about Peeta being so sick, and her nursing him back to health. Then her going to the feast and saving Peeta. Then Peeta taking care of Katniss. They talked about every moment practically that they had in the cave, and hunting. "Now, your little banter that we saw back and forth. The kisses. Is this going to continue when you leave here?" Ceaser asked. Katniss laughed and looked up at him.

"I couldn't imagine my life without him Ceaser. There's no way I'm letting him go." Katniss said. Peeta kissed her.

"That would be a yes." Peeta said, never looking at Ceaser.

"Now this big question. Katniss. When you pulled out those berries. What was going through your mind?" he asked. This was the big one. Was she going to keep it the same, or was she going to go all out. She looked down at Peeta's hand and squeezed them. When she looked back up at Ceaser, she had tears in her eyes.

"All I could think about was going home with him Ceaser. When his name was called at the Reaping, I knew even if I did make it home, I would never truly be happy without Peeta Mellark in my life. When I found out I could go home with him...I did everything I could to keep him alive. I didn't want to leave that arena without him. I was promised I could keep him, and I couldn't let anyone take that away from me. I wasn't leaving that arena without him. Even if that meant I died with him. As long as I'm with him Ceaser, I don't care where we are. I don't want to live a day without him." she said. She nailed it. For a girl who thought she wasn't good with words, she just killed it.

"Peeta, what went on in your mind?" he asked. He let a tear fall from his eyes.

"I will go wherever this girl goes. I trust her with my life completely." he said. There. They did it. They said their goodbyes, and were ushered to the train station. They said there heartfelt goodbyes to Cinna and Portia. He knew it was hard for Katniss to leave Cinna. She never truly had a chance to talk to him. She never got to say anything she truly wanted. But he knew she would be able to. They got onto the train, and sat down in the living room. Katniss sat curled up next to him. Haymitch and Effie sat across from them. Haymitch just smiled at them, sipping his drink. He gave them a thumbs up. They knew the microphones were on them, and listening very carefully now. They had to be careful with everything they said now.

"Well?" Katniss asked Haymitch. He just smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well what. I brought you two home safe and sound. Your in love. There's nothing for me to rattle on about. You did it. Perfectly. Were celebrating." he said, sipping his drink again. Katniss let out a small sigh and smiled. She leaned her head back against the window and closed her eyes.

"I can't wait to be back home." she said. Peeta reached behind her neck and rubbed it with his hands. She groaned.

"Oh I am just so happy for the both of you. I'm so sad to see you both leave me tomorrow, but I couldn't be happier to see you in six more months for the Victory Tour. You must start working on your talents. If you should need anything, I will send you anything your heart desires on the train. It's been such a bore being the Escort for District 12 with only Haymitch sending in requests for alcohol." she said, eyeing him rudely. They laughed at her.

"Paints would be nice Effie. And I love to bake you know. Anything you want to send me for baking I would truly appreciate." he told her. Effie smiled.

"And I can send you anything for your sister. Some new dresses that will dazzle any boy she fancies." Effie said. Katniss smiled at her. She got up and pulled out three small boxes, and handed each other them one. "Go on, I got you all a gift." she said. They each opened a gold watch, and Effie held out her hand for them to see hers. "I'll give Cinna and Portia there's when I get back to the Capitol. Were a team. Not just the four of us. The six of us. There gold for Katniss' Mockingjay." Effie said. They all stared in awe at them. Haymitch instantly put his on, tapping it with his fingers. Peeta helped Katniss with hers. They were very nice. They rode for a few hours, just sitting in the living room, making small talk. They didn't need to talk to hide anything really. Anything they really wanted to say could wait till they got home. But Haymitch's big smile was enough to tide them over. He was beyond happy. But his smile left his face as soon as they came to a stop to refuel.

"How about the three of us take a short walk hmm." he said. Peeta and Katniss looked at each other, and followed. He and Katniss walked hand and hand down a ways, until Haymitch turned and looked at them.

"What's with the face?" Katniss demanded.

"What's wrong Haymitch. I thought we did everything right." Peeta asked.

"You did. Everything you did was perfect. The Capitol loves you even more then they did last time. The other Districts feel stronger about you then they did last time. Apologizing to kids you killed, I know it was something that was real for the both you. You wanted to say that last time, and I know it's eaten away at you. I know why you did it. Snow is furious. That little word to dead bodies...it was huge. And you both did it." Haymitch said. They looked at each other.

"Should we not have?" Peeta asked.

"Oh no. It was perfect. I wanted to actually suggest doing that myself. But I couldn't make you do that. That's something you had to do for yourself. The point is, that added more fuel to the fire. They see your guilt, your sadness. That's important You both took your second chance and ran with it. I'm proud of you." he said.

"Then what's wrong?" Katniss demanded.

"There are microphones in our houses. They'll be listening carefully now. So you have to be careful what you say. All the time." Haymitch said. Katniss huffed, rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"For a whole damn year." she muttered. Peeta looked back to Haymitch.

"We'll get some moments. Not a lot. When the mics are down. And our watches will let us know." he said, holding them up for them to see. "You keep them on. They may look delicate, all covered in gold. But there anything but delicate. There like your trackers. You keep them on at all times. When you shower, when your baking, when your hunting. They'll be fine and can withstand anything your throw at them. They'll vibrate and send messages to you." he told them. Peeta looked down at his watch. So he would have limited times to really talk to Katniss. "During these next six months before the games...Katniss' indifference to you made Snow even angrier." Haymitch said. Peeta whipped his head up to look at Haymitch. "I told you this whole trip, do exactly what you did last time, but up the anty. Make it better...I don't want to be the one to tell you this, but for the next six months, you both can't be seen or heard together around the District." he said sadly, staring at Katniss. Peeta shook his head and looked over at her. She was shaking her head and backing up.

"No no no. I just got him back. I won't do that to him again. I can't Haymitch." she cried. Peeta jumped forward and wrapped his arms around her, not letting her walk backwards anymore as she started crying.

"Katniss it will be ok." Peeta said.

"Please don't keep us separated Haymitch please." she cried.

"I don't want to do that sweetheart. But it's the rebels call. Everything you did. Ignoring him. Leaving to hunt illegally and with Gale. Even kissing him. You know everything you did set things in motion to him coming up with the idea to put all the Victor's back in the games." Katniss let out a sob and he hugged her.

"I can't do this Haymitch. I thought I'd at least be able to breath. To be with Peeta. I just got him back. There's so much that I want to say." she cried.

"And you will Katniss. It will be hard at first. There will be times when the rebels shut the mics down. But I need you to do this. For everyone's freedom. Were fighting a war right now sweetheart." Haymitch said. Katniss cried harder. "You'll be together, and once the cameras leave, you'll go into your separate houses." he told them. Katniss shook her head.

"Gale won't kiss me. I won't let him. I don't even want to go hunting with him." Katniss cried.

"I'm going to have to talk to Gale. But he's a bigger part of this then you think. Snow hates that kid. I'll talk to him when we get back." Haymitch said.

"Why does he have to be apart of this. He hates us. He wants nothing to do with us." Peeta said. He felt his blood boiling. Gale would be able to see Katniss whenever he wanted. Go hunting all day on Sundays with her. Kiss her? That was out of the question.

"You remember what were fighting for. Both of you. This has to happen. I'm trying my best to make it so you have time together. But I can't just snap my fingers. I need you to work with me. I need you to stay away from each other. We all need it." Haymitch said. He put his head down. "The mics will be off for a few hours tonight. Just till midnight. I'm sorry." he said, and walked back to the train. He was so happy. He hadn't even thought what would happen once they got home. He wanted Katniss to move in with him. Now he had to stay away from her for six whole months. He barely saw her in those times. He'd sneak glances at her through his window a lot. He saw her outside, and in town sometimes. But to have to ignore her back now?

"It's ok. Haymitch will think of something. It's just six months Katniss. Then when we go on the Victory tour, we'll be together again." he tried to sooth her. But he knew it wouldn't help.

"I can't be without you another six months. I just got you back Peeta. You were gone for five months already. Even when you were here..." she trailed off from her sobs. He was hi-jacked and wanted to kill her. He just rocked her back and forth.

"Haymitch will get us out of this Katniss. I promise. I know he will. We'll just take it one day at a time. I promise." he told her. Effie called them back. They came back onto the train. Effie must have known what had happened. She patted both of their shoulders "Come on." he said, leading her to bed. They stayed cuddled up in bed together. He thought he would be so happy to be going home. But he wasn't now that he knew he would have to let Katniss go. How was he always this stupid, not realizing what was right in front of them. What would happen. He was an idiot.

"How am I just supposed to ignore you for six months?" Katniss asked.

"Well you did it once before. I'm sure you can do it again." he said. She sat up staring at him.

"I'm sorry Peeta. I'm so so sorry. I never should have done that. But I didn't know what I wanted. I was scared and confused. I wanted nothing with what the Capitol was forcing on me. I didn't know that I wanted you. I kinda did but I was so afraid of it. I'm afraid to love you because I don't want children." she cried. He shook his head.

"Katniss please. There's no reason to talk about kids."

"But I'm so afraid to love you. It hurts to lose you when I do. I was going to tell you when they rescued you. But you came back to me hi-jacked. You hated me. And I was a coward." she cried. He grabbed her shoulders.

"Katniss we don't need to talk about this now-"

"When will we talk Peeta?" she demanded. He sat there silently on his bed, just staring at her. "When are we gonna have the time. We promised we would talk when we got home, and look what's happening. Were going home and were not allowed to talk. I have to ignore you all over again. We'll never get the chance to talk." she cried.

"Then talk now." he told her. She sat there, crying on his bed. "You ignored me last time. I get why. You've told me as much. How did it make you feel?" he asked her. She stared at him in confusion. "I get why you did what you did. You were confused. You were angry. You were sad. You were a million different things, and I get that. I understand why you acted the way you did. I didn't for a long time, and it was hard to accept, but I do understand. You don't have to go into anymore detail about why you reacted that way. But I want to know how it made you feel. How were you?" he asked. Katniss stared at him for awhile.

"I was scared." she said simply. She let the tears fall. "I was scared. All the time. And sad. I tried to not think about you. But the more I tried not to, the harder it was for me to stop. I missed you all the time. And I couldn't understand why. I kept telling myself to talk to you. To apologize. To ask you to forgive me. But each day went on, it got harder and harder. And I never did it." she said, guilt written all over her face. Her held her face in his hands.

"Then ask me now." he whispered. She stared at him for a minute before she started talking. He knew she had to say it, she would never move on. He didn't care what had happened, but she did. And that's why he wanted her to ask him to forgive her. It would heal her.

"I'm sorry Peeta. I'm sorry for leading you on, and letting you down so horribly. I'm sorry for ignoring you for six whole months. I'm sorry for making you feel...I'm sorry for never asking you how you felt. Please forgive me Peeta." she cried, and he captured his lips in his.

"I told you. I'm not angry. I understand why you did everything you did. I forgive you. I did that day on the train when I told you I was sorry." he said.

"I never asked you Peeta. I never wanted to try and be selfish. I was just so afraid to hear what your answer was. But what did you feel?" she asked. He took a deep breath and sat back.

"You don't really want to hear it Katniss." he told her. She shook her head.

"Yes I do." she said. She wiped her face. "I can take it Peeta." she said. He knew she was lying. He took a deep breath and scrubbed his face with his hands.

"I was lonely. Plain and simple. I thought you meant every word. I didn't know you were acting for the cameras, and when I found out I felt stupid. I thought we were going to have to amazing life together, and I was miserable. I felt really incredibly stupid. I was alone in my house because my mom didn't want to move from the bakery into my house. I was alone and I missed you and wished you would fall in love with me." he said. She looked away as tears fell. He leaned forward and pulled her to him. "Come on that's why I didn't want to tell you." he said, wiping her tears.

"I made you feel alone...that's an awful feeling. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry Peeta. And you weren't stupid. Your not stupid. I'm the one who's stupid because I just couldn't figure out what I wanted. Or I wouldn't let myself figure it out. I'm sorry Peeta. But I did choose you." she said. He smiled and kissed her again.

"I don't care about any of that Katniss. All I care about is now." he said, holding her hands in his. She stared down at them.

"You did care on the train. That's why you felt you had to apologize. Like you did something wrong. That the reason we weren't friends was because you were making me feel bad. And I just let you apologize. I wish I told you then. I made you feel like an idiot. Like you had to try so hard to get to know me. Like trying to find out what my favorite color was. Peeta I promise I'll do better. I'll answer any question you want about me. You don't have to fight to get me to tell you things." she said.

"Shh it's ok Katniss. I know that now. And your doing great so far. You've told me so much already. I'm glad that I know these things so far. Your doing amazing." he said, brushing the hair away from her face. He pulled her close to him. "Just calm down and relax. Just keep talking to me. Tell me what was going through your head during the Victory Tour." he said. Katniss snorted.

"I don't know how you can keep asking me to torture you. My thoughts are terrible." she said, laying down a bit so she was practically laying on top of him again, her face on his chest. He knew she was listening to his heart beating.

"Because I like knowing what goes through your head. No matter how bad it may sound, or how it may hurt me. I understand you more and more. And I want to know everything about you Katniss Everdeen." he told her. He heard her gulp.

"I'm sorry I didn't trust you and tell you first that Snow came to my house. I won't make that mistake again. I'll always trust you. I was just scared to." she told him. He kissed the top of her forehead

"I know." he told her, brushing her hair.

"Haymitch always stuck up for you. He's always wanted me with you. And I think he knew how I really felt about you. That was why he always pushed me the way he did. He let me know I was stupid and selfish when it came to you." Katniss said. Peeta let out a sigh of frustration.

"Your not selfish or stupid. Stop letting Haymitch put those things into your head." he told her. She stayed silent a little bit. "I did feel pretty left out. You trusted him more then me. It did kinda sting." he said. He felt Katniss stiffen in his arms. "I want you to feel that you can trust me with these things. I know why you trusted Haymitch with these things, and I'm not mad. He knows what to do better then me anyways. I just hope in the future, that you feel you can come to me with your problems. I want to be better for you that I can make you feel safe." he told her.

"You do make me feel safe." Katniss told him. He smiled. "I'm sorry for not being more gentle with your feelings when I suggested we get married." she told him. Peeta remembered that day. It was horrible. When he left for his room, he just laid in his bed. All he could think about since the day he was 5, was marrying Katniss Everdeen. Having her as his wife. But being forced into it, when she didn't love him, was a mean, sick, cruel joke to him. What had he done that was awful to have a wife forced on him? He shook his head again.

"It's ok. I'm glad it didn't happen though. To have to get married because of Snow...I'm glad we didn't give him the satisfaction of him watching us say I do." he told her. It was the truth. She sat up and looked at him.

"Really?" she asked. He smiled at her.

"I hope we do get married after this is all over. But I don't want to get married because someone told us to. And I want it to be for us. With our family and friends. I want it to be in District 12, with all our own traditions I want you to pick out your own dress. And I want us to have a real toasting. I don't want a Capitol run wedding." he told her. She smiled at him and kissed her cheek, and then laid her head back down, but this time in his lap.

"You saved me all those nights on the train. Chasing away my nightmares. I hadn't slept in six months. And you helped me sleep again. I should have seen it then. I couldn't just trust anyone to hold me while I slept. Of course I trusted you." she told him. He smiled again. "I was foolish with that idea of running away. All of us. Your family, mine, Haymitch and Gale's. I don't know what I was thinking taking 14 people into the woods to survive. It was the most idiotic thing I could have ever imagined. Our families would be found and brutally murdered. I had this stupid thought it my head, that by staying with Gale that night that he got whipped, that I was choosing him. I didn't choose him. I felt guilty. I was leading him on to. I was trying to force myself to fall in love with him, because it was what the Capitol didn't want. I was trying to forget about you. You stepped right up to help me with him. You got in the line of fire, saying Thread had to go through you to get to my cousin. You stayed with me while I stayed with him, and never once..." she trailed off. It pained him to think about that time. He thought she was in love with Gale. He tried so hard to impress her, by letting her love him. By letting her love Gale, he just hoped she wouldn't hate him. Resent him. That just maybe they could at least be friends, even if she never fell in love with him.

"Never once what?" he asked.

"I don't even know. I treated you so badly. I just stomped around on your feelings. And I kissed Gale. I just had to see how it felt. I felt nothing Peeta. I never felt anything anytime we kissed. I tried to pretend like I did feel something, but I never once did." she cried. Peeta helped her sit up.

"Come on we don't have to keep talking about this. It's just upsetting you." he said.

"But when's the next chance I'll have to talk to you again? If I have a few hours to talk to you at home, I don't want to talk about this stuff. I want it all out. I just want to tell you everything. I owe you that Peeta."

"You don't owe me anything Katniss." he told her. But she just shook her head.

"I owe you everything." she said. She closed her eyes. "I thought by me choosing the rebellion, I was choosing Gale. If I chose to remain peaceful for the Capitol, that meant I was choosing you. I thought if I chose you, I couldn't have Gale in my life. Or if I chose Gale, I couldn't have you. But I see it now. I get it. I choose the rebellion. I choose to fight. And with that, I can choose whoever I want. By choosing one of you, I can still have the other as a friend. That's what I'm fighting for. My freedom. Your freedom, everyone's freedom. But I thought the rebellion was Gale, and the Capitol was you. I was wrong. I choose the rebellion, but your the rebellion. Your my freedom. To have that wedding with a toasting. That's what I'm fighting for. But you would never take my freedom away by not letting me be friends with Gale. And I get that now, that you'll let me choose what my relationship with Gale is." she said. He smiled brightly at her. She was choosing him. He took her hands, and placed them over his heart.

"I don't care what your relationship is with Gale, Katniss. And your right, I would never make you choose. If you still want to go hunting with him ten years from now, then great, if that makes you happy, then I would never stop you. If you don't want that, and your ok with that, if your ok with not having him around, then I'm fine to. Gale has been your best friend for so long. You both went through something I didn't understand. Losing your father, and becoming the provider of a family when your just a kid, fighting not to starve...I didn't have to do that. He understands you in a way that I can't. I'm not jelous of that anymore Katniss." he said. She hugged him tightly.

"I choose you Peeta." she whispered. He pulled back and smiled.

"I have waited so long for you to tell me that." he said. He kissed her sweetly.

"I'll tell you over and over again." Katniss said. He smiled.

"I don't mind hearing it." he told her. But there was something else that he'd rather hear. Something he wanted to tell her to, but now wasn't the moment. He wanted to make it romantic. He knew that would be harder now, that he couldn't see her. Or talk to her. But he just had to be patient. Their romantic moment would come.

"When that big blizzard comes. I don't want you to have to stay in your house by yourself. Stay with me." she said suddenly. Her mind really must be going through everything that had happened last year. "We both know your house will be fine. I want you to stay with me." she told him. He leaned his head against hers.

"Always." he whispered. She pulled back.

"You whispered that to me the night your brought me up to bed. I didn't realize it at first, I had to think about it a lot. But that's what you told me when I asked you to stay with me." she said. He smiled at her and nodded his head.

"Yeah I did. I thought you didn't love me at the time. But I would still stay with you." he told her truthfully. He saw in her face, that she didn't like hearing him say those things.

"I'll always stay with you to." she told him. She laid her head back on his chest has he held her.

"It scared me that night you were late. I knew you went hunting. We all did. And we just waited. We couldn't talk about it because the Peacekeepers were right there. But my mind was playing all sorts of tricks on me. At least I was right about one thought. They turned the fence back on. I just kept praying that you'd outsmart them somehow. And you did. You came home. Pretty banged up though." he said.

"It was stupid to go out there. I won't do that again. I promise. I'll listen better." she told him. He just laughed. "When I think back on that night though, how we were all acting for the Peacekeepers...it was really just me acting you know. Because I'm just not that friendly. But you fit so well in with my mother and sister. Even Haymitch does when he's not drunk. I just hope we can enjoy more moments like that." she said sadly.

"We will Katniss. I promise. At least after the Victory Tour we can be together a lot. Every day if you like. We'll be engaged by then." he promised her. She squeezed him tighter.

"At least then we won't have to go another six months without each other." she said sadly. They stayed silent for a few minutes. The train was relaxing to them. "I liked watching you paint. And staring at your eyelashes. Your very beautiful." she said drowsily. Peeta knew she was falling asleep.

"Just go to sleep Katniss. Just take a nap. I'll be right here when you wake up."he told her. And she fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

Katniss didn't stay asleep for long. She started calling for Prim, and Peeta instantly woke her up. Shaking her roughly to wake her from the nightmares. "Katniss wake up. Prim's alive Katniss. She's at home. Katniss wake up." he told her. She sat up, screaming and looking around. He grabbed her face and made her focus on him. "Katniss it's me. I'm right here. Your safe." he told her. She looked around his room.

"I don't want to lay here anymore. I don't want to go back to sleep." she told him. He nodded his head.

"Alright that's fine. Let's go to the back of the train where the window is." he told her. She nodded and he held her hand, leading them to the back of the train. Dinner would start getting served soon. As he sat down, she cuddled closed to him in his arms. It was starting to get dark. The sun looked beautiful. "Prim's alive you know. And she's waiting for you. You'll see her tomorrow." he told her.

"And I'll have to let you go." she cried. Peeta moved her to face him.

"Katniss I need to know you'll keep your promise. That you'll do better, that you'll listen to what Haymitch told you to do. I know this is gonna be hard. Staying away form each other for six months. I'm going through the same thing you are. But I need to know that you'll really listen to what he tells you. I need to know that your going to be ok. I won't be far away. I'll be next door. But it's only six months. And if you ever really truly need me, we'll figure out where to go to meet up. We'll find ways around Snow. But promise me you won't..." he trailed off. Gulping.

"That I won't what?" she asked.

"Promise me you won't hurt yourself again." he said quietly. One thing about having all the cameras on them for 16 days in the arena, was that they couldn't talk about what happened, about her killing herself. Katniss didn't say anything. She pulled away from him and stood up.

"I don't want to talk about that." she said. She had done so well. She had let him in, told him what her feelings were. But he could already feel it. She was starting to shut down. He stood behind her.

"I need to know that when I can't be with you, that your going to be ok. You have Prim. She's not dead Katniss. Rely on her when you feel sad. Don't let it consume you." Peeta told her.

"I won't." she gritted out. He slowly made her turn around and face him.

"Will getting angry at me make you feel better about separating tomorrow?" he asked her. She just stared at him, and he let out a sigh. "If it makes you feel better then I'm fine with that. But I just need to know that you'll be ok Katniss." he said. She looked away.

"Like you said, I'll have Prim." she told him. Effie interrupted them for dinner. As soon as it was over, Peeta led her back down to his room, and into his bed. She changed into one of his shirts and shorts. Well, they really weren't his, they were just what the Capitol wanted him to wear while he was on the train. She slept with her head pressed to his chest, and felt her crying. He knew that there was nothing left for him to say. They would be separated tomorrow, and there wasn't a damn thing either of them could do about it. Breakfast was a quiet affair. No one wanting to talk. He reached over and grabbed Katniss' hand in his. She leaned her other arm on the table and covered her face.

"You did great sweetheart." Haymitch reminded her. She looked up at him, then to Peeta, and back at him. Haymitch mouthed _I'm sorry_ to her.

"Your whole families will be at the train station waiting for you. I'm so sorry to see you go. Write down anything you both can think of that you want. I promise to get my Victor's anything you may want." Effie reminded them, handing them pens and paper. Katniss wrote nothing on the paper. But Peeta had much to write. He knew he wanted to stay busy these next six months. Just baking in his home would never keep him busy enough to not run up to Katniss' house, throw open the door and kiss her senseless. He needed other things to keep him busy. As they pulled into the train station, Katniss started crying, and Peeta pulled her to his chest.

"Please don't cry. Everything will be ok. We'll be ok. I just need you to stay strong. This isn't like last time. I'm really here. I'm safe, and I'm right next door. And Prim is alive. And your mom is here. Please I just need to know you'll be ok." he whispered in her ear. She pulled back and stared at him.

"I just got you back." she whispered. He kissed her and wiped her tears.

"I know. And I'm here. I'll just be next door." he whispered back. Effie grabbed a tissue and started wiping Katniss' face.

"There there now darling. I know your just bursting with excitement. But save those tears my Victor." she said and kissed Katniss' cheek. She leaned towards them. "Now I don't want either of you to worry what your bodies might go through. You were given a shot, and it lasts three months, so you won't be growing any hair. It's like freezing the inside of your body for three months." she quietly joked. Peeta and Katniss eyed each other. They already knew that. It was explained to them when they each got it. For him, it was just making sure he didn't grow any facial hair, but he knew from Finnick at the Quarter Quell, that for Katniss, it not only meant not growing hair, like on her legs or under her arms, but that meant not getting her period. But he didn't understand why Effie was telling them this now. She hadn't last time. She leaned in closer. "It's a form of birth control." she mouthed so quietly. Peeta's eyes widened.

"Effie!" Katniss hissed. She stood back and clapped her hands.

"Come come now. Your whole District is here to welcome my their Victor's home." she said excitedly Peeta held Katniss' hand. Her face was red from blushing. Why did Effie just tell them that? Duh you idiot. Effie could see the relationship between them was real. It wasn't just for Panem. They were in love. And she wanted them to know, that if they were to do anything...sexual...they wouldn't get pregnant. For three months at least. He knew that the Escorts were allowed to send anything to Victor's that they wanted, except protection. It was never allowed to be given to any District. No matter how much you paid for it. He had remembered talking with Finnick about in District 13. He was allowed to use it when he was in the Capitol. Because we was forced to sleep around. He told them how women took pills and got shots to protect pregnancy. But he knew that guys wore something on themselves called condoms. And when they had sex, it kept anything a guy leaked out, inside of the condom. And it also helped with sexually transmitted diseases. He shook his head. Why the hell would Effie put that in their heads now. He looked over at Katniss again, still blushing. Was Effie trying to give Katniss something to hope for? To look forward to? Well for the next three months, they were supposed to stay away from each other. Having sex wasn't an easy thing when your not even supposed to be in the same room with each other. Effie and Haymitch walked out, and the crowd cheered. They were waiting for Peeta and Katniss. He picked her hand up and brought it to her lips. Kissing it. She looked at him, and he brushed her cheek with his hand, smiling at her.

"Just stay strong. I will to. We'll stay busy. And it will be six months before you know it...just please smile for me. I don't want to see you sad today. You have Prim. You have her. Focus on that." he said. She smiled at him, and he kissed her. He led her out onto the platform. Everyone was there. Screaming, cheering and waving. Peeta and Katniss smiled and waved back. Not letting there other hands go. They held tight to each other. He brought their hands up high. Everyone cheered louder. Peeta saw them the same time Katniss did. He saw Prim above the crowd, because Gale was holding her on his shoulders. Standing with her mother, and Gale's family. Waving. Prim was crying and blowing kisses. Katniss looked over to Peeta with tears in her eyes. He knew she would be ok. Because she had Prim. Katniss just had to see her again. He smiled at her. Their families got closer, and they had to separate to hug them.

Prim came barreling at me and wrapped her arms around me. When she had woken up in her house in the Seam, she never truly had a chance to deal with the fact that Prim was still alive. She had been whisked away so suddenly. But now she had the time. Her fathers words came back to her about Prim. _Let Prim grow up. Watching you in the games changed her. Trust her with your secrets. She can handle them._ Could she really lean on Prim? Prim was just a baby though. But she wasn't a baby anymore. She may look 12 years old, but she had watched her sister go through 3 arenas now, and went through a war herself. Maybe her father and Peeta were right. She should lean on Prim. She felt her moms arms go around her to, and the three held on to one another. Crying. "Things will be different now. I promise." her mother whispered in her ear.

Peeta watched as Prim ran into Katniss' arms, and he smiled. She would be ok. Prim would make sure of that. He was thrown backwards a bit when Rye slammed into him. He was startled a bit. When he come back last time, his mother was so angry the way that he had behaved. Throwing himself around for Katniss, professing his love for her. And admitting to the whole world, that his father was in love with Katniss' mother. It wasn't so much that he fell in love with a girl from the Seam. It was that specific girl that his mother hated. She wanted his family to have as little to do with Peeta as possible. Telling him flat out that they would not be moving into his house. His family was so scared of his mother, that everyone just listened. He was allowed over for dinner sometimes, and to go into the bakery. But he had limited access to his family when he came home. He didn't want to make the same mistake this time with them. He would keep them alive. He hugged Rye tightly, and Rye pulled back. He smiled at Peeta. "You did real good little brother. I'm glad to see you back. In one piece." Rye said. His eyes glancing down for a second. Peeta knew what he meant. Because of losing his leg last time. That was another thing his mother was pissed about. That he lost his leg for a Seam girl. Wheet hugged him next. Just smiling. No words really needed to be said. And then his father embraced him tightly.

"I don't know how many times I can sit through that. No father should have to watch their child like that." he whispered. Peeta nodded his head and pulled back.

"I know. I love you dad. Incase I forget to tell you sometimes." Peeta said. That wasn't something that was said around his house a lot. Mainly because of his mother. She felt that men shouldn't go around saying that. That it made them weak. Well he must be the weakest Mellark, because he wants to say it to Katniss all the time. All day, every day, for the rest of his life. His mother stepped up next. Not smiling, but hugged him. He knew it was for the cameras. She went to pull back, but he held tight to her. "Incase I don't tell you enough either, I do love you mom." he said. He didn't ever remember telling her. She pulled back and looked at him, startled by what he said. He thought he saw her wipe a tear away as she turned.

"Your cousins are excited to see you to." Her mother said to her. She knew she said it, because the cameras were right there. She knew that while she was in the arena, everyone had directed the reporters over to Gale because they were so close. And she knew that they had concocted that he was her cousin. They didn't want to mess with the star-crossed lovers act. She wondered how hard this was for Gale the second time around. Posy ran up into her arms and hugged her tightly. Rory and Vick throwing her arms around her also. Then as they left her arms, she felt Hazelle hug her tightly. She pulled back and smiled, touching Katniss' cheek. She hadn't done that last time. She realized that Hazelle knew to.

"I'm glad you made it home safe and sound." she said sincerely, and hugged Katniss again. She would have thought that Hazelle would hate Katniss. For blaming her son for Prim's death. For picking Peeta instead of Gale. But there was no hostility in those eyes. Gale came up next. He leaned down and hugged her tightly.

"You'll always be my best friend to." he whispered to her. Katniss pulled back and stared at him. He had a month away from her, and probably thought about their last conversation over and over again. He leaned in and hugged her again. "There's nothing to forgive." he told her. He pulled away and smiled, but she knew that was a forced smile. For the cameras. He was acting to.

Peeta watched the exchange between Katniss and Gale. He had seen him whisper something, but he didn't know what. He wanted to ask Katniss the first chance he got. But he knew he couldn't. He didn't want her to feel like if she chose Peeta, that meant cutting Gale out of her life. He knew they shared a special bond. His thoughts were interrupted by Prim jumping into his arms. He hugged her tightly. "Thank you for bringing her back to me Peeta." she whispered. He laughed.

"It's more like she brought me back. Just take care of her when I'm not around will ya?" Peeta asked. Prim pulled back and stared at him oddly. She nodded her head. They were ushered down the platform, when reporters started yelling different things at them, asking them questions. Katniss' mother answered one of their questions.

"Katniss is to young to have a boyfriend." Emily told them. Peeta and Katniss looked over at each other and smiled. They were brought to their new homes. Pretending to be so excited about these houses that the Capitol gave them. Living right next door to each other was a dream come true. They thanked the Capitol so much for giving them their new lives. They hugged and kissed for the cameras, and they waved goodbye as they all left. Haymitch stared at them all just standing there. Him, Katniss and her family, Peeta and his, and even Gale's family, which of course were Katniss' 'cousins'. Rye slapped him on the back.

"Well the bread won't bake itself. Come on by later. I'm baking this huge cake with pine trees on it saying, I survived the Hunger Games. It will look like crap so you gotta come by and fix it." Rye joked. His mother smacked him in the back of the head and dragged his father and brothers off.

"We should really be going. Let you settle it. Come on kids." Hazelle said. Haymitch pointed to Gale.

"How about we have a talk. Come with me." he told Gale. Gale didn't get a chance to speak, as Haymitch pushed him forward, walking out of the Victor's Village.

"How about you and I get started on something for supper. Your welcome to join us Peeta." Katniss' mother said kindly. Peeta smiled at her.

"I'm going to have to take a rain check on that. But I'll cash it in soon." he said. She nodded, and her and Prim went inside. He and Katniss were alone. They just stared down at the ground.

"After all we went through. This is just supposed to end like this? We just say goodbye for six months? Act like nothing ever happened. The Quell didn't happen. The war and your hi-jacking never happened. You being gone five months never happened and me getting sick never happened. We were supposed to talk about that. And now nothing is resolved." she said bitterly.

"A lot is resolved Katniss. Just not everything. It's not ending. I'm not away in the Capitol like last time. I'm right here. I'm right next door. And this time you have Prim. You can lean on her to get you through this. When it gets hard for you, you remember why were doing this. For our freedom." he told her.

"So we have to sacrifice for the whole world. And what did they sacrifice for us?" she cried. He pulled her to his chest. "Why do I have to lose everything? I just want to be with you. We never get our chance." she cried.

"We will Katniss. We will get our chance. We will have our moment. And I promise I'll make every tear, every bad angry and sad moment, I'll make it all worth it. I'll make it so perfect Katniss, you'll see. Every day were apart, I'll make up for it. I'll make it up to you I promise." he told her. He pulled away and she had tears flowing down her face. She was starting to cry and he kissed her. She sobbed through the kiss and she hugged him tightly.

"Please don't go. Please don't leave me." she cried. She never begged for him. Never told him that she needed him. One time she did, on the beach...but this was different. He hated seeing her like this.

"We have to say goodbye." he choke out. She let out a sob and hugged him tighter. "This is killing me. But Haymitch will work out a plan for us. I know he will. We'll be together soon I promise." he told her. He pulled her away and kissed her forehead and smiled for her. "Go be with Prim." he told her. She just stood there, and he gently nudged her. She walked up the stairs and turned around to look at him. He smiled and nodded at her. She turned back to her house and opened the door. She looked at him again, and he put his fingers up to his lips, and blew her a kiss. She closed her eyes and shut the door. He looked up to his own steps, and made the slow trek up his walkway, up the steps and in through the door. As soon as it was shut he collapsed against it, falling to the floor, and sobbing. He would be strong in front of her, but after everything he had just been through. He had no time to himself to process anything he had gone through. Now that he was alone, bitterly alone, he would process everything.

"Are you ok?" Prim asked from the doorway. Katniss had ran away up to her room, like a little girl, crying in her bed for hours. She opened her eyes, and realized it was night time. Prim walked into the room and put a bowl of soup on her nightstand, and sat on the bed. She stroked Katniss' hair.

"No I'm not." Katniss admitted. It was the truth. She never liked to let Prim know when something was wrong. But her father wanted her to trust in Prim. Prim laid down in bed, facing Katniss. She put her hand on her shoulder.

"I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere." Prim said. Prim pulled Katniss close to her. Was she really hugging her baby sister? The little girl she vowed to protect from everything bad in the world. From starvation, from homelessness. From the Hunger Games, from the war. The war won and took Prim with it. She squeezed Prim tightly. "I'm really here Katniss." she whispered.

"I'm so sorry." Katniss whispered, and cried.

"So were in agreement. Nothing will change?" Haymitch asked. Gale let out a frustrated sigh.

"Nothing will change. I'll make sure to go hunting with her every Sunday. And when you tell me to, I'll kiss her so Snow will see it." Gale said, shaking his head.

"I understand how you feel-"

"No Haymitch, you have NO idea how I feel." Gale said angrily

"Actually your right. You at least have your family to protect. All I have is Katniss and Peeta. My whole family was murdered by Snow, because I made the Capitol look stupid. Because I made a mistake, and underestimated the Capitol. I lost everyone I loved, including a girl. So I guess your right. I don't know how it feels to have my mother and younger siblings with me. Or to at least let the girl that I love go, because she loves someone else. No I just had to watch all mine die." Haymitch said. Gale didn't say anything. "I understand that it sucks. It royally sucks, and no one is disputing that. Everyone has to sacrifice something here." Haymitch said. Gale snorted. "There sacrificing seeing each other for six months. All in the name of freedom." Haymitch said.

"And then they get everything they ever wanted once that six months is up right? Then what happens to me?" Gale asked.

"Your not done in six months. We still need you even after that. And your an intricate part of the rebellion once we all get to 13. You did amazing things while we were there. And your forgetting that I know what you did once you moved to District 2. How important you were to the rebuilding of District 12 and all of the other Districts. I was paying attention, even is she wasn't." Haymitch said. Gale gulped.

"How bad was she really?" Gale asked quietly. Haymitch scrubbed his face.

"That is something she'll have to tell you. But know this, it is because she got so bad, is that we got this second chance. It's all because of her. She's the reason. So I do understand how hard this is for you. Just take it one day at a time. We do need you Hawthorne." Haymitch said, and turned back to his house.

It had been a week. A whole week. Katniss stayed in the house. Not even daring to look out the window, incase she saw Peeta. She looked in the mirror once, and couldn't believe the horror show she saw. She had just been so pretty, with her perfect skin, full rosy cheeks, plucked eyebrows. Now she was pale, thin and had big dark circles under her eyes. She was barely eating or sleeping. Sleeping brought on the nightmares. She at least did take showers every day. Prim would remind her, and she'd do it for her. It seemed surreal to have her back. She would sit and let Prim brush her hair. She knew Prim loved doing that. She would sit at the table to eat, but never had much of an appetite. She did all these things for them. Because they were here, and they loved her. She was trying to keep her promise to Peeta. To lean on them. But it had been seven days. Seven very long days. Just one week. She was supposed to do this for six months. She was startled when the doorbell rang. But she didn't care to answer the door. "Come on in." Prim said. Gale walked in. Katniss hadn't seen him since he left with Haymitch.

"What are you doing here?" Katniss asked.

"Well it's Sunday. I just started in the mines, and I only have Sunday's off. So we can go hunting together." Gale said, sitting on the couch, staring at her worriedly. Katniss shook her head.

"I don't want to." she said. Gale passed her a piece of paper and she looked down. _Get your ass up out of that house. Do everything like before. Go hunting. The camera's will catch you leaving with Gale. Get up and go! Remember what your fighting for! _It was from Haymitch. She crumbled the piece of paper and threw it on the floor. She threw the blanket off and went upstairs. Prim had brought their dad's hunting jacket and boots over. She had left them before in their old house in the Seam, but Katniss asked for them this time. It was better to just show them up front what she doing. Why hide it? But she couldn't bring herself to go hunting. She had changed and walked down the stairs.

"We'll see you both later." Emily called out to them. Katniss nodded, and Gale led the way. Katniss was to afraid to look up at Peeta's house. So afraid she'd see him. They didn't speak all the way to the fence. They crawled through, and walked to where Katniss' bow was hidden. She didn't take it though, she just sat down.

"I don't know what use I'll be. I'm to tired." she grumbled out. Gale sat down on the ground. "What your not gonna fight with me?" she asked. Surprised.

"Do you want me to fight with you?" he asked her.

"No particularly." she said. They sat in silence for a moment. "Why aren't you fighting with me?" she asked suspiciously

"Well I think that's where a lot of our problems are between you and I. I think I pushed you to hard. You needed a friend. That's all I ever was to you, and I pushed for something more, and I ruined our friendship. It used to be easy between us." he said. Katniss nodded. "I want to go back to that if we can." Gale said. Katniss nodded.

"I'd like that." she told him.

"Then we'll just take it one day at a time...or at least one Sunday at a time. I want my freedom. I liked District 2. I loved the freedom that I had there. I loved knowing that Rory, Vick and Posy would never see a Reaping. That they wouldn't starve again. And I've had a lot of time to think about it." Gale said. Katniss let out a chuckle.

"I'm glad at least someone has had time to think about things. I came back and was pushed right back into the games, and then sent home. I've had a week and I still haven't had a chance to process anything. I'm still stuck on that train." she said bitterly.

"What happened?" he asked. Katniss looked at him, raising her eyebrow. "What happened? Why did we come back?" he asked. Katniss looked away. "How did we get back? And what happened to you when you got home?" Gale asked. Katniss wouldn't look at him. "I called once. Hoping you'd answer. But Sae answered. We were talking for a minute, and I could tell she wanted to tell me something, but just couldn't do it. And then I heard Haymitch yelling at you in the background. Screaming at you to eat something." he said. Katniss closed her eyes and tried to remember that day. He was getting angry at her, trying to get her to eat. She never remembered the phone ringing.

"I just didn't feel like eating." she said. They sat there for awhile, not saying anything Gale stood up after awhile.

"I have to go check the snare lines. Do you want to come with me, or just sit there?" Gale asked.

"Sitting here is just fine." she told him. He stared down at her. Then walked away. She would wait for him. They had to walk back together anyways. She sat down on the ground and leaned against the log. She didn't mean to, but she started dozing off. A week of sleeping a little at a time will do that to you. She saw fires in her dreams. Fires taking Prim away from her. Katniss jerked herself awake and looked around wildly. She was back in the arena. Oh God! How did she get back here? Why would her father send her back for a third time? "No no no no no. How could you make me come back here?" she begged, falling to the ground, covering her face. "Please no just kill me. Don't make me do this again." she cried.

"Katniss?" she heard her name being called. She looked around, and couldn't find her bow. Where did her bow go. "Katniss what's wrong?" the voice asked. She searched around frantically for her bow. It was in Glimmer's hands. She tried to pry them loose, but her swollen fingers wouldn't budge. "Katniss stop it it's me." the male voice said. No Glimmer was a girl. "Katniss please get a grip on yourself." he told her, shaking her. How could Glimmer shake her? She was dead. "Katniss. KATNISS!" Gale yelled. He was standing there in front of her. Katniss looked around. But she was in the arena. Wasn't she? "Katniss please stop it. Your in the woods. Your home Katniss." Gale told her. She looked around. This was where she kept her bow and arrows hidden.

"What happened?" she asked, hoarse.

"I've been gone for a few hours. I came back after I checked the snare line and you were asleep. So I took your bow and hunted a little. I heard you crying for Prim." he said. He was holding her up and she knew that. If he let go of her arms, she would fall to her knees. "Let's just get you home." he said, helping her sit on the log. He secured her bow and arrow, and helped her stand. "I think you need to go home and get some sleep." he said, but she shook her head.

"Sleep is what does this. These nightmares won't leave me alone." she said. They walked the short distance to the fence.

"I need you to stand on your own. There's a camera up ahead. Can you do that?" he asked. She nodded and he let her go, walking in front of him. She crawled through the fence with him behind her. "Do you want to go to the Hob?" he asked. She shook her head. "Alright. I'll go do some trading. I'll be back next Sunday." he told her. She nodded, and started walking back to her house. She would yell at Haymitch for this. She didn't want to spend the day with Gale. She wanted to see Peeta. Had it seriously only been seven days? She thought this was her second chance. Ignoring him for six months was not a second chance. She slowly walked back to the Victor's Village, and never paid attention. She never lifted her foot where there was a crack, and fell to the ground. She scraped her face along the cement. She just laid there. Is this what her life was gonna be now? Falling and not being able to pull herself up? It was already like that. She came back here, and she was just prolonging the inevitable She may have Prim back, and her mother. But she knew it was happening all over again. She could feel it. This is how it started when Haymitch brought her back from 13. Day by day, her mind left this world, and shut down. Her father said that it would have happened to her anyway. They would prolong it, but then once Peeta came back, and still wasn't himself, the guilt would take her away. She could just lay here and die, and she wouldn't even care. She felt small hands on her shoulders. She looked up, and saw her little golden haired angel. Her precious sister. She looked down at her sadly.

"Come on Katniss. Let me help you clean up." Prim said sadly. She let Prim help her up, and looked down at the cement. She knew where this crack was. All she had to do was look up, and she'd be in front of Peeta's house. She could see inside his window. Maybe he was there. Maybe she could see him. Prim held on tight, and led her away. "Come on Katniss." she said sweetly. Her golden angel. The perfect child. How could anyone want to harm her? Prim led Katniss into the house, and into the kitchen, and sat her on a chair. She heard her mother gasp.

"What happened?" her mother asked. Katniss didn't know why she was freaking out. She felt something on her head. Her mother was holding something to her head. "What happened Katniss?" she asked again. Katniss couldn't form the words though.

"She fell. She wasn't paying attention and tripped on that crack." Prim said, and started washing Katniss' hands. She didn't understand what the big deal was. So she fell. Who cared? Just let her lay there. She wished they would just stop touching her and let her go up to bed and lay there, staring at the wall.

"Katniss can you hear me?" her mother asked. Of course she could hear her. She wasn't deaf.

"Gale came by with some berries he picked. He meant to send them back with Katniss. He's the one who told me she should have been back before him. He said she fell asleep and had a nightmare." Prim told her mother.

"She's hasn't slept in a week. Katniss can you hear me? Look at my finger and follow it." her mother said. Follow her finger? She would do no such thing. And what was Gale doing at her house again? She looked at her mother, and followed her finger. "That's good sweetie. You just hit you head. It will be just fine. Prim can do stitches. You may just need 5 or 6." she heard her mother say. Prim and her mother went to work. She looked over and saw a towel on the table with blood all over it. Was that her blood? She touched her forehead, but Prim grabbed it.

"Don't do that. Your hands are filthy. I'll clean it." Prim said. Katniss looked around. She was in her house again right? "Katniss it's ok. Your safe now. I'm right here." Prim said. Katniss suddenly grabbed her hand tightly. "Katniss?" she asked.

"Don't tell Peeta what's wrong with me." Katniss said. She promised him she wouldn't do this. She wouldn't fall into that black hole.

"Katniss please. You just need some sleep-" but she stopped her, gripping her hand harder.

"Please Prim. He can't know. I promised him." she whispered. She looked around. She wondered where the microphones were. She looked back at Prim. "Promise me. Don't you tell him. Or Haymitch." she whispered, begging her sister. Prim nodded her head. She let go of her hand, and let Prim finish cleaning her up. Her mother brought her a bowl of mashed up berries.

"Come on you need to eat something." her mother said. She picked up a spoon and brought it to her mouth. Mashed up berries? It smells like syrup. Like sleeping syrup. She screamed and hurled the bowl at the wall, standing up.

"THAT'S LACED WITH SLEEPING SYRUP!" Katniss screamed. Her mother held her arms out in front of her.

"Please honey you need to sleep-"

"I'M NOT TAKING THAT!" Katniss yelled. Prim was frozen in the corner.

"Katniss I'm sorry. You need sleep. Some real sleep." her mother tried to reason with her. Katniss shook her head.

"That will just keep me stuck there." Katniss said, huffing, looking around. She was in her kitchen, and Prim was there. Prim was there. Prim was alive. She covered her face with her hands. "Oh God. I'm going crazy." she said as she started to cry as she slid down the floor. She felt her little sisters arms go around her.

"It's ok Katniss. Your going to be ok." Prim whispered to her. But Katniss shook her head.

"No I won't. I can't do this anymore." She cried. She felt her mothers arms go around her as she sobbed loudly. Prim and her mother didn't know what to say. What could they say? She had been through three arenas and a war. And there were microphones listening to everything she said.

"We'll get you through this Katniss. I promise." her mother said. Katniss shook her head again and shoved herself to her feet. She ran to the other side of the kitchen and turned to see Prim and her mother standing to their feet.

"Don't you dare slip me sleeping syrup. It doesn't make the nightmares go away. It keeps me in there." Katniss cried. Her mother held her hands up in front of her.

"Alright I won't give you any Katniss. I'm sorry." her mother said. She stepped closer to her. "But you need to eat something. Prim can draw you a bath and it will help you relax." she said. Prim nodded her head, and held her hand out for Katniss to take it. Prim led her up the stairs and into her bathroom. Prim had started filling the bath tub up with hot water. Pouring in the bubble and the scents that Katniss actually liked. She stepped out of the bathroom and waited for Katniss. After a few minutes, Katniss undressed and got into the tub. Prim came back in shortly after that. She turned the water off and sat on the edge of the tub. Katniss pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them.

"It's ok to let me take care of you sometimes you know." Prim said. Katniss looked up at her. "You've been taking care of me for so long. And I'm older now. I can handle things. You don't always have to put on a brave face for me. I've seen what you've gone through. I hear your screams at night. You can lean on me sometimes. Especially when you need someone." Prim told her. Prim mouthed Peeta's name, and Katniss covered her face.

"I don't understand why this has happened to me. I never used to be so out of control." she whispered. Prim leaned down on the floor, and she grabbed Katniss' hand. Katniss looked up at her. "I did something horrible. It's how we got here." Katniss whispered. She knew Prim knew what she meant. She wasn't talking about the games. She was talking about her taking her own life, and her father giving her a second chance. Prim nodded her head. "It's happening again to me." Katniss whispered. Prim shook her head.

"I don't know exactly what happened Katniss, but whatever it was, it won't happen again. Because I'm here. And I'll take care of you. And you have so many people who love you that will help you." Prim said, standing up and running out of the room. She came back in a moment later with a pad of paper and a pen. "Me and mom will help you. And our cousins Katniss. Aunt Hazelle and our cousins love you dearly." she said. She wrote something on a piece of paper and showed it to her. _Peeta is just next door. And he loves you!_ Katniss felt tears in her eyes. "And Haymitch." Prim said. Katniss snorted. "He brought you home safe and sound." Prim said. She wrote something else and turned it around. _Rue loves you, and is safe and alive in District 13. You'll see her again._ Katniss nodded her head sadly. "And you and Madge are friends." Prim said. She wrote again and turned it around. _Finnick adores you. He's so kind and funny, and loves you like a sister. He's alive and well. And will stay alive. He, Johanna and Annie are apart of your family, and love you._ Finnick! She missed him so much. "And what about Cinna. Anytime you need him you can call him. You adore each other." Prim said, showing her the paper. _We'll keep him safe to. Cinna will make your real wedding dress._ Katniss shook her head. She leaned forward and grabbed her hand again. "I'm here Katniss. Just lean on me when you get scared and tired of everything. I'll be right here for you." Prim said. Katniss cried and leaned forward hugging her sister.

"I love you so much Prim." she said. There was a knocking at the door, and Emily walked to get it. It was Haymitch. He looked behind her.

"She's upstairs taking a bath." Emily said softly. Haymitch nodded and turned his head. Peeta came around the corner. Emily could see the dark circles under his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping either.

"I saw her fall. Is she alright?" Peeta asked.

"The boy came over and got me. Wanted me to ask. But since she's not around, shouldn't be a big deal. The kitchen mics are off." Haymitch said. Katniss' mother nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. Peeta knew they had to be quiet so the other mics didn't pick up their voices.

"She hasn't slept. She's barely eating. Only when Prim really makes her. She's not doing well at all. She made Prim promise we wouldn't tell you." Emily said to Peeta. Peeta scrubbed his face.

"You need to watch Katniss very closely. You and Prim both. She's not the same person who came back from the games the first time around. She wasn't even the same person that was in 13. When I brought her back..." Haymitch trailed off.

"It happened to me. When their father died." Emily said, looking up towards the stairs. "I was very depressed, and I couldn't do anything but stare at the wall all day. It's worse for her. I know that. I feel like she's a danger to herself." Emily whispered. She looked at Peeta and Haymitch, waiting for them to dispute that statement. But by their silence, it was all she needed to know that Katniss was in fact a danger to herself.

"Please just watch her Mrs. Everdeen." Peeta pleaded. He was so scared for her. He wanted to run up there and hold her. This week had been torture for him. He needed things to keep him busy. He didn't have anything from Effie yet, so he couldn't paint or anything. So he would get up early and spend his whole day at the bakery. He didn't like to go up front where the customers were. He liked to stay in the back, baking, kneading the dough. Hitting his frustration out on the defenseless dough. He liked being back there with his brothers and father. His family. He wanted to make things right with them. He had taken them for granted. He wanted to cherish the moments that they had together. He didn't want these moments to be only memories that he dreamed about, trying to hold onto. He would stay late and clean up the bakery, making it shine. Just to avoid his house. He tried walking into his old room to sleep, but his mother wouldn't let him. She didn't need another mouth to feed, she didn't need to put a roof over his head anymore. She kicked him out. He would toss and turn all night, trying to avoid sleep, but knew it had to come. He had to sleep. No person could avoid it. But his shiny memories of Katniss being a mutt would come back. Her killing his family. Her killing herself. Swimming in a pool of her blood. His father had sent him home today, because he was drifting off. He had walked up the stairs, when something made him turn his head. He saw Katniss coming up the path to the Victor's Village It was the first time he saw her. She looked dazed. He jumped into his house, closing the door, but looked out he window. Maybe they could wave to each other or something. But she had tripped and fallen. He wanted to go to her. To help her up. But he knew he couldn't do that. So he waited. He waited for her to pick herself up and walk away. But she didn't. She just laid there. And as he watched her just lay there, memories of her laying in his arms, in a pool of her own blood, dead, came rushing back to him. Prim ran out and helped her, and he waited till they went inside to run to Haymitch's house. He grabbed a pen and paper and barged into his house. He at least was awake. Haymitch wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he just wrote down what had happened. He pushed a button on his watch and they waited for the mics to turn off. Only one would be down. They stole their opportunity to talk to them. They waited till they didn't see Katniss in the kitchen anymore before knocking. Katniss was falling into her own world of darkness. How long were he and Haymitch just going to sit by and watch?


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Another week went by. Katniss still never left the house. Only on Haymitch's orders, through Gale of course, did she leave to go hunting on Sunday. She still wouldn't look up at Peeta's house. She felt so guilty for leaving with Gale. They made it through the fence, and she sat down on the log again. "I bet if you tried to go hunting you'd feel better." Gale said.

"I doubt it." Katniss grumbled. She heard him let out a sigh.

"Have you tried sleeping?" he asked. She snorted and looked up at him.

"Are you kidding me? That's where I face all my nightmares. No thank you." she said.

"So your just going to lay in your bed for six months till you can see Peeta again?" he demanded.

"You have no idea what it's like Gale. You haven't killed people. You haven't been through three arenas, killing kids to survive. You have no idea what I see when I sleep. You have no idea what it takes just to get up." Katniss said, starting to get worked up.

"I was in that war with you Katniss. I have killed people. You don't think I see them either?" he demanded.

"What happened to you not wanting to fight with me?" she asked. He just shook his head.

"It's hard not to when I see you like this. You've barely eaten a thing. You don't sleep. You just mope around in your house all day because you can't talk to Peeta for six months. It's hard to just sit by and watch you selfishly lay there." he said. Katniss' eyes widened and her mouth fell open.

"Your calling me selfish?" she demanded, standing up to try and face him, but her body was weak and she had to sit back down.

"Look at you, you can't even stand up. What the hell happened to you? What happened to you in five months that turned you into this?" he asked, waving his hand at her.

"MY SISTER WAS MURDERED!" She screamed. Gale remained silent. "Do you have any idea knowing what it's like, to get 23 people sentenced to death in the arena? Knowing that all I had to do was make Snow believe I was in love with Peeta, and he would leave me alone? Knowing that 23 people were being sentenced to the arena, AGAIN, when they were promised they wouldn't have to go back in? Do you know what it's like to have someone ripped away, and hi-jacked? Because I do. Everything was my fault. I have blood all over my hands. Everyone's death was my own fault. So don't tell me I'm selfishly just laying there. I can't think straight. I can't wake up. I can't move on. I'm just stuck, right here." Katniss cried. She put her face in her hands. "I don't understand what's wrong with me." she admitted. He sat down next to her.

"Is it like how your mom was?" he asked. She nodded her head.

"Only a million times worse." she whispered. That was something that Gale had understood. She had confided in him a long time ago what her mother had done. But they never continued to talk about it.

"I need your help Katniss." he admitted to her. She looked up at him. Gale had never admitted he needed help. They were the same like that. So she was surprised. He cleared his throat and looked down at his hands. "I can't come out here and check the snare lines every day." he said. He waited a moment before he continued. "I can't eat what's on the lines now, it's been there to long. I need you to come out and check it, like you did before." he said. Katniss thought about what he was saying. "And I need you to bring it to my mother." he told her. She looked straight ahead. She was being selfish. They were a team. Even when he was in the mines, she still hunted for his family. They had probably been starving these past two weeks because of her. She put her hand to her mouth.

"I'm so sorry Gale." she said. She had been in such a stupor, that she forgot he needed her.

"Your mom brought over some food. We didn't starve. But I don't like your mother doing that. So if you could just check them out. Maybe bring Rory with you. He really wants to learn to hunt. But I don't want him out here by himself. Never. Only with you. But he could help you." Gale said. Katniss nodded her head. "Thank you." he told her. He stood up and grabbed her bow. He held it out for her. She looked at it and shook her head. He closed his eyes.

"I'm just really tired Gale. I'm not up for doing a lot of walking." she told him. He nodded his head. "But I'll try and get some sleep tonight. I'll come out tomorrow." she promised him.

"And you'll bring Rory?" he asked her. She nodded her had. He walked away and went to hunt. She knew he'd be gone a couple of hours. Maybe she should try and get some sleep out here? But then she remembered what happened last week. She woke up thinking she was back in the arena. Thinking she was back in the Hunger Games. So she just sat there. How could she have been so selfish? Gale did need her. But she knew it wasn't just Gale that needed her. A lot of people needed her. She needed to get these six months right. She needed to do better. Gale had come back quicker then she thought. He had a few rabbits and squirrels. He gave her back her bow. "Not a clean shot like you, but it will be fine." he said. She nodded and walked back with him. "Gonna go to the Hob this time?" he asked. She shook her head.

"I will next time." she promised. He nodded his head. "I'll try more ok." she said. She looked over and he smiled, nodding his head. They separated at the fence, and she walked back home. She made sure to watch where she was walking this time. Making sure not to look up towards Peeta's house. She was about to open her door when she heard a whistle. She looked up and saw Haymitch sitting on his porch.

"Well look what the cat dragged in. Haven't seen much of you sweetheart." he said. She walked over, and sat next to him on the porch. He hadn't showered in days, and he smelled like alcohol and sweat.

"How is he?" she whispered. Haymitch knew what she meant. He nodded his head. She looked straight ahead.

"Can I tell him the same thing?" he asked. She just shook her head.

"I'm trying." she told him. He patted her knee. She got up and walked back to her house. She had tried to sleep that night. She usually fought off sleep, but she purposely laid down. When she woke up from a terrifying nightmare, she looked at the clock. Six hours. She had slept six hours. She fell back against the pillow. Six straight hours of sleep was an improvement. She nodded off for a few hours, before officially getting up. Her mother was already down in the kitchen. She was a bit startled to see Katniss.

"What are you doing up so early?" she asked. She pulled the chair out for her to sit down.

"I was going to go hunting." she told her. Her mother smiled, and started making her something to eat. "What about you?" she asked.

"One of the younger parents from the Seam came by about an hour ago. There son has been crying all night. I went over and looked. He was just teething. And hungry." she said. Katniss gulped. It was so sad to hear of families starving. She had been lucky, she had food on her table, and never had to worry again. She gave Katniss eggs and toast. "Should I make you something for lunch to take with you?" she asked. Katniss looked up and smiled.

"Thanks." Katniss said. She didn't know if she'd need it. She didn't know how long she'd stay out there. At least an hour with Rory. Gale made her promise to take him. She could at least teach him the snare lines, and have something for him to take back to Hazelle. She walked over to get him, and he was so excited to see her.

"Can I really go?" Rory asked his mother. She had just woken up herself.

"Of course. But be back in time for school." she said, kissing his head. The snare line in an hour was perfect. They walked under the fence before Rory started talking.

"I didn't think you'd really take me. My mom mentioned something last year that you would, but I'm surprised your doing it this time." Rory said. Katniss nodded.

"I wanted you to at least help if I...wait. How did you know that I told Hazelle that?" she asked. Rory tilted his head.

"Was it a secret?" he asked. Katniss shook her head.

"No it's not a secret. But...do you remember?" she asked. He nodded his head. "When did you remember?" she asked.

"When you left for the games. Gale and my mom remember to. Vick and Posy don't though." he said. Katniss was surprised by this. They kept walking. "Probably better that Posy doesn't. She's to young. She might say something to the wrong person." he told her. Katniss nodded. They walked fast through all the snares. Only finding one rabbit. But it was enough. She walked back with Rory to the Seam. Walking the snare line was harder then she thought. Was it ok just to take it a step at a time? Just do the snare lines today. Maybe tomorrow she'd try and shoot a squirrel. "How's Prim?" Rory asked. Prim and Rory were the same again.

"She's very strong." she said. Rory smiled up at her. He was so excited to bring in the rabbit to his mother. She didn't stay long, but walked back to her house. Never daring to look up at Peeta's house. She came in, and Prim was just about to leave for school.

"You came back?" she asked, happy. Katniss nodded her head. Prim hugged her. "I'm proud of you." she said. She leaned up and kissed Katniss' cheek, and went to school. She went back up to her room and laid down on the bed. How could Prim be proud of her? She had let her little sister die.

A whole month had passed. Katniss had tried to do more with hunting. She woke up every morning to take Rory through the snare lines. Bringing home more and more food. She would shoot anything she saw. She'd then go to the Hob and buy her things. She'd be out longer on Sundays' with Gale. It was the third Sunday that they went out, that was starting to worry Katniss. Haymitch had written her a note that Gale delivered. She knew something was wrong by the look on his face. He wanted her to let Gale kiss her at the fence so the cameras caught it. She instantly got tears in her eyes and went to protest, when Gale just shook his head. Haymitch let her know that Peeta knew about this. And wasn't going to be angry with her. If a simple kiss would set things in motion for their freedom, Peeta was all for it. So when they took a deep breath, and walked out from the woods. They walked out closely together, and Gale turned around and kissed her. Katniss just closed her eyes, and kept saying, remembering what I'm fighting for. Remember what I'm fighting for. She pretended to be stunned as he left her standing there. She touched her lips, and then shook herself awake almost. And walked away. She couldn't sleep that night. She started having trouble again after that. Her sleep deprivation had been catching up to her again that last week. Gale thought he was going to have to carry her home the next Sunday. She had been trying to make sure Prim didn't have to remind her to take care of herself. Try not to have Prim tell her to take a bath, or eat. But with a week with no sleep, she was starting to feel delirious again. She had just woken up from a nightmare. Snow was in District 12, and he was hunting Peeta. She woke up and looked around the room. Snow was coming to her house. She just knew it. She ran down the stairs and grabbed a big sharp butchers knife. The kind Haymitch slept with. She ran back up the stairs. She vaguely heard her name being called. She tripped on the stairs, hitting her head on the railing, but didn't stop. She ran up the stairs, slamming her door shut and crawled onto her bed, sitting in the corner. Snow was coming for her. She knew it. And she was ready. She'd kill him with her knife. She was strong enough. She could do it. "Katniss?" she heard her name being called. It wasn't Snow.

"Go away. Go hide so he can't find you." she said.

"PRIM!" she heard her mother call. Prim came running into the room and saw Katniss.

"Katniss what are you doing?" Prim asked, walking forward. "Katniss let me have the knife." she said. Katniss waved the knife in front of her.

"NO! HE'S COMING AFTER ME!" Katniss screamed. Prim jumped back, and her mother pulled her back.

"Go get Haymitch." her mother said. Prim nodded and ran down the stairs, grabbing a pen and paper. She went running over to Haymitch's house and found him asleep at the table. He was holding his knife to. What was she supposed to do now? She looked around for a cup and filed it with cold water. She went over, splashed it in his face and ran away from him. He yelled and waved the knife around.

"HAYMITCH!" Prim screamed. It took him a minute to collect himself.

"What did you do? You poured water on me?" he demanded. She nodded her head. "What's wrong?" he asked. She wrote on eapiece of paper. _She's really bad. She's waving a knife around and thinks someone's coming to get her._ Haymitch nodded and hit a button on his watch. He held up his finger for her to wait. After a minute it vibrated. "Mics have been off since she started blathering about Snow coming to get her. Go get Peeta." he told her, running out of the house. Prim ran across the lawn to Peeta's house. She didn't knock, but called out for him as she opened his door.

"I'M BACK HERE!" He yelled from the kitchen. She ran in and saw him wiping off his hands. He had been baking. "Prim are you ok?" he asked, his eyes widening. She shook her head.

"Katniss is really bad. Haymitch sent me to come get you." she cried. Peeta nodded and grabbed her hand, pulling Prim behind him and into Katniss' house. He could hear her screaming. When he got to the top of the stairs, her mother was in the hallway and Haymitch was in the doorway, holding his hands out.

"HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME! HE HAS PEETA!" Katniss screamed.

"Katniss you were dreaming. That wasn't real. Snow isn't here sweetheart." Haymitch said kindly. He turned his head and saw Peeta and moved aside. "See, he's right here. Peeta's right here Katniss." he said, pulling Peeta in with him. Katniss looked deranged. She was pale and thin. She looked terrible. She was standing on the bed, holding the knife in front of her. He put his arms up in front of him.

"Katniss come down off the bed." he said. Katniss just shook her head. "Katniss please. It's alright. It was just a dream." Peeta said softly. Katniss let out a sob and shook her head.

"It wasn't a dream. He's here. He's going to take you and hijack you all over again. He's going to take away all your memories and kill you." she cried. He stepped closer.

"No Katniss he's not. He's not here. He's back in the Capitol. Please come down off the bed." he said soothingly. But she kept crying, holding the knife threateningly at them.

"When was the last time she slept?" Haymitch asked as he turned around.

"She had a really bad nightmare over a week ago. She was just starting to sleep more. But I couldn't wake her up out of it. It's been bad ever since then. She dozes here and there." Prim told him. He turned back around. Haymitch could almost guarantee what started this. Him making her kiss Gale.

"We have to get that knife away from her and get her to lay down and go to sleep." Haymitch said.

"I know." Peeta said. He took another step forward. "Katniss it's me. It's Peeta. I'm right here. Just come down to me." he told her. She just kept crying. "Katniss please. Give me the knife. Let me protect you for a little while." he told her. But she shook her head.

"It's all my fault that he took you. He thought I didn't love you. But he figured it out when you hit the forcefield and Finnick had to save you. He figured out that I loved you. So he knew when he caught you what to do to you. To take away who you were. To make you a killing machine. And I just gave up on you." she sobbed. Peeta looked at Haymitch. Everything that happened in District 13 was very cloudy to him. He never really understood what happened at that time. "I went to District 2 and I gave up on you. I let you go. I didn't want anything to do with you because you weren't you anymore. I didn't care if you died. You died in that arena." she cried. Haymitch turned around to Prim and Emily.

"Maybe it's best you ladies take off for awhile. Only the boy can get through to her. And she'll hate that you've heard any of this." Haymitch told them. They both nodded and went downstairs. He heard the front door close shortly.

"I didn't die Katniss. And it wasn't your fault." Peeta told her.

"IT WAS MY FAULT. I SENTENCED 23 PEOPLE TO DEATH WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SAFE! I KILLED THEM! IT'S MY FAULT AND I DON'T DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE!" She screamed at him. Haymitch stepped up next to Peeta.

"Sweetheart come on. Get down off the bed and talk to us." Haymitch told her. But she kept crying.

"He's in my head all the time. I hear him all day long. It won't matter. He's going to win this time. And he'll keep taking everyone I love. He won't just stop at Prim and Finnick and Cinna. He's going to kill both of you. And my mother. I won't have anyone left. He's going to pile all your bodies at my feet and laugh at me." she cried. Peeta and Haymitch stared at each other. Not knowing what to do. What to say. She wasn't the girl who was standing in front of them. Peeta realized that this would have eventually happened to Katniss. Being in the Hunger Games killed a child's mental stability. Some were able to muddle through. Some were able to drown their sorrows with alcohol and morphling. Some went mad. And some, were to far gone. To many people died in Katniss' life. She had hit her breaking point, and slit her wrists. Maybe a person wasn't meant to come back from that. But here she was, expected to do it all over again.

"Then when he starts talking to you Katniss, you need to come find me." Peeta said. She shook her head.

"Were not supposed to talk. I can't see you for six months." Katniss cried. Although Peeta thought, that she hadn't realized that she WAS talking to him right now.

"That doesn't matter. You bring me a pen and paper. You write down what's going on. And we'll go somewhere. We'll go somewhere and talk. And I'll hug you. I'll stay with you." Peeta told. He took another step closer. His knees were now touching the bed. "Katniss you've come so far already. You already have made it through the 74th games. And you did better then last time. The Capitol is so obsessed with you. They have a countdown till the Victory Tour. They didn't have that last time. And the other Districts, there so attached to the hope you've brought them. When you sang to Rue. The little gentle girl who had no business being there. You sang her to death. And you said how sorry you were to the others. For killing them. Every District knows, you didn't want to kill them. They see the hope in what you can do for them. For the freedom were going to bring. But you didn't even kill them. Glimmer, Marvel and Cato are alive. There back in 13. Along with Rue and Thresh. And you'll see them again. And when you do, even Cinna will there. There not dead Katniss." he told her. She had stopped her loud sobbing, and she was slowing down on her crying. But she was still shaking, and holding the knife out. But Peeta could tell she was loosening her grip. "And I'm right here. And I have both my legs. See?" he said, and pulled up his pants leg. "And my mind is clear. I'm not hijacked anymore." he told her.

"I promised you I'd save his leg. Didn't I?" Haymitch asked. Katniss slowly nodded her head. "Then I'll make you a promise right here and now. I won't let him get hijacked again. Even if I have to go into that damn arena myself to keep the boy safe from Snow. I won't let him get hijacked. I promise Katniss." Haymitch told her. Peeta didn't say anything. He would talk to Haymitch later, that he would never let Haymitch into the arena. He wished he wouldn't have said that. Promising to take Peeta's place was something he couldn't do. But he would deal with that later. He held out his hands to her.

"Katniss please. Come down. Let me hold you. Let me take care of you Katniss." he said. Katniss just stared at him. He slowly stepped up onto the bed. Katniss just stared at him, scared of what he might do. He slowly put his hand on hers, and took the knife from her hands. He reached down and handed it to Haymitch. He helped Katniss step down with him off her bed. She looked at him as he placed one arm around you. "There you go. Your safe now. It's me Katniss. I'm standing right here. And your safe with me." Peeta told her. She started crying and leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around her, and it must have triggered something in her, because she wrapped her arms around his waist, grabbing at his back and holding on so tightly.

"Peeta." she cried. He ran one hand up and down her back, and had his other hand on the back of her head.

"Shh Katniss your alright. It's just me. I got you now." he told her. He hadn't held her in a month. He had made sure that he was always gone now that she was hunting. Making sure to not accidentally see her. He would leave for the bakery shortly after she left to pick up Rory, and by the time she came back, he'd be inside the bakery. He chanced it when he was out in his backyard, keeping himself busy with everything Effie sent him. Then on Sundays was when he tortured himself. He would wait by the window to see her leave with Gale. He would always pick her up, versus meeting her there now. He hated seeing them together. But he knew it was important. Just leaving with Gale pissed Snow off. And he knew that Gale had kissed Katniss last week. That was a somber day. Haymitch had told him very quietly, and put a hand on his shoulder. _I know it sucks having another guy kiss your girl._ He had said. But was she his girl? Could he officially call her that? His girlfriend? His fiance? What was she? They never had a chance to talk about it.

"Please don't leave me." Katniss cried. Peeta looked Haymitch. Haymitch looked down at his watch and nodded. He would take care of the rebels controlling the mics.

"I won't Katniss. I'll stay right here with you. I won't let you go." he told her. Burying his face in her hair. Katniss suddenly yanked herself backwards.

"Oh God the microphones." Katniss cried frantically, looking around.

"Hey hey hey it's ok." Peeta told, holding her shoulders. "It's ok there off. They won't turn back on till Haymitch tells them." Peeta said. Katniss looked to Haymitch.

"I can talk to them through here." he said, picking his watch up. "There gonna be off for another few hours, but I'll see about getting them back on tomorrow. At least in this house." he said. Katniss covered her face with her hands.

"What's wrong with me?" Katniss cried. Peeta pulled her to his chest.

"Nothing that any other Victor hasn't gone through. What your feeling Katniss, is unfortunately normal." Haymitch told her. Katniss moved her hands out of her eyes, but never moved out of Peeta's arms. Haymitch put his hand on her back. "You've already made it a whole month sweetheart." Haymitch said.

"That's right Katniss. It's not six more months. It's only five now. One whole month is gone. It won't be much longer now." Peeta said, trying to reassure her. He felt Katniss shaking.

"I don't feel like myself. I feel like a completely different person." she said. Peeta squeezed her tighter. Haymitch put his hand on the back of Katniss' head.

"You need sleep." Haymitch said. Katniss' eye widened. "The boys here Katniss." he told her. Peeta kissed the top of her head.

"That's right Katniss. Just lay down with me. Just let me hold you while you sleep. I'll be right here to chase any nightmares away I promise." Peeta told her. They stayed like that for a moment before Haymitch spoke.

"You stay with her. I'll deal with them." he said, holding up his wrist. Haymitch did something a little unexpected. He put his hand back on Katniss' head, and he kissed the top of her head. Peeta knew in that one little moment, how much he loved Katniss. Like she was his own daughter. He saw the pain in his face. He walked out then, closing the door behind them.

"Come on Katniss. Let's get comfortable and lay down." he said. She was already wearing something comfortable to sleep in, but he made quick work of taking off his socks and shoes. She looked down at his clothes. His shirt and khakis were covered in flour. Lots of it. He took his shirt off and his pants. He had on boxers and his tank top underneath. He slipped into her bed, pulling Katniss with him. She laid her head on his chest and started shaking her head and pulling away.

"No I can't. I don't want any nightmares." she said, pulling away, but Peeta sat up with her, holding her to him.

"No Katniss. Your going to be fine. I'm not letting you go. I'm keeping you right here with me. Your safe with me. I'm going to be right here with you. So sleep Katniss. You need sleep." he said. She started crying, and held her face in his hands. "Baby you need to get some sleep. Your gonna collapse from exhaustion. I'm right here. I'm going to hold onto you the whole night. If you start to have a nightmare I'll know it. And I'll wake you up. I'll stay with you I promise Katniss just lay down. Just hold onto me." he said. She trembled in his hands, and he leaned forward and kissed her her. Oh God he missed her. He was really kissing her again. He wondered when they next time he would kiss her again would be. He pulled back looked at her. "Please Katniss. Just lay down and try and sleep." he told her.

"You won't leave? You'll be here the whole time?" she whispered. He smiled at her.

"I promise Katniss. I'll take care of you. I won't leave you. I'll be here the whole time." he said. She nodded her head, and he pulled her down again.

"I'm so tired." she said. He kissed her head, and rubbed her shoulders and her back.

"I know you are. So just close your eyes. I'll be here when you wake up." he told her. Within a few minutes, he could hear her breathing even out, and he felt her whole body relax. She was asleep. He let out a deep breath. One month apart had done this to her. Five months apart...she had killed herself. He shuddered at the thought. He heard the door creak open, and Haymitch peaked his head in. He had a glass of water and put it on her nightstand. "She's out cold." Peeta told him. Haymitch nodded his head and sat down on the edge of her bed, staring down at her. "We have to do something. Prim and her mom don't know the whole truth. They don't know how this is really effecting her. They don't know how to help her." Peeta said sadly. Haymitch scrubbed his face with his hands.

"Trust me, I know." he told him.

"We have to talk to the rebels. We need to set up some time for Katniss and I to talk. She's not in her right frame of mind anymore. She needs us. She needs our help. You have to make them understand that. She's not crazy. She's lost almost everyone she loved. She's been through three arenas, and was the face of the rebellion. She can do this Haymitch. But she has her limits. And if we keep treating her like soldier, without giving her some downtime, this is only going to keep happening." Peeta told him. Haymitch looked back at her.

"You know I'm doing the best I can. I don't want a repeat performance of that day." he said, looking away. They sat in silence for a few minutes. "She was at least hunting. I got that stupid kid to ask her for help." Haymitch said. Peeta raised his eyebrows. "He said she wouldn't hunt. So I told him, that if he asked her for help. Ask her to check the snare lines. Ask her to go hunting for him for the week, because his family is hungry, that she would get up and do it. She doesn't want his family to starve. And it slowly worked. He was worried about her going out by herself. So then that's how we got his kid brother to go with her. She's teaching him, but Gale begged her not to let Rory go alone, because he's afraid of what would happen. He trusts his brother, and knows he wouldn't do anything stupid, or go to far into the woods. He's there to keep an eye on her." he said, motioning his head towards Katniss. "Gale told me, that she blacked out sitting on a log. His brother tried to get her to come around for an almost an hour. But he swore he wouldn't leave her. All of a sudden, she just started talking to him. Acted like nothing even happened." Haymitch admitted to him. Peeta closed his eyes. How did she not even notice she blacked out? "She didn't even notice they were about an hour late coming back. Hazelle was a mess, but his brother instantly calmed his mother, without letting Katniss know anything was wrong. So Katniss never knew they were an hour late, and that he was late for school." he told him. Peeta shook his head.

"She can't ever be alone Haymitch. Please. I'm begging you. Do something." Peeta begged, holding her tighter to his chest. "We have to tell Prim and her mother the truth about what happened." Peeta said.

"You think that's the right decision?" Haymitch asked. He looked down at Katniss. "She's gonna be pissed when she finds out we told them." Haymitch said.

"At least she'll be around to be pissed. They need to know exactly what were dealing with. Her mothers a healer. Maybe she can find some herbs or something to help her. But they need to know the truth. They need to know how serious this is." Peeta said. Haymitch nodded and stood up.

"I'll talk to them when they get back." he said, and left the room. That was something Peeta wasn't used to. Haymitch listening to Peeta. Doing what Peeta thought was best. Even asking him if something was right or not. It felt good to be on equal terms with Haymitch. He trusted Peeta. And that made him feel good. Proud. He kissed Katniss' forehead.

"Don't worry Katniss. We'll make this right. I promise." he whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

She had been sleeping for at least 8 hours now. The sun had finally gone down. He had stayed here all day with with her. She hadn't moved even once. Not even the two times he got up to use the bathroom. Prim had sat with him those times. She rubbed Katniss' back. Saying that she would wake up if Peeta left, but if she rubbed her back, Katniss would know she was still safe and continue sleeping. Prim had brought him not only lunch, but dinner. He knew the first time she came up, that Haymitch had told Prim and her mother the truth. Prim had tears in her eyes, as she leaned down and kissed Katniss' forehead. He wondered where her mother was the second time she came up. But Prim answered that for him. "She's taking this very hard. She's in her room laying down. She blames herself for shutting down again, and not coming back to take care of her daughter. Her and Katniss are so much alike. My mother has never forgiven herself for shutting down when my dad died. This is just eating away at her." Prim said, brushing hair of her sister face. He had waited a whole month to talk to Katniss. To hug her, kiss her, to lay in bed with her. Was it selfish of him to wish she were awake? It did give him a chance to talk to Prim though. He had small moments here and there over the past year, but now that it was just the two of them, minus Katniss sleeping, he was truly amazed at how brilliant she was. How incredibly sweet she was. It was no wonder why Katniss fell over her feet to volunteer for this beautiful blonde angel. She was to sweet and gentle for this hateful world. "I've been to afraid to ask. What happened to Snow?" Prim asked Peeta. He looked down at Katniss. Making sure she was asleep he guessed.

"He was executed." Peeta answered. She nodded her head.

"Did she do it?" Prim asked. Peeta shook his head.

"It wasn't Snow who killed...it wasn't his fault that you died." Peeta choked out. Prim tilted her head. "It was Coin. She sent me to kill Katniss. But that didn't work. It's why she sent you out into the front lines to help. She wanted Katniss to die trying to save you. And she almost did. But she realized that it actually wasn't Snow's fault for your death. So instead of shooting Snow, she shot Coin." Peeta told her quietly. Prim put her hands over her mouth. "Katniss has had way to much blood on her hands because of Snow. This time around, I'm going to make sure she doesn't have any. No one from our games died, and no one from the Quell will die because of her. I won't let her shoot either of them." he promised Prim. She nodded her head. If he could make it through the war, without Katniss having to kill one person, it would change Katniss. She may still have nightmares of the first time she killed these people, but she would be ok, knowing that they were all still alive.

"I'm glad she has you." Prim said. She reached over and held his hand. "Thank you for telling me the truth today. I know Haymitch told me and my mother because you encouraged him to. I want to know these things. I can help her better. I like knowing what's going on." she said. Peeta smiled. "What's was going on between her and Gale though?" Prim asked. Peeta stiffened a bit. "When he first came to our house in the Seam, something was wrong between them. What happened?" Prim asked. Peeta gulped. He only knew this part, because Haymitch told him.

"She blamed him for your death to. He helped make those bombs, and they weren't sure if one of those bombs he made killed you." Peeta told her truthfully. Prim's eyes filled with tears.

"Poor Gale. Oh that's awful. He would never put me in harms way. Ever. He's spent years trying to keep food on my table. He's taken care of me as much as Katniss has." Prim said. Peeta couldn't help but feel jealous of that. Prim looked at him like an older brother. He wished that Prim would look at him as an older brother. "It's not fair. Any of this. None of us should have to go through this. I can't wait till it's all over." Prim said. Peeta let out a chuckle.

"Yeah me to. Then we can actually have lives." he said. She smiled at him.

"You really love her don't you?" Prim asked. Peeta looked her straight in the eye.

"With my whole entire heart." he admitted. She smiled and squeezed his hand.

"Has she said it back?" Prim asked. He looked down at her.

"No she hasn't. I sometimes wonder if she really does. Sometimes I think maybe she wants to, but doesn't love me in that way." Peeta admitted to her. It was Prim's turn to chuckle.

"She does Peeta. She'll say it. She's so scared to say it. But she will." Prim promised him. She leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "So since she loves you, your eventually gonna get married, so then you'll really be my big brother then." Prim said. Peeta smiled and chuckled at her.

"Why don't we work on getting Katniss to admit she loves me first." Peeta joked. Prim sat back on her heels.

"That's fine. It's just, I've always wanted a big brother. It feels like that with Gale. But it's different with you. Your the love of my sisters life. That makes you closer to us then Gale is. It just feels different. You saved my sister from living the rest of her life alone." Prim said smiling. She got up and walked to the door, but then turned around. "And I've always wanted one of my best friends to marry my sister." Prim said, shutting the lights off and shutting the door behind her. Prim thought of him as an older brother, and a best friend. He smiled at that. He liked the idea of having a little sister. He had started dozing off a little, when he felt Katniss stirring. He thought she would sleep through the night. He heard her moan.

"Shh Katniss it's alright." he whispered in her ear. He felt her moving again. He knew she was in the middle of a nightmare. It must not be bad at the moment, but he didn't want it to get that far.

"Peeta I'm sorry." Katniss cried. Peeta sat up, and started shaking Katniss.

"Katniss...Katniss wake up. It's Peeta. Katniss your alright just wake up." he whispered to her, shaking her shoulders gently. She opened her eyes and looked around. He hadn't realized that she had been crying in her sleep. "Katniss it's ok." he told her. She sat up and looked around. "It's ok. Your in your bedroom." he told her. She looked back at him.

"How long have I been sleeping?" she asked.

"More then 8 hours. I thought you'd just sleep through the night. Come on lay back down with me." he told her. But she just sat there, and started wiping away her tears. He put his fingers under her chin and made her look at him. He wiped more tears. "What were you dreaming about?" he asked her softly. She closed her eyes as more tears fell. He leaned into her cheeks and kissed them away, and she leaned into his touch.

"When they announced we'd be going back into the arena." Katniss whispered. Peeta pulled back and looked at her. That's why she was telling Peeta she was sorry in her sleep.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked her. He knew she was going to say no. She always said no whenever he asked her about her dreams. But to his surprise, she nodded her head. He nodded his head back at her, and laid back down, bringing her with him. She laid her head on his chest.

"It was all my fault you know. All I had to do was convince him. Convince him that I loved you. That I pulled those berries out because I was so in love with you, I couldn't live without you. I made mistake after mistake, not focusing and doing what I was asked, and I was condemning 23 other people to their deaths. There's no way that anyone can convince me otherwise. The whole reason Victors went into the Quarter Quell was because he wanted me to die, and take 22 other Victors with me." she said. It was the truth. That is why Snow did it. But it wasn't her fault. And he knew he couldn't make her see that. "I went screaming and crying. Not caring about how you felt. Just caring abut me. You jumped and went right to Haymitch. After I had chosen Gale, you still thought of nothing but me. My life was all you cared about, and would die to spare it." she told him. He could feel her tears on his chest through his tank top. He didn't dare speak. This was definitely one of those moments, where she needed to do nothing but talk. And he would let her, until she didn't want to anymore. "When I went to Haymitch, I had no idea what I wanted to ask him. To save me? It wasn't until I drank and thought about it. This was my fault. And you deserved better. You never should have been in the games. You won without changing who you were. You didn't die by brutally murdering any kids. You were sweet, and kind, and generous, and you were being sentenced to death, all because I couldn't love a sweet, caring, kind man." she said. She let out a sob. "This was how I was going to repay you. To thank you, for loving me so much, when I never deserved it. For saying sorry for how much pain I had caused you. For thanking you for saving my life. You needed to win. And I would do everything in my power to save you." she told him. She waited a few more minutes before speaking again. "I didn't expect your reaction to finding out about going back in. I thought you'd hug me and kiss me and tell me you loved me. I didn't expect for you to make me train every minute of the day. I didn't expect you to be so in control. I never saw it coming. I missed you. I wanted you to hug and kiss me. And I felt selfish for wanting that, because I broke your heart so cruelly. I felt like it was only fair, that it was my punishment for being so stupid, mean and so careless with your heart. And I was so starved for you to hold me by the time you finally did that night on the train." she said. He remembered that night. He had stopped trying to love her. It was so incredibly hard. He kept telling himself, she was in love with Gale. Don't push her. Don't follow her around like a love sick puppy dog. Just accept it. He thought he had. But as soon as the Quell was announced, he went right back trying to protect her. After he had asked Haymitch to save her, and went back to his house, he laid down and realized, when he died in he Quell, he could finally be at rest. This was his way of never having to watch Katniss marry Gale. This was his out. That's why he was always so harsh with her. So commanding. He wanted her to be able to fight in that arena, and go home. But he didn't want to torture himself anymore. He wouldn't stare longingly at her. He tried to stop loving her. But that night on the train. He was so drained. That in an instant, he caved, and held out his arms for her. He decided right then to just let whatever happen, happen. He would enjoy his last few weeks with her. "I never wanted you to let me go." she admitted. It felt good to hear her say that. He kissed the top of her head, now choosing to speak.

"I remember that night to. I missed holding you in my arms. And I never wanted to let you go either. I'm sorry I was so demanding of you. I just wanted to make sure you got out of that arena. I wanted you to be able to fight against the others. I just wanted to make you strong." he told her. She squeezed him tighter.

"You have no reason to apologize." she told him. He stroked her back up and down, trying to soothe her. "I dreamt of the chariot ride to. I was glad we decided to hold hands. Your the only person to get me through that." she admitted.

"We'll hold hands again and...I don't know, turn our backs or something. We'll do something amazing this time. Make it better." he said and kissed her forehead

"Will you make sure Chaff doesn't kiss me afterwards this time?" she asked. Peeta chuckled.

"Yeah I promise I'll protect you from him." he joked.

"I was jealous of you helping Johanna off with her dress." Katniss admitted. He wanted to make her sit up, but he was sure she'd stop talking. So he said nothing, just smiled. "I didn't realize I was jealous. But I was. She just stood there, naked in front of you, and you just smiled. It made me mad." she admitted. He kissed the top of her head. "And then telling me I'm pure. Everyone was making fun of me. They have been all along." Katniss said. Peeta did sit her up then and made her look at him.

"Being pure isn't a bad thing. It's a gift. You've been exposed to so many things. Murdering kids and being the face of a war as a teenager. To be pure...it's amazing. It's a gift. You know what would have happened to us in a few years, if Snow did sell our bodies to the highest Capitol bidder." Peeta said. Katniss shivered at the thought. He sold Finnick around like a common whore. He tried to with Johanna, but she stood her ground. In return, he killed her family. "I know they all teased you, but they were jealous of what you had. Finnick wasn't allowed to have that. They sold him at 14 years old. So don't feel ashamed of being pure. The Capitol has taken so much away from us. Don't let them take your purity away from you." he told her. She nodded her head and smiled, and laid back down. He stoked her hair. She probably had never thought about it like that before. She was embarrassed for being pure. But it was the truth. It was a gift that the Capitol didn't take away, and he was lucky enough to know that it wouldn't be taken away from her. From them.

"When I saw Darius, I needed to be angry with someone. And since I couldn't take it out on Snow, I took it out on you. Being angry at you for laughing at me, and calling me pure, I used it as an excuse. I thought that you didn't get to be upset about it. Me and Gale did. And even Haymitch. Because you never went to the Hob. And ignored you. And I heard you knock on my door." she said, and trailed off. "You volunteered to save my life, and I just ignored you when you knocked on my door." Katniss cried.

"Katniss it's alright. I actually forgot about going to your room that night." Peeta said. It wasn't true. He remembered alright. He went there to apologize about making fun of her. To comfort her about Darius. And to hold her, because they would only get so many nights together. He wanted to be with her. But she turned me him down. Never answering the door.

"I'm sorry Peeta." she cried. He kissed her head.

"It's ok Katniss. I'm not angry." he told her. He waited a few minutes before she went on.

"How could you put up with me when we were training?" she asked him. He didn't say anything, so she went on. "I constantly took my anger out on you. And I fought you every step of the way in making friends. How did you deal with me? Why didn't you just yell at me and tell me to get over it?" she asked. He let out a chuckle again and rubbed her back.

"Because you needed to take your anger out on someone. You had a right to be angry. And I just wanted to spend as much time with you as I could, I didn't really care." he told her. She made a sound like she was disgusted.

"I'm sorry how I acted towards you. You didn't deserve that from me." she told him.

"It's ok. Thank you for saying that though." he told her. She was always biting his head off. And he always did let her.

"I hated the thoughts that went through my head. It was easy to become all of their friends. I understood all of them. I could even tolerate Brutus and Enobaria. We don't have to be best friends, it's just that, we all went through an arena to survive. We all get each other. And I didn't want any of them to die. I was liking them. I wanted to protect them, because they had to go through what I did. But they had to die in order for you to live." Katniss said. Peeta gulped. That's what she was thinking? "Isn't that awful?" Katniss asked. Peeta shook his head.

"Thank you. For trying to protect me." he told her. She didn't say anything, but just nodded her head.

"Seeing the painting of Rue. You painted it so beautifully. It made me cry. And Heavensbee is just calling my name, asking me to show my talent. I was so enraged. These people killed this little girl and didn't even care. They wanted me to see it to, to unnerve me. I don't even know what made me set up that dummy and paint Seneca Crane's name on it. It just came to me." she said.

"I know what you mean. I had no idea what I'd do till we were talking about Rue." he said. She nodded her head.

"I even painted on his crazy beard. Really tried to make it look like him." she said. He let out a chuckle. "We were a team. I needed to do something for Rue. But I also needed to do something more then what you did. I needed the target to stay on my back, not go onto yours. But I guess it was to hard to erase yours." she said.

"Yeah it was kind of hard." he said.

"I'm sorry it took so long for me to let you come back into my bed." she said suddenly. He remembered that every night of their training, she wouldn't let him into her room. Not until the last few nights. "I never sleep unless I'm with you. But that day on the roof...it was the best day of my life." she admitted. He smiled.

"It was the best day of my life to." he told her. He leaned down to whisper in her ear. "But I hope we have more days like that, that are more happier then sitting on a roof all day." he told her. She sat up and looked at him.

"I want to have days like that to. Being somewhere all day with you. Not worrying about it being our last day. Not worrying that we'll die." she said sadly. He kissed her softly on her lips.

"I promise Katniss. You and I will have days like that. We'll go to different places. We'll pack food for the whole day and stay there. And just enjoy being together." he promised her. She touched his face gently.

"Like staying in the woods in this cabin. There's a lake there, and it's where my father taught me how to swim. I haven't brought you there yet. I want you to see it. And you can paint. And I can teach you how to swim. To really swim this time." she told him. He smiled at her.

"I look forward to it." Peeta said. She leaned in and hugged him. Laying her head on his chest. "You looked beautiful in your dress the night of the interviews by the way." he told her. He felt her smile.

"Thank you. I never told you either, but you looked so handsome in your tux. Portia did a wonderful job."

"So did Cinna." he told her. She nodded her head.

"What made you decide to tell everyone we got married and were pregnant?" she asked. He took a deep breath.

"I didn't know what I was going to say. I was still struggling with what to say. I needed something big. Everyone was expecting it. When I came out the first time, I admitted that I loved you. Now what was I going to do to top that? And then I let my mind wander as I watched you twirl into your Mockingjay dress. That your wedding dress was gone,and I'd never see it again. And I wished that you loved me enough that we could have had that life. Marriage and a family. And we could do a toasting. And then it just became clear what I was gonna say. And I stepped out there and just blurted it out. I just blurted out what I wished had happened." Peeta told her.

"It was perfect. But you always say the most perfect things. You always know exactly what to say." Katniss said. He kissed the top of her head. She was quiet for a few minutes, and it was like he could read her mind. He knew that she was thinking about what happened next. It was when she watched Cinna get killed. He didn't know to many details about it. He he only found out when he went to District 13, and it was Prim that told him. But he never really cared, or noticed. It wasn't until he was in the Capitol, and they were pumping him full of drugs that he realized that Cinna was dead. Beaten to death in front of her.

"Cinna knew what he was doing by the way." Peeta said. He felt Katniss stiffen. "He told me so last month. He wanted something big for you. You weren't just a piece in their games. He wanted more for you. More for his Girl on Fire. And he knew that when he made your dress, that Snow would kill him. He was willing to do it, because he wanted you to have a future. He wanted everyone to have a future, and it was a sacrifice he was willing to make." he told her. He heard her start to cry and held her tighter. "He just never meant for it to happen in front of you. He remembered your face full of tears, and you screaming for him. He felt awful. That his mistake was going to keep costing you so much. He never wanted you to see that." he said. She started crying then. He wondered if she had ever even cried for Cinna. He figured probably not. When would she have time? They went straight into the arena, and then to 13. She never had a chance to mourn him.

"They beat him to death in front of me. And his blood was every where. I couldn't get out of the tube" she cried.

"Shhh Katniss. It's alright."

"He was my friend. He never did anything wrong. He was good. And they killed him." she cried. He wished there had been someway in the arena for her to have let him know what had happened to Cinna. He would have held her. Given her a chance to cry. But she never had that. This had been building inside of her for so long, he let her cry. She sobbed for nearly 15 minutes for Cinna. Her sobs started slowing down and he kissed her head.

"He's still alive Katniss. And there working on a way to save him. Haymitch told me they may even give him a tracker. They'll keep his heart beating, and send him to 13. We don't know yet. But he'll be alive. He'll make it Katniss. I promise."he said, kissing her head again. She scooted up towards him, resting her face in the crook of his neck.

"I never had a chance to cry for him." she whispered. His suspicions were right on that.

"I know. But you cried now. Do you feel better?" he asked.

"Yes. And just knowing that he's still alive makes me feel better." she admitted to him. He kissed her forehead.

"Portia cried when I left her. She knew she wouldn't see me, because I was going to die so you could come home. She cried as I was in the tube. And then all I saw was water. I had never been more scared in my life." Peeta admitted. He still didn't know how to swim.

"I didn't know where you were. I was so rattled by Cinna, I couldn't find you, and then Finnick said we were allies." Katniss said. Peeta snorted.

"You learned to swim in a big bathtub huh." Peeta joked, recalling there conversation. He had watched the games in the Capitol when they were trying to help him recover. It felt good to finally start talking about the Quell. He felt like they had had time to process everything in the first games, but not in the Quell, because they were there, and then they were separated They never once had a chance to talk about one second of it, unless it was for Peeta's sake, to clarify what was real or not. Katniss snorted. "The bracelet made you trust him." Peeta said. Katniss nodded.

"I was really scared to. Your life was all I could think about though. Maybe I really did need allies in order to keep you alive. I never trusted him. But I trusted Haymitch. So I let him go out and get you away from the other Victor who was trying to drown you. Finnick wouldn't let me go. Making some comment about me being pregnant. And I was so scared that I hadn't even been in the arena five minutes, and you were going to die. I was frozen." she admitted. He squeezed her tighter.

"That guy scared me. I felt incredibly stupid. I was watching you. I saw you talking to Finnick. I was scared he was gonna kill you, and that guy pulled me in. I never was even watching anyone around me. I don't know how I fought him off me. I just had to strangle him and pray that I made it to the top, and I grabbed on to the pillar. And when I saw Finnick I was frantic that he killed you. But I saw you standing there with Mags. And you weren't screaming at me to get away from him. So I just trusted him blindly that he'd help me, and not drown me." he said.

"I was so scared. But he killed that guy from District 5 to save me. And then he swam out to save you. I was so confused. I had no idea if I could really trust Finnick. But he was willing to die to save us." Katniss said kindly. He smiled. Finnick was their friend. He was their family. "It was easier for you. You had already made friends with him. I never trusted him. All I could think of was, I have one friend in this arena, and he isn't from District 4." she said. He smiled.

"It was Chaff from 11 wasn't it." Peeta joked. He heard a soft chuckle leave her lips, and she held him tighter.

"I wish we had known what was going on. I wouldn't have been so worried if Finnick was trying to kill me. I would have tried harder to save Mags from the smoke. I would have tried to get us to find Johanna, Beetee, Wiress, Chaff. All of them. Just so we would make it out of their alive. You still would have been my main concern, but maybe more of us could have gotten out of their alive if Haymitch had told us the truth." she said.

"You can't think like that. All of them were in on the plan. They were all willing to die. And some of them did. But everything happened for a reason. But to be honest we don't have to worry about the what ifs, they'll be alive when we go to 13. They'll all be alive." he told her. She nodded her head. "I was worried when you and Finnick started getting a little heated about the other Victor's dying. That was why I stepped in between you both. I was afraid you'd pull out your bow and he'd be quicker with his trident and kill you." he admitted. Katniss just nuzzled her face in his neck. He knew what came next though. When he hit to forcefield. They stayed silent for a moment, he would let Katniss start this topic. He could tell she was thinking about it, because her body stiffened in his arms.

"I thought you were dead." she whispered.

"I know." he told her. He felt tears on his neck.

"You were dead. In my arms. You had no heartbeat. Your heart stopped." she cried, and squeezed him so tight. "If you had stayed dead, I would have let Finnick kill me. I wasn't going to let the Capitol take you without me. I was going to die if I failed you and let you die only after a few hours. I wanted to stay with you. I was just sobbing. I never expected my reaction to be like that. That moment of me crying for you, and Finnick pushing me out of the way so he could save you. And when you woke up and I just cried. I cried so hard for you. He twisted it into something he could use. He knew I cared for you. He knew you weren't just the boy who I was forced to pretend to love. He realized that I did. That you were something that I cared more deeply then anything in the world. And he used it and hurt you." she cried. Peeta pulled her up.

"I know what he did. I know why he did it. But I'm ok. My mind is clear. I don't have to figure out what's real or not. I'm ok Katniss." he told her, and kissed her softly on the lips. Trying to stop her before she started sobbing again.

"Finnick realized it then to." she whispered. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Realized what?" he asked.

"Realized that I did care for you then more then a friend. It wasn't just an act. He knew that I hadn't realized it myself yet, but he knew there was more there. Finnick knew." she said. She put her head down, and Peeta shifted around a little.

"What did you realize Katniss?" he asked. She looked to the side, and then at him. Was this there moment? He wanted it to be more special then this. He wanted to have candles everywhere. Primrose petals on the bed. He wanted to even hopefully make love to her. But here, in her room, with her mother and sister down the hall, and she was crying, wasn't really all that romantic. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"That I never want to be apart from you. That I want to live the rest of my life with you, not without you. That I don't want you to ever leave me. That if you die, nobody won't need you. Because I'll need you. You dying won't do me any favors. I'll be miserable without you, and not able to live without you. Because your not just my friend Peeta. You mean more to me then that." she cried. He smiled. That was all he needed to hear. He closed the gap between them and kissed her. His hand tangled in her hair. He would try and set up that romantic night with her. Get Haymitch to get the to turn the mics off. But he wanted it special for Katniss. She deserved that one special moment where they weren't talking about old memories, and clearing the air. He wanted her to have one special moment, that the Capitol couldn't steal from her. From them. He pulled back and smiled at her.

"I've been really waiting to hear that for so long Katniss." he said. She hugged him tightly to her.

"I'm so tired Peeta. I just want you to hold me." she whispered in his ear. He was sure she wasn't trying to make that sound erotic, but boy did it sound hot, her whispering that in his ear. He nodded his head and pulled back.

"I want nothing more then to hold you all night long." he said, cupping her cheek and kissing her. They settled back down into bed, turning the lamp off. After a few minutes of Peeta brushing her hair back, she spoke.

"Did you call me baby earlier?" Katniss asked. Peeta was startled by the question, and he had to think about it.

"Yeah I guess I did. I won't call you that if you don't like it." he told. It had just slipped out of his mouth when he said it.

"I like it." Katniss drowsily said, before she fell asleep again. Peeta smiled. She admitted he was more then just her friend. He could be patient and wait for that right moment. The perfect moment where they tell each other they love one another. He could wait for that moment. He slept soundly that night. It was the first time in a month. He slept with Katniss in his arms, and neither of them woke up from nightmares. He looked up at the clock and realized it was 5:00 am. He usually was up by now to start baking. But he was content with Katniss laying in his arms. He heard a knock at the door and was surprised to see Haymitch poke his head in.

"What are you doing here?" Peeta asked.

"Wake her up. I have something to show you both. And we gotta do it before the sun comes up." Haymitch said. He tossed something on his bed. Peeta looked at his clothes that he had taken off last night. They were folded on the bed. He looked to Haymitch in question and he shrugged. "Prim probably washed them. Come on wake her up." Haymitch said, and left. He really didn't have the heart to wake her up. She had been struggling to find sleep. She hadn't been doing well, and after finding her yesterday, sleep deprived and waving around a knife, it scared him. He had to do something. They needed to save her. He felt her starting to stir. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around. She looked almost surprised to see him there.

"Hey." Peeta said sweetly. She smiled at him.

"Your really here." she said. He smiled and kissed her softly on her lips.

"Yeah. I'm really here. No nightmares?" he asked. She shook her head.

"No. No nightmares at all." she said, and scooted closer to bury her face in his neck. "You make me feel safe and relaxed. I never want to sleep apart from you again. I just wish everything was so different for us." she whispered in his ear. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. He wished that to.

"It will happen one day. I promise." he told her. She nodded her head. "Haymitch is probably what woke you up. He has something to show us, and wants us up before the sun comes up." he said. She pulled back and looked at him.

"What is it?" she asked.

"No idea. But come on. Let's get ready." he told her. She nodded her head and stood up. He reached over and grabbed his clothes, and stood up and started getting dressed. He watched as she grabbed clothes out of drawer, and went into her bathroom and shutting the door. But not all the way. He could see her shadow on the wall of pulling her shirt over her head. He sat on her bed and started putting his shoes on. Would there ever be a day, when him and Katniss would get ready, and she wouldn't have to go into the bathroom to change? Would they just dress in front of each other? Behind that door, she was taking off her clothes. He shook his head. Now was seriously not the time to start thinking of Katniss taking off her clothes. He flopped backwards on the bed, groaning and covering his face. All he had really thought about lately, while he was laying in bed, trying not to think of Katniss, was making love to Katniss. I guess he could chalk it up to Effie basically telling them, for three months you can have sex and you won't get pregnant. Why had Effie said that to them? Was she able to see that things between him and Katniss were different? Was she just trying to help them, that if they wanted to take their relationship in that direction, they wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant for the next three months? Well now it was two. Less then that. He groaned again.

"What exactly are you doing?" Katniss asked. Peeta sat up, and saw her leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, arms crossed, and a bemused expression on her face. He blushed and let out another chuckle. "What are you groaning about?" Katniss asked. Peeta reached down and grabbed his shirt, yanking it over his head.

"Trust me you don't want to know." Peeta said, standing up.

"What if I do want to know?" Katniss asked. He walked over and kissed softly on the lips.

"I'll tell you about it when we cross that path." he told her. She raised her eyebrows and he chuckled. "I promise I will. It's just a thought that really shouldn't have entered my mind. So don't worry about it. I'll just tell you later. I promise." he said, and kissed her again. She nodded her head and Peeta smiled, putting his hand on her shoulder and turning her towards her door. They walked down to see Haymitch standing by the front door.

"Feeling better sweetheart?" he asked. Katniss looked down at her feet.

"I'm sorry for what happened. I keep trying to do better. But I just keep failing. I'm sorry for waving the knife at you guys." Katniss said.

"Well then this little surprise is perfect timing. Follow me." Haymitch said, opening the door. Peeta and Katniss looked at each other, but followed him outside, and walked behind him. He hadn't even really acknowledged that Katniss apologized to him. It wasn't that he didn't care...it was something that he was giddy about.

"Haymitch where are we going?" Katniss asked.

"Haven't the foggiest." Haymitch said. Katniss grumbled and rolled her eyes. Peeta looked around at the dark sky and smiled. No one could see them out here. He looked over at Katniss and smiled at her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she snuggled up to him, smiling. It was like they were a real couple, walking down the street together. It felt normal. As normal as it could be with following Haymitch, sneaking around in the dark, so no one could see them. Peeta had no idea where Haymitch was taking them. He snuck them through the Seam, weaving in and out of backyards, and the streets. He led them to a house and opened the front door.

"Haymitch stop that's someone's house." Katniss hissed. Haymitch laughed and rolled his eyes, walking in anyways. Peeta and Katniss followed, and Haymitch shut the door behind them. Peeta looked around and realized that someone lived here, and they were barging in, because there was furniture in here.

"Haymitch what are we doing?" Peeta demanded quietly.

"No need to whisper. No one lives here. We just want to make it look like someone lives here." Haymitch said. He went over to a dresser and started moving it out of the way. He then went down to the floor and moved a floor board, digging his hand far down and something sounded like a release. He stood back up and moved aside the wall. Katniss gasped. Haymitch turned around and smiled. There was a dark hole. He reached in and a light switched on. Peeta walked closer and saw that it was a stairwell. Haymitch laughed. "Alright then. Follow me." he said. He started walking down the stairs. Peeta and Katniss looked at each other, but Peeta waved his hand, letting Katniss go first. The stairwell wasn't very large. The ceiling and walls were nothing but dirt. Someone had dug these holes out. Lights were on the top, being strung up, so no one was walking in the dark. Peeta wasn't sure how many steps they went down, maybe 50, until the were at the bottom, and realized they were in a large tunnel. Haymitch walked just a minute, when he stopped and turned around. "There's three other tunnels just like this hidden in the Seam. And one in town." Haymitch said, obviously proud of himself. Katniss and Peeta looked around.

"I never even knew these existed." Katniss said.

"They didn't. Not until we left for the games this time." Haymitch said. Peeta and Katniss turned back to him. "These tunnels are about a mile long. In a few weeks they'll be done, and will be about three miles long. They go up into the woods outside the fence, where there's a trail to a clearing, where a hovercraft will pick everyone up." Haymitch said. Katniss gasped excitedly, as her and Peeta continued to look around at what they were seeing. "This my dear, are the tunnels that will get everyone out of District 12 safely." Haymitch said, smiling.

"How are we gonna get everyone down here that night? There big, but these tunnels aren't that big to get 8,000 people out in one night." Katniss asked.

"It won't be 8,000 people in one night. As soon as we leave that night for the Quell, people will start being taken out. Every night more and more people will leave. The last day only a few hundred people will be left." Haymitch said.

"How is that possible? The Peacekeepers will notice more then 7,000 people missing. And the cameras." Peeta said.

"There taking care of all that. Peacekeepers have trackers in them. So, the rebels can control the Peacekeepers. They'll keep them out of our hair for two weeks as we evacuate. There already making a schedule. Everyone will be given 24 hours notice, and they can bring anything they can carry. Anything that's truly sentimental, as long as they can carry it, they can take to 13 with them." Haymitch said.

"District 13 is big Haymitch. But not big enough to house 8,000 more people. And what about when Snow tries to bomb us? We all won't be able to hide down there." Katniss said. Haymitch just smiled.

"There already working on all that. First of all, there's a lot more to 13 then we ever saw. But they are building and making it bigger. Working on more food to feed everyone. They've already gotten all that covered." Haymitch said. Peeta laughed and smiled.

"I can't believe this. It's really happening. Everyone's going to be ok." Peeta said. It was truly unbelievable

"I told you everyone would be ok." Haymitch said to Katniss. She turned and looked at him. "We know what Snow will do, so we know how to fight him. Were going to win this war, just like we did last time, but with a lot less loss." Haymitch told her. She nodded her head. "You just have to keep remembering what were fighting for. When you think your losing it, and your afraid to be alone, you just remember this. Everything your doing. This is why were doing this. To save everyone." he said. Katniss nodded her head and looked around.

"This is perfect Haymitch. And he has no idea this is happening?" Katniss asked. Haymitch shook his head.

"He's completely in the dark. The only thing that he knows is you haven't seen the boy your in love with in a month, and you kissed Gale." Haymitch said. He saw Katniss' eyes look to him in alarm.

"It's ok Katniss, I already knew about it. If it will make him mad enough to put us all back in the arena, then I'm willing to deal with it. Were fighting for our freedom here." Peeta told her, taking her hand in his. She nodded her head sadly.

"I'm trying to work out then you two can get some time, where the mics are down." Haymitch said. He felt Katniss stiffen. He knew she didn't want to get her hopes up. "When the mics go down, the rebels are playing fake stuff for Snow to listen in on. They take all the sounds we make, and make up there own conversations." Haymitch explained to them. Peeta and Katniss looked at each other, and then back at Haymitch. "The more you talk Katniss, the more voice they have to play around with. When your sitting their quiet, never talking, there's not a whole lot they can do. But when they've recorded hours and hours of your voice, then can stop anything at a drop of a hat, and give you more time." he told her. Katniss put her head down.

"So talk more." she said.

"Yes." Haymitch told her. She looked up at him.

"I can do that. I promise. I'll do better Haymitch." Katniss said. Haymitch, surprising to Peeta, just smiled at her, and didn't fight her on it.

"I know you can. You just have to remember that you can do this." Haymitch said. Then he laughed. "You did it before. We made it through. So you know it will happen. We'll win. Were just doing it better this time. That's all this is. You just have to know that you can do it." Haymitch said. Katniss nodded her head.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't mean for this to keep happening to me. I just can't control it." Katniss said.

"Is there a way to get ahold of some of those sleeping pills Haymitch? Then at least she can get some sleep." Peeta said, squeezing Katniss' hands.

"I already tried. We may be able to bring some back after the Victory Tour. But Effie can't ship those out. We already tried." Haymitch told her. Katniss pulled her hand away from Peeta and crossed her arms. "I do know what's wrong with you though." Haymitch said. Katniss looked up at him. "And nothing that your experiencing is unexpected." Haymitch told her.

"I don't mean to act like this. I can't control it. I just can't..." Katniss trailed off.

"Katniss it's alright-" Peeta tried to say, to try and wrap his arms around her, but she stepped away. Peeta looked at Haymitch.

"There used to be this thing, this...disorder. It was before the Dark days. It happened to people who had been through a traumatic situation. And doctors could treat it. With therapy and medication. When there were wars a long time ago, the soldiers would come back traumatized. They called this, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." Haymitch said. Peeta and Katniss just looked at each other. Peeta wondered where Haymitch was going with this. "And depression is a huge factor in all this." Haymitch said. He snorted and raised his hands. "You grew up in freaken District 12. You've been starved your whole life. You've watched the Hunger Games your whole life. Your father died and left you in charge when you were just a kid. Of course your depressed. Everyone in District 12 is depressed. The games just started your downfall." he said. Peeta looked to Katniss to see her reaction. She had tears in her eyes. She looked like she wanted to run. "Every single Victor that has ever gone through those games suffer from PTSD. Your not immune to it. Every single one of us have handled it different. But we all know that just because you win, it doesn't stop. If your ugly, then your lucky to just bring kids to the Capitol every year to be slaughtered. If your beautiful, then Snow wants to sell your body to every horny person in the Capitol. And if you don't do what the Capitol wants, or you've made a mistake, your family gets killed." Haymitch said. Peeta could hear Katniss' breath get heavier. He wouldn't look in the mirror and say he was ugly, but he wouldn't say he was beautiful either. Of course, he knew that the Capitol thought so. If things had been different, would Snow prostitute him out like Finnick? And would he have done the same to Katniss? He knew she was beautiful and everyone in the Capitol thought so to. If things had been different, would he have prostituted them both out? He shuddered at the horrible thought. "You had it different then anyone. From the moment you entered that arena, you were a target in a whole other way, that no other tribute had been. You realized you were playing a whole different game the second you decided to find the boy." Haymitch said, turning to Peeta. "No one can disagree, that you've had it harder then anyone. Snow played with your head. Making you think that the safety of not only your family and friends, were on your shoulders, but all of Panem. You can't put everyone's lives on one persons shoulders. He manipulated you and made you think that if you didn't subdue the Districts, make then settle down, that it was your fault. It was never about you. You were just the face of the Rebellion. You volunteering for Prim is what started everything. Everything fell on your shoulders, and I'm sorry." Haymitch said. Katniss turned her had and wiped at a tear that fell. "It's a lot. A real lot. And then everything that happened here before the Quell...someone having to go through another Hunger Games...it's to much. It's way to much, and I know that. And us losing Peeta, and being in a war, losing everyone. Katniss, your traumatized There's no denying that. Every single moment that you've been through...there's no simple magic way to get over it. Your body and your head, is completely overloaded. We went back in freaken time and you had to go through the damn arena all over again." Haymitch said. Katniss let out a small sob, covering her face.

"It hurts. My whole entire body hurts. It feels like someone's stepping on mey chest so I can't breathe, all the time. Crushing me." she cried. Peeta ignored her when she tried to pull away, and hugged her tightly to him.

"Shh it's ok. It's ok I got you Katniss." Peeta whispered to her.

"I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I want this to all be over." she cried. Peeta looked to Haymitch. How were they supposed to help her?

"Katniss listen to me." Haymitch said, pulling her out of Peeta's arms and making her face him. "I'm asking to much from you. I get that. The rebels are asking to much from you. Snow is asking to much. Panem is asking to much. I get that Katniss. I really do. But we did have freedom. It's right there under our finger tips. We can do this. You can do this. And then you can live your life. Were just asking for another year. I know this is hard, but I'm begging you to trust me. Know that just because you can't see what's going on, this is going on." Haymitch said, looking up. They were in a tunnel that would help residents of District 12 escape. "I need you to just trust me, that I'm going to get you through this year." he said. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her. She cried on his shoulder. Peeta just stood by, watching helplessly. "When this whole thing is done, we'll find you a doctor to help you." Haymitch said. Katniss frantically pulled back and shook her head.

"No no no Haymitch. I don't want a doctor. They'll pump me full of drugs. I barely made it out of the Capitol because of Dr. Aurelis." Katniss cried. Peeta wrapped his arms around her.

"No Katniss calm down. That's not's what's going to happen." Peeta said. He flashbacked to his time in the Capitol. They were trying to help him. They did of course pump him full of drugs, but they were trying to see what would work. They weren't even done, when he finally got released. It was just to give him a break. He would have to stay on meds for the rest of his life. And that wasn't even a guarantee that his brain would heal itself.

"There are good doctors out there. You have something serious that's wrong with you. And they will help you Katniss. They may even give you meds. But there not gonna keep you in the Capitol. You had no idea what happened in the five months that you shut the would out. I found a doctor for you. She was going to come to 12, but then..." he trailed off.

"Because I killed myself. Say it. I killed myself Haymitch." Katniss cried. Peeta tightened his hold on her.

"She's good Katniss. I'd bring her here now, but we don't have our freedom to go into any District we want. She's good though Katniss. She was going to help you-"Haymitch tried to say, but Katniss sobbing became louder.

"They'll keep me in the Capitol and drug me. They'll put tracker-jacker venom inside me. Please don't let them do that to me Haymitch." Katniss cried.

"No please Katniss. No one's going to do that you. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you like that." Peeta told her.

"I won't either. Katniss, not everyone from the Capitol is bad. What about Cinna. He was born and raised in the Capitol, and he's nothing like them. Or Portia. Even Effie. There are some good people in this world Katniss. And she will help you. She'll come here. I won't make you go to the Capitol I promise." Haymitch told her.

"I promise to." Peeta told her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you so much for all of the reviews...I really feel just so amazed by the wonderful comments you guys leave about my writing. You guys really go into detail about how I write, and that truly means a lot to me. I'm glad someone gets my writing! So really everyone, thank you. I do have to comment on one of my reviews again, but this was one is funny. This is from ImMadrigal! So I hope you're reading this! I so don't take any offense to the there, their and they're comments. My boss for eight years would comment on the fact that I never did it right! You are soooo not the first to comment on this. If you do look though, sometimes I do say it correctly, by putting their...the only reason I do know this, is because I was re-reading one of the earlier chapters, and smiled because I thought hey, I did it right lol. So I really am sorry about that. I know how that is for some people...trust me, I have gotten sooooo much better about this. And I read my chapters two or three times before I post it. But of course, I am human and sometimes it gets by me. Just know, that the times that you do see it right is a HUGE improvement from what I used to be. I'll try and to better :)**

CHAPTER 15

Haymitch had walked ahead of them as they walked back to the Victor's Village. Peeta and Katniss just walked a little slower. Peeta couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of walking with Katniss. He had missed her so much this passed month. And he was sad that they didn't even get to enjoy the new turn they had taken in their relationship...whatever it really was. They had to be separated this whole month. When they got back to the Victor's Village, he could feel her tensing up. When they got to his house, there was a hammering sound from his backyard. Katniss looked at him strangely and he just smiled at her. "Come on. I have something to show you. And right now is the perfect time." Peeta told her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his backyard. The sun had just come up, so he knew his brother would be here. His brother was all the way towards the back, and more so in Katniss' yard.

"Is that Rye?" Katniss asked. Peeta smiled and nodded his head. "What's he doing?" she asked. There were piles off wood stacked neatly in the back. Rye was on the ground hammering and looked up.

"Where have you been? I went inside and you weren't around." Rye said. Then he realized Katniss was with him. "Well I didn't think I was allowed to check the Everdeen house. It's nice to see you." Rye said.

"You to."

"Yeah don't go looking for me at her house." Peeta told him. Rye gave him a funny look. He knew that look. Rye was about to say something obnoxious

"So what were you two doing? Your up pretty early aren't you?" Rye asked, eyeing Katniss.

"Get your mind out of the gutter and be quiet." Peeta said, embarrassed.

"What exactly are you building?" Katniss asked.

"I'm building your little sister a chicken coop. A really nice one to. It will keep out some of the cold once winter hits. This baby will hold 30 chickens." Rye said proudly. Katniss looked at Peeta.

"Why are you building Prim a chicken coop?" Katniss asked. Peeta smiled again. Her eyes went passed his a bit, and he turned his head, then turned back to her and smiled. "Did you start a garden to?" Katniss asked. Peeta smiled again.

"Yeah I did. Prim's helped a lot with the garden. She really likes it. It was her idea for the chickens." Peeta said.

"Why are you doing all this?" Katniss asked.

"Well, everyone comes to your mom. I used to see them coming and going all the time. And your mom would send them home with food. But she didn't send them home with a lot. Neither of us have that much in the house to really send everyone home with enough food to keep them from starving." Peeta told her. Katniss nodded in understanding. "So I thought of a garden. It's pretty big. Any fruit, vegetable and herb you can think of. And potatoes. We can offer them more when they come to see your mom from now on. And I can bake early in the morning, so when anyone drops by, there's fresh bread for them to take home to their families to." Peeta said. Katniss' mouth opened a bit. She looked stunned. "Prim's been really helping me a lot. I couldn't do the whole garden by myself. And she thought it would be wonderful to have some fresh eggs. And Rye was really excited to build it." Peeta said. Katniss looked back at Rye and his smile lit up his whole face.

"Won't your mother be angry that your not at the bakery?" she asked Rye. He rolled his eyes.

"I don't care anymore." he said, and went back to the wood. Katniss turned back to Peeta with wide eyes. Peeta shook his head, letting her know he would tell her later about Rye.

"Were gonna give away the eggs. We can still go buy ours. It helps the town when we make our purchases." Peeta said, with Katniss nodding her head in agreement.

"What will happen to the chickens when we all leave here? You just going to let them out?" Katniss asked. Peeta smiled again.

"We already thought of that. When we leave for the Quarter Quell, Prim's gonna bring the chickens to families in the Seam. They'll cook them up. So none of them will go to waste." Peeta said. Katniss smiled at him.

"You've thought of everything." Katniss said.

"I got something else to show you. Come on." Peeta said, taking her hand, and leading her to the side of his house. They got to his basement door, and he unlocked it. Leading Katniss inside, he turned the light on. Her eyes widened in amazement as she looked around. He had all types of gym equipment.

"What is all this?" Katniss asked.

"It's the same as the garden and the chicken coop." Peeta said as Katniss stared at him in confusion. "When they told us on the train that we'd have to stay away from each other for six months, I knew it would be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And I wanted things to keep me busy. So I came up with the idea for the garden to help anyone who came to visit your mother. And I thought about when we trained for three months before the Quarter Quell. I want to be stronger then I was last time. I want to start training now. So Effie helped me with all this. Had some guys from the train come and set all this stuff up." Peeta said. Katniss looked all around in amazement. "It's also soundproof." Peeta said. Katniss stopped and looked at him. "There aren't any mics down here, and they put stuff on the ceiling, so the mics in the house can't pick up what's said and done down here. Effie told me that if the carpet was on the ceiling, then it worked. But to not get my hopes up. So if you ask me why I hadn't told you before, that was why. She didn't know if she could make the soundproofing happen. But she did it." Peeta said. Katniss smiled as she looked around. Sometimes touching things, sometimes just staring in amazement. "I just like to stay busy with stuff. Keep my mind off of missing you so much." he told her. Peeta watched as amazement crossed Katniss' face, but then she looked away, like she was embarrassed. "I want to be stronger in the arena. I don't want anyone to have to carry me. I want to be strong and be able to protect you. I want to be able to fight. And even after that, we'll be fighting a war. I want to be strong enough for everything. And getting myself into shape will do just that." he told her. She looked back at him.

"Everything you've done. You always think of everyone else first. Think of what everyone else needs before you ever think of yourself. I've been moping around this whole month. Gale had to remind me that his family counts on me to get them food, and here you are growing it." Katniss said. Peeta stepped toward her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"You've been through a trauma Katniss. Your allowed to mope around." he tried to reassure her. But she shook her head.

"I'm just always selfish. I only ever think of myself." she said, tears filling her eyes.

"Katniss that's not true." Peeta told her, grabbing her arms and making her face him. "What were you just telling me last night. What was your purpose in the Quarter Quell?" he asked her. She had made a deal with Haymitch to save him the second time, not her. Everything she did was to keep Peeta alive. Katniss shook her head.

"That doesn't count. You risked your life to save mine and send me home in our games. And it was my fault you went in a second time." Katniss said.

"That doesn't matter. The point is, you went in there risking your life just to save mine. You wanted me to survive, and were willing to die to make sure that happened. That's not selfish Katniss." Peeta told her. She looked away, willing herself not to cry, but failing.

"I just want this all to be over." she whispered. Peeta pulled her towards him in a hug, and she held on tightly.

"It will be Katniss. It will be over. We just have to take it one day at a time. Make every one of these days mean something." Peeta said.

"How do you do it Peeta?" she asked.

"Do what?" he asked her. She pulled back and held out her hands.

"This. Everything. How do you make it through the day? Because each day kills me. I was alone for five months, and it ate away at me. I didn't make it. Now I'm just supposed to be alone again." Katniss said.

"But your not alone this time. I'm here. I'm right next door. And Prim is alive. And I just make it through each day, because I know every time I go to sleep, it's one day closer to the end of all this. I just concentrate on that day, and I keep myself busy. All you have to do is keep yourself busy." Peeta said. Katniss laughed sarcastically and wiped at her tears.

"How do I keep myself busy? Your always baking or painting. And now you have working out, and gardening and the chickens." Katniss said. Peeta snorted at the last part. He picked up her hand.

"Follow me." Peeta said. He walked her up the stairs and into his living room He sat down on the couch, and pulled her down with him, having her lay down with her head in his lap. He got her comfortable, and then started stroking her hair. "I do have all those things. And not a minute goes by, while I'm doing all those things, that I still don't miss you. That I don't think about what your doing. These things keep me busy, and keep me from running over to your house. They don't take the pain away." he told her. She closed her eyes as she listened to him talk. "And you have your hunting. That used to take up a lot of your time. And it can again. If you just let it. Being in the woods makes you happy. And you can help with the garden. Prim has been. If your helping Prim, then it will keep you busy, and give you a chance to really talk to her, away from the mics. And the chickens. Prim will need help with those. So you'll have things to keep you busy to Katniss." he told her. She nodded her head. "I've actually been thinking of something for you." he told her. She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Those two girls from District 8 who you met in the woods. In the cabin. They'll be there again this time around. I thought, as something for you to do, you could take stuff to the cabin. Food and medicine and books. Things to keep in the cabin. Blankets, pillows, clothes and matches. Every day take something more. So when they do get to the cabin, we can leave them a warning to stay there. And District 13 will pick them up." Peeta said. Katniss mouth fell open, and she sat up, and turned to face him. She had a smile on her face.

"Peeta thank you. I wish I had thought of that myself." she said, and leaned in and hugged him. He buried his nose in her hair. Was this their moment? For him to say he loved her, and for her to say it back? She wasn't crying. This might be a good moment. But he wanted it to be romantic for her. "Thank you for remembering these things for me." she told him. He smiled and pulled back, and brushed some hair away from her forehead.

"Your very welcome. I have all the time in the world to just think of these things. This is all I do all day." he admitted sheepishly. She cuddled up to him and laid her head on his chest.

"I'm glad the mics are down. I've missed you." she admitted to him. He smiled. He loved hearing that. Was it as hard for her as it was for him to stay away? Well what a dumb question to ask himself. Of course she was having a hard time. She wasn't sleeping. They sat there for a few minutes in silence. Not really needing to talk. But they didn't get these moments to often. They should keep talking. There was still so much to talk about. What happened in the Quell and what happened when they got back to 13. And then of course, what happened when she got back, and hid in her house for five months. And what caused her to take her own life. "You want to keep talking don't you." she said. It wasn't really a question, more of a statement. He smiled.

"Only if you want to. I don't want to push you." he told her.

"But maybe I need to be pushed." she said. He nodded his head.

"Then why don't you keep talking from where we left off. After Finnick saved me." he told her. She nodded her head.

"How bad were you hurt?" Katniss asked. Peeta let out a long breath. He had been hurt pretty badly. His body was so exhausted. He had never felt anything like it. He had nothing to ever compare it to, how every inch of the inside of his body felt. His heart was physically hurting. Each breath hurt. But he tried to fake that he wasn't that bad. Even in their first Games when he was cut from the sword, or when the mutts bit his leg. Nothing compared to the electric shock he got. "I tried to take care of you. I knew you were so tired." she said. He nodded his head.

"It was pretty bad. I couldn't just lay there like I wanted to. We were fighting for our lives. Sleeping even hurt. I wanted to stay awake, and be strong for you. Protect you. But I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I felt useless." he admitted to her. She wrapped her arms around his torso, squeezing him.

"Your never useless Peeta. If that had been me who hit the forcefield, I would have felt the same way." she told him. He thought it was probably true. The only thing that kept him going was the thought of getting her out of the arena. "I hated how I felt like I would never stop owing Finnick. He saved you. Twice already. And I couldn't help but like him. He made me laugh. Who makes someone laugh in the arena?" she said. Peeta chuckled. Finnick did make them laugh. "He was devastated when Mags walked into the fog. I felt like that was my fault. Because I couldn't carry her, or you." Katniss said.

"How was that your fault? You tripped and I ran back to get you. You ran as much as you could with Mags. Your not a guy. It's harder for you to carry someone. I'm the one who felt awful, having to be carried." Peeta told her.

"But you were burned by the fog because you came back for me. You came back for me Peeta." she said turned her head up and kissed his neck, and then nuzzled her face back in his neck. "You came back to save me. That was brave. You should have kept going, but you came back and shielded me from getting burned. Thank you." she told him. He tightened his grip. She was thanking him. He kissed the top of her head.

"I'll always come back for you. I'll never leave you to fall behind." he said.

"And your very compassionate. Helping me get Finnick in the water and getting the fog out of his skin. I'm glad that I have you." she said. If she turned her head, she would see the massive smile on his face. Her admitting that she was glad that she had him...it made everything they've been through so worth it all. All the pain he went through, with loving her, and thinking she didn't love him back. But loved Gale. It was all worth it, to have her with him like this right now.

"The three of us make a great team." Peeta said. Katniss nodded her head.

"It was sorta how I felt with you. It was easy to say I cared for you in front of the cameras, because it was you. If it had been anyone else in your place, I couldn't say and do the things in front of cameras the way that I do. It was easy to be friends with Finnick. Because I think we were always meant to be friends." Katniss said.

"Yeah, I couldn't agree more. I kept hoping for some way that the three of us could make it out of there." Peeta told her.

"And he fought so hard to protect us. Like with the monkeys" she said. Peeta shuddered. "By the way. I never did tell you. I had a small thought about it after it happened, but I didn't really think to much on it, until I saw us fight with the monkeys in 13...but you were really brave. And you fought as hard as Finnick. Thank you for saving me. I never would have made it out of there alive if it weren't for you." Katniss said. Peeta smiled again.

"Thank you." Peeta said.

"When I watched it in 13...you looked good fighting them. Like you were strong." Katniss said. He squeezed her tighter. He knew that was hard for her to say. Giving him a compliment was something she wasn't used to. He knew she was trying for him, because he had given her a million compliments. It felt nice.

"Thank you. That means a lot." he said. She nodded.

"Do you remember the Morphling from 6." Katniss asked. How could he forget her. She took on a monkey, just to save his life.

"We have to learn her name. It's awful. I never did find out her name. And she saved my life. She was brave." he said.

"Yes she was." Katniss said. They sat in silence for another few minutes. "You know everyone was much better at reminding the audience that I was pregnant, or that we were married, then I was. I always forgot. But you, Finnick and Johanna all mentioned the baby, and you three mentioned us already being married. I always forgot to." she said. He shrugged his shoulders.

"What did that really matter though. We were fighting for our lives." Peeta said.

"Well I'll do a much better job at it this time. I'll talk about us having a baby and being married. I'll do better this time around." Katniss said. Peeta kissed the top of her head.

"I know you will. You did great the second time in our games, and you'll do great the second time in the Quell. But we don't have to worry about that right now thank God. That's far away. Let's just concentrate on what we can do now before the Victory Tour." he told her. She nodded her head. "I was so scared when the Careers came to the island and you went after Brutus and Enobaria, and Finnick stopped me from chasing after you." Peeta admitted. He shook his head. "I'm not a great fighter. You are. Finnick didn't have to worry about you. He just worried about keeping me safe." Peeta said. When he realized all of Finnick's motives in the Quell, he was thankful that someone would be willing to fight so hard to keep him alive. But it made him feel less like a man, and more like a little boy, having to be babysat the way that he was. "I want to be a better fighter this time." Peeta said. He felt her squeeze him tighter, and bury her face in his neck. "And I couldn't see you when we were spinning. I was just praying that you were alive. And that you were ok. But I heard Johanna scream that you fell. I'm glad that Heavensbee stopped the spinning when you fell in. All I could think of was getting to you as fast as I could. Thinking of you dying in that was killing me. I couldn't stop touching you when I realized you were ok." Peeta said.

"I know how you felt. When Finnick revived you after you hit the forcefield, I couldn't stop touching you either. I was so thankful you were alive." she told him. He was so happy to be hearing her say these things. "I felt stupid that I fell for the birds with Prim's voice. I feel horrible that Finnick got caught in it to." Katniss said.

"I would have ran to. Anyone would have ran after them. Even when they used Annie's voice, Finnick ran after them. Your only human. I'm just still angry that I wasn't fast enough. My fake leg held me back a lot. I realized now, that when you went running after them, Finnick and Johanna gave each other one look. He ran after you, and Johanna stayed with me. Each of them would choose to protect who was closer to them. And she ran with me, pretending to have a charlie horse so she'd run slow. I was so scared when you came running for me and couldn't get through. My heart was broken. I was screaming that it wasn't real. That they were just mutts. I just wanted to hold and talk in your ear, let you hear my voice instead of he birds. I just wanted to hold you, and I just sat with my head against the wall, begging for it to be over for you." he said sadly. He felt a tear on his neck. Katniss was crying. "It's ok Katniss." he said, kissing her head.

"They were all just screaming at me for an hour. It was one of the worst moments of my life. Snow must have just been laughing that whole time at me. And using Gale's voice instead of yours." she said.

"I know. Just think, we won't have to go through that again. We can avoid the birds this time." he said. She nodded her head.

"I never should have let them separate us." she blurted out suddenly. He knew what she was talking about. At the end, they split up, because that's what they wanted. Finnick, Johanna and Beetee never even had to discuss it with each other, they just knew, that if they stayed together, he and Katniss were going to run off from the group. They knew it, because he and Katniss didn't know the final plan, of the rebels getting them out. And they both needed to stay alive for the rebellion The three of them needed to protect Peeta and Katniss. And they couldn't do that if they left the group. So he and Katniss let the group split them up.

"We were going to leave them Katniss. They couldn't let that happen. They needed to protect us."

"I should have insisted that we stay together. That Finnick and Johanna take the coil and we'd stay with Beetee. I never should have let them split us up, because you were captured by the Capitol. You were taken because of me." she cried out. She sat up and stared at him. "I won't let that happen this time do you hear me. They'll have to come up with some other way for the Quell to end because I'm not letting you out of my sight. We'll get caught by the rebels together. Your not getting captured by the Capitol again I won't let. They can't hurt you again Peeta." Katniss cried. He pulled her close to him as she cried. "I'm so sorry Peeta. I never meant for that to happen. I wanted them to save you not me." she cried.

"It doesn't matter anymore Katniss. I'm ok now." Peeta said.

"I'll never get over it. They captured you and tortured you. It was all my fault Peeta. It was always my fault. I let him hurt you." Katniss sobbed. He knew there was nothing he could say to her to make her feel better. She sobbed hard on his shoulder. He figured she had been blaming herself since the second she woke up on the hovercraft, that it was her fault. It had been eating away at her. "I'm so sorry Peeta." she sobbed. He just held her tight. She just kept saying she was sorry over and over again. He didn't know what to do or say not calm her down. He figured, like when she talked about Cinna, she needed to cry over this. She had probably never cried for losing him, and this was finally her chance to get it all out. "I won't let you go Peeta I promise. I won't let them take you." she cried in his shoulder.

"Katniss I'll be stronger next time. I'll be able to fight better, and run faster. You won't have to babysit me I promise. You won't lose me. It's ok Katniss. This wasn't your fault. I don't blame you. I never have and I never will." he told her. But she pulled away from him.

"You should blame me. Snow hijacked you to hurt me. He wanted me to feel pain. He wanted to torture me, so instead of physically hurting me, he hurt you, knowing it would kill me. To take away everything beautiful about you. To take everything wonderful about you, and make you into some monster. And I fell for it. I left you in 13 to die, because I couldn't face what he did. I couldn't face that it was my fault. I never wanted to see you again because I couldn't face you. I couldn't. I'm so sorry." Katniss sobbed. Peeta pulled her to him again as she cried. He heard something from the kitchen, and realized his brother had been standing there, listening to Katniss cry. Peeta hadn't told his family about getting captured by the Capitol, and getting hijacked. He never told them what happened in the war. He would eventually tell them, but he hadn't been willing to face it just yet. But his brother had heard Katniss' choppy confession, of the Capitol taking him and hurting him. His brother Rye stood there, with a deep sad face. "That's why I made them send me to District 2. I wanted to get away from you. I never asked about you. I never wanted to know how you were doing. You were dead to me." Katniss cried. Peeta gulped and stared at Rye. His face was red with anger. He shook his head at Rye, letting him know not to say anything. Katniss pulled away again and pushed at his chest. "You should hate me. Why do you even care about me. I left you in 13 to die. I never wanted to see you again. I chose Gale again over you. I never tried to help you get better. I even thought about leaving you in the Capitol at one point. I let you leave Tigris' shop by yourself. I didn't even try to keep you with me. I left you to rot. Why don't you hate me. I deserve it Peeta. Please just hate me." she cried. Peeta wanted to tell Rye to leave, to get out. He didn't want his brother hearing this. Katniss was starting to freak out. She was getting how she was when she held the knife to her throat at the dinner table. Or when she held out the knife the night before in her house. This time it wasn't from sleep deprivation. This time it was just because what had happened to her was to much. Peeta shook his head and grabbed her hands.

"Katniss stop this. I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you. None of that was your fault-"

"I CHOSE TO LEAVE YOU BEHIND IN 13! I WANTED YOU TO DIE!" Katniss screamed. It his him like a ton of bricks. "I wanted you to die because you weren't you anymore. You were a monster. You weren't you. You were better off dead if you weren't you anymore." Katniss sobbed. He was to stunned to move. He heard his front door open, and knew it was Haymitch crashing in.

"What the hell is going on?" Haymitch demanded. Haymitch looked at all three of them. "Why are you crying? What happened now?" Haymitch demanded. He walked around to stand in front of them on the couch. Katniss ripped her hands away from Peeta, and tried to run out, but Haymitch stopped her. "Katniss stop it. What happened?" Haymitch demanded. Katniss stood there, crying. She covered her face with her hands.

"I don't deserve him Haymitch. Please make him realize that. Make him not want me anymore. Make him hate me please Haymitch." she begged him. He held tightly to her.

"I thought we got this all figured out. What happened in the half an hour that I left you two?" Haymitch asked. Peeta was to stunned to move. She wanted him to die? He thought she loved him. She had as much said so, without saying the words. But who was he kidding, this was Katniss. Why did he ever think something would change? He watched her. He saw the way she looked at Gale. She just felt bad, felt guilty for everything that happened. She didn't really love him. And he was all over her. Sleeping in her bed, comforting her. Why couldn't he just let her go? Let her move on? Make himself move on. He shook his head and stood up. "Where the hell are you going?" Haymitch demanded. He stood in front of Peeta, pushing on his chest. Taking Katniss along with him. "I want to know what the hell happened? If you two aren't going to tell me then you tell me? Why are these two freaking out?" Haymitch asked Rye. It seemed to snap Katniss out of her sobbing, and she frantically searched around for who Haymitch was talking to. When she saw Rye, her eyes widened and she gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.

"Oh God." she whispered and started shaking her head. Peeta snapped out of whatever he was feeling. He could practically hear Katniss' thoughts. Someone else had heard her confession. His own brother. And the fury was all over his face. You could read it easily. "I'm so sorry." she cried, stepping backwards. She slammed right into Peeta's chest and spun around.

"Katniss stop it ok. Your fine just calm down." he said, putting his hands on her shoulders. Haymitch stood behind her. She was melting down again, and he didn't know where she would go this time. They needed to keep her as calm as possible. He looked over her shoulder at Rye. "Just go back outside ok. I'll explain everything to you later." Peeta said, wrapping his arms around Katniss as she started sobbing again.

"No I kinda want to know right now how she left you somewhere to die. How she wanted you to die. I kinda want to know what happened right now!" Rye demanded. Haymitch's turned his head back towards Peeta and his eyes widened. Katniss groaned as she sobbed.

"I will tell you everything later. Just please just get out of here for now." Peeta begged.

"Why are you even comforting her? She doesn't love you. She loves that other guy. She chose him, she just admitted that. She left you, because she thought you were some monster. That you would be better off dead. Why are you protecting her? Let her run off and cry on her sisters shoulder." Rye said. Haymitch spun around.

"Listen. I don't know what you just heard, but I can gather as much about what she said. Take it from someone who was there, after the Quell, who watched what happened, and actually knows what happened, that you don't understand whatever it was she said. I was there. I was there for both of them. He was sick. Snow tortured him, and messed with his brain. It wasn't the same boy who's standing here today. She blamed herself. Still blames herself for every bad thing he went through. So give the girl a break alright." Haymitch said.

"Give her a break? How can you even say that? I remember what happened last time. She ignored him for six months. Broke my little brothers heart. Then he still went into the damn arena to save her, when she's in love with another guy." Rye said.

"She doesn't love Gale." Haymitch defended her.

"She just admitted that." Rye fought back. But Katniss pulled back and stared at him.

"I don't love Gale. I'm sorry for everything that happened to Peeta because it was all my fault." Katniss cried. Peeta tried to pulled her back, but she spun around and screamed Peeta, lunging at him. He fell backwards and felt the back of his head slam into the edge of the side table that he had next to the couch. "PEETA!" Katniss screamed. Haymitch yanked her off of him, as Rye came running up.

"PEETA!" Rye screamed. Haymitch pulled him off and shoved him to his feet and towards the door.

"Get her mother and sister. NOW!" Haymitch yelled. Rye left the house. Katniss sobbed and bent down over Peeta, shaking him.

"PEETA!" Katniss sobbed. "I'm so sorry Peeta. I'm so sorry." she cried. This was her fault. She just wanted to shove him away from her. She wanted to run away from his house. She just wants this to all be over. Why can't she just end all of this? Her mother and sister came running back, bending over Peeta

"Katniss move out of the way." her mother said. But Katniss was sobbing and to distraught to move. "Pull her away." she told Haymitch. He tried yanking on her, but she wasn't moving. "Sedate her Prim." her mother said.

"No please." Katniss cried. Haymitch pulled her away roughly and to the couch, pinning her down. "NO STOP IT!" Katniss screamed. Prim hesitated and just stood there, staring at them.

"You gotta do it." Haymitch told her. She stepped forward and stuck the needle in her arm, sedating Katniss.

His head felt awful. And he could feel the room spinning. He couldn't hear anything though. Why? He felt someone trying to help him sit up, and was patting him on the back. He opened his eyes and saw nothing to well. His vision was blurry. He tried rubbing his eyes, and could hear something, like a deep voice, trying to talk to him. He figured it was Haymitch. As his vision started clearing a bit, he was realizing he wasn't in his living room "Peeta?" he heard someone call his name. But it wasn't a voice he recognized. As his vision started to clear up better, he realized he was in the woods. What on earth was he doing in the woods? "Peeta?" the voice called again. He looked up, and saw a man standing above him, staring down at him, and smiling. "Are you ok? You hit your head pretty hard." the man asked. He picked his hand up and felt the back of his head. He didn't feel anything. "Yeah you probably won't feel it till your back at home." he said. That was true. When he got home, he'd probably feel it. "Let me help you sit up." he said. Peeta let him help him, and he sat Peeta down on a log. "There much better." he told him. Wait. How did the man know he didn't feel anything. He looked at him suddenly, but the man just smiled. "It's alright Peeta. Your safe here." he said. Peeta looked around.

"Why am I in the woods?" Peeta asked. He smiled and chuckled.

"Its one of my favorite places to be." he told him.

"How did I get here? Where's Katniss, Haymitch and my brother? And who are you?" Peeta asked. The man smiled again.

"There all back in your living room. Just calm down. I just want to talk for a bit." he said. Peeta looked at him. His smile was familiar. Like he'd seen that smile before. And his voice. He searched his memories from where he knew this man. And then it hit him suddenly. This was Katniss' father. Peeta's mouth fell open, and her father chuckled again. "I'm not surprised you remember me. I remember catching you watching Katniss when you were kids. You've always watched Prim and her mother. You have an amazing memory." he said. Peeta suddenly was very frantic.

"Katniss...and Prim. They only saw you when...oh God. Am I dead?" Peeta blurted out, standing up and looking around for a way out. Her father stood in front of him, grabbing onto his shoulders.

"Peeta your not dead. Your pretty knocked out. But not dead. I just wanted to talk to you, and this was the best way." he said.

"The best way?" Peeta repeated. He nodded his head and smiled.

"I should probably introduce myself. Instead of just being, Katniss' father. My name is Charles." Charles said, and extended his hand to Peeta. He slowly took it. He could feel his skin. Feel the warmth. This was really happening. Peeta gulped. "Why don't you and I walk." Charles said. Peeta followed him. "I know that this all has been hard on you. Being a Victor never is easy, but you and Katniss have had it the worst. I'm sorry for that." he said, looking at Peeta. Then facing forward again. "I couldn't stop it. I wish I was able to. But you both were the hope for a safe and peaceful future. You had to be reaped. Everything that happened, had to happen. Weather I wanted it or not." he said sadly. He looked back at Peeta. "She hasn't said anything about her experience with me. She's said bits and pieces here and there to you. But she hasn't revealed what I said about Prim or her mother. Or Haymitch, Gale and especially you." he said. Peeta gulped again after hearing Gale's name. "I knew you were meant to be with my daughter, the day I picked her up from school and saw you looking at her. I knew you were a goner, and I just knew in my heart that you two were meant to me. And it turns out I wasn't wrong. But you doubt that. You always have. You tried to put it in the back of your mind since I sent you back, but all those feelings came back tonight. All the doubt that you have, about whether or not Katniss loves you. If she loves Gale or not." he said. Peeta looked away, feeling guilty. "Your allowed to feel this way. With everything you've been through, it isn't surprising at all. But I wanted to take this opportunity, to share some things with you." Charles said. He turned around and looked at Peeta.

"I don't want her to feel guilty enough to be with me. I don't want her to feel obligated to love me. And I think that's what she feels like. And I don't know if I'm the one she loves. And I can't handle that." Peeta said. Charles nodded.

"Well, I can help you with that. The answer to you or Gale." Charles said. Peeta could feel his whole body shaking. He didn't want to know. It was every fear coming to light. He was jealous of Gale. He always would be. If Katniss had said she loved him, he would always feel like it was because she felt she owed him for hurting him so much. "I can hear your thoughts by the way. And please, let me stop you, and end your agony already." he said. He didn't say it with pity. "Gale is meant to marry a lovely blonde girl." Charles said. Peeta stared at him for a moment. "And the funny thing is, Katniss was always meant to marry a blonde herself." Charles said. Peeta just stared at him. "If things had been different. If there were no Hunger Games, Katniss would have been a different girl. But who she was meant to be with would never change. You and Katniss were meant to be Peeta. You were meant to be together." he said. It was hard to believe that. Because then why would Katniss try and constantly push him away? "You already know the answer to that. You heard everything she said to you today. Losing you in the Quell, was the hardest thing for her. That's what started Katniss spiraling out of control. She didn't know she was in love with you. But when she lost you, and then how she reacted to you in District 13...it's eating away at her. She doesn't know how to deal with her own guilt. She has it in her head, that she can never be in love, because love leads to marriage, and marriage leads to babies. She programmed herself to believe that she would never fall in love. So when she fell in love, she didn't know it. She doesn't want to love anyone, because she's afraid of losing them. And she keeps losing everyone she loves." Charles said. Peeta was stunned by everything he had just said. He was speaking to fast. "We don't have a lot of time, that's why I'm trying to tell you everything you need to know." he told him. Peeta nodded his head.

"But everyone she loves, is back...except you." Peeta said. Charles nodded his head.

"Losing me took a huge toll on her. Me, her mother and Prim, were Katniss' whole world. I was taken from her, and it turned that loving part of Katniss...it made it hard. She wasn't going to allow anyone else into her life. But I led her to you that day you gave her the bread." Charles said. Peeta looked up at him. "That's a story for Katniss to tell. But I even led her to Gale. She needed someone. If she didn't have Gale, then she wouldn't have learned to be strong. To be tough. She wouldn't have learned how to fight. To survive. And he taught her that. But that's all they were ever meant to be. Friends. Katniss was meant to go into the Hunger Games, and be the face of the rebellion And you were meant to stand right along with her. Your words can move a nation Peeta. You were never a no one in this war. You were meant to play a bigger role then you did play. And that's why I gave Katniss this second chance. I wanted some things to be fixed. Especially with you both. Having your leg, and not getting hi-jacked would be the biggest things. Saving Prim, Finnick, Cinna and Rue, those were the big deal breakers to. They were never meant to die. And they did. I wanted some of these wrongs to be righted." Charles said. Peeta shook his head.

"Why are you telling me all this? And how do I know it's true? That she really does love me? That we really are meant to be together?" Peeta asked.

"Because you are my future son in law. My daughter loves you. Your the only person, besides me, to have ever made her feel safe. Your the only person to give her hope. To love her and care for way, the way she needs. And you know that it's the truth, in here." he said, pointing to Peeta's heart. "Your afraid. I understand that. You had a terrible year, always thinking that Katniss loved Gale. Never getting any love back. Coming back and finding her..." her father trailed off, and looked away. Peeta knew what he was referring to. When he found Katniss in her living room, attempting to kill herself. He shuddered. "Well yes, after you found her, and then getting sent back here, and having Katniss practically say she loves you, without saying it to you. So I know that this is hard for you. But Peeta, you love her, and I am telling you she does love you." he said. Peeta let those words sink in. Katniss loves him. "Katniss is sick. We all know that. She can't sleep, she's depressed. Haymitch was right about that Post Traumatic Stress. She has it, and is told she can't get any help until it's all over. I'm not going to lie to you and say it's going to get better. She's still going to have these moments. Even when everything is all over, she's going to need you most, because that's when she's going to need to deal with every single thing she's been through. And the only way she's ever going to make it through, is with you. Because you'll be standing by her the whole time." he said. Peeta looked at him. He looked sad. "Well, knowing my daughter is in that much pain...pains me to the core. But she has you. So I want to take those doubts out of your head. Get rid of them, because everything will be ok. You'll get your happy ending. I promise. I just need you to have faith and hope, not only for yourself, but hold onto Katniss' for awhile, till she can have hope for herself. Just have that faith for the both of you. And love her through all of it. She will forgive herself one day, and realize that these things that happened to you, weren't her fault. But it will take a long time. So have faith and hope son." he said, and leaned forward and hugged Peeta. "Thank you for being the man my daughter deserves." he said.

"Is this all real? Is this all going on in my head?" Peeta asked. Charles laughed and pulled back.

"Before the Dark Days, people used to enjoy things. One thing they enjoyed was movies. And there was a very famous movie, that was a book series. When everything is all over, and Paylor is president, put in a request to get these books. You and Katniss will enjoy them. And when it became a movie, one of the last scenes, was the boy talking to someone, who was like a father, but he was dead, and he asked him if this was real, was it just all in his head? And he said, 'Of course this is all in your head, but what makes you think that it isn't real?'" Charles said. Peeta laughed. "This is going on in your head Peeta. But it doesn't make it any less real." he told him.

"What book series is it?"

"Harry Potter. There are movies to. When your having days after the Rebellion, where your living a much carefree life, read them together. It will be fun. I promise." he said. Before Peeta could say anything, he opened his eyes, to see Haymitch leaning over him.

"He's awake." Haymitch said.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks again for the reviews. Your really making me feel awesome guys. And I'm so glad everyone if enjoying it. We need something to tide us over till Mockingjay comes out. I really like adding Rye to the story as much as I can. I've made him up in my head, and totally adore what he does to the story that I have planned out, so I hope everyone is enjoying him. Stay tuned to see much more of him. And I'm glad you all enjoyed the Harry Potter mention. It was totally unintentional. I actually wrote it with him saying that, and I literally shook my head and laughed because I so stole that conversation. So I rewrote it that he would talk about Harry Potter. I mean, this was way after Harry Potter right? I know so totally bad but I have to add some humor to this story sometime, because it's been so depressing so far. I do good writing depressing stuff don't me wrong, but yeah I have to laugh it up sometimes. Lol. Thanks for the reviews, I truly appreciate EVERY time my phone beeps with an email. And I'm starting to get obsessed because I check my emails in the middle of the night.**

**On a side note, if anyone has any ideas, anything they'd like to see happen, please feel free to express. I love getting new ideas. So if there's something that you want to read, let me know. I'll see how it fits in with everything, see if I can make it happen with where I am going.**

Chapter 16

When Peeta had come to and sat up, he instantly saw that Katniss was asleep on the couch. He knew she wasn't just asleep though. She had been sedated. That much was obvious He let Prim and Katniss' mother nurse his head. He had hit the edge of the table and cut his head. Emily gave him some pain killers to drown out the pain in his head. She didn't think he had a concussion. After he reassured them all that he was ok, he had to try and get his brother to leave. His brother was angry, and wanted Katniss out of the house. Peeta told Emily and Prim, that it would be better for her, when she woke up, that only he was there with her. That he would take care of her. He and Haymitch had to settle Rye down, and the only real way to do that, was to tell his brother the truth. Everything that happened, after he had died. He had to make him understand what Katniss was upset about. Why she was freaking out. And he had to convince his brother, that there relationship wasn't a one way street. That she did in fact, love him. It wasn't easy. But he also had to answer the question, that was on everyone's minds. How did they get back here? So many people who did remember, that they had already lived this day before. He told him that Katniss took her own life. And why she did it. His brother used to be his best friend. But when he got back from his Games, Rye didn't understand Peeta anymore. He knew that letting his brother in, and telling him something, that not to many people were privy to, meant something to Rye. He and Haymitch sat there for a few hours, telling him a lot of things that had happened while he was alive, that he never even knew. The day had gotten away from the three of them, and it was dark outside, and Katniss was still asleep. His brother had left, dreading having to go home. He was supposed to be back hours ago to help at the bakery. His mother was going to throw something had him. Peeta figured that if he sees him tomorrow, he'll have a black eye. Haymitch stayed a little while, but he left to go drink. So it was just him and Katniss. He had no idea what would happen when she woke up, but he was ready to deal with this. His head was more clear about everything. He wasn't unsure, or nervous. His mind was completely clear. He knew what had to be done with Katniss. He knew that when they had to separate, she would still have trouble sleeping. She would still go days on end without sleeping, and she might even reach for a knife again. But he was more aware, and more clear then he had ever been, on what had to be done. That was why he insisted that Haymitch left. He was ok. They would be ok. He didn't reveal to Haymitch though, that he talked with Katniss' father. He thought that he should tell Katniss first. But when he would do it, he didn't know. He sat in the recliner next to the couch, leaning his elbows on his knees, just waiting for her to wake up. It should be soon. Any minute now. And with that, she started stirring. He would wait for her to wake up on her own. He didn't want her to see him and start freaking out, before she even woke up. So he sat there, leaning his elbows on his knees, and waited quietly. It took a few minutes, but Katniss slowly woke up. She looked around, and slowly sat up. Getting her bearings. And then she looked over at him. It must be different for Katniss to see him sitting away from her, not trying to comfort her. She looked around the room. Looking for anyone else. She knew Haymitch and Rye had been here. "Everyone went home. It's just you and me." he said quietly. Katniss was at a loss for words. He would love to know what she was thinking, what was going on in her head. But he was going to listen to her father. He knew, that he had really met Katniss' father, and he was going to trust him. That Katniss did love him, and that they were meant to be.

"Are you ok?" she whispered. He nodded his head.

"Your sister gave me some stitches in the back of my head. I wasn't passed out that long. They gave you a light sedative. But your mom figured you'd sleep all day because you haven't been sleeping well." Peeta said. Katniss nodded, looking the other way.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, looking away from him. Her knees were curled up to her chest, and he saw she was wiping a tears.

"I'm not mad at you. I've never been mad at you. Because I understand all your actions. I understand why you do everything you do, and have done, just since we've come back." he told her, letting it settle in. "I get why you cry, why your struggle, why you push me away. I get it. And I'm not mad at you, because I get it. So maybe, if you get it through your head, that nothing you can do can make me mad at you, will make me hate you. It won't push me away. Maybe if you get that through your head, then maybe we can have a real relationship." he said. She shakily looked over at him. She looked scared. "We do have a relationship. But were only starting to scratch the surface of what happened to us. And if were going to have a relationship. Like boyfriend and girlfriend, then we have to take our lives into our own hands." he said. Katniss stared at him in question. She didn't know what he meant. "This can't go on anymore. We have to clear the air. We have to talk about everything. Everything that happened in the Quell. Everything that happened in 13. Everything that happened in the Capitol, and then everything that happened when you came home. And we have to talk about why you took your own life. Even though I know you want to avoid it." he said. Her eyes widened, and then she started shaking her head.

"No I can't. I can't do this." she said. He knew she was going to do this. He knew she was going to try and run. He stood up, and stood where she needed to go to run to the door. She was shocked that he blocked the door. He didn't want to scare her, so he gently put his hands on her shoulders.

"No more running. I'm not going anywhere Katniss Nothing you can ever say, will make me hate you, or make me leave you. I'm in this for the long haul. You need to be able to start to heal, and it's not going to happen for awhile. But you holding in all this guilt about what happened to me...you need to let it out. I need to hear it, because I can't help you, I can't be there for you if you don't let me in. That you don't let me feel the pain that you do. If you don't lean on me when you need me. I can't be there for you, if you don't tell me that you wanted me to die in 13 because I wasn't me anymore." Peeta said gently. She gasped at hearing in his words. He knew that she was shocked to hear those words come from his mouth, with no anger in his voice. "So if we have to sit here all night with no sleep, to talk about everything, to get it all out. Then I'm all for it. I barely sleep as it is, and slept a lot last night. So I'm good to go." Peeta said. Katniss eyes looked around the house. "It's just me and you Katniss. The mics aren't on. All anyone in the Capitol is hearing right now, iS you watching T.V., and then going to bed, and me cleaning up the kitchen and going to bed. So it's just you and me." he said, and leaned in now to hold her. Rubbing his arms up and down her back. "I can feed you first at least." he whispered. She chuckled, and let her head fall to his chest. He kissed the top of her head. "I'll make you something to eat. Just sit back down and I'll make you something." he told her. She nodded her head and sat back down. He walked into the kitchen, and decided on some bread with goat cheese that Prim gave him. He pulled out a couple of apples and oranges, and even grabbed a bowl of potato salad. He filled a glass of water, and even made some hot chocolate. He knew Katniss loved that. He was relieved when he saw that she was still sitting on the couch, that she didn't sneak out on him. She was a hunter, so he knew how to be extremely quiet. He sat down next to her, and started cutting the apple for her to spread the cheese on. They sat there for a few minutes in silence, just eating.

"Do you think Haymitch is right?" she asked suddenly. Peeta looked at her. "That I have that Post Stress thing?" Katniss asked. He was touched she was asking his opinion.

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And yeah I do think you have it. We all do. I think it effects you more." he said honestly. She looked down sadly. "You've been through way to much. People have placed to much responsibility on you. It's not fair. I think you've hit your breaking point." he said. He reached over and took her hand in his. "It doesn't make you weak either. Or that something is wrong with you. You just need to learn how to deal with it. To heal from it and move forward." he said.

"And you think talking about everything will do that?" she asked. She didn't believe that it would help.

"That is only one step Katniss. The first of many that your going to have to take. That were going to have to take together. It won't cure everything. But do you still really want to be having this conversation a year from now?" he asked her. She looked up at him. He was making her think. "Wouldn't you rather get everything out. Talk about what happened, and start to heal? A year from now you can be feeling better, because you don't have to worry if I'm going to turn my back on you because of what your hiding from me. That I'll still be there standing right next to you. Or would you rather you just go back to your house, sleep by yourself, and wonder for the next year if I'm really still going to stick by you? If I'm really going to start hating you, because you think I deserve better." he asked her. She let out a sarcastic chuckle and looked down at their intertwined hands.

"Even after I tell you what my deepest thoughts are you still could do that." she said. He put his hand under her chin and made her look at him.

"You already told me you left me in District 13 to die. Hoping I'd die because I was better off dead because I wasn't myself, and that you chose Gale over me. And I'm still here Katniss. I still haven't gone anywhere. I'm still right here with you." Peeta said. He saw her bottom lip trembling, and tears fill her eyes and he pulled her towards his chest and rocked her as she started crying. "I'm not going anywhere Katniss Everdeen. Your stuck with me." Peeta whispered into her hair. She held onto him tightly. They stayed silent for a few more minutes, when he started with something that he knew was going to be hard for her. But he wanted to dive right it. He took a deep breath. "What were you thinking when you left the tree?" he asked her. He knew that she knew what he meant. What was she thinking when she left the lightening tree, and they were separated

"I shouldn't have left you. I just knew I'd never see you again. I knew it was wrong. I let them separate us. My heart was breaking." she whispered. He continued to rock her. "I was so scared when I figured out the coil was cut. And then Johanna hit me. I really thought she was trying to kill me. She hit me, and cut my arm, and then wiped blood on my face. I thought she was teamed up with Enobaria and Brutus. I thought her and Finnick were against us. And all I could think about was you. Getting to you. Saving you." Katniss said. Peeta had been shown the tapes, and saw her reaction. She kept calling out to Peeta in her haze. She had been fighting off falling down and being unconscious. But she fought it, and searched for him. "And Finnick was searching for Johanna. I was just so confused. And I heard the cannon, I thought it was you." Katniss cried. It wasn't him. It was Brutus. Peeta had killed Brutus. Peeta shuddered at the memory. And when I found Beetee with his knife attached to the coil, I was just so confused. I kept screaming your name, and I could hear you and Finnick screaming for me. And when I saw Finnick...how could I shoot my friend?" she cried. He knew that Katniss loved Finnick. He saw it the way that they joked on the beach. How they joked about him being pretty, and her being ugly. Of course she was beautiful. He knew by the way that she tried to help him after the Fog, and getting him into the water. It was almost like the way she cared for him in the first games when he was hurt. But the way that they instantly became friends, he knew that even though she was holding out her arrow, the fact that she just stood there, proved that she loved him. Loved him as a brother of course. "And he told me exactly what Haymitch said. Remember who the real enemy is. He talked to Finnick that night, and gave him his bracelet. Haymitch told him his last words to me. They are so good, that they know exactly what words to say to me to make me understand. I understand code words like that. I just knew who the real enemy was. It was Snow and the Capitol. Not the Careers. And I shot the forcefield out." Katniss cried. Haymitch was right this morning when he said everyone expected to much from her. All of Panem was relying on Katniss to blow up the forcefield, but she didn't even know it.

"What happened when you woke up?" Peeta asked. He knew he heard what had happened, but he had been told in his hijacked state. He wasn't sure at the time what was real, and he had to much information in his head.

"I woke up in the hovercraft and only saw Beetee. He was hooked up to machines pumping medicine into him. It was the Capitol hovercraft. I was laying on the floor of where we sit when were being brought into the tunnels before the games. I thought the Capitol had us. I grabbed a syringe and I..." Katniss trailed off and was crying again. "I was going to kill you. Kill you and then me, because I wasn't going to let the Capitol hurt you. You deserved to free, so I was going to kill you so they couldn't hurt you. That's so awful." Katniss cried. Peeta was stunned by that. He hadn't known that. Hadn't seen that coming. But he knew, even in Katniss' twisted head, why she thought that. "But they already had you. And I overheard Haymitch, Finnick and Heavensbee talking. I didn't understand what they were saying. I was going to lose it because the boy was gone. Without Peeta, he didn't know what I would do. So I barged in, and Haymitch pinned me against the wall and took the syringe. They told me that we were going to 13, and I'm the Mockingjay. That it was always their plan to get me out. That most of the Victors were in on it, that they would save you, so they could keep me safe. That keeping you alive was the only way they'd get me to be the Mockingjay. That Johanna did all that to save me. So I smacked Haymitch. Scraped my nails across his face. I called him a liar and said I hated him. Because he promised me that he would save you over me. You were supposed to be alive, and they captured you. So I blamed him, and they stuck me with a needed and sedated me." Katniss cried. He knew that Haymitch ended up with some scars. He didn't know how he had gotten them. Now he knew. Katniss cut him with her nails that badly. Peeta asked him why they didn't heal properly. Haymitch had only replied, that they were the first scars on his body that he deserved. He didn't realize how guilty Haymitch felt about losing him. He knew it now. He and Haymitch had had some time to really talk about things. It was easier for them to find time by themselves. Haymitch's house wasn't really being listened to the way Katniss' house was. And he got to know how hurt Haymitch had been, how guilty he felt, when Peeta wasn't rescued. But Katniss felt worse. And he knew there was nothing he could say to change that. He just held onto her tightly. "And when I woke up again, it was Gale that was there. He told me that District 12 had been bombed. He barely was able to get himself, his family and mine out of there. He brought people to the meadow and helped them escape." she cried. There were more then 8,000 residents of District 12. Only around 800 survived the bombing. He gulped. His family was among the 7,000 lives that had been taken. "You lost your family. And I couldn't even comfort you. You weren't there." Katniss cried.

"Shh Katniss it's alright. My family is alive. And they're going to stay alive. They're going to stay alive now. They'll get to the tunnels now. I'll see them after the Quell. Please don't cry about that anymore. It breaks my heart." he said.

"We should have been together." she whispered. He nodded his head.

"Yeah Katniss. We should have." he said sadly. He shuddered as he remembered waking up. Snow hovering above him.

"All they kept doing was telling me I was the Mockingjay. I was the face of the Rebellion. I had a freaken concussion and they were giving me drugs. My mind was so cloudy. I couldn't remember what was real or not. I thought my hospital room floor one night was writhing snakes." she said. If she could see his face right now, she wouldn't like it. She would think he was pitying her. But he didn't pity her. He wished for anything in the world, that he had been there with her. He would have held her hand, and reminded her of what was real, and what wasn't. He would have kept her grounded. "I kept fighting everything they wanted to do. I wouldn't go along with any of their plans unless they let me see District 12 again. Plutarch finally told them to let me just because he was tired of me. And they stayed in the hovercraft above me while I walked around...I saw my home."she whispered. He knew what home she meant. Her home in the Seam. "There was nothing left." she said sadly. He knew it was the same for his home also. "I had to start reminding myself of the facts, because I kept forgetting what was going on. And whatever I would think about, would always end with you. That you may be dead. They're probably torturing you." she cried. She grabbed onto him tightly, like she was afraid he would be taken away from her. He lifted her head so she was looking at him.

"Hey hey I'm right here. See." he told her, putting his hands on her cheeks, making her look at him. Then he grabbed her hands, and placed them on his own cheeks, and held her hands to his face. "See I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Your safe right here with me." he said. She nodded her head, and then wrapped her arms around his neck. He moved her around, so she was almost laying in his lap now, her face buried in his neck. He took a deep breath of her hair. She smelled like the woods. It could only smell good on her. "Your doing great. Keep talking. Tell me what else happened when you were down there." he said, encouraging her to keep going.

"I walked the road Peeta. There were dead bodies everywhere. Some just bones, others were dead because of the smoke, so there bodies were just rotting. These were our people, and they were dead. I could have known them. They could have been my neighbors. They could have been my classmates. They could have been anyone. I just didn't know. But it was our District." she cried. He knew it was worse for her, then walking over dead bodies in the Capitol, or in District 2 or 8. No. This was their District. These were their people. "I went into town. There was nothing left of the bakery but a melted lump of the oven." she cried. He tried not to, but a tears escaped his eyes. His families home was gone. It was devastating. He remembered the pictures he was shown. He had never seen it in person. Not even the day he came back to 12. Haymitch purposely led him around the town, so he wouldn't have to see it, and have a violent flashback. "I fell over what was left of Thread's gallows. And I started having all these horrible images of you being tortured. Drowned, burned, lacerated, shocked, maimed and beaten." she cried. He squeezed her so tight, he thought he would crush her. Every single one of those things happened to him. He never wanted to tell Katniss how bad it truly was there. He hadn't really thought about it to much, because he had been hijacked. None of it effected him. But as soon as they went back, went into the Hunger Games again, and he came home, without the help of the sleeping pills, or the rebels keeping him asleep, that is when he finally let himself remember his tortured days in the Capitol. He wakes up from nightmares from it. Being tortured to give information. When Snow knew all along, that he had no answers.

"I'm ok Katniss. Please baby I'm ok. I'm right here." he tried to soothe her.

"All I was thinking about on the ground, was that if I could just reach out and send my thoughts into your mind letting you know you weren't alone. But you were alone. And I couldn't help you." she sobbed. He let the tears fall down in his face. "How could I not have realized that I loved you. I couldn't get through five minutes without thinking of you. Without aching for you. I wanted you to know how sorry I was. How I wished I could help you. But no one would let me. I'm so sorry Peeta." she cried. He cried with her. Talking about him being tortured, even though she wasn't talking of the torture. It was hard on him. He was only now starting to deal with it. It wasn't really even dealing with what happened, it was just finally hitting him that it did happen. He had found himself in the last week, waking up from nightmares, and going to Haymitch's house. He didn't sleep at night, and he would hang out with him. Peeta would just cat nap through the day. But he supposed he was dealing with PTSD to. He would try to explain that to Katniss sometime, so maybe she wouldn't feel so alone. "All my thoughts turned to you. I went into my house to take back some of our things. I opened the plant book and had to shut it so fast, because I saw something you drew. It was made by your paintbrush. I just couldn't bear it. I wanted to run away. To never become the Mockingjay. But I couldn't because I didn't know if you were dead. If you were alive, I had to keep fighting. But I could run if you were dead. Because I had nothing left to fight for." she said. He couldn't even talk then. He was to choked up. To hear that someone loved him like this. It was emotional, because their love wasn't feeling like it was one sided. She loved him. She admitted it. She hadn't flat out said to him, 'Peeta I love you.' But she admitted that she did love him. He waited so long to hear that. They sat there for a few minutes, and he felt her body stiffen. He knew whatever she was thinking about, that she didn't want to tell him. She was trying to think of what to say to avoid it. But he didn't want her to. He lifted her face to make sure she was looking at him.

"I want you to tell me everything Katniss. I don't want you to think that you need to hide something from me, because it will hurt me. I want to know everything. Because we can have a future together, and I never want any secrets between us. So tell me." he said. She looked down.

"Even about Gale?" she whispered. So that's why her body stiffened.

"Even about Gale." he told her. She nodded her head.

"I needed to feel him touch me. Like hold my hand, or hug me or..." she trailed off.

"Or kiss you." he said. He saw another tear fall.

"I was selfish and just needed to feel something. I was still so confused. I didn't understand that that crushing feeling in my chest was love for you. I didn't know I was in love with you. I fought it off for so long I just didn't know. But the Capitol had forced you on me, so I thought since they were wrong about everything else, they had to be wrong about you. I'm so sorry for thinking like that Peeta." she said as he pulled her closer to him. She buried her face in his neck again.

"Katniss it's alright. You already told me that. It's ok. I know how you feel." he told her.

"That first time I saw you Peeta. On TV. God Peeta I never thought I'd see you again. I ran to the monitor and touched the screen. Knowing you were alive and not hurt. It was like clearing the fog out of my head. All the pain in my body was gone. I could breathe Peeta. You were alive." she cried. She let out a relieved cry. He never knew how she felt when she saw him for the first time. It was gut wrenching to hear. "All you ever did was defend me. You sat there, knowing that you were being held prisoner, and you fought for my innocence. No one has ever loved me so much like you have Peeta." she cried. It was true. He defended her. He knew that Katniss wasn't keeping secrets from him about the Rebels. He knew that she didn't know. Even if Snow told him otherwise. He wanted to talk, but he just knew, that he should keep letting her talk. "Coin didn't want me to leave the room. They wanted to discuss everything you had just said. But I ran out of there, and found a closet to hide in. I kept whispering that you were alive. I just kept repeating it to myself. My smile was so big." she whispered to him. It was odd, and heartwarming to think of Katniss like that. He had never known what she was like, when he was held hostage in the Capitol. He didn't realize how bad she was suffering without him. "Gale found me in the closet. He was the only one I felt like I could talk to at that point. I hated Haymitch, and I couldn't talk to Prim and my mother. You weren't there. He was the only one I could talk to. And we sat there trying to figure out why you called for a cease-fire. He said you were still trying to protect me. They threaten you, and your still protecting me." she said. It was the truth. His words were his only weapon at that point. "And I had to be their Mockingjay. The night before I agreed, I woke up from a nightmare about you being tortured.." she trailed off, squeezing him tight. "I took out the pearl you gave me. I always kept it close by. I moved it across my lips, because I thought it felt like a cool kiss, like the boy who gave it to me." she whispered to him. He smiled. It was incredibly girly that Katniss would touch a pearl to her lips, and think it felt like a kiss he had given her. But it also made him realize, that she was starting to show signs then of breaking down. She was hiding in closets whispering to herself, and rubbing pearls against her lips. "It kept me sane." she whispered. He kissed the top of her head. "I was scared to be their Mockingjay because I was afraid for what the rebels would do to you. And Prim woke up. She told me if I wanted to keep you safe I could. That the rebels would do anything I wanted. She was right. That's how I got them to give you immunity. Because I demanded it in front of everyone." she said. Prim was a smart girl. She had grown up so much in just a year. It wasn't fair. And he knew it hurt Katniss. "When my prep team was kidnapped and hurt...they were trapped in a room, naked and chained up. All because they stole some bread. It hurt so bad. I concentrated so hard on them. And Gale fought with me. Not understanding why I cared. Why I defended them so much." she said.

"They were your prep team. They cared about you. They were weird and crazy, but they didn't know any better. You starve anyone and see if they'll steal bread. I don't understand why he couldn't understand at least that. He was whipped because he had a turkey on him." Peeta said. Katniss looked up at him with wide eyes. "What?" Peeta asked.

"I said the same thing to him." she said. She smiled at him, and buried her face in his neck again. "At least with them I could get them away from their prison. Stop someone from hurting them. I couldn't do that with you. So I concentrated on them." she said sadly. That was a sad way to think. He wished someone had been there for her. She didn't trust anyone completely. "I dreamt of you every night Peeta. I was so worried. I was so scared for your life. I just needed you. I didn't know I needed you until you were gone from me. You were taken. I was scared you would be delivered to me in a body bag. I dreamt every single night of some new way Snow was torturing you. And these stupid people in 13 wanted me to be some ridicules actress. I only acted in front of the camera with you. You were the one who had a way with words. I followed your lead. They needed you. We needed you. I needed you. And it was my fault that you weren't." she cried.

"Shhh. It's ok now." he whispered.

"I just was such a mess without you. I blamed Haymitch. I never went to see him when he was in the hospital wing. They made him sober, and Prim said he was such a mess. But I wouldn't talk to him. But he was the only one who made everyone realize that I wasn't an actress. That they couldn't send out those propos of me looking like an idiot. He was the one who brought sense to everything. He's always the first person to tell me what an idiot I am when it comes to you." she said. He let out a frustrated sigh. He needed to talk to Haymitch about this. He hoped in the future he would lay off Katniss regarding him. "He made them all come up with ideas of when I made them feel something. Not when I looked pretty or when you were making everyone like me. Just when I moved them...so many things had to do with you. Like when I took care of you in the games. When I refused to let you die. When I drugged you to get your medicine. When I pulled out the berries. When I cried over you when Finnick saved you. When I watched over you as you slept. When I kissed you. God I don't know how I sat there and listened. I needed you so badly Peeta. I did everything I could to ignore it. To pretend like I didn't care. Pretending like I didn't care for you like that is the only way I made it through the day." she said. That was an awful way to spend her days. He was understanding more and more of how Katniss became so...damaged. "The first time we talked...he told me to just say it. And I blamed him. I said I couldn't believe he let you get caught by the Capitol. Then he said, I can't believe you let him out of your sight. And we both tried to say what we could have done. But there was nothing...nothing either of us..could do." she sobbed. He wanted to stop making her talk. Make everything just stop. But he knew they had to talk about this. She had to cry. She had to talk about this and get it over with. Because all Katniss Everdeen ever did was bottle up her emotions. If she trusted him with these things, she would be more likely to trust him with her problems. When she needs help, she will go to him. He needed her to keep talking. So he rocked her back and forth.

"I know Katniss. But it's in the past. I'm right here. And I'm ok. I can think straight now. Nothings wrong me. It's ok." he soothed her. He let her cry in his arms. He always felt that he needed to remind her, that he was ok. That he wasn't hijacked. He always knew it was hard for her, that he was captured. But to hear just how much. This is what she should have done in District 13. She should have cried. She should have broken down. But she knew she couldn't because she'd never get back up again if she fell over crying. Her crying died down after a little while, and he continued to rock her. "Finnick knew how I felt. I should have gone to him sooner. I should have stayed with him. But I know now why I never went to see him. Because I might cry or fall apart. And I couldn't let that happen." she whispered. It was like she knew what he was thinking. "The Finnick that I knew would pop out every once in a while. He threw his hospital gown off and stood there in his underwear in front of Boggs. Making him super uncomfortable." she said quietly. He chuckled. He could just imagine him doing that. "I love him. He's like a brother to me." she said. He nodded his head.

"I know what you mean." Peeta said.

"I know the moment I decided to like Boggs. The moment they were making a big deal about how good Gale looked. He said, don't expect us to be all impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear." Katniss said. Peeta laughed at that. "That's when I knew I liked him. He was good Peeta. You'll like him." she told him, hugging him tightly. "Do you think he remembers to?" she asked.

"I can guarantee it." he said. She knew she smiled.

"When they brought me to District 8...all those wounded people. They were just dying. They were so excited to see me. I never did anything. I just volunteered to save my sister. They acted like I was some Savior. But Snow killed them. They couldn't even fight. They couldn't rebel, and Snow just killed them all." she whispered. Peeta wiped some tears away from her face. He knew why they acted so excited to see her. She didn't see herself the way everyone else saw her. She had no idea the effect she had on people. "The next time I saw you on TV Peeta..." she trailed off and he just squeezed her tight.

"I'm right here Katniss." he whispered.

"You lost at least 15 pounds. Your looked so horrible. And your hands had a tremor." she said. He closed his eyes. He was starving. He hadn't eaten in a week. But they were sending caffeine through his body and it had given him the shakes. They had actually kept him awake for a few days. He thought he remembered he was on hour 85 of being awake. "It was only Finnick with me there as we watched you. And I could tell when you moved you were hurt." she said. She had noticed so much. They had pushed him around the night before "Finnick told me not to tell anyone that we saw it. Everyone was trying to hide the fact that you were on TV again. My nightmares got so much worse again after I saw you. What did they do to you Peeta?" she cried. He didn't want to tell her. He couldn't tell her. He wouldn't. Not not. Maybe not ever. He shook his head as he tried to flush out the images in his head.

"Don't worry about that right now Katniss. Please don't." he whispered. She squeezed him so tight and she nodded her head. He was thankful she let it go. But he knew that she would want to really know what happened to him.

"No one would tell me. What if I hadn't seen you? They never would have told me. I finally yelled at Gale for it. He said, no one wanted to tell me because they thought it would make me sick. And it did make me sick. I even admitted to myself that it made me heartsick. You being there made me heartsick Peeta." she admitted. He always wondered, while he was in the Capitol, how she felt about him being there. It was truly shocking to hear her speak about how hard it was. He felt bad admitting that he didn't think she would be so upset. But she loved him. He felt awful actually being a little happy about it. She loved him, and was heartsick for him. Was that wrong feeling happy about that? "Did you see the propo I made where the bakery was?" Katniss suddenly asked. He thought about it for a minute.

"Yeah. When I was in the Capitol after the war actually. They showed me that. I had this thought about it. I couldn't understand it. Because I didn't feel anything. But now I understand my feeling with what I was thinking." he said. She looked up at him. "I knew you wanted me to see my home. Even if it hurt. But your words weren't for me. Because my words weren't true either when I asked for a cease-fire. They were for Snow. But they were powerful. You did a good job." he told her. She nodded her head, and laid her head back down. He felt her stiffen. He didn't like when she would stiffen up. Last time it was because of Gale. He figured it had something to do with him again. "It's ok. Just keep going. What happened next." he asked.

"I saw the bakery again. It just killed my heart. So I went back to my house in the Victor's Village and packed up some stuff for my mom. And Gale met me there. And he just said somethings, and I kissed him." she whispered. He hated hearing that. Knowing that she ever kissed him. "He said he knew I would kiss him, because the only time I ever kissed him, was when he was in pain. And not to worry, because it would pass." she said. Wow. Gale really said that? "Why didn't I just get it then?" she asked.

"Well you are stubborn you know." he whispered. She let out a small chuckle.

"It was the next day that I saw you that last time on TV. Finnick held my hand. You looked worse. I just knew it was bad. And they hit you. I watched them hit you and your blood splatter on the camera. They hurt you because of me. I'm so sorry Peeta." she cried, squeezing his neck. He adjusted Katniss to face him, and moved her legs. He hadn't meant to move her the way that he did. He just meant to get her comfortable. But she was sitting in his lap, straddling him, sobbing on his shoulder.

"Shh Katniss. I'm so sorry you had to see that. But it was my fault Katniss. I was willing to get beaten because I wanted to warn you. I knew they were coming after you with bombs. They said they would kill me if I told you they were gonna attack you. I was ready to die Katniss. I would knowing that the final thing I ever did with my life was protect you. That wasn't your fault. Snow always makes you think that these things were your fault. But they never were Katniss. Please stop believing that they are." he said. She held onto him so tightly. He just rubbed his hands up and down her back, calming her.

"Plutarch told me to be brave. People are watching me. He didn't even care that they were beating you. I didn't know if you were dead. My heart was beating out of my chest. I needed you. I needed to feel your arms around me. I was just spinning." she cried. He hated hearing that. How did no one notice that she wasn't just spinning? She was spinning out of control. This was where she was showing major warning signs that she was mentally breaking down. Didn't they question why she was constantly in the hospital, mentally disorientated? "But then Prim was missing. We were all ordered down in the bunkers, and she went back for that stupid cat. She went back to save him." she cried. He chuckled a little. Prim loved Buttercup so much, she would risk her life to save him. "I buried the pearl to keep it safe. I thought if I did, it was like protecting your own life. That it made you safe." she admitted into his ear. He hadn't realized that the pearl meant so much to her. He had remembered her face when he gave it to her. She liked it. But he thought she was doing that for the cameras. She was staring at it, because she loved it. Because he gave it to her. It was what every man wanted to feel. That whatever he gave the girl that he loved, that she was love it, because it came from him. He knew then, that a year from now, when they were back in the arena, he would have to get that pearl for her again. He just knew it. "When me and Prim were laying there that night, I cried for you." she whispered. "And she stroked my hair and held me. I said they were killing you. I had this piercing pain my heart. I thought I was having a heart attack. But I was just heartsick. My heart was physically sick because I missed you so much Peeta. But it was Prim who made me realize that Snow wouldn't kill you, because he would have nothing else to use against me. He already killed Cinna. He destroyed my home. And he couldn't reach my family or Haymitch or Gale. He only had you. And I wondered what he would do. And Prim said, anything to break me. I didn't know he could break me even more, because I thought I was already broken. I was broken. I was comparing some stupid game Buttercup was playing to how I felt about you. He was so distraught when the light went out, and that's how I would feel if you were dead. Knowing that he had you and was hurting you was bad. But knowing that he was doing it to hurt me...I couldn't handle that. I was broken. When I realized that, I knew I was breaking. And then I finally went to Finnick. It's what they did to him with Annie. He said he was sorry he didn't warn me. He understood me. He said he misjudged me when you hit the forcefield. That he realized that I did love you. That I didn't know what that love meant. But that I did love you." she said. He kissed her cheek and stroked her back. He loved her. God he loved her. "He made me stay up all night tying knots in the rope. He said it would help. And the next day we had to go outside. And I was so miserable. And Finnick was being Finnick, offering me sugar cubes. And Gale was glaring at us. Jealous. He must have saw me pass his room to go see Finnick. But he understands me in a way that Gale never will. The war changed him yeah. And it changed me. But the Games changes you in a way that only a Victor can understand." Katniss said. That was definitely something that he could understand. "It wasn't just the Games. It was loving another Victor. You and Annie were in the Capitol being used against us. He couldn't understand that. I needed Finnick. And I was so mad. Snow had you, and he was mad that I was smiling with Finnick. And when we went outside, there were roses. Snow had sent roses. The kind on the stage on our Victory Tour. They were meant for lovers. He was sending them to me to upset me. And I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't stop thinking about you. And they were trying to make me say just one line. Thirteens alive and well and so am I. It's all I had to say. Finnick was giving me the thumbs up...and I just started crying. Right there. Just sobbing. Everything I said would be taken out on you. Not in your death, but in your torture. And everyone wanted to hug me. But all I wanted was Haymitch. I was crying for you. And the only person who would come close to what I needed, was Finnick. He told them why I was crying, because I finally understood what Snow was doing with you. But I wanted Haymitch. He loved you to. He knows you like I do. And he ran up and held me. And I cried just like this." she cried. Haymitch had actually told him about this. A week ago. He wanted to know why they finally sent someone in to get him. And he explained how Katniss and then Finnick fell apart. They would get him out to keep Katniss going. But this is where she started the hysterical crying, that only he or Haymitch could calm down. "And they sedated me and Finnick. That's when they planned the rescue mission. But when we woke up, they were already gone. So we just sat there and waited and made another propo. Finnick told everyone how Snow prostituted him out. And how he poisoned people to get to be president." she said. It was sad to hear about Finnick. He had watched that propo later in the Capitol after the war to. Snow had never showed him that. "And that's when I went to Haymitch again. I asked him if that was what happened to him. He refused to be sold, so Snow killed his family." she whispered. Peeta gulped. "His mother, brother and girlfriend were killed two weeks after he came home. Because of the stunt he pulled in the games. So Snow was never able to sell him. And I asked why Snow didn't kill him. It was because he was the example for everyone. Don't say no, or your family will end up dead, just like his. Don't break the rules, or your family will die." she whispered. He wished that he could somehow bring back Haymitch's family. He deserved to be reunited with his family again. "I couldn't understand why I was so jealous of when Finnick and Annie saw each other again. But I get why now. Because I wanted that exact same reunion with you." she whispered. He knew what was coming. But he had to be strong for her right now. This was not the part he liked to remember, and he could feel her shaking, and she started crying. "Boggs said you were there, and I kept thinking. Your safe. Your with me. I can touch you, and see you smile and hear your laugh. And that you'll be kissing me. I wondered if those kisses would feel like the kisses we had on the beach. And when I saw you...I knew I was going to get that reunion that Finnick and Annie had. With kisses and hugs. And I knew. For that split second I knew Peeta. Without a doubt. I chose you." she cried. He cried with her. Silently of course. He had tears down his face. He didn't run to embrace her. He ran and tried to kill her. He choked her. "I couldn't ask any questions. Prim asked everything for me as I just laid there. I felt myself shutting down. I felt stupid. I cared for you, and you were taken away from me. Just like my father. Just like Rue and Cinna. But you were standing right in front of me, but you were further away then any of them. I felt so stupid for caring about you." she cried.

"You weren't stupid Katniss. Please don't think that." he choked out. "I know things get so scary most of the time. But I need you ok. So don't please don't feel stupid or regret how you feel. Because I won't go away this time. I'll be ok. I promise you. Just please don't shut down like that again and stop caring for me." he choked out. She shook her head and pulled back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen. I won't stop Peeta. I promise." she said, and leaned in and kissed him right on the lips. Hard!


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

To have the girl of your dreams, straddling your lap and kissing you, pressing her tongue into your mouth, probably has to be the hottest moment of his entire existence. He felt her hands tangled in his hair, scraping against his scalp. He clawed up and down her back until he to tangled his own hands in her hair. She rubbed her body just right against his body, and he instantly felt himself get hard. He groaned into her mouth as he wrapped his arms around her tightly and ground her body against his. He felt her gasp as she looked down. She looked back up at him, breathless. "Did I hurt you?" she whispered breathless. He loosened his grip on her. And she looked back down, and then back at up again. "Are you ok?" she asked. He looked down, and could see the huge bulge in his pants. He looked back up at her, and realized that she had no idea why he was hard. She had no idea what was happening.

"Um..." he stuttered and kind of laughed. He helped her off his lap. "I'm fine I swear. Just give me a minute will you?" he asked. She nodded her head as she pulled her knees up to her chest, staring at him oddly. He practically ran into the bathroom and shut the door. He placed his hands on the sink and just tried to take a few deep breaths. He looked into the mirror. Seriously! Now was not the time to get all hot and heavy with Katniss. They were just starting to talk about what happened when he was hijacked. It was something she never wanted to talk about. And here she was kissing him, getting him totally hot, and then is shocked that it happened. That was totally confusing. Did she really not know what had just happened? That was impossible. All teenagers their age knew that turning a guy on can get him hard. But maybe she didn't know. He knew Katniss' class schedule since they started school. He knew that she didn't have to take their Sex Ed class. If your parents signed something, you didn't have to, as long as they took it upon themselves to teach you. But maybe Katniss' mother didn't tell her. He turned the water on and splashed cold water on his face. He held his hand under the water for a moment, and then unzipped his pants and stuck his freezing cold hand into his boxers, hissing as cold hand touched his hardness. He waited for a minute and felt himself softening. He let out a sigh of relief. "Get ahold of yourself." he whispered. He zipped his pants back up and washed his hands. He came back out and saw that Katniss was still there. He sat back down on the couch. "I'm sorry." he said.

"Are you ok?" she asked. Her face worried with concern. He smiled at her. She definitely had no idea what had just happened. She really was pure. He reached his left hand across him, and touched her cheek.

"I'm fine I promise. Don't worry about it." he said, leaning in and kissed her. He pulled back to look into her eyes and brushed his thumb across her cheek. "Where were we?" he asked.

"Do you mean kissing or talking?" she asked, and blushed. He laughed, and leaned in and kissed her on the lips.

"Both. Either one. Although as much as I'd rather keep kissing you, because trust me, that's all I want to keep doing, I don't know if that's such a great idea." he said. The way she furrowed her eyebrows almost made him laugh. Like she was disappointed

"Why not?" she asked. He sat back a little, so he wasn't leaning over to her, but so his back was against the couch.

"I just think, that we really should take advantage of this time, and just completely talk. Get it all out there. So you and I can start moving on from this." he said, looking at her. "Why don't I make us some more hot chocolate and bring out some cookies I made." he offered. She smiled at him and nodded her head. He nodded his head, and leaned in and kissed her gently. It only took him a few minutes, before he was sitting back next to her again. They ate their cookies, and drank their hot chocolate in silence.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you." she whispered. He looked over at her.

"What?" he asked her. She looked like she was forcing herself not to cry.

"When you asked don't stop caring for you. I won't ok? I'm sorry if I make you feel like I do. I know that I prove to you all the time that I can stop. But I never really do. So I'm sorry." she whispered. He placed his mug on the coffee table, and then took hers and did the same.

"Come here." he said. She just stared at him. "Come back here." he told her, pulled her back closer to him, and she crawled back into his lap. Wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face back in the crook of his neck. "I'm not going anywhere Katniss. I know we've had such hard two years. And it's never getting any easier...I won't make it without you. I'm not whole without you." he whispered into her hair.

"I'm so broken Peeta." she said. He pulled her away from him so she could see his face. He put both hands on her cheeks.

"I'm broken to. I'll need some help putting the pieces back together." he whispered. They both had tears in their eyes. "And if you want Katniss...I can help you put the pieces back for you to." he said. She closed her eyes and let out a sob. "You just have to let me Katniss. I promise. Your not as broken as you think you are." he told her, and she hugged him tightly.

"I feel like I am." she whispered.

"I know you do. And you will for awhile. But I promise. One day you'll look back, and realized we put some pieces back together. And it will get easier. I'm here Katniss. And I promise my mind will always stay clear. They won't hurt me. I'll always be here for you Katniss." Peeta promised.

"Always." she whispered. They sat there for a few minutes in silence again. But he knew, he wanted all this talking garbage over. He knew he had to get through all this, so they could talk about why she took her own life. That's what all of this was really leading to.

"What went on in District 2?" he asked. Katniss took a deep breath.

"I just did whatever they said. They wanted to take over The Nut. Being outside was exactly what I thought I needed. It cleared my head. I wasn't so mentally disorientated. So it only made me think of you. How I missed you. How I never appreciated everything good about you. I never appreciated your warmth that had so much heat behind it. I used to just hold my pearl and think about you. How much I missed you. How my heart hurt for you." she whispered, holding onto him tightly. "You were gone. And anything that existed between us was gone. And it hurt so bad. I didn't ever ask how you were doing though." she said sadly. He kissed her cheek and rubbed her back up and down, held her tightly. He was here, and he wanted to make sure that she knew very much that he was here. "Plutarch would give me all these happy updates. But Haymitch would tell me the truth about you. That you really weren't doing well." she said. He gulped remembering the beginning of his time in District 13. "Gale wanted to come to District 2. But I didn't want him to. I finally let him though. But how else was I supposed to mourn you. Because that's what it felt like I was doing. I needed so much time away from him. But he said something weird to me one day. He said he saw you through the glass one day. And I asked him what he thought, and he said something selfish. So I finished the thought for him. That he didn't have to be jealous of you anymore? I was so angry at him." she whispered. He never knew that Gale saw him. "But that wasn't what he thought. He said the complete opposite. That he'd never be able to compete with you. No matter how much pain Gale would ever be in, he'd never stand a chance if you never got better. That I'd never be able to let you go. That I'd always feel wrong about being with him. And I was just so mad at him. For assuming we were together. But I just snapped at him, and said, the way I always felt wrong kissing you because of him...and he just chuckled at me. He said, if he thought that were true, he could almost live with the rest of it. I just snapped again in my head. I told him it was true, but also what he said about you was true to." she said. He could feel her tears on his neck. "It wasn't true. I know that now. But I kissed him. No matter what I felt for you, I accepted that you weren't coming back to me. And I needed you and couldn't have you. So I chose Gale. I tried to empty my feelings out and just feel, but I couldn't he could see right through me. He told me how he was jealous of Darius teasing me, and I tried to act jealous of him kissing other girls. But I wasn't. I tried but I just wasn't jealous." she said. He smiled. She had told him that she was jealous of when he helped Johanna unzip her dress, but wasn't jealous of Gale kissing other girls. "I remember I had a thought when that guy was in the street, right before I was shot me. I was hoping that you were watching, and that you would hopefully somehow forgive me." she whispered He felt her start to cry again. "When I was waking up in the hospital, I was trying to reach your voice. I kept hearing you whisper _always_, to me." she cried into his neck. "You whispered that to me when I hurt my ankle, and you brought me up to bed. I asked you to stay, and you said always. I could hear you in my dreams. So I fought so hard to wake up to you. And it was only Johanna." she cried. He tightened his hold on her waist and kissed her cheek. He pulled her back and started showering her face with kisses.

"I'm right here Katniss. Always. I'll stay with you always. Always Katniss." he whispered in between kisses. And just like that, things started to heat up again with their kisses. He picked her up and laid her on the couch. Her legs that were straddling him, were now wrapped around his waist, and he was laying on top of her.. He moved down to her jaw, and then down to her neck, biting and licking near her ear. Katniss moaned at the sensation and he smiled. One hand intertwined with hers, the other down at her waist, gripping her hip. This was what he wanted. All he wanted to do was kiss her senseless. He said the day of the Reaping, when he had to leave her, that he wanted her all to himself, to finish exactly where they left off. He already told her one night while they were in bed above the Training Center, that he wanted to kiss her everywhere. But God. He knew that if he did that, he would want to take their clothes off. He wanted to make love to Katniss, right here, and right now. But he couldn't. She was just to fragile. They hadn't even said they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Hadn't even said they were together. They hadn't flat out said, I love you. No he needed to stop this before it went to far. He groaned and slowly pulled himself away, but couldn't make himself get off of her.

"What?" she whispered, breathless. He stared at her. Her lips were swollen and red, and her skin was flushed. God she looked so beautiful.

"We just um...we should just slow down." he whispered. No conviction in his voice.

"I thought you said when we got back, you would kiss me everywhere and never stop." she said, smiling at him. He closed his eyes and groaned. He let his head fall on the pillow where Katniss' had her head on, and kissed her ear.

"You know that's all I think about. That's all I want to do right now is kiss every single inch of your body." he said. He felt her shiver, and she hugged him tighter. She turned her head slightly to try and look at him.

"Then why are you stopping?" she shakily whispered. He leaned in and kissed her on the lips. But then sat up and sat back against the couch, scrubbing his face with his hands. She sat up with him, adjusting her clothes.

"I want nothing more then to kiss every inch of your body right now. But that would mean taking off all your clothes, and I wouldn't be able to just stop with kissing you." he said. He looked over at her, and her eyes widened a bit, and he could see the deep red blush in her cheeks. He picked her hand up, and brought it to his lips, kissing the top of her hand and then rubbing it between his. "And I don't think that were ready to take that next step just yet." he told her softly. She looked down, slightly embarrassed. "Trust me Katniss, I want nothing more then to take you upstairs and make love to you all night long." he admitted. Her eyes widened further as she looked up. Her whole face was red. He wondered if she actually knew what making love entailed. He was sure she knew what it meant, but he wondered is she understand exactly what would happen. He wanted her to be prepared for that. And he didn't think she was. He didn't want to take advantage of her. He wanted her to be the one to say she was ready. "But we need to take our relationship slow. It's fragile right now. Really fragile. And adding sex into it right now...it would be to much for us. You know what I mean?" he asked her. She nodded her head, and he pulled her close. He looked down at his pants and saw the bulge again, but she hadn't. He could just wait a few minutes, and hopefully it would go down again. He kissed her forehead. "I'm thinking we should stick to talking for now." he joked. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. He wanted her more comfortable, so he picked up her legs and draped them across his lap. Hopefully she still wouldn't notice how hard he was.

"It was weird when Finnick and Annie got married." she whispered. He looked down at her.

"How so?" he asked.

"I didn't realize what I was feeling. I get it now. I was sad, that it wasn't you and me." she said. He gulped. She was really sad that it wasn't, after everything they had been through that year, her and Peeta getting married after all. "Not that I wanted a forced marriage. I didn't...don't want to ever get married for anyone but me. But I was still sad. They were so happy. And I knew that would never be us." she said sadly. He rubbed her arms up and down. "And when I saw that cake...I just took one look at it and knew you did it. It was beautiful Peeta." she said. He smiled.

"Thank you. Finnick's already put in a personal request to make it better then before." he said. She let out a soft chuckle.

"I wrote you off in District 2." she says sadly. That was hard for him to hear. "You had gone mad. I was going to kill Snow, and then let them kill me. I was going to die, and I was ok with that." Katniss said. He blinked back a tear. He had no idea how suicidal she already was at that point. If he had never been captured, Katniss would have been a lot better. They would have been together. They would have had to be in love in front of the cameras of course. But once the cameras were off, District 13 would have allowed them to do whatever they wanted. They wouldn't have ever forced them to be together. They could have started their relationship then. "Haymitch told me you wanted to see me though. I had never planned on seeing you again. But since you asked, I couldn't refuse you. I had to see you, because you asked. I would have done anything for you. And when I first saw you..." she trailed off. She looked away and she started getting fidgety.

"Hey come here again." he told her. He held out his arms, and for the third time that night, crawled into his lap. He realized that he could make her talk more in this position. He had no idea why. Maybe being face to face with him and holding onto him like this made her feel safe. Being able to bury her face in his neck, and open her eyes to look at him whenever she wanted, maybe it honestly was perfect for her. She snuggled into him, and he could feel his neck wet with her tears.

"I saw your beautiful blue eyes. And heard your voice. And I just wanted to melt into you like this." she said sadly.

"I'm so sorry Katniss. I'm sorry for saying you weren't pretty. I couldn't even feel it when I said it. It just didn't sound right coming out of my mouth. Your the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on Katniss Everdeen. You are very pretty." he told her. He remembered when he came home from the Games this time, and he really had time to himself, he thought about all the things he said to her. Saying she wasn't pretty broke her heart. How mean and cruel.

"I wasn't nice to you. And you were right. Being mean to you after everything you've been through. I'm sorry. If it had been me in that bed, you would have stayed and tried to help, no matter how many mean and cruel things I said to you. You would never hold it against me. I couldn't be mad at Snow for what he did to you, because he wasn't there, so I was mad at you. And I'm so sorry Peeta." she cried. He held her tightly to him.

"It's ok now Katniss. I'm ok now. You were suffering Katniss. Everything you had been through was horrible and terribly hard. I'm not mad. I'm ok now." he told her. They were quiet for a few minutes. "I had been dreaming for the past few weeks about the bread. That's why I told you. I was so confused. In that dream, it was never tainted by nightmares or venom. It wasn't shiny, it was beautiful because it was a memory that hadn't been damaged. I thank God I had that dream every night." he told her.

"You saw me pick up that dandelion." she whispered. He smiled at the memory. He always wondered what she had been thinking. "Did you burn the bread on purpose?" she asked.

"Yes I did." he told her. She squeezed him and kissed him on the neck. It sent a shiver down his spine.

"I picked up the dandelion, because they gave me hope. Whenever I would see you, I would see a dandelion, and it would remind me of my boy with the bread. The yellow flower of hope. That's how I've always seen you Peeta." she whispered. She had never said anything so beautiful before. He lifted her face to his.

"I'll make sure to always bring you dandelions then." he said. She leaned down and kissed him again. He could taste her tears. She hugged him tightly to her. "I'm sorry for the other stuff I said that night. Asking those questions I know were hard for you. And the stuff about Gale." he said. She cleared her throat.

"I should have answered them better...ask me again." she whispered. He thought about what he had asked.

"Did you love me?" he whispered out hoarsely. He felt more tears.

"I didn't know that I did. But yes I did." she whispered He felt the tears welling up in his own eyes.

"Did you like kissing me?" he asked.

"Yes. I felt a hunger when I kissed you. I've never felt that before. The kiss in the cave and on the beach...I felt a hunger in my stomach for you." she whispered. He begged himself not to get hard.

"What about Gale?" he asked. That surely wouldn't make him hard.

"He was my best friend. That's all it ever was. I tried to imagine that there was passion behind it. But there never was. He was right that I only kissed him when he was in pain. Because I thought we were supposed to be together because we were both from the Seam. But I was wrong." she said. It made him smile.

"And it was ok with both of us? You kissing the other?" he asked. She shook her head.

"I'm sorry for playing with your feelings. But it's you who I want to kiss. I don't want to ever kiss Gale again. Your the one who makes me feel the hunger." she whispered. He kissed her cheek.

"You make me feel that way to." he whispered to her. "And you answered those questions a lot better this time I have to admit." he joked. He felt her smile. But then after a minute he felt it go away. "What did you do when you left my room?" he asked her.

"I hid in the laundry room and cried. I was so angry because I was so selfish of taking for granted that you used to think I was so wonderful. Now you saw me for who I really was. Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative and deadly. And I hated you for finally seeing it." she said. That was like cold ice hitting him. He made her sit up.

"That's how you see yourself?" he asked. She looked down, and nodded her head. "God Katniss. That's the furthest from the truth. I'm sorry that you could ever think, that I would think that about you. But I don't see you like that. Your not violent Katniss. You were forced to do everything that you did. Snow made this world do it. He's the one who put children in the Hunger Games and fight to the death. He's the one who made us fight a war. Your a survivor. You were fighting for our freedom. Your not distrustful. Your very trustworthy. I would trust you with my life. And I'm not the only one. Me, Prim, your mother, Haymitch, Gale, Finnick, Johanna, Cinna, Rue and Annie. I can keep going. We know that you will do whatever you have to to protect us. And your not manipulative. Everyone around you was playing head games. You were trying to fight a war. And with me and Gale...you never did any of that to set out to hurt us. You didn't know yourself. Gale said you only kissed him when he was in pain. You were trying to be there for him. You didn't do it to be mean. And you leaving me in 13...you were scared and hurt. Your not manipulative, because you don't set out to hurt people. Your compassionate because you fight so hard to keep us safe. And you are not deadly. That's what Snow wanted you to think, that people would die because of you. Your none of those things Katniss. I promise you." he told her. She started crying and fell onto his shoulder again. "Your none of those things Katniss. I promise you, I'll make you realize it. I'll prove them all to you. I swear it." he told her. She didn't reply. He didn't think she knew what to say. He knew taking compliments was extremely difficult. She saw herself differently then the rest of the world did.

"I was angry that I couldn't go to the Capitol. I wanted to get as far away from you as I could. Because I was afraid that..." she trailed off. Nothing he said had just stuck. She still felt deadly and violent. And she was afraid he'd point it out again. "So they were gonna train me. And they let me and Johanna be roommates We helped each other through training. I never had a friend like her. Madge was my friend, but she didn't understand me like Johanna. She's a Victor. And she alway says what everyone else wants to say." Katniss said. Peeta chuckled.

"Yeah like throwing out F-bombs on stage the interview night?" he joked. They laughed.

"She said things that made sense. She was the only one, besides Prim, that I let see my pearl. She even touched it. I knew she would be careful with it." Katniss said. He nodded his head. The pearl kept coming up in conversation. He knew even more so, they he had to get the pearl for her.

"Yeah she was nice to me when I sat down that one time at lunch with you guys. She was trying to make it easier for me. For all of us. Except where she blurts the most inappropriate things out. She really used that, not supposed to censor your thoughts crap to a whole new level. Totally abused it." Peeta joked. Katniss laughed.

"We all knew she did. But it did help. She was trying to help when she told Annie you decorated her cake. I was jealous of the way you spoke to her. With such kindness. It was the way you spoke to me. But you didn't trust Finnick. It was just weird." she said. He figured he should shed some light on that. Now that his mind was clear, he knew why he had reacted that way.

"They made me hate you. And Finnick. They showed me how Finnick hated me, and only tried to save me for you. Or that he tried to help kill me to. And even Annie. I just felt bad for her, because I knew she was crazy...well not crazy. But I didn't even think that I had gone crazy, but I had. They tried to get me to believe that I liked Annie. It was just another way to upset you. You caught on instantly to my feelings towards them." he said. She was more perceptive then she gave herself credit for. But the way she described so many things about him, he really shouldn't keep being surprised. "I'm sorry for always fighting with you. I never said anything nice. I never was patient...what did they make you think happened on the train with us? I have to know Peeta. If you won't tell me what they did to you, then just tell me that." she said. He gulped.

"I had memories of holding you. Sleeping all night with you in my arms. And I would wake up, paralyzed, but able to wrap my arms around you, because you were safe. And waking you up from your nightmares. But then I have these awful memories that they made me see." he took a few deep breaths. "It was always of you using me. Being on top of me and riding me and laughing at me. Because I wasn't good enough in bed. And because I always fell for your lies. And I really thought you loved me, when you were using me because you missed Gale. It was stuff like that." he said. She looked up at him with disgust. Not at him, but what they made him think.

"That's why you always thought more stuff happened on the train." she said. He nodded his head. "What do you mean by riding you?" she asked. His eyes widened. He hadn't expected that. He shifted himself a little.

"It's um...it a sex position. It's just a slang term for it." he said and cleared his throat. She blushed bright red. She had just put the pieces together of what he said. That they were having sex.

"I'm sorry you saw that." she whispered. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Those are shiny memories. I know there not real." he said, touching her cheek. She looked at him. "And one day I can replace all those shiny memories with the real thing." he said. She gasped and covered her mouth as he laughed. "You know you really are pure. I was right about that." he joked. She was embarrassed and hid her face and he laughed again. "I'm sorry I know were supposed to be serious and I'm ruining it. I'm sorry." he said. He felt the heat from her face and just rubbed her back up and down.

"Johanna told me that when they pulled you out of there, you were having a fight with yourself. I'm so sorry Peeta." she said, squeezing her tight. It scared him as he remembered, that he could actually do that. He felt so in control of himself, that he wondered how he could. "And I'm sorry I never said goodbye to you. But I brought your pearl with me. It was my token of you. It was the only thing I had of the real Peeta. You were coming with me. And it reminded me why I wanted to kill Snow so badly. For you." she said. That made him sad. He never wanted her to feel like she had to kill someone for him. But didn't she? In the Hunger Games and in the war, it was all about killing people. She had to, for him. It still made him terribly sad. "Do you know, every time I went somewhere. District 2, or 8 or the Capitol, everything reminded me of you. Where I was with you when we were there. What we were doing. If you were holding my hand or not. If you kissed me. I can't believe how I never realized that I loved you." she said sadly. "I had told myself that I'd never see you again. I knew that I would die out there, and I had hoped that the people I left you with would take care of you. That Haymitch would always look after you. Help you. And I knew my sister would always stand by you and help. She had the best ideas of how to help you in the first place. And I knew Finnick and Annie and Johanna would always look out for you and care for you. And I knew Gale would at least somehow stand by you. You would have people that would help you. But I just knew I couldn't do anything for you. And when you walked in...it was like with Haymitch with what he was sending me in the games. He was sending me a message. Coin was sending me a message when she sent you. I was worth more to her, dead then alive. And she was sending you to kill me." she whispered. He let out a shaky breath. He remembered this, and it honestly killed him. Katniss wasn't the only one dealing with difficult things. She couldn't deal with her guilt over what happened to him. With the Quell and his hijacking. But he also had things to deal with, like people using him, his body, against Katniss. Both Snow and Coin used him, to kill Katniss. The fact that he was in no control over his body, was very difficult on him. It was something that he was going to have to work through. "But we all knew what Coin was doing. I didn't have to fight my defense on that. Everyone knew it. They knew you wanted to kill me. So we all had to watch you. Boggs didn't want me on rotation, but I wanted to. I needed to. Boggs said I couldn't, because I would never be able to shoot you and I..." Katniss just stopped.

"It's ok Katniss. I can just imagine what you said. You were just angry, and had no one to take it out on." Peeta said. She shook her head.

"I said I could shoot you. Because it wasn't you anymore. You were just a mutt." she whispered. He let out a deep breath as she cried. This was difficult to hear she said these things. "God Peeta I was lying. I never could hurt you. I'm so sorry. Why do you want to hear me say all these things?" she cried out.

"Because Katniss. You need to tell me. You holding it all in, keeping it from me, only hurts you. I want you to know 100% that I'm never ever going anywhere." he told her.

"Gale offered to kill you for me. It was a joke. But God I wanted to kill him for saying it. Because he would do it to protect me. I would let you kill me. I couldn't ever hurt you...it was Haymitch again that made me think. He called and told me to stop taking things out on you. My anger shouldn't be directed at you. It's not your fault that you were changed, and made to kill me. You did't know what you were doing. And if it had been reversed, and I had been hijacked, you wouldn't be treating me how I've treated you. You would have done everything you could to get me back. He told me to remember our deal, about trying to save you. I'm sorry I was so consumed by my hate for Snow to try and help you. But I didn't know how to find you in there. How was I supposed to lead you out?" she cried.

"You couldn't Katniss. Snow did to much damage. I was going to have to be on meds for the rest of my life. Even then I wouldn't heal completely. It's ok." he soothed her.

"And we just humiliated you by not even letting you sleep in a tent. Making you sleep out in front of everyone" she cried. He remembered that. He was embarrassed by that. But more so when they came back and his mind was clear and really realized what had happened. He never wanted to be the one that people feared. And he hated being watched like a caged animal.

"Finnick gave me a rope to play with and make some knots. He said it helped him. And now since you told me earlier, he gave it to you to. Finnick is a good guy. Just trying to help us." he said. Katniss nodded her head.

"I was glad he came out of his tent and talked to you. Telling you to ask us when you were confused. I felt so worthless though. I couldn't figure out anything to say to you." she said.

"How could you say that? I remember what you told me. That my favorite color is orange. And you told me exactly what color of orange I liked. You listened to me when I said that that day on the train. And you tried to tell me who I was. I'm and painter and a baker. And you paid attention to things...that I never knew you even noticed. That I liked to sleep with the windows opened. I never take sugar in my tea. And I always double-knot my shoelaces. Those things are who I am. They mean something to me...your not worthless. Thank you for paying attention." he told her. She smiled at him and kissed him.

"I meant what I said in the games this time. I was always paying attention. Even if you didn't realize it. Even if I didn't realize it. I was always paying attention." she said. He smiled and kissed her.

"I know. I believe you." he said, smiling at her. She took a deep breath and then rested her forehead on his shoulder. "A lot to take in huh." he said to her. She nodded her head.

"I've never talked this much before in my life. And I've never told anyone so much about what I was thinking. It's just a lot." she said into his neck.

"But your doing great Katniss. I know this is going to help. It's not gonna cure everything, but you don't want to keep all this bottled up inside. I know you don't. Not with me. I'm so proud of you." he said, kissing her cheek. She squeezed his neck tighter. "The real or not real game was really genius It did help. I remembered this feeling of being able to trust you. And I know I wanted to trust you so badly. I just was so messed up." he said. She nodded her head.

"I'm sorry that you had to see Darius and Lavinia killed in front of you. The way you just said it and walked away. It scared me. I'm so sorry for what happened to you." she said, tangling her fingers in his hair. He not only watched them get tortured and murdered in front of him, but his prep team and Portia suffered the same fate. Just so he could watch. He felt a tear fall down his face. They were all alive though. He had to keep remembering that. He had just talked to Portia the other day. "I should have known that talking and thinking about them being killed in front of you...we all should have known that it would trigger something. They should have been more careful." she whispered. He gulped.

"Next thing you know I snapped and tried to kill you. I did kill Mitchell though. Pushed him so hard he fell into a pod." Peeta said sadly. Katniss said up and looked at him. Tears in her eyes.

"It's like you always tell me. We can't be so upset about that, because he's alive. And he'll be alive this time. You won't hurt him. Because you won't be hijacked remember?" she asked him. It was true. Mitchell was alive right now. "And it wasn't your fault." Katniss said, brushing his hair. "It was Snow's fault. He did that to you." she whispered. She peppered kisses on his forehead and cheek before she rested her head back down on his shoulder. It was just what he wanted, and needed to hear.

"Thank you." he whispered. She nodded her head. "I don't remember to much about what happened after that. I was locked in a closet and then I was unconscious. It was just to much for me. I was fighting a war in my head. I wanted to kill you, but I wanted to save you." he whispered. He felt Katniss choke back a sob.

"We made it out of there. And when you woke up...you broke my heart Peeta. Begging us to kill you. I couldn't listen to it. Finnick couldn't either. We love you. We wouldn't kill you. And to think that Snow would capture you again. God Peeta I won't ever let that happen again I promise you. I needed you so much. I was going crazy inside my head. This was my chance, to really let you in on everything. I didn't have to hide anything from you. And I couldn't turn to you. And your begging for the Nightlock pill. And then you hand me a can of lamb stew. I knew it was lamb stew before I even looked at it. You were in there somewhere. I couldn't kill you. But you begged me that you wanted out of this. I knew you were so scared. I knew it was you talking. I couldn't Peeta. I was selfish in keeping you. And I put the key right next to your pearl. And when you started talking to Pollux, it was you. You say the most beautiful things. You would come out. I could never let you go." she cried.

"Shh. I'm right here Katniss. I'm right here." he whispered.

"You were sleeping right by my feet. Were used to this. Sleeping and needing someone to keep an eye out. I wanted to be held by you. All I could do was feed you. I kept the lid because I was afraid you would slit your wrists. But I finally had to touch you." she whispered and started crying. "Your hair felt so good." she cried. He nodded his head.

"You made me fall asleep. We were in another life and death situation, and I fell asleep because you were brushing back my hair, but I knew I was safe because you were watching me." he told her.

"You woke up after hearing the mutts and still tried to protect me." she cried. He knew why talking about the lizard mutts was getting her so worked up. They were what killed Finnick. He just squeezed her.

"I know. It's what you and I do remember? We protect each other." he said. She started crying harder. "I know Katniss." he said.

"I left him there to die. Finnick died protecting me. And those lizards just killed him." she cried. He knew, like Cinna, she had never grieved for Finnick. He let her cry. "He was good. He had just gotten married. Why did he come on a a suicide mission? He should have stayed. They just killed him. They ripped him apart." she cried. He rocked her back and forth as she cried. This was why he wanted them to talk. She needed to let these emotions out. Finnick was alive, but he had died. He was dead. He let her cry for awhile until her sobs died down.

"He's safe now Katniss. Back at home. With Annie. There going through exactly what were going through. Staying away from each other. Only getting stolen moments to be together. But he's alive. And they'll get married again. And he'll get to see Finn be born. And watch him grow up and they'll have a whole mess of kids. He's alive now Katniss." he whispered.

"I have so many nightmares of him dying." she said.

"I know. Me to. But you got up and kept going. You were protecting me. You wouldn't let me stay there no matter how much I begged you." he said. It's not that he wanted to change the subject. But he did want to move on. He wanted to end Finnick dying on a good note. Because he was in fact, not dead. He wanted her to remember that.

"You had done so well. It was really you there. You were fighting, and winning against the venom in your head. I had to kiss you." she whispered.

"I was fighting a huge war in my head, and trying so hard to hold on. Your kiss...it helped me. And I knew I loved you." he said.

"I should have realized it. It's so obvious now as I think about what I said and did. And when I asked you to stay, you said always." she whispered, nuzzling into his neck.

"I'll always stay with you Katniss." he said. She nodded her head.

"It broke my heart that you needed to keep the handcuffs on because they hurt you. The pain made you focus. I was so glad when you let me touch you and clean you up. I needed to touch you. And the next day after we slept and you told me how I still don't know the effect that I can have on people, and the soldiers from 13 weren't idiots and knew what they were doing, all I could think of was, your voice was the only one that reached me. You were so much like yourself. Thank you for holding on. You were stronger then you ever thought, because you came back to me." she said. He smiled.

"I'll always find my way back to you. I promise. Always Katniss." he promised her.

"I heard you and Gale talking that night in Tigris shop when you thought I was asleep." she confessed. He searched his memory for the conversation between them. Gale had been nice enough to get him some water. "It was you talking. When you said I pretty much told you that I loved Gale after he was whipped. But Gale said to not believe it, because the way I kissed you in the Quell, I never kissed him like that. It's the truth Peeta. The way I kissed you...it's you Peeta. I only feel that with you. But he was wrong when he said I would only choose the one I can't survive without. It's true to a certain extent. Because I couldn't survive without you. But he meant it differently. I don't need Gale's fire to help me survive. I needed a dandelion. I needed you. I need you. I still do." she said. He kissed her.

"I need you to. I always will Katniss." he told her.

"I felt so scared, and guilty of letting you go out on your own and letting Gale give you the Nightlock pill. What if I never saw you again. I knew I never would. But letting you go out alone. Peeta I'm sorry." she cried out. "And when I hugged you...I hadn't hugged you since the Quell. They weren't the same arms around me, but they were yours. And I felt like it was the Quell all over again and just prayed that you wouldn't get hurt. I wanted to say I was sorry and that I loved you, but I couldn't." she cried. Again he knew why she was starting to cry. Her baby sister was killed. "I lost you. I lost Finnick and then I lost my sister. Coin sent her out and killed her. All to get back at me. They killed her." Katniss cried.


End file.
